Roadmap to Success 4 Master

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Insight Publishing Company

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Disclaimer: This book is a compilation of ideas from numerous experts

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interviewer or Insight Publishing.

ISBN 978-1-60013-921-5

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MESSAGE FROM THE PUBLISHER

The interviews in this book were conducted

by David E. Wright, the President and founder

of Insight Publishing and ISN Works

I’VE DONE A LOT OF DRIVING IN MY LIFE and one thing

I have been smart enough to have is a dependable road map. If you don’t have a

good plan to get from where you are to where you want to go, you will get lost.

I’ve known many people who have started out in business and thought they

had a good plan, but did not achieve the success they wanted. A major problem

for many of these people was that they had not sought good advice from people

who had achieved success. If you don’t learn from the experience of others, you

might achieve success but you will probably get there the hard way. You might

get lost down many side roads before you find the right one.

ROADMAP to Success, is a mini-seminar on how to plan for your success. The

successful people in this book have the experience that will help you find what

you need to create your ROADMAP to Success. These perceptive

businesspeople were fascinating as they unfolded their own personal road maps

and told me about their various success journeys.

I invite you to set aside some quiet time and learn from these exceptional

authors. I assure you that your time won’t be wasted. It’s not often that you can

access such a large quantity of quality information that will either get you

started or help you get further along on your road to success. This book is an

investment in your future—your successful future!

—David E. Wright

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Leadership in the Family-Owned Business

Dr. George Kastner and Brenda Erickson ................................. 1

Fundamental Success Principles and Strategies

Catharine Wright ........................................................................ 29

The Powers of Success

Rebecca Bales ......................................................................... 47

The Careers You LOVE Model for Success

Marlene Haley ............................................................................. 59

Discover Your Inner Resource

Dr. Deepak Chopra ..................................................................... 79

A Journey to a Place Called There

Cheryl Washington ..................................................................... 91

Be Legendary

James Carter ............................................................................. 105

Journey to Achievement

Melanie White ........................................................................... 123

Living a Vibrant Life - The Power of Dreams

Marc Drizin ............................................................................... 135

The Successful Life You Deserve

Dr. Elise Stevenson .................................................................... 151

An Interview With

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard ............................................................ 165

As You Think You Are: Your Thoughts Create Success

Kandy Graves ............................................................................ 181

Wellness Within

Marlene George ......................................................................... 199

Creative Visualization:

Disciplined Thinking for Leadership Success

Liz Dallas ................................................................................... 217

Self-Activate and Create Transformation

Jennifer Kern Collins ................................................................ 229

Let Your True Self Shine!

Caterina Alberti ........................................................................ 251

Chapter

LEADERSHIP

THE

FAMILY

OWNED

BU SINESS

DR. G

EORGE

AND

BRENDA E

RICKSON

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m talking with Dr. George Kastner and Brenda Erickson. Dr.

Kastner is CEO and Founding President of First GTK, international

management consulting firms focused on strategic support to

entrepreneurial and family

business firms. As an executive coach in the

United States and Latin America, Dr. Kastner mentors executives, deans,

teachers, fellows, and entrepreneurs through difficult and developmental

experiences. From his dedication to advancing the level and quali

business practices, he is known for bringing new perspectives and

innovative approaches to business issues. His consulting and coaching

engagements take him throughout the world where he has a chance to see

firsthand the challenges of international b

concentrated on business issues, growth and entrepreneurial businesses,

Chapter

One

LEADER SHIP

FAMILY

BUSINESS

EORGE

KASTNER

AND

RICKSON

m talking with Dr. George Kastner and Brenda Erickson. Dr.

Kastner is CEO and Founding President of First GTK, international

management consulting firms focused on strategic support to

business firms. As an executive coach in the

United States and Latin America, Dr. Kastner mentors executives, deans,

teachers, fellows, and entrepreneurs through difficult and developmental

experiences. From his dedication to advancing the level and quali

ty of

business practices, he is known for bringing new perspectives and

innovative approaches to business issues. His consulting and coaching

engagements take him throughout the world where he has a chance to see

firsthand the challenges of international b

usinesses. Most recently he has

concentrated on business issues, growth and entrepreneurial businesses,

ROADMAP to Success

and family-owned businesses in Latin America while continuing his

passion for teaching management practices, operations management, and

entrepreneurial growth and leadership. He has taught students and

business leaders in Venezuela, Colombia, Saudi Arabia, China, the Czech

Republic, and the United States.

Brenda Erickson is a business development consultant and frequent

speaker in the Washington, D.C., area. As Founder of Erickson Consulting,

she works with a consortium of sales and marketing professionals

throughout the United States to mentor small companies in their early

stages of growth and development. Her background in psychology,

technology, and management, and experience as a business professional in

both large corporations and small growing businesses provide a unique

perspective for her clients who want to grow and develop high integrity

businesses. A popular and motivating speaker, she speaks on technology

vision, communications, and management. Focusing now on her work with

a growing company, ITpreneurs, she is known in the industry as a business

leader, executive coach, and consultant.

Dr. Kastner and Brenda Erickson, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success.

Dr. Kastner (Kastner)

Thank you.

Brenda Erickson (Erickson)

It’s good to be here with you, David.

Wright

Why is the family-owned business discussed as a separate topic from

other privately held businesses?

Kastner

When we talk about businesses, we tend to separate two groups:

businesses that are public and are traded on the stock exchange, and

businesses that are privately held. Privately held businesses are business

entities that are funded by a family, or small group of unrelated investors.

This ownership group may participate in the running of the business, or

may choose to hire a professional management team and remain as “silent

partners” in the background, but certainly interested (financially or

otherwise). Most new entrepreneurial ventu

and are funded by family and friends’

investments. Many of these ventures

successfully attract the market success that spurs growth and eventually

may make the decision to sell shares and become public.

Family businesses

are a special category of privately held businesses

that are owned by one person, or majority owned by one or two families,

and where the family members work in the business. Generally, when we

study organizations from an outsider’

s high

multiple types of interactions between owners, managers, and board

members. Sometimes you’

ll find complex interaction and activity matrices

such as owners who also participate as managers, owners who also

participate as board members, and board

managers. With that level of potential complexity, there are seven types of

interaction (see Figure 1).

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

otherwise). Most new entrepreneurial ventu

res start out as privately held

investments. Many of these ventures

successfully attract the market success that spurs growth and eventually

may make the decision to sell shares and become public.

are a special category of privately held businesses

that are owned by one person, or majority owned by one or two families,

and where the family members work in the business. Generally, when we

s high

-level view, we expect to find

multiple types of interactions between owners, managers, and board

ll find complex interaction and activity matrices

such as owners who also participate as managers, owners who also

participate as board members, and board

members who participate as

managers. With that level of potential complexity, there are seven types of

ROADMAP to Success

When you superimpose the set of interactions onto the business

structure and within company daily activities, the seven b

to fifteen as shown in Figure 2

. If you can imagine sitting in a meeting

room and talking about issues related to the business with these owners

and relatives, you can see how you may suddenly become unclear about

“who” is participating in

the conversation.

father, in-

laws, a fellow manager, owner, board member, or someone you

hired in as an objective professional. Each communication transaction may

require a different style and approach to achieve acceptance and t

value from the discussion.

The complexity and difficultness of clarifying the different roles require

dealing with family businesses in a different fashion. There is an additional

variable that complicates things. In most countries you have regu

that stems from structured government characterizations and requirements

for doing business. Some countries will call it commerce, other countries

will refer to it as business registration. All of those refer to general

businesses, none refers speci

fically to family

are not taking into account the additional complexity. These additional

complexities require that we assess the additional daily challenges that the

family relationship component adds in a separate way with a di

lens.

When you superimpose the set of interactions onto the business

structure and within company daily activities, the seven b

asic types jump

. If you can imagine sitting in a meeting

room and talking about issues related to the business with these owners

and relatives, you can see how you may suddenly become unclear about

the conversation.

“Who” may be your brother,

laws, a fellow manager, owner, board member, or someone you

hired in as an objective professional. Each communication transaction may

require a different style and approach to achieve acceptance and t

o realize

The complexity and difficultness of clarifying the different roles require

dealing with family businesses in a different fashion. There is an additional

variable that complicates things. In most countries you have regu

lation

that stems from structured government characterizations and requirements

for doing business. Some countries will call it commerce, other countries

will refer to it as business registration. All of those refer to general

fically to family

-owned businesses, and they

are not taking into account the additional complexity. These additional

complexities require that we assess the additional daily challenges that the

family relationship component adds in a separate way with a di

fferent

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

Wright

Are the leadership requirements in the family-owned business different

from what is required in other businesses, or are there special

considerations that the leadership in a family-owned business must

understand to be successful?

Erickson

Leading a business is challenging and exhilarating for any professional.

With the added dimension of the family members who share a common

history, value systems, and language, the management in such an

organization can complicate communication and management. The reality

of dealing day-to-day with family members on business issues can be too

much for many leaders. Clear structure and responsibilities and

communication provide a formal channel for keeping the business as

objective and professional as possible. As the business evolves, change is

inevitable. It is important to prepare the managers (family members and

longtime employees who are treated like family and professionals with no

relationship other than employment) with equal challenges and with

professional development opportunities so that all levels in the company

can reach their potential as leaders in the business.

Governance and rules of engagement must be clear, clearly

communicated, and honored by all participants. Sometimes, in

contentious situations, it may help to bring in an objective third party such

as a consultant experienced in family businesses to coach and guide the

leadership during the process of business growth and change. In family

businesses and in life, emotionally charged situations can have far-

reaching effects, not always positive.

Maturity, self-awareness, and alignment of individual skills with

company goals are leadership traits that support success in the family

business.

Kastner

Leadership in corporations stems from several things, but first, we look

at the structure and hierarchy of the organization. We see the CEO as the

leader of the company, and the officers at higher organizational positions

in the company as the leaders of certain areas. Secondly, leadership stems

from specific knowledge or specialty areas such as the project manager

ROADMAP to Success

who leads a special critical project or activity within the company. When

we look at situations that bring into the company specific types of risks,

sometimes, due to the company culture, such leaders become situational

leaders and assume responsibilities as the demands of circumstances

change. Only a few companies have an open structure where this fluid

leadership shift can occur, but those organizations do exist.

If we look at these points through the prism of family ownership, we

ask, “Who has the hierarchical leadership strength?” There we see that

when the person who assumes the higher-level positions in the organizational

structure is a blood relative (father, brother, sister, or senior cousin), then

that family relationship introduces additional complexities. In most

families, the older child from a young age is motivated and guided by the

parents to assume the role of being an example to younger siblings. Oldest

children anywhere will confirm this responsibility that parents universally

introduce during childhood. It is called “setting the example” for the

others. As such, there is a message and a role that is bestowed without

regard to competence or skill level.

As an adult, with this message firmly enforced, the adult child may feel

motivated or obligated to take a leadership position in the family-owned

business. Or it may be that the father wants to maintain the position of

the patriarch of the family and does not have the objectivity to realize the

business strengths and weaknesses of the individual. So the added

elements of family affiliation, birth order, age, role, and historical events,

may unduly influence the leadership and could hinder the ability to

recognize the right individual strengths and competencies so that the

organization builds the structure from objective strength. As you can see,

it is not as simple as one may think in terms of commonly accepted

corporate structure.

Wright

I have always thought of family ownership differently from other

corporations. Even though it is a corporation, most corporations, I would

think, would hire a CEO, almost like owners would hire a baseball coach or

a football coach. But then generally most of the stock, if it is corporation, is

owned by the father, the mother and father, and that person assumes the

role of leadership. But you’re adding a lot more complex elements that are

very interesting. How would you define leadership in the family-owned

business?

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

Kastner

Leadership needs vary, depending on where the business sits in the

business growth and development cycle, and whether or not the founder

(or leader who inherits the leadership role) is prepared educationally and

experientially to lead. More and more we see family-owned business

leaders willingly step aside to assume an active shareholder role in order to

recruit professional leadership in the top management position.

There are many examples. Look at what may be the largest of the large

family-owned businesses in the United States, where the daughter of the

founder assumed the role of CEO after her father. In the next cycle of

succession, as she stepped aside, she openly declared that her only son was

not qualified to assume the CEO position because of his demonstrated

attitude and personal characteristics. Instead, she appointed one of her

senior executives as CEO (and first nonfamily leader) of the company.

It is important to note that the appointment of a new CEO does not

change the structure of ownership. Many key decisions and guidance

regarding issues continue to be directed from the boardroom. When the

patriarch of this company, the family-owned company, feels that by letting

go he will lose control, it’s mostly related to the fear of losing relevance.

For an aging leader, it’s one thing to age and continue to demonstrate

leadership and use the power of the office, and quite another thing to

recognize the time has come to gracefully release the power, move away

from the CEO post, and to reinvent himself or herself as an advisor,

community leader, or contributor in another capacity. That move takes

courage, confidence, and vision.

Leadership, regardless of the ownership structure, focuses on one

primary goal—to drive the company to generate value on an ongoing

sustainable long-term. That is why the individual’s integrity, competence,

and vision are fundamental to business leadership. The way they deal with

their constituents, internally and externally, means that clients, suppliers,

and employees will define the style of leadership. They assume, “Is it

hierarchical? Is it power-driven? Is it motivational?

Recently, Brenda and I looked at specific experiences. Two years ago I

was working on a consulting engagement with a Mexico-based steel

company. The company provides steel pipes to the oil industry. At a young

eighty-plus years old, the founder and original CEO of the company who

still maintains a 98 percent ownership but not official position in the

company, feels within his rights to lecture the current CEO (his only son

ROADMAP to Success

out of five who survived the tyrannical rule and stayed with the company).

He ends his talks with, “You’d better do what I say.” Well-meaning?

Perhaps, but this is not an example of good leadership, supportive

mentorship, or graceful retirement. Some people just cannot let go; but

unlike other businesses, family members do not just go away. That can

cause problems.

Wright

What about the outward leadership? Is outward leadership much

different from the inward leadership?

Kastner

Yes, it is very different. Generally speaking, the outward (or external)

environment knows the company by company reputation and performance

in terms of providing the right responses, whether products or services, to

its constituents outside of the company rather than recognizing

organization structure and hierarchy.

For example, in dealings with banks, suppliers, or associations, these

external entities do not care about the company ownership. Family-owned

and operated, closely held, or public company, the CEO is the CEO of the

company—indisputable. If the company maintains the desired terms of

performance and has documentable assets and the capability to do its

work, then they get the approach and the support and service they require,

the same way as any other company, whereas the ownership structure is

only important in new projects. I’ll come back to that in a minute.

In terms of the internal nature of leadership, we have already

mentioned the complexities that stem from the family relationships and

the history of the family. Also, there are some additional elements. The

non-family employees and managers who support the company, and thus

the family at least economically, often have a very complicated situation.

They may have been in the company with the founding CEO from early

days, even before his or her other family members joined the company as

professionals or as people who hold influential positions. They often

understand what the younger generation wants to do in the company to

move it forward; however, the original loyalty is with the older generation

who gave them the opportunity to be part of this family and they become,

as said earlier, an extended family member. Internally, they tend to side

with the older generation or with the founding generation who gave them

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

the opportunity to move forward and they become like an extension to

support exercising the internal leadership. You may hear the reminder

your father said this or that, and obviously that may lead to problems.

While this is the internal reality in any company, it is more obvious and

there is often more opportunity for skipping the formal channels in the

family-owned business because of previous loyalties. The smaller the

company, the more evident this reality is. In larger companies, there are

bigger distances between the professional managers and the original

founders or founding families so this is less likely. That said, in the

sometimes-murky informal organizational structure and the mesh of

relationships throughout, this reality is always lurking.

I can share with you an anecdotal situation about such leadership. I

know a founder of a business who today is still CEO of this family-owned

business. Today, after some thirty years in business, he can call the bank

that his company does business with, ask for a line of credit and, without

question, the bank will approve his request on a virtual handshake. Later

they will send the paperwork to formalize the transaction, he will sign it,

and it is done. On the other hand, his son who is an executive in the same

company and has his father’s name and years of work in the company, will

call the bank and request the same service, but his request will not be

honored. The bank does not care what his familial relationship is with the

father (the CEO). Since he is not a known entity to the bank, he cannot

qualify for the same business treatment.

That is the difference in the external characteristic. Internal to the

company the son may command the same leverage as the father because of

his relationship and his name. External to the organization he must

professionally build his reputation if he wants to command the same

respect as his father. Different realities.

Erickson

When you’re working within any business, leadership is both art and

science. Leaders are challenged to balance power, which is important to

effectively seize and maintain control with trust and permission, enabling

creative and innovative actions within the bounds of what is good for the

organization.

In the family business, due to the established reputation of the

leadership, talent is attracted to the key positions because of the

opportunity to work with and learn from an established leader. This

ROADMAP to Success

established reputation also makes it easier to attract established suppliers,

financiers, and others who can be instrumental in boosting the business

success. There is often an unconscious competence in the management of

people that bodes well for the early stages of getting the group aligned and

moving forward. Inward leadership starts with hierarchical recognition,

but consistent performance and truthfulness generates the business

environment and builds the culture.

In an inward situation, when you are leading internally, you have that

captive audience because of your hierarchical position in the company.

Employees respect and trust when they feel they are respected and

receiving communications that are sincere. Leaders would do well to

remember that.

In the external world, you are your business card until you prove your

credibility and veracity. Because the external leadership is more

intermittent and distant, it is worthwhile to work with the internal

communication team to determine how to consistently communicate and

show the world what the company stands for. Harmony between the

internal leadership mode and the external leadership mode is necessary;

however, the actions may be somewhat different.

In the external world, the CEO is the face and the voice of the company.

Actions taken by the company are attributed to the CEO, even if the CEO

claims to have no knowledge of the action. And they should be held

responsible—just ask the leadership of Enron.

Wright

So what are the main skills required to ensure leadership success in

such companies?

Erickson

Relative to a company, whether it’s a family business or a public

business, if you look at the relative similarity in nature, size, and

complexity of that business, in that respect the leadership skills in each

segment would be the same—energy, capacity to listen, speaking the

truth, and courage. Sometimes, in a family business, speaking the truth to

a family power may be a little more difficult than speaking truth to an

objective power. It can complicate things, it can make things better, and

you have to have spontaneity and a sensitivity to work as we do

everywhere, both with and through people.

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

Kastner

I think there are many points worth mentioning that require a very

special focused directive and the coordination of characteristics and

behaviors to maintain that leadership.

Let me just set the ground by suggesting the following; first, family

members tend to have a family language of their own. So when they speak,

they may be less likely to fully explain the context of their remark and non-

family members in the management team miss some of the nuances.

Second, family members talk about the business at all times—at family

dinners, weddings, funerals, sports events. Basically, any family gathering

presents the opportunity for a business discussion. Undoubtedly, the

business is a common and important interest; however, common does not

mean that they are all in agreement or even in alignment. Discussions are

valuable and the end result can be to strengthen the business, but at times

the disagreements may weaken the family bonds and even destroy the

unity of purpose in the family business model. As in any organization,

leadership with open dialogue is essential to clear decision-making and

communication.

Having said that, the elements of leadership internally require a very

high level of flexibility and objectivity. Why? If you look at the situation of

succession for example: what will be the criteria of succession other than

the person best suited to the job? The person best suited to take over the

CEO reins of a company does not mean the oldest child or the son or

nephew. Family members may have a different idea of “who” in their

personal immediate family is best suited. The decision must be discussed

early and before it is an issue and all must understand that the best person

for the job is the person who best understands the business and its

strategy and has the skills to learn and lead. Without such objectivity, the

leadership breaks down because the nature of the decision-making breaks

down and destroys value.

Here is an example in a textile corporation that was founded by what

today would be the grandfather generation. The founder falls ill. The

founder had four sons working in the business. One of his grandsons was

groomed with education at an Ivy League school, graduating first in his

class with two majors, and then attended a top MBA school.

When the grandfather fell ill, he called in his four sons who still worked

in the business and his recently graduated grandson to discuss succession.

The founder announced to them that he had chosen his grandson to take

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over the leadership in the company based on an assessment of the

professional skills that he had acquired and his understanding on the

business. He told his sons that while their service was appreciated, none of

them possesses the capabilities and education that the grandson had

acquired. The founder transferred leadership and expressed his decision in

an objective argument. The grandson accepted the challenge and from the

onset demonstrated leadership, compassion, and finesse. In both internal

and external leadership, the grandson enabled his uncles and his father to

gracefully accept the business decision of the founder. The new CEO

converted the business into a very profitable growth business during the

next thirty years.

Wright

So how does the ownership structure in a family-owned business affect

succession?

Kastner

There are two aspects of succession: the art of succession transition

and the science of succession. The science of the succession of ownership

deals with the process, paperwork, and timing of the ownership succession

with respect to the business and its ownership. The family hires lawyers,

investment bankers, and accountants who draw up the legal document for

transfer of ownership to the next generation in a very well-defined

structure designed to minimize the financial effect on the individual and

on the corporation. This is a well-documented and predictable process.

Then, there is the art of succession transition. How do you emotionally

and organizationally transfer the leadership from the outgoing generation

to the incoming generation? This transfer of leadership is a complex and

often overlooked process.

After twenty-five to thirty years with a founder at the helm, how do

you prepare the company to accept another person at the head? How does

that person prepare? When do you make the decision public? The company

suppliers, major clients, and management staff have all dealt with an

individual they learned to trust, accept, respect, and understand. They

trust the actions and have observed behavior long enough to know how to

respond to the leader. When that individual steps down and the new leader

is introduced, it should not be a surprise to the individual or to the

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

organization (internal and external). Preparation in all directions is

necessary to ensure a smooth transition.

Internally, leadership is simply not an easily transferable relationship.

In other words, the vision of the incoming Founder CEO and the

qualifications and vision of the incoming CEO must be planned, nurtured,

and communicated. Respect is earned, over time, but there are ways to

make the transition easier and more successful.

You can, of course, dictate change, but we all know that that does not

guarantee that the change will take place. In fact, individuals who are most

resistant are often some of your most loyal employees. Unless you are an

insular dictatorship, mandate just simply does not work in the modern

world. So if the element of success is to sustain the business ongoing, even

through the change of leadership at the top, then the new leadership

should move into the positions with some credibility and understanding

established upfront. This means that succession must be a planned

process, emotionally as well as legally.

A few years ago, I worked with a company where succession was an

event. When the founding CEO died suddenly and unexpectedly, with no

plans of succession and transition, it was a relatively simple process to

transfer the assets of the company to his two adult children. However,

when the fight for leadership started between the brother and the sister,

although the sister was better qualified and prepared to assume the

leadership role internally, she deferred to her male sibling because of the

cultural bias in this Latin American. Eight years after he assumed

leadership, the corporation was in shambles and the whole conglomerate

disappeared.

In a similar situation, a second-generation founder of the corporation

chose his younger son as his successor. Why? Because the CEO considered

the strategy of the company and evaluated the characteristics of the

candidates, then made his selection objectively. The son chosen as the

future leader of the company went to school, after graduation his path was

employment in a manufacturing company in a field position, then MBA

school, then he spent some time as an investment banker—all before he

returned to the company. He was scheduled to work in the company for a

period of seven years. He was scheduled to work in each one of the eleven

areas of the company for at least six months. His father’s death ended his

last task early (he had two more areas to work in), but because of the early

decision and his dedicated preparation, he readily and competently

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assumed the reigns of the company. Due to the experience he accumulated

through work and the rotations, he understood workers, suppliers, and

clients. Having performed in the field over the previous seven years, he

ably assumed control of the company, was accepted internally and

externally, and served as CEO for the next ten years successfully doubling

the size of the company.

Erickson

It’s a good example of how he built his integrity, trust, and credibility

base within the company. He had all those skills already but his credibility

skills and integrity continued to keep the company together. Planning

proved successful because of the dedication of the individual and the

objection analysis and planning of the founder.

Wright

So what drives continuity during the growth of the family-owned

business and helps ensure the survival rate?

Kastner

Well, the survival rate in family-owned businesses is actually very

tricky. If you study family-owned businesses, it is difficult to assess their

full importance to the economy. Generally speaking, the sheer number of

family-owned businesses is very large in every economy. Look at some

statistics of a few years back. Holland reports about 54 percent of

businesses are family-owned, 82 percent in Germany, 95 percent in the

United States, and just under 99 percent in Italy. Why is that? Because we

don’t think of the owner of the service station or the corner restaurant as

family-owned businesses but according to the definition that we have

provided they qualify.

The sheer number of such businesses in this society is significant;

however, it is not clear what percentage of the heirs want to continue with

the family business and not all businesses are successful, thus the

mortality rate is very high. Some fail or struggle due to changes in the

economy, others expire when the heirs sell or decide not to continue the

business, or sometime because the internal fight over succession kill the

company.

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

The mortality rates from relatively recent statistics show that when

companies transition to second generation ownership 24 percent of

companies in this group worldwide die. With transition to the third

generation ownership, the death rate for such companies is 10 to 14

percent. Only a small percentage of family-owned companies survive

beyond the fourth and fifth generations. However, there are actions that

companies can take to ensure longevity of existence from the time they are

founded.

Wright

What drives the continuity during the growth of a family-owned

business and helps to ensure the survival rate of a privately-owned

business?

Erickson

Families own their businesses for an average of seventy-eight years.

One activity that drives continuity during growth in the family business is

active planning for long-term success. Once the family agrees on a plan to

move forward, a true solid succession plan ensures fewer issues when it

comes to transition.

Necessary is agreement among all family members participating in the

business. They must agree that the success, growth, and continued survival

of the business are critical to the key goal and they support longevity. An

element that drives continuity in a family-owned business is culture and

shared values of the family community.

Very ugly territorial fights can occur in business. Respecting the

culture, the CEO and leadership team must earn respect, manage

competing priorities, preserve the business strategy, and communicate a

direction consistent with the culture leading the changes that must occur

to make progress. In family-owned businesses, the CEO often stays in the

leadership position much longer than you see in most public firms where

they’re governed by shareholders and by quarterly reports. Another

statistic worth noting is that in family-owned business, CEOs are typically

paid about 15 percent less than their non-family business counterparts in

public corporations.

ROADMAP to Success

Kastner

The issue is one of sustaining the family dynasty. The issue is also one

of overcoming the complexity of multi-generations and differences in the

same business and the growing family who owns the investment in the

business.

Here are some scenarios that may occur: Two brothers in the business,

children (if the children come into the business) who are married, and they

have additional children. If you look at the third generation of the family

members, the pyramid has opened up so much that now you could be

looking at about more than twenty-five people who feel a right to some

kind of ownership in the business. In addition, there are deaths, divorces,

separations. Suddenly you have another business partner who is not

related by blood. So here are the things that families start doing to

guarantee continuity and support and the possibility of continuity and

success for sustainability of the business.

Prenuptial agreements may be unromantic but they are practical and

essential in family businesses to protect the shares, define the

participation in business, and clearly define the rules that structure a plan

for continuity and resolution.

One of the oldest family-owned businesses was founded in the Far East

in the late 1600s and is now in its seventeenth or eighteenth generation of

family ownership. At the time this business was founded, the founding

families in the 1600s were more autocratic and traditional. The patriarch

managing the family business grew impatient with all of the relatives

during the second and third generation transitions because they wanted to

benefit from the business without working in it. He introduced the

concept that today is referred to as either the family protocol or the family

constitution.

The constitution defines most of the aspects of the rights to the family

business, it defines who can be employed, who cannot be employed, who

has the right to benefit from the company, what happens in the case of

death or divorce, who has the right to inherit, and so on. By defining that,

it also defines how those rules can be changed. Setting this protocol made

the structure and rules clear and transparent to everybody and created

rules of engagement to support continuity.

To highlight what the family business constitution is and is not:

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

• It is a managerial document that is accepted by all family

members at the time it is created.

• It is not a long, tedious, complicated legally structured

document, it’s a document of understanding that the family

members agree to and self-impose.

• It is not an accounting document because it sets rules of

behavior.

• It generally separates the business from the general family

interests by creating the “family office.”

It takes a concentrated effort of exchange back and forth between the

family and an experienced, prepared, and sophisticated managerial

consultant to help a family create the business protocols appropriate to

their specific business. An important element that adds to the continuity is

that the document specifies separately the family office, or the family

treasury, from the business treasury.

By having such an agreement, protocol, or constitution, a family office

is created. This so-called office has a set of rules and lays the foundation

for family activities that are not related to this specific business to be

carried out under certain given rules.

Wright

How are professional managers—non-family members who are connected

to the ownership structures—affected by succession and growth and

change?

Erickson

When a non-family member professional is hired by the family to come

into a leadership role in the organization, the family members must

consciously and deliberately include these recruits as partners in the

running of the business. Joining forces will make the transition easier for

the professional managers to learn the business and it is important to the

family and the family business that professional, outside managers

integrate into the culture quickly so they can provide critical insights in

the early stages and add value to the business.

ROADMAP to Success

Kastner

In family businesses, more so than in other businesses, managers may

bring family prejudices into the office and may be inclined to make

decisions regarding ownership and stock distribution with their hearts. So

it’s uncommon to see important portions of the stock or stock options

handed out to family. They will be much more willing to allow external

professional managers to participate in profit sharing rather than handing

over even a small portion of ownership.

The outside professional hired into the CEO position may not be

willing to deal with the family complexities in the course of leading the

business unless some explicit rules are in place. Such rules may include, for

example, the definition of the scope of authority and territory of action,

and the scale and form of compensation for the CEO. As a general rule, the

CEO will seek a broad scope of influence and the opportunity to build a

strong capital base. CEO stock participation ensures a strong sense of

authority for themselves, not only for the family.

To begin the process of radical change that may accompany the

appointment of a non-family member to the CEO position, external

directors may be included to catalyst the change. External directors must

understand the nature of business sustainability, the politics of family

participation, and possess a commanding and flexible ability to think

strategically. Since they are not family members, they do not have to abide

by the unwritten rules of family hierarchy and they can abide by the rules

of driving business value and strategic positioning. When an external CEO

comes in at the same time that you have external independent board

members, this alliance between the two may drive a positive situation that

is more conducive to the changes that need to be made organizationally.

Wright

So let’s talk about the strengths of family-owned companies. Are they

different from other privately-held companies?

Kastner

Family-owned businesses have similar strengths as other businesses,

but there are several elements where family-owned businesses excel over

public organizations. For example, family-owned businesses tend to be

more family-oriented, or family-aware, than other places of work.

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

A good example of this is a very successful software company in North

Carolina where Brenda worked for many years. The CEO, one of the

original founders of the company, has led the company from start-up to a

very large enterprise of more than ten thousand employees worldwide and

he is still very active in all areas. In support of employees and their

families, the company provides onsite health clinics, sports facilities,

educational facilities, and even some concierge services, so employees

understand that their life is part of this family-owned life cycle. Until

recently, they also actively promoted from within and selectively hired

outside professionals as needed. Things change as the organization gets

larger, but in family-owned businesses the leadership certainly has more

control of how much they invest in their employees to get the best

performance.

Family-owned businesses, because of their ownership, have more

freedom regarding how they spend resources and structure human talent

benefits. For example, in some companies, when you get married you are

allowed five days of holiday outside of vacation time; or if there is a death

in the family, you are allowed three days of bereavement leave. In a family-

owned business the leaders may have more latitude with respect to these

issues.

Also, family values become an important benefit. In family-owned

businesses, investors tend to be more patient than in a non-family-owned

business because most of the capital comes from family members. Such

companies may be willing to provide a “long runway” to innovative

projects and be more patient with results at times. That’s not necessarily

good, but it’s different and it stimulates and encourages creative

approaches to problem-solving, which can help the business. It’s different

in terms of the pyramid of hierarchy, which tends to be longer and steeper

than in non-family-owned businesses. Also they have a longer capacity to

endure. The sense of belonging and proprietorship encourages and

supports high levels of commitment. There is a willingness to further build

the company and there is a willingness to protect and advance the values

that it embodies.

About two years ago in a business magazine interview, Bill Marriott

said that people like to go to Marriott because they know there is a

Marriott behind the business. When the family name is attached to the

business, the endurance capability is much bigger and much longer and

ROADMAP to Success

they also know that the board members are related somehow to that value

of endurance of the business.

An element that is important in the family-owned business and differs

from other structured businesses is a willingness to protect the employees

and their relationships with the external agencies that provide support.

That element is much bigger than the willingness in others to do the same

in other companies, why? Because they understand that those suppliers

and the people who work in the company have family who need to be

protected, need to be fed, need to be developed. While in the other

companies it’s narrowly an issue of balance sheets and cash flow. Not to

say that any one of those elements—the balance, sheet, cash flow, and the

financial performance—of family-owned businesses is not important, or it

is not number one on the list, the point is that it is number one on the list,

and number two, three, four, and five on the list are very close to number

one, not like the nonfamily-owned businesses.

Erickson

One of the strengths of a family business is shared values. As mentioned

earlier, because there are family members who own the business and

working in the business and have come up through the same culture, there

is shared history, a shared value system, and the there are internal

discussions that go on within the business. So that can contribute to a

strong culture, which can be a strength for attracting strong candidates to

the organization. Knowing who you are as a business and a culture builds

strength and in many ways helps family-owned businesses get a jump-start

on identity and focus. This is true even without any explicit effort to

define it. It is like an unspoken family DNA.

As a business, the primary function is to increase shareholder value for

the long-term and to build a viable business that will be sustainable

through generations. There is the vision and pride along with the hope

that other generations will be interested in perpetuating this family

business. That’s a huge strength and builds resilience. Individuals work for

many reasons—economic viability, being a part of a larger vision, contributing

to success of a larger entity, and fulfilling dreams. In a family-owned

business, it is often easier to see the results of the efforts and to feel

appreciation because of the culture and size of the company. Inclusion is

often felt more strongly in the family business.

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

Wright

Can we look at some success stories?

Erickson

The Marriott Corporation is a great place to start. It is a successful

business that started as a family-owned motel system for travelers in the

Mid-Atlantic. Even in tough economic times, the company has lived by its

values and supported employees whenever possible. For example, when

hurricanes in 2005 destroyed most of Cancun, including the J.B. Marriott

Hotel there, Marriott was the only hotel that continued to keep their

employees on payroll. This effort paid off in satisfied and loyal employees

who remain dedicated to customer satisfaction with the Marriott experience.

Another example is SAS Institute. One of the largest family-owned

businesses is a privately held software company in North Carolina.

Incorporated in 1976 by the remnants of a research project from a local

university, it is today the largest privately held software company in the

world with revenues of more than a billion dollars and more than ten

thousand employees worldwide. Another strength there is that it is a

company that still continues to remain very true to its values and

continues to grow in market share.

Kastner

The success of family-owned business depends on the achievement and

balance of several very important things: entitlement, responsibility, and

accountability. When these elements are clearly defined, the longevity and

continued growth of the business will be nearly guaranteed. Secondly, the

business is the business. Every other activity, even if it was a business

activity but not related to the current business entity, should be handled,

decided upon, and defined by the family office. Separating these elements

protects the business from external pressures of family members who may

want to gain control or start a new business that is not related to the

current entity.

This refers to the founder, an individual who ran the business, with an

autocratic, old-fashioned strong-arm demeanor. He divorced wife number

one after having seven children (six daughters and one son). He then

married wife number two and they had one son.

ROADMAP to Success

When the founder died, about twenty-five years later, two very important

things happened. First, there was no will. Second, there was no separation

of property with wife number one at the time of divorce. These facts led to

a vicious ownership battle. In order to try to bring some order to the

business after the founder’s death, the son from marriage number one,

who was working in the business, took the position that they would

consider the two groups a single family with eight children. So personal

property was settled and then they had to deal with the original business

(a media business).

The children then hired a prominent management consultant to develop a

family constitution. After review, all children signed off on the family

constitution and the business carried on. Today, the business is still very

profitable; four other businesses were incorporated through family

decisions governed by the constitution. They are prosperous and amicable

because of the foresight, courage, and insistence of that young man and his

focus on the continuity of the business.

I will close with just one other success story from a family business in

Argentina. Some Spanish immigrants started a business in the energy

industry. Their success stems from the fact that, instead of blindly falling

in love with the original business, they fell in love with the business area,

and they decided to protect the family values rather than protect the

original business.

Their business started with a focus on the business of electrical energy,

but they decided that electricity was too highly regulated by government

and they could no longer sustain a profitable practice. They were not

willing to sacrifice family values to deal with the government and remain

in the business. They made a clear choice to honor their values. At that

time, the petroleum industry was being privatized and they continued the

family business in a more viable industry sector. As of yet, two generations

later, they talk not only about corporate values, but also about family

values and why those are important to them. They will uphold those values

under any circumstances rather than just protect the business.

Wright

Lastly I’d like to pose this question that might help our readers: if you

were having your first meeting with a new CEO of a family-owned business,

what are the top concerns that need to be understood and addressed to

position the company for long-term success?

Brenda Erickson and George Kastner

Kastner

The new CEO upon accepting the leadership role must be absolutely

and totally familiar with the history of the family business. He or she

cannot afford to be challenged by any element about the history of the

business and the involvement of the family in it. Total transparency and

familiarity is imperative. The new CEO will need to invest time reading

history and press, and interviewing in multiple scenarios the key players in

leadership and production throughout the organization.

An entering CEO cannot simply come in with the attitude that we are

going to change everything now that we are “professionals.” Unless this is

an extreme and critical turnaround situation, such an approach will lose

the hearts and minds of many long-time employees and will risk damaging

the credibility of the new leadership. On the other hand, at this critical

time, the new CEO has the opportunity to communicate unity and vision,

building on the strong foundation built by the founders and supported by

the loyal employees throughout the years.

The new CEO must demonstrate respect and future direction to create

the team that will be stronger as a company going forward. This new era

must be a joint effort with family members who are still able to lead many

aspects of the business, with the professional managers who have

contributed to the success, and with the leadership team who craft the new

initiatives, and ultimately with the CEO who, like a maestro, directs the

orchestra—not trying to play any instrument or outshine any team

members. So this sets the vision, tone, and pace while inviting the

participation of the organization moving forward.

With this approach, the CEO invites followership. If you are the CEO,

this continued approach becomes a best practice, not just lip service, and

your followers will support direction, contribute in all aspects

appropriately, and you will stay steadfastly and successfully on your road

to success for the organization.

Wright

Well, this has been a great conversation, especially for me. I fit in the

category of family-owned business with four businesses, all family-owned.

You really have given me a lot of information here today that I can use. I’m

sure that our readers will also benefit from the same good information. I

really do appreciate both of you taking all this time this afternoon to

answer these questions. I appreciate your participation in this book.

ROADMAP to Success

Kastner

Thank you very much, David, and thanks for inviting us to this exciting

project. We hope to hear from you soon.

Wright

Today I have been talking with Dr. George Kastner and Brenda

Erickson. As a management consultant, executive coach, and international

speaker, Dr. Kastner has dedicated his professional life to excellence in

academia and business. He has ideas that grow from entrepreneurial roots

to successful enterprises and is an expert in family business issues,

succession planning, and governance models.

Brenda Erickson is a frequent speaker, management consultant, and

business development consultant with expertise in the software industry.

Her passion for finding the star in each person she meets has ensured her

success with clients in the United States and Canada.

Brenda, Dr. Kastner, thank you so much for being with us today on

ROADMAP to Success.

Erickson

My pleasure.

Kastner

Thank you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. George

management consultant and academic leader who

dedicated his professional career to excellence in

academia, management, leadership, and

entrepreneurial environments. His academic

teaching achievements are respected throughout

he world. Most recently, he devoted the past five years of his academic

contribution to HULT International Business School where he teaches

in Boston, Shanghai, and Dubai.

A seasoned CEO and accomplished entrepreneur, he is currently

founder and CEO of Fir

st GTK, LLC, parent company to REDITUS

International, Inc., and GTK I, LLC. First GTK and REDITUS Inc. are

dedicated to Strategic Consulting, Talent Strategy, Executive Coaching,

Strategic Implementation, and Risk Management with a focus on

service organiz

ations while GTK I, LLC manages investments in

ongoing concerns for turnaround purposes, and start

Throughout his career, which encompasses a unique and dynamic

mix of corporate and academic endeavors, Dr. Kastner developed

visionary and innovative p

rograms that were also practical and results

oriented. Recent consulting engagements have focused on several Latin

American countries, ventures in the United States, and occasionally

Eastern Europe. He has taught Executive AMP Programs and MBA

Programs in

Venezuela, Colombia, Dubai, China, Israel, The Czech

Republic, and the United States.

With a pragmatic and vision-

driven focus, Dr. Kastner has added a

strong strategic content to several board positions. His rich portfolio of

experiences includes generat

ing value in service industries from

education, hospitality, and health care to commercial banking,

entertainment, and franchising.

Dr. Kastner has lived in six countries in the Middle East, Europe,

North and South America and has worked in twenty

has taught in six countries and has fluent knowledge of four languages

Dr. George

Kastner is a world-recognized

management consultant and academic leader who

dedicated his professional career to excellence in

academia, management, leadership, and

entrepreneurial environments. His academic

teaching achievements are respected throughout

he world. Most recently, he devoted the past five years of his academic

contribution to HULT International Business School where he teaches

A seasoned CEO and accomplished entrepreneur, he is currently

st GTK, LLC, parent company to REDITUS

International, Inc., and GTK I, LLC. First GTK and REDITUS Inc. are

dedicated to Strategic Consulting, Talent Strategy, Executive Coaching,

Strategic Implementation, and Risk Management with a focus on

ations while GTK I, LLC manages investments in

ongoing concerns for turnaround purposes, and start

-ups.

Throughout his career, which encompasses a unique and dynamic

mix of corporate and academic endeavors, Dr. Kastner developed

rograms that were also practical and results

oriented. Recent consulting engagements have focused on several Latin

American countries, ventures in the United States, and occasionally

Eastern Europe. He has taught Executive AMP Programs and MBA

Venezuela, Colombia, Dubai, China, Israel, The Czech

driven focus, Dr. Kastner has added a

strong strategic content to several board positions. His rich portfolio of

ing value in service industries from

education, hospitality, and health care to commercial banking,

Dr. Kastner has lived in six countries in the Middle East, Europe,

North and South America and has worked in twenty

-two countries. He

has taught in six countries and has fluent knowledge of four languages

ROADMAP to Success

and working knowledge of two more. He currently serves on the Board

of three firms, in Venezuela, Colombia, and the United States. Dr.

Kastner earned his Engineering degree in 1971, Cum Laude, his MSc

degree with distinction in 1973, and his PhD in 1980.

George Kastner

First GTK LLC.

1418 Meadows Blvd

Weston, FL 33327

305-218-5659

gtkastner@reditusinc.com

www.firstgtk.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ms. Brenda Erickson is a speak

management consultant based in the Washington,

D.C., area. She has the unique ability to see the

value and practical application of new ideas and

she uses this expertise to coach and counsel

entrepreneurs to grow their businesses from

vision to reality.

As an executive, she has led and inspired teams to deliver exceptional

business results in product development, executive

and sales. Her strong relationship management underscores

for integrity, inclusiveness, and col

laboration. She is a champion of

diversity and adept at working with multicultural teams. Ms. Erickson

established the Canadian subsidiary for SAS Institute, the largest

privately held software companies in the world. She built and led the

organization to

double growth, year after year for six years, before

returning to the United States to work with growing software firms

selling into commercial and federal government markets.

Currently, Ms. Erickson is Vice President, Programs for the itSMF

National Capi

tal Group where she is responsible for promoting the

value of Information Technology Service Management. She consults

with software companies entering the federal market to design and

develop business programs.

Ms. Brenda Erickson is a speak

er, coach, and

management consultant based in the Washington,

D.C., area. She has the unique ability to see the

value and practical application of new ideas and

she uses this expertise to coach and counsel

entrepreneurs to grow their businesses from

As an executive, she has led and inspired teams to deliver exceptional

business results in product development, executive

management,

and sales. Her strong relationship management underscores

a reputation

laboration. She is a champion of

diversity and adept at working with multicultural teams. Ms. Erickson

established the Canadian subsidiary for SAS Institute, the largest

privately held software companies in the world. She built and led the

double growth, year after year for six years, before

returning to the United States to work with growing software firms

selling into commercial and federal government markets.

Currently, Ms. Erickson is Vice President, Programs for the itSMF

tal Group where she is responsible for promoting the

value of Information Technology Service Management. She consults

with software companies entering the federal market to design and

ROADMAP to Success

Ms. Erickson is a graduate of the University of Georgia and studied

computer science at UNC–Chapel Hill, where she worked with

researchers in Biostatistics and Population Studies and attended

graduate school at Duke University. (Go Blue Devils!) She has a

Graduate Certificate in Leadership Coaching from the George

Washington University and has taught within that program.

Brenda Erickson

Erickson Consulting

Reston, VA 20190

[email protected]

Chapter Two

UNDAMENTAL

SUCCESS P

RINCIPLES

AND S

TRATEGIES

ATHARINE

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m talking with Catharine Wright, Founder

Catalyst for The Wright Group, an international performance

improvement firm focused on helping leaders successfully grow their

business, improve their profitability, and retain highly produc

and innovative employees.

She and her team specialize in two key and highly related areas: overall

business performance improvement and most things HR.

Catharine’

s credentials include more than

corporate, small business,

and public sector experience in business development,

education, manufacturing,

and retail. An MBA and Professional Certified

Coach, Certified Professional Behavior Analyst, and Legacy Leadership

Facilitator designations make her, in my opinion, an expert.

Catharine, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Chapter Two

UNDAMENTAL

RINCIPLES

TRATEGIES

ATHARINE

WRIGHT

m talking with Catharine Wright, Founder

, and Chief Change

Catalyst for The Wright Group, an international performance

improvement firm focused on helping leaders successfully grow their

business, improve their profitability, and retain highly produc

tive engaged

She and her team specialize in two key and highly related areas: overall

business performance improvement and most things HR.

s credentials include more than

twenty-five years of

and public sector experience in business development,

and retail. An MBA and Professional Certified

Coach, Certified Professional Behavior Analyst, and Legacy Leadership

Facilitator designations make her, in my opinion, an expert.

ROADMAP to Success

Catharine Wright (C. Wright)

Thank you, David, it’s my pleasure.

Wright

So what does success really mean to you?

C. Wright

I have always been driven to have influence and have an effect on the

world—an effect that matters and is appreciated by others. Without that, I

do not consider myself a success. So, to me, success is making a meaningful

difference in as many lives as I am physically, mentally, and emotionally

able to achieve. Success is influencing change in the minds and lives of

others. It’s about helping people grow, develop, stretch and prosper. That’s

how I measure my own success—by how effectively I’ve been a catalyst for

positive change.

Wright

You spoke about measurement in your own terms, so how are you

doing so far?

C. Wright

I think I deserve a fair grade and that there is much additional success

to come. After all, I’ve never settled for a fair grade and I intend to be

contributing to the world for many years yet.

Making a difference comes in many shapes and colors. Sometimes my

contribution has been sizeable in worth and minimal in effect; at other

times it has been little more than a small gesture yet the result was

significant. As I reflect on my many offerings and actions, I believe the

smaller, more intimate conversations and actions to be most meaningful.

My small gestures may not be “game changers,” but they certainly leave an

imprint, however small or tentative, in the “wiring” of people.

If there is one thing I’m certain of, it is that every single one of us

wants to be happy. It is the one thing, and probably the only thing, that we

all have in common. Whenever I make someone’s day a bit happier, I’m

happier.

Being successful and creating success in the world doesn’t mean having

to lead some grand cause neither is it measured by the dollars we spend.

Sometimes, success can be measured by the quality of the questions we

ask, and the power of those questions to shape thinking and behavior. I

don’t believe there is a better gift to give an individual than to elevate his

or her quantity and quality of thought.

Catharine Wright

People are, at any given time, pretty much where their thoughts have

taken them. I remember a friend likening thinking to that of a taxi ride.

We get in and get taken to some place. I am today where my thoughts have

taken me.

Our life is a result of our thinking yesterday and each tomorrow will be

a reflection of what we think today. William Arthur Ward said, “Nothing

limits achievement like small thinking. Nothing expands possibilities like

unleashed thinking.” What we think determines who we are. Who we are

determines what we do.

Maya Angelou, in a recent show produced for Oprah Winfrey’s new

Master Class, said something that will stick with me forever. She talked

about the numerous “clouds” she has faced in her life and of the many

rainbows that have followed. You can be sure that as I journey along my

own unique road to success, I’ll be cataloguing untold experiences of

rainbows—my own and others’.

To the degree that, on a daily basis, I influence and elevate thinking—

my own and that of others—I consider myself hugely successful.

Wright

You talk about the role that quality and quantity of thought plays in

our successes. What are some fundamental operating principles helpful to

achieving dreams and goals?

C. Wright

The answer to the question depends on if I’m thinking as an individual

performer or as a business owner and/or leader of people. At a personal

level, fundamental principles (FPs) include:

FP 1: Master self-management. This includes managing your

thoughts and your time and priorities. Part and parcel of managing your

thoughts is managing your emotions. Daniel Goleman is well known for

his research that shows, without a shadow of doubt, that our emotional

quotient is a far better predictor of success than is our intellectual finesse.

I use a tool called the Emotional Quotient to measure emotional

maturity or control. Whether being employed at the individual or team

level, it never ceases to amaze me how well it accounts for the results

achieved or not achieved.

A good question for all of us to ask is, “Would I hire me to manage me?”

If the answer is a resounding “yes,” you’re in good shape. If the answer is

“no,” or a “qualified yes,” you have some work to do. If you have work to

do, find a professional who can give you an objective assessment to use as

a starting point.

ROADMAP to Success

FP2: Tap into your passion. Find the one or two things that are

critically important to you to achieve in your lifetime. Define what it is

that would make your heart sing with conviction were there no obstacles

in the way. Define it, hold onto it, and don’t let go of the vision. Hold onto

it like a dog with a favorite bone. Write about it, post it everywhere, make

it visual, solicit support, and think about it all the time.

FP3: Develop a specific plan.

Spend more time planning your life

than you spend planning a vacation or a significant purchase. Break it

down into manageable chunks. Define your overall goals in the shortest

time space possible.

But remember, if you are weak on self-management, expect to define

and redefine numerous goals and plans over the years and to continually

fall short of your dreams. Planning is one ball of wax; execution is another.

Planning can be a taxing task because it requires thinking and thinking

consumes energy. It is easily compared to execution because that requires

focus, discipline, and the development of new systems and habits.

Execution is where most people fall flat.

FP4: Track, measure, analyze, and adjust. Identify a couple of

critical measures of success—both leading and lagging—and create your

system and habits for measurement and analysis. You can’t manage what

you don’t know. A game without someone keeping score won’t be a game

for long. Design your own personal scorecard and keep score on a daily,

weekly, quarterly, and yearly basis.

If you do nothing but these four fundamental things, you will be

successful. Additional things to consider are:

FP5: Collaborate. I challenge anyone to name one person who has

achieved any degree of success singlehandedly. Highly successful people

never get the job done alone. They always achieve their dreams with and

through the involvement and support of others.

I heard a wonderful story this week about a job candidate who was

being considered for hire. At some point in a conversation with her

potential new boss, she was playing with a couple of icons on her smart

phone screen. The interviewer noticed she had several similar looking

icons, so she asked what they were. The young lady said, “Oh, those are my

‘Peeps.’ ” Upon enquiry about what is a peep, the young lady said, “They are

a collection of very smart individuals around the world that I pass ideas by

whenever I’m looking for an opinion or to test an idea.” Guess who got

offered a job? I think we would all do well to have a collection of “peeps” at

our disposal. This woman had adopted a collaborative mind-set in spades!

Catharine Wright

The key is to be smart about with whom you collaborate. Pick your

partners wisely. Look for “game changers.” There will be many

opportunities to collaborate if you are willing and communicative. Some

will be better than others. Identify the potential partners who have the

biggest and most relevant networks. Think big. Thinking small won’t get

you anywhere of any significance any time soon.

FP6: Find one or more mentors. I have played around a bit with the

idea of having a bit with a quasi-mentor, but have never developed a “real”

mentor relationship. Ask six very successful people to account for their

success and five of them will credit a mentor. Having a seasoned someone

to help us develop our thinking and open doors is a huge asset. Like me,

you can still be successful but you have to have a lot of patience and “stick-

to-itiveness” because it’s a much longer road. There’s nothing wrong with

that as long as the journey along the way is enjoyed.

FP7: Be vulnerable. Great things don’t happen and dreams remain

unfulfilled without thinking and doing something differently than

everyone. Be prepared to be vulnerable in a couple of areas. Firstly,

thinking and doing uniquely involves risk. Risk requires courage and a

willingness to step out on a limb. Doing so creates a sense of vulnerability

and fear that we may fall, which is exactly what we’re liable to do at some

point if we keep inching ourselves along the tree limb.

That brings me to the second part of vulnerability. Making mistakes is

part of the territory. Be quick to apologize for any wrong doings and to

admit when you don’t have an answer. Instead of striving to always have

answers, seek answers from those who have them and work to develop a

capacity in others to find their own answers. The more we are authentic

and vulnerable, the more we give other people the permission to be real.

And when that happens, they respect us more, trust us more, and see us to

be more credible.

Much of the work I do is with business owners, CEOs, and senior

decision-makers, so my mind wants to answer your question from this

perspective. Everything I mentioned for personal achievement of dreams

and goals also applies here plus much more. At the risk of over simplifying,

here are a few additional critical success principles (SPs):

SP 1: Partner with a coach who will help you create mastery around

performance excellence.

SP 2: Adopt a model or framework that fits your needs and serves to

keep your focus razor sharp, your discipline and perseverance unbending,

and your ability to execute unparalleled with your past and your

ROADMAP to Success

competition. Co-opt your coach into creating the systems and structure for

keeping you in the game, developing skill mastery, keeping score, and

holding you accountable for results.

SP 3: Make a big deal of celebrating the small and sizeable successes

along the way. Laugh often and encourage laughter in the workplace—it

will pay off in spades. Research short bouts of daily laughter in the

workplace double competency scores.

SP 4: Constantly assess and readjust. When it feels right, find a new

coach with new skills and perspectives better aligned with where you are at

that time. Create a new game and stay in practice.

I have developed a Performance Touchpoints™ model that goes a long

way to improving game results. It can be shared with a coach and used as a

frame of reference for achieving success in one’s own unique way.

Wright

You spoke about your Performance Touchpoints Model, I’m curious

about that; what is it exactly?

C. Wright

The model is simple. Essentially, it is: Assessment plus Behavior equals

Consequences. In short-form: A + B = C.

Assessment is Critical to Success

Assessment is to “success” as water is to fish and technology is to

teenagers. Not undertaking assessment in a timely manner is akin to

missing an essential ingredient for living life. Selected appropriately,

assessments provide invaluable insight into hiring, promotion, and

succession choices. Without the benefit of good data and intuition, teams

and organizations take on dysfunctional characteristics, with the oxygen

being sucked out of them daily.

Assessment needs to occur on multiple levels and on an ongoing basis.

Sometimes it needs to be rigorous and at other times a relatively simple

thinking-knowing outcome. The more critical or complex a change or

decision, the higher the level of rigor.

Top performers work hard to develop insight into self. The better they

know themselves, the better are they able to isolate their critical

performance enhancing opportunities. They spend valuable time within

themselves sifting through their best thinking and options. About what

are they most passionate? Why this and why now? Why me—what makes

Catharine Wright

me suited to this endeavor and better able than others? What effect do I

want to have on the world? How do I want to show up and be? What are

my specific goals and timeframes? Who do I need to involve? How will I

measure success?

They also have honed, and continually work at honing, their ability to

assess the world around them. On this front, they ask themselves and

others, “Who can I expect to be key influencers and possible raving fans?

What effect do I have and can I have on others—especially those critical to

my success? What do I know about my target market’s needs?” These name

just a few common queries.

The questions are varied and endless so they zero in on the essential

questions needing answers. They source out reliable assessment tools and

processes that help them formulate answers to their questions and chart

their courses of action.

Many of these questions are germane to organizational-level

assessment as well. You probably already get the idea. The questions take

on the flavor of “What does this organization exist to do—what is our

compelling purpose?” What is our vision of greatness? What will be or are

currently our fundamental values and operating principles? How will we,

or do we, stand out from the crowd and demonstrate our uniqueness? How

well do we know and understand our customers and their emotional

experiences and needs? What are our key performance indicators? How

will we measure and communicate individual, team, and organizational

successes? And so on.

Alongside these standard everyday-type analyses is the need for much

additional assessment. Included among these are diagnoses that shed light

on organizational/cultural readiness for change, business success

performance and positioning, potential and current talent capabilities, the

degree of customer satisfaction and loyalty, leadership effectiveness, and

employee engagement scores.

Creating a clear picture and understanding of prevailing attitudes is a

central principle of any assessment stage. I’m talking about attitudes and

expectations at every stakeholder level. Obvious examples include

shareholders, leaders, employees, customers, venders, industries, marketplace,

and society in general.

We can’t manage what we don’t know and we are less likely to move

toward that which we cannot see clearly. Underpinning our ability to

create clarity and increase certainty of actions and outcomes is the quality

of the information used to make decisions. Efficient and effective

assessment and analysis processes significantly improve the quality of

decisions and their outcomes.

ROADMAP to Success

Behavior is the Breakfast of Champions

If it seems like there is a lot of work to be done within the assessment

stage, your perception is right. While the work done there will make a huge

difference in terms of the clarity and speed within which success is

achieved, the real work starts with shaping and managing behaviors in the

workplace—your own and that of others. If you and your team are not

doing the right things right, prepare to struggle more and longer than

necessary.

The assessment stage is designed to define the right things that need to

be done. The challenge, at this point, is to develop behaviors and habits

that ensure the right things get done in the most profitable and effective

way possible. This is easier said than done. In fact, there is probably no

more daunting task to humankind than that of incredibly effective self-

management.

Employees bring to the workplace well ingrained behavioral tendencies

and entrenched belief systems and attitudes. Changing these takes

intention, clarity, skill, patience, and a financial investment.

Managing behavior is equally about managing individual and collective

brains. In many instances, it is about re-programming some neural

pathways and strengthening others through repetition and practice.

Shaping the context and content within each and every brain is a critical

success strategy, even though most leaders don’t know it yet. I’m not

talking about manipulating people for ill-gain or a win-lose environment—

I’m talking about win-win.

The challenge and opportunity is to develop enough knowledge and

insight into the science of the brain in order to make better decisions—

decisions that lead to higher levels of satisfaction, commitment,

engagement, and productivity, decisions that lead to fewer mis-hires, less

turnover, better investment of development dollars, lower operating costs

as a percentage of revenue and higher levels of profitability, some of which

end up in the hands and pockets of employees and their families and

communities.

Manage the Consequences

Managing consequences is all about knowing what results you are

getting from the current collection of behaviors and about understanding

what is driving or reinforcing these behaviors. It’s about creating and

reinforcing consequences in such a way that undesired behaviors are

eliminated and desired behaviors are encouraged and rewarded.

And here is the kicker. Applied Behavioral Science claims that a

whopping 80 percent of the behavior we get or do is a result of

consequences. If we keep doing something that fails to satisfy expectations

—our own or others’—or we keep not doing what we or others know

Catharine Wright

needs to be done, there is an underlying payoff that is keeping us

performing at our current level. The trick is to dig into a situation and

identify the payoff. It is always there.

Another interesting and related piece of science comes from the

deceased guru of efficiency and productivity, Edward Deming. Deming

claimed that systems and processes account for about 98 percent of the

results we get. More often than not the payoff that keeps us stuck in

current, ineffective behavioral patterns is found within the systems or lack

thereof.

If you want different results, change behavior. If you want to change

behavior, manage consequences. To manage consequences, look

underneath the behaviors and find their drivers within the systems at play.

The model provides a straight-forward and easy-to-remember

framework for action, observation, and planning. Each component (as in

A, B, or C) has several Touchpoints which, when addressed appropriately,

is where the work gets done and successful results are created.

Wright

Would you give our readers some examples of the specific touch points

to which you refer?

C. Wright

Well, there are many, so within the context of this conversation I’ll just

pick out some of the highlights.

If we look first at the Touchpoints that are associated with the

assessment component of the model, then they would include things like

becoming very clear and vigilant about purpose, self-assessing, knowing

your customers intimately, and mastering the message and its delivery.

Purpose

To go back to the first Touchpoint, which is about clarity of purpose, I

say you can’t become a vigilante without first becoming crystal clear about

what you want to create and achieve. You must know the degree to which

you are passionate, committed, unique, and able. Assess what, why, where,

when, and how. Check in with yourself to make sure you are living your

destiny and not someone else’s dream. Never lose faith; be smart about

what you do, course correct as need be, but never stop believing in yourself

and your idea.

Know what “your special sauce” is to borrow a phrase from my friend

and colleague, Mark Moses. Do what is necessary to provide proof that a

viable market exists with an appetite and the dollars to purchase your

unique brand of “sauce.”

ROADMAP to Success

Only when you are clear about your destination can you begin to map

out the direction of your journey and realize your goal with minimal

casualties and set-backs along the way. Most people leap-frog over this

step believing it to rob them of unnecessary time and precious energy and

resources. I’ve been there and swirled about in a choppy sea riddled with

too many options and not enough focus.

My words of advice: “Do not pass ‘go’ until your level of assessment and

clarity here is such that your vision, values, passion, and belief system

ignites a strong sense of purpose and provides the fuel for a successful

launch.” Trust me, it will save much time, dollars, and heartbreak—for

yourself and others.

Once you’ve “nailed” your picture of what you are designed to become

and do and about the effect or imprint you are passionate about having in

the world, you are almost ready to lead with iron determination, critical

insight, and harnessed optimism; but not yet.

There are still a few more assessment-related steps to complete, the

first of which is to identify how success will be measured. In other words,

“How specifically are you going to know when you’ve arrived at your

destination? What are the specific results to which you will apply every

ounce of energy, persistence, and wisdom in your being? What assistance

will you secure and couple with a structure designed to keep you squarely

focused on performance outcomes—yours and others?”

Hold out the work you do here as the torch by which you light the

darkness of the night and illuminate the compass that keeps you focused

in the right direction.

By the way, dreaming big doesn’t mean you have to have some grand

purpose in mind and to lead an army, so to speak. Pursuing a vision to

reach your individual best level of performance at whatever your

profession or trade is just as worthy as anything else—especially if you are

clear about the positive effect you wish to have on your customers’

experiences and use that as the basis for measuring your success.

Self-Assess

Before embarking too far on your journey, take time out to self-assess.

This is absolutely critical. Invest in objective tools to confirm what you

know, underscore strengths to be leveraged, and uncover blind spots. And

yes, there are always a few blind spots.

There is a growing plethora of assessment tools in the marketplace, a

few of which are better than the rest depending on the intended usage.

Invest in the best with the rigor of science and current validation data

supporting them.

Self-assessments will provide valuable snapshots of many things,

including, among others:

Catharine Wright

• naturally-wired and adapted behavioral styles (e.g., DISC)

• primary motivators and values (Workplace Motivators)

• clarity of thought, business acumen, natural talent as it relates

to a whole host of personal skills (PTSI),

• current levels of soft-skill mastery (DNA),

• emotional intelligence (Emotional Quotient),

• routine task versus planning versus problem-solving preferences,

communication preferences (Task Quotient),

• leadership effectiveness (360 feedback survey)

What your assessment reports is nowhere near as valuable as the

conversation you have with your coach about it. This conversation is best

anchored around key conclusions and actions to be taken as a result of the

assessment experience.

Customers

In order to develop and refine your strategy for fully living your

purpose, you must know as well or better than anyone else what your

customers want. As soon as you are on solid ground, or shall I say ice, start

anticipating where “the puck is going to be” and plan yourself there. That

is Wayne Gretzy’s claim to fame. He said that one of his primary strategies

for success was to skate to where he believed the puck was going to be

rather than where it was at the time.

If you are up to the challenge, go beyond what they know they want

and show them what they want. People didn’t know they wanted iPhones

and iPads with all the bells and whistles and apps until Apple created these

products and put them in the hands of key influencers who quickly

demonstrated their value.

There are some fundamental characteristics of your customers that you

need to understand and address. Know what these are. For example,

people generally don’t buy products and services per se, but rather

experiences, dreams, and transformation.

This is where Steve Jobs was brilliant. He grasped, at the most basic

level—the human desire for connection, simplicity, convenience, speed,

beauty and the like. As a result, he made sure everything Apple produced

was designed to simplify people’s everyday applications of technology, and

to create a rewarding emotional experience with the Apple brand. He was

dogmatic about delivering on the human need for convenience, speed,

productivity, beauty, and connection.

Furthermore, because he and his team understood their customers at

such a deep and intimate level, they were able to reduce their product lines

down to the critical few that best delivered on stakeholder expectations.

This strategy allows them to invest more energy and resources into

ROADMAP to Success

ongoing innovation of existing products and to constantly be looking for

new category “killers” and “creators.”

What are your primary customers’ most fundamental needs? What do

they think about and wish for every day? What might they need but not

yet know about? What is the nature of the transformation or change they

seek? How will you create a highly interactive, emotional experience with

your brand? Why should they do business with you versus any other of

your competitors? Assess, assess, and assess some more until you’ve

reached the level of knowing what is in their minds, hearts, and souls. Do

enough in the beginning to launch your business with an informed start,

and stay committed to ongoing decision-making based on as much

objective data as possible.

To this end, annual or bi-annual customer satisfaction and loyalty

surveys are a must, as is their thorough analysis and timely response. Such

surveys don’t have to cost an arm-and-a-leg neither do they need to

consume an inordinate amount of time. Customer surveys are best

outsourced to a third party. I like to make sure they are highly customized

and relevant to the client.

Don’t lose sight of the fact that your employees are your customers,

too. Know their individual communication preferences, core motivators,

strengths, and weaknesses as they relate to the critical few skills and

behaviors required for superior performance, readiness for promotion,

career aspirations, and views of your organization’s leadership, culture,

and practices.

The many assessment options identified in the previous outline on self-

assessment are applicable to employee selection and development

objectives. Additional value-added options include employee engagement

surveys, team surveys, organizational and leadership effectiveness surveys,

change-readiness assessments and coaching culture assessments.

Message

With your intimate customer knowledge, you are now ready to develop

yourself as a master storyteller, using language, visuals, touch, and smells

to arouse and attract your customers’ emotional and logical brains.

Use powerful stories, storyboards, drawings, presentations, demonstrations,

videos, and the like to convey key messages that appeal to your audience.

Assess the affect of various mediums, methods, and approaches for their

ability to attract attention and generate interest. Re-engineer, modify,

tweak, develop, respond.

Be where your ideal client’s eyes, ears, and hands are. Engage, engage,

engage.

The best combination of assessments depends on your circumstances

and objectives. They can be used to gain perspective on self, or to gather

Catharine Wright

data at team, departmental, division, or organizational levels. Overall

business assessment and analysis also needs to occur on an ongoing basis

(more on this when we get to the consequences component of the

Performance Touchpoints model.

All of the above were just examples of Touchpoints for the Assessment

Phase of the Model. It will take longer than the time we have to provide

the same level of explanation for the Behavior and Consequences

components of the model, so I’ll just give you some examples of

Touchpoints.

Where Behaviors are concerned, Touchpoints deal with hiring right,

building leadership and management bench-strength, isolating and

focusing on critical behaviors, creating an accountable culture, automating

simplified systems, and mastering connections.

Monitoring, measuring, and communicating are foundational

Touchpoints for managing Consequences. Then there is a restarting your

engine, so to speak, and a renewing of a coaching relationship or deciding

it’s time to engage a new coach more in line with the needs of the day.

Most people will not need to spend time on, or be ready for, every

Touchpoint. It is a good idea to keep a running inventory of what has been

fully addressed, what is in the development stage, and what is yet to be

planned and put into motion. At any given point, it is helpful to have the

road mapped and know where you are at on a journey.

Wright

There is a lot of complexity to manage in order to improve one’s ability

to achieve his or her goals. It can seem like a daunting task. What is your

secret to managing the complexity of it all?

C. Wright

That’s a good question. I don’t know that there is any secret to it. The

answer will be different for each primary behavioral style. For example, I’m

a “just wade into the complexity and sort it out as I go” person. That

wouldn’t work at all for a more steady or analytical type. That person

would have to think it all through, map it out, and develop a thorough plan

for execution before even thinking of taking action.

That having been said, I think anyone would agree with the merits of

pausing long enough to develop at least a basic strategy and identifying a

couple of next steps and then a couple more next steps and so forth. The

feeling of the anxiety that comes from a big stretch goal and the

considerable yardage between current and end states can immobilize a

person. One can quickly thaw from such a frozen state of mind by simply

identifying a few small steps forward.

ROADMAP to Success

So, if there was a secret to reducing the complexity and increasing odds

of success, it would be to stay in motion 80 percent of the time and to set

many sub-goals with short time frames. Spend the other 20 percent of

work time growing your thinking and planning competencies.

Wright

Why do you think so few people achieve their dreams and/or their

potential?

C. Wright

Wow, that’s a tough one. I’m sure the reasons are many and varied. I

would say because of their thinking. Fear holds them back. Fear of failure,

fear of success, fear of taking the next steps and not getting it exactly

right, fear of being judged, fear of spending money, fear of stepping

outside one’s comfort zone, fear of change.

Fear keeps us stuck and wishful. As long as we get to stay in a fear state,

we don’t have to measure up, show up, and play big. We can buy into the

stories we carry around in our heads that keep us thinking small. We can

take short and inexpensive “taxi rides”

We don’t need to “get out of our head” as some would say. Rather, we

need to change what is in our head and align it with what’s in our heart.

Another key reason is that they try to do it alone. They don’t recognize

the value that comes with hiring one or more coaches who will get them on

the podium. They would rather spend their disposable dollars on vacations

and cars and homes and so on. The sad thing is that when they’ve spent

their lives and resigned themselves to ordinariness, they come to terms

with how meaningless their material collections are if not balanced by

having lived their dream.

Lastly, I’d say the lack of having good systems in place to ensure focus,

discipline, and consistent execution. As I think about it, these reasons can

all be summed up as having several bad habits that create major obstacles

and barriers to success.

Wright

You were talking about spending money on yourself. I can remember

one time losing an argument with a man I was trying to be a good mentor

to. I knew he could learn a lot from an inexpensive educational

opportunity, but he was unwilling to pay any money for it. I asked him

how many times he got his haircut and he answered, “every three weeks or

so” and it cost $20 per. I added that together and then asked him what

kind of shampoo and conditioner he used. It was fairly inexpensive and the

cuts and products added up to about $400 a year. Yet, he was unwilling to

Catharine Wright

spend a nickel on the inside of his head. Bad decision-making not only

keeps people from realizing their dreams, but sometimes from even

getting anywhere close to their potential. I think you have covered it very

well.

You have mentioned a few times though the importance of partnering

with a coach, how does one go about finding and selecting a coach?

C. Wright

The first thing to do is create a profile of the type of coach you want to

work with. For example, what experience and credentials are important to

you? With what coaching style will you do your best work? Are you looking

for a pure coaching model whereby the coach provides no or minimal

advice or are you wanting a combination of coaching and expertise? Will

you work well with a directed, to-the-point coaching style or one that is

gentler and more supportive? Are you looking for someone who is

prepared to challenge you and hold you accountable for results or do you

want a thinking partner? Will your budget and preferences direct you to a

more seasoned coach or to a lower-fee arrangement? Do you want a face-

to-face arrangement or will online coaching suffice?

Once you’ve created your profile, it will be much easier to find a good

match. Do a Google search for a coaching association and/or school in your

area. Identify options and contact two or three apparent fits, based on the

coach profiles, and ask to meet with him or her briefly by phone or in-

person in order to discuss your needs. See how you feel and assess who will

provide your best fit.

Wright

So what concluding thoughts would you like to leave us with that might

be helpful for those who are reading this book that would help them on

their way to their goals and dreams?

C. Wright

The world has changed and is continuing to change. New road maps are

required because the games being played are becoming significantly

different. With the dawn of each new day, the world is increasingly moving

into cyberspace. Not totally, obviously, but enough of it has moved into

that arena to require a re-schooling of the rules and cyber-strategies. This

is a real challenge for many Baby Boomers and some Generation Xs. Given

the reality of the world and the warp speed at which it moves, it is

imperative for anyone aspiring to heightened levels of success to climb on

the “super-wired” bandwagon or be left behind. Find and engage any

twenty- or twenty-five-year-old and they’ll have you wired in no time flat.

ROADMAP to Success

I speak of much change, and rightly so. At the same time, many of the

principles and fundamentals of success that have survived the test of time

still prove to be effective. Today’s seeker of business success needs to

understand the fundamentals and adapt them to consumer expectations—

both current and future. And be clear: the road to success is no longer a

journey of tweaking and improving what has worked in the past.

Competition is mounting in a big way and its reach is global. Success, at

any significant level today, requires the ability to get attention and stand

out from the crowd.

If there are only three questions to ask and answer, let them be:

1. What is the dream I wish to live?

2. What makes me, my idea, and/or approach unique and able to

attract attention and stand out from the ordinary?

3. Where can I find and engage a good coach to help me succeed?

And finally, don’t forget that A + B = C.

Wright

That’s great advice. I appreciate all the time you’ve taken to answer

these questions. It’s been delightful. I’ve learned a lot and I’m sure that our

readers are going to get a lot from this book.

C. Wright

Thank you for formulating the questions and helping me think.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

As Chief Change Ca

Catharine works primarily with CEOs,

owners, and senior leaders seeking change.

unique ability to get clients to successfully complete

what they otherwise would not accomplish keeps

them coming back and referring t

Catharine’

s expertise includes strategic planning,

talent management, leader and organizational

development, and leading change. Among her

credentials are MBA and PCC (Professional Certified

Coach) designations.

She is the author of 101 Em

ployee Engagement and Retention Strategies

and countless articles on performance excellence. Clients regularly engage

her to speak on topics pertaining to change, culture, leadership

development, and talent management.

Her many accomplishments include bein

by Rotary International and serving her community as a director and a

chair of numerous boards.

Catharine lives in Edmonton, Alberta. When not working her magic

with clients, she can be found running the trails of the river va

a golf ball around a nearby course,

or immersed in a good book.

Catharine Wright

As Chief Change Ca

talyst for The Wright Group,

Catharine works primarily with CEOs,

business

owners, and senior leaders seeking change.

Her

unique ability to get clients to successfully complete

what they otherwise would not accomplish keeps

them coming back and referring t

heir colleagues.

s expertise includes strategic planning,

talent management, leader and organizational

development, and leading change. Among her

credentials are MBA and PCC (Professional Certified

ployee Engagement and Retention Strategies

and countless articles on performance excellence. Clients regularly engage

her to speak on topics pertaining to change, culture, leadership

Her many accomplishments include bein

g named a Paul Harris Fellow

by Rotary International and serving her community as a director and a

Catharine lives in Edmonton, Alberta. When not working her magic

with clients, she can be found running the trails of the river va

lley, chasing

or immersed in a good book.

Catharine Wright

, MBA, PCC, CPBA

11630 Kingsway Avenue

Edmonton, AB, Canada T5G 0X5

780-701-8178

coaching@wright-group.ca

www.wright-group.ca

www.aleadersjourney.com

Chapt

THE P

OWERS OF

UCCESS

EBECCA

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m talking with Rebecca Bales. Rebecca is an author,

international speaker, and organizational consultant. She brings decades

of experience in leadership and personal developmen

the Americas for Lumina Learning, a global community of

consultants bringing innovative solutions and next

tools to organizations, transforming and inspiring their people. Her recent

book, Step Up to the

Plate: The Power of Passion and Determination

people find the formula for personal and career success.

Rebecca, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Rebecca Bales (Bales)

Thank you, David; it’

s great to be here.

Wright

So what is your definition of su

ccess?

Chapt

er Three

OWERS OF

UCCESS

EBECCA

BALES

m talking with Rebecca Bales. Rebecca is an author,

international speaker, and organizational consultant. She brings decades

of experience in leadership and personal developmen

t. She is partner of

the Americas for Lumina Learning, a global community of

business

consultants bringing innovative solutions and next

-generation assessment

tools to organizations, transforming and inspiring their people. Her recent

Plate: The Power of Passion and Determination

, helps

people find the formula for personal and career success.

ROADMAP to Success

s great to be here.

ccess?

ROADMAP to Success

Bales

To me success is based on a foundation of happiness—it’s being truly

and completely happy and joyful. It’s loving what you do and doing what

you love. In order to find this, you have to be living your life with purpose,

knowing who you are so completely that you know what makes you happy,

what you value, what your purpose in life is, and how you wish to go about

living it. It’s at that point where everything falls into place, where your

decisions become easy because they line up with your life. Once you get

that right I believe you experience true success. Find your passion and live

it, then the rest will come.

Wright

Who are the people who have served as your role models for success?

Bales

I’d have to say first off it would be my father. He had his head on

straight, worked hard, and was dedicated to his faith and his family and

knew what his priorities were. He was happy and content with his life.

Personally, this involves a poignant story about a monetary role model.

When I was in college, I was traveling on a plane to go home for the

holidays. A distinguished gentleman sat down beside me. He was an

attorney and dressed in a grey business suit. I can still see him vividly,

exactly what he looked like. He started asking me about what I was

majoring in and what I was going to do with my life. He told me something

that nobody had ever told me before. He said that my generation of

women would experience for the first time in business the ability to be and

do whatever we wanted and we wouldn’t be limited by any kind of typical

stereotypes or bound by restrictions that women had experienced in the

past. That was an incredible concept for me at the time. Nobody had ever

even asked me what I wanted to be in life or could be or even told me I had

no limitations. Looking back on this now, I feel as though I experienced an

angel delivering a stunning message. It precipitated a seismic shift in my

thinking and opened up the world to me and doors that I continue to

explore to this day.”

Another role model who has had a profound effect on my life is Wayne

Dyer. That came during a period after a very tragic event in my life. I spent

several years searching for what made sense to me, spiritually and

personally. I had lost the ability to find the purpose in my life. I wasn’t sure

why I was here or what I was supposed to be doing. I had begun to practice

meditation and study how our attitudes and beliefs attract similar

attitudes and beliefs, therefore affecting our life experiences as a whole.

Then I came across Wayne’s book, The Power of Intention, and it all flowed

together for me. It just made total sense. It spoke to the spiritual and

Rebecca Bales

religious questions I had then as well as those about my life in general. It

sent me down a completely new path of discovery. It was an incredible

transformation for me. There have been other great books similar to his,

but that was the one I found first. Now, I hope others will discover my

book and that the concepts and beliefs resonate as powerfully for them.

Wright

So what do you think are the biggest obstacles that people face in trying

to become successful?

Bales

I think the answer is in the question. People who are struggling to

become successful often focus too strongly on financial success and

recognition. People who become successful are people who are passionate

about what they are doing and are living lives filled with passion and

determination. These are two of the four very important keys to success.

Passion is number one because you must first understand who you are

and what inspires and ignites your actions. It is impossible to truly know

this unless you are a person who understands your core self. Once you

understand and have clarity around your core persona, you can define

what personal success is to you.

This moves you into self-awareness, which is the next step to success.

Self-awareness is knowledge and knowledge is wisdom. Having the

knowledge of how you show up in this world and being aware of your

actions and reactions is key to success in any situation. It gives you power

to handle any situation.

Then you move to the Power of Choice, the third key to success. Here

you make rational and logical choices, exercising your personal courage to

break through any limiting beliefs you may be harboring.

Finally, you reach the fourth key to success, Determination, where you

must find and exercise the mental toughness and resiliency you need to

pull you through the tough times.

We all know that there are some obstacles that will present themselves

along the way. Many of these we can be prepared for but many will come

out of left field. I call these life’s curve balls. These curve balls can either

knock us out of the program altogether, or we can learn to adjust. It is in

that adjustment that we find success beyond our imagination. We find it

when we are not really trying for success at all but are simply trying to stay

the course. Therefore, we end up crossing the finish line when our typical

reaction might well have been to crater and give up. This is when many of

us stop short of completing our goals. When we are in touch with our

passion and what our true self means, we are able to hear our call to action.

At this point, we can recognize our purpose. Once we are crystal clear on

ROADMAP to Success

this, then we simply need to engage our inner strength and courage to

make it all the way through the journey.

Some of us are born with a great deal of mental strength and

toughness. However, these are traits that can be learned and strengthened.

Courage and mental strength are like muscles—the more you use them,

the stronger they become. Remember, we all get thrown curve balls.

Success is about the accomplishment of a goal or dream. Once you can

make sure that dream or goal is in line with your true self, you are halfway

there. The other half is being ready for those curve balls along the way.

Using your determination will carry you through to the end.

So it is your passionate inner drive, fueled with your determination and

resolve, that will create your success without your focus on “being

successful.”

Wright

So do you have personal experience of this?

Bales

I have spent years searching for who I really was and what I ultimately

wanted out of my life; it’s not been an easy road for me. I would say it took

at least seven years.

I want to help others discover and follow the process to find out who

they are, what they’re passionate about, and then begin to realize their

purpose in life. It doesn’t have to take years; it may only take weeks, but it

is an ongoing process. I consider myself a passion pathfinder and to me

this is the road map to the soul. Finding your passion is where you find

true success because if you find your passion, you will be successful.

Wright

For me, now that I look back many years, I always thought success, in

the early years, was a accomplishing a goal and I would be successful when

I accomplished it. But the strangest thing happened to me. When I set a

goal, as soon as I start on it, it makes me happy, and I am successful. I act

as if I’m already there. Have you experienced things like that?

Bales

Absolutely. I think it’s when we break down our vision of success into

manageable steps, focusing on the goals and not merely the overall picture

of success. Baseball pitchers do the same. They focus not on throwing a no-

hitter or winning the game, but throwing a strike, getting the batter out.

Success, if you win at each of these key bases will follow. When we’re not

trying to be successful is when we become successful. It’s because you’re

really doing what you love to do at the time and that is what drives it.

Rebecca Bales

Wright

So with that in mind would you tell our readers a little bit about what

drives you to be successful?

Bales

Absolutely. For me it’s simple. I want to make a difference in the world,

I’ve always wanted to help others and that has been a dream of mine ever

since I was a little girl. I started out my life as a teacher and I loved the

experience of helping others find the way or see the light. I transitioned

over to the business world through coaching, consulting, and training, so I

used similar teaching methods in the corporate mode.

Seeing the proverbial light go off for people is what makes me tick. I

just love helping others see that path that took me long and difficult years

to find and that’s very gratifying.

Anything I can do that helps others shorten that time frame is deeply

gratifying.

Wright

Looking back on your professional career, what would you say would be

the biggest contribution to your professional success?

Bales

I’m very clear about that. I took a values clarification exercise at

another point in my life. I was not satisfied at all with my then current job.

Once I took this values clarification exercise and identified what was really

important to me, I understood why. I looked at the defining moments in

my life and how they helped to create who I am today. At that particular

moment it set me free because it gave me permission to leave the

profession that I had trained for, prepared for, and invested in greatly.

Getting “permission” that it was okay to leave and do something different

was huge for me—it set me free.

Wright

I remember when I was a sophomore in college that I started taking a

course called Values Clarification. The author was teaching it. I felt the

same way—as soon as I got it all together and figured it out, it became a lot

easier.

Bales

It does; it just becomes your internal compass and all your decisions

become easier and clearer. It really is amazing, it’s profound.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

So in your new book, Step Up to the Plate: The Power of Passion and

Determination, you say that passion and determination are the two most

important factors in success. How do these two things relate to success?

Bales

Oh, that’s a great question. I use a four-step process that I outline in

my book. It’s the process I went through myself. The process involves four

steps that are set around a baseball metaphor. I have worked through

these four steps with many of my coaching clients and workshop

participants.

It starts with discovering your passion; I call it “The Power of Passion.”

Then you move on to “The Power of Knowing”—knowing how you show

up in the world. It includes how you interact with others in three areas of

your persona—your underlying self, your everyday self, and your

overextended self. You then move to the third base, “The Power of Choice.”

Here you examine how your life is a series of your choices—even not

making a choice is a choice in itself.

Finally, you get to home plate, “The Power of Determination.” This step

involves the mental toughness and courage you need to persevere and

make it all the way. Passion and determination are the bookends to this

process and I feel they are the key drivers to success. Passion is what steers

your journey but determination is the fuel that drives you forward.

Determination is about your inner strength, it’s the resiliency, the drive,

the persistence and the attitude that you possess. You don’t necessarily

have to be born with these, but if not, you must learn and strengthen these

are things in order to be successful. Just remember you can learn and fully

develop these powerful forces within you.

The first three steps: passion, knowing, and choices can get you there,

but it’s the last one—forceful determination—will carry you through. It

will reveal itself, and in an instant make a difference between someone

who succeeds and someone who gives up. It’s the moment that we step up

to the plate.

Wright

So what made you want to write this book?

Bales

I have personally experienced the moment of getting knocked down

and hearing the tapes in my head telling me that I couldn’t succeed or

overcome this setback. My old reaction was to admit defeat. It’s that self-

limiting belief that creeps up when you least expect it. I’ve had that

Rebecca Bales

moment several times in my early career and I watched as others

experienced it.

One day I woke up and I realized I had control of those self-limiting

beliefs and imposed restrictions. I didn’t have to bow to their pressure. I

could stand up and step up. In that one instant I could choose another

path, push through, go forward, and make all the difference in the world. It

was truly the difference in my being successful or not, and I have seen it be

the pivotal point for others. It can determine whether they become

successful or not. So I wrote the book about what it takes to survive,

thrive, and persevere. That moment I speak of is the differentiating factor.

It’s that Step Up to the Plate attitude my book is based on.

It’s incredible when you narrow it down to think differently in one

moment, but that’s what it takes—that’s all it really takes. When you think

you’re beaten and you refuse to be beaten, you get up and you keep going.

You persevere with determination and you succeed.

Once I discovered that magic moment and I saw it work for me, I

started seeing it work for others. I wanted to tell everybody about it and

that’s why I wrote the book. Along the way, I had my doubts about being

able to complete it. I even had a discussion with a very wise writing coach

who told me to consider all the things to which I was committed. That

expanded on my previous list of passions and goals. I made a list, slept on

it, and got up the next morning and completed my book. It was in that

moment that I stepped up to the plate. So it takes being committed and

pushing through to make it happen.

Wright

Do you still work a lot on your passion or is passion something that is

in concrete from the beginning?

Bales

No, I think you always work on your passion. I think that just like your

values can change, depending on the different events that happen in your

life, your passions can change along the way as your life experiences affect

you.

Life is ever in a state of flux, never static. Clients I work with can have

huge life changes. They suddenly may have new family issues and don’t

want to travel with their jobs as they were before, or vice versa. So as

things shift, you have to constantly regenerate that passion. Sometimes it

is merely recharging; sometimes it is a change of focus. Your core values

can change along with your passions. It’s part of the reason I suggest that

my clients revisit their passions and their visions for their life on a regular

basis. Success is predicated on how we define our success, which is based

ROADMAP to Success

on how closely we are living our lives in congruence with our vision, our

passion, and our purpose.

Wright

I have always been told that I had to come up with my purpose and it

always scared me to death. It confused me more than anything else

because I find purpose in almost everything I do. So what is the message

you want people to hear so they can learn from your success?

Bales

I want them to know that they can be successful—anyone can do it.

First of all, they have to understand what success means to them. Then

they have to have the self-determination to know what drives them so

they can claim what they are passionate about. With passion, I mean their

values, their purpose, and their orientation to life—what’s important to

them? Is it money, is it family? What defines their filters?

Secondly, they have to know who they are and that includes their

strength and their vulnerabilities. If you know who you are, you can speak

your truth and you can speak it from the heart in a way that is not

emotional, but factual. So they have to understand how they show up in

the world. They have to know that they have choices; they can claim their

own choices and be bold about their decisions. But by not making a

decision, they’ve made a decision by default. So they may have to stand up

against what others think they should do, or should be, and look at what

they really want to do and who they really want to be.

Finally, it takes that determination of which I’ve spoken. It takes inner

strength—the intestinal fortitude to pick themselves up after they get

knocked down. It takes a positive outlook on life and their ability to

overcome obstacles and stay the course. Those things are key.

Wright

You mentioned in your book that success breeds success. How can

people help other people succeed?

Bales

This is simple, too

and core to this message. They can’t be afraid or

intimidated by the success of others, and many people are; but they have

to see success through the eyes of abundance. Success is abundant. It’s not

scarce or limited in any way. It’s because success is your happiness—it’s

your level of joy and happiness for the world, so there is plenty of that to

go around. If you could see me at this moment, you would see me with a

huge smile; it’s because this concept is what charges me. When others

succeed, you should be happy for them and supportive and helpful. In that

Rebecca Bales

manner, we should all give each other a hand up because we don’t have to

see it as something that is rationed. You can’t believe, “Oh, they get it and

now it’s gone and there isn’t enough for me.” That’s not the case and the

more someone is successful, the more success it breeds and the more we

can all share in everyone’s success. It’s not just for a select few, it’s for

everybody. The way I view it is, “step up to the plate and claim yours.”

Wright

So I know what an author and international speaker is, but I’m not so

sure about organizational consultants. Tell me what an organizational

consultant is and perhaps even give an example of how you have helped an

organization as a consultant enjoy more success or even reach success.

Bales

That’s a great question, David. An organizational consultant is somebody

who goes into an organization and works with them in different facets to

build organizational culture and to help them get aligned to their overall

strategy.

Most of the work I do with organizations is compatible with the

direction an organization is trying to go strategically, but occasionally it

involves a degree of cultural shift, such as when two companies are

merging. Most of an organization’s strategy revolves around its sales,

marketing, technology, staying at the forefront of their industry, and

“hard” skills as far as operations and timelines it needs to meet. I come in

more on the “soft” skill side because an organization is a body of people

and those people have to feel valued. They have to feel important to the

organization; they need to feel heard in order to be as highly productive as

they can be. As people understand and get passionate about their work,

they can get engaged in what they’re doing. The level of productivity for

that organization skyrockets. So that’s what I do—I help them find the

path to accelerated productivity.

Wright

I agree with you about the soft skills and that we’re all people. As I look

at my company, there are many different age groups represented here. I

have heard and I read so much about the different generations and how

we’re so culturally diverse. Since you’re a professional and work with

people do you find that there is that much division in the generations and

do you think they can all work together and learn from each other?

Bales

Absolutely. I think the key to generational issues is to help others

understand what the needs and the drivers are for the various generations.

ROADMAP to Success

They are very different and if you don’t understand that, you might look at

a particular generation and think they’re not getting on board with our

work ethic, or they dance to the beat of a different drummer so to speak,

and they do. They can be just as productive as any generation as long as we

understand, recognize, and value what their needs are and what is driving

them.

The younger generations in the workforce are just phenomenal with

technical skills. They can do so many things twice as fast as some of us

because of their comfort level and knowledge. If we can recognize this and

learn how to spur their creativity, then they can be huge contributors to

keep organizations thriving. We’re going to have a real issue coming up as

the Baby Boomers exit the workforce. They will leave behind a significant

vacuum in experience of conservative and measured values. The balance

they bring to operations and planning is of unlimited value.

I’m big on building a culture and structure that promotes mentoring

within organizations. It can be a dynamic and enlightening two-way street.

Because there are so many Baby Boomers and not enough Gen X’ers

behind them to step in and fill the more senior positions, within many

companies, it is a critical need. More importantly, Gen X’ers and younger

haven’t had the opportunity to developed certain skill sets to the same

levels as those acquired by the departing Baby Boomers. That’s going to be

a challenge all companies and leaders will be dealing with during the next

ten to fifteen years. How well those different generations integrate

together will have a major bearing on their level of success.

Success is measured differently by different people and generational

differences are a big element on the success scale, but people are all still

people. So remember, find your true self so that what you are doing

outwardly is in line with your heart. It is then when you will find your

purpose in life. When you are aligned with this purpose, your choices

become clear.

Step up and accept the challenges and choices in life, if they are in sync

with this alignment. Don’t worry about the success. It will come. Just be

determined to live your life in total harmony with the real you. Enjoy and

cherish every step of the way. The hard knocks lead us to the path we may

have never seen. See the opportunities these contain. Make your life the

best it can be. If not now, then when?

Wright

Well, what a great conversation. It makes me wish you were one of my

organizational consultants.

Bales

I’d love to; you know how to reach me!

Rebecca Bales

Wright

You sound like you know what you’re talking about. This has been a

real pleasure, Rebecca. It’s always a pleasure talking with you and I

appreciate your answering these questions.

Bales

It’s been a pleasure to be here again, David. Thank you so much.

Wright

Today I’ve have been talking with Rebecca Bales. Rebecca is an author,

an international speaker, and organizational consultant. Her recent book,

Step Up to the Plate: The Power of Passion and Determination, is a must read.

It helps people find the formula for personal and career success.

Rebecca, thank you so much for being with us today on ROADMAP to

Success.

Bales

Thank you David.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rebecca Bales is an author, international speaker,

and organizational consultant

leading experts in leadership and personal

development. Rebecca has held several senior level

positions in sales, organizational consulting, and

enterprise solutions for Fortune 500 companies in

the industries of pharmaceuticals, techno

retail, healthcare, and finance. She is a member of

Who’

s Who in Women Leaders, World Pulse: Global

Issues Through the Eyes of Women, Women for Women International, the

National Association of Women Business Owners, and the National

Association of Fe

male Executives. Her recently released book,

the Plate–

The Power of Passion and Determination,

their inner power and live the life of their dreams.

Rebecca’

s background is in Human Dynamics and Psychology with

graduate stu

dies in Organizational Development from the University of

Dallas. Rebecca is an adjunct faculty member for the Cox School of

Business at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. She has

achieved the prestigious certification as a professional mediat

Commercial Mediation from Seton Hall Law School in New Jersey and was

a senior consultant for the Attorney General

Rebecca is the developer and creator of the award

programs in leadership and teambuildi

ng, Bungles® and Teamship®, which

have been showcased nationwide.

Rebecca Bales is an author, international speaker,

and organizational consultant

. She is one of the

leading experts in leadership and personal

development. Rebecca has held several senior level

positions in sales, organizational consulting, and

enterprise solutions for Fortune 500 companies in

the industries of pharmaceuticals, techno

logy,

retail, healthcare, and finance. She is a member of

s Who in Women Leaders, World Pulse: Global

Issues Through the Eyes of Women, Women for Women International, the

National Association of Women Business Owners, and the National

male Executives. Her recently released book,

Step Up to

The Power of Passion and Determination,

helps readers to find

their inner power and live the life of their dreams.

s background is in Human Dynamics and Psychology with

dies in Organizational Development from the University of

Dallas. Rebecca is an adjunct faculty member for the Cox School of

Business at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. She has

achieved the prestigious certification as a professional mediat

or in

Commercial Mediation from Seton Hall Law School in New Jersey and was

a senior consultant for the Attorney General

’s Office, State of Texas.

Rebecca is the developer and creator of the award

-winning experiential

ng, Bungles® and Teamship®, which

Rebecca Bales

Lumina Learning US

St. Petersburg, Florida

888-827-8855

rebecca@rebeccabales.com

Chapter Four

THE C

AREERS

LOVE

FOR S

UCCESS

ARLENE

David Wright (Wright)

Today I am

talking with Marlene Haley, who holds a Master of

Counseling Psychology degree

and has achieved the Master Career

Counselor designation, one of the highest career counseling designations

in North America. She is also a Professional Cert

this credential from the International Coach Federation. Her passion is

helping executives and professionals with charting successful career paths.

She is the developer of the Careers You LOVE Model and has helped

thousands of people for

more than twenty

include: career planning, career testing, labor market research, job search

campaigns, salary negotiation, resume writing, education planning

self-employment.

In the business sector, Marlene ass

customized career management programs for employees navigating their

careers through corporate environments. Additionally, when a company is

going through organizational change, she provides outplacement programs

for terminated

staff to assist them in leaving the company and moving on

to new job opportunities.

Chapter Four

AREERS

YOU

ODEL

UCCESS

ARLENE

HALEY

talking with Marlene Haley, who holds a Master of

and has achieved the Master Career

Counselor designation, one of the highest career counseling designations

in North America. She is also a Professional Cert

ified Coach and has earned

this credential from the International Coach Federation. Her passion is

helping executives and professionals with charting successful career paths.

She is the developer of the Careers You LOVE Model and has helped

more than twenty

years. Her areas of expertise

include: career planning, career testing, labor market research, job search

campaigns, salary negotiation, resume writing, education planning

, and

In the business sector, Marlene ass

ists companies by providing

customized career management programs for employees navigating their

careers through corporate environments. Additionally, when a company is

going through organizational change, she provides outplacement programs

staff to assist them in leaving the company and moving on

ROADMAP to Success

Marlene is a foremost authority on career development and is a

frequent media advisor for television, radio, magazines, and newspapers.

As an expert in career success strategies, she has made presentations at

conferences, professional associations, and tradeshows. Marlene has also

served as a faculty member at a university and a college.

Marlene, welcome to ROADMAP to Success.

Marlene Haley (Haley)

Thank you. It’s nice to talk with you, David. I’m glad to be here.

Wright

You have had a great deal of success from offering career counseling to

executives and professionals for more than twenty years. From your

experience, what does the road map to success look like?

Haley

Typically, when we think of people becoming successful in their careers,

we think of a vertical career road map, or what some would call a “career

ladder,” where an individual works in a field, accepts a series of promotions,

and moves up one rung at a time until he or she reaches the top of his or

her chosen profession.

Achieving success using this road map is still common today, however,

new road maps have developed over the last two decades because research

shows that people experience an average of eight to ten career changes

during their life. Consequently, I have seen three new road maps emerge.

Lateral Career Road Map

The lateral career road map to success involves people moving in their

profession in a horizontal pattern, either moving through multiple

corporations or multiple industries, or some combination of both. Often

success is experienced by these individuals because they are exposed to the

excitement of variety.

Portfolio Career Road Map

The portfolio road map is best suited for individuals who are not

satisfied with just one job, so they pursue multiple full-time or part-time

positions simultaneously. They might have a “day job,” plus they

“moonlight” with one or two evening or weekend jobs. Typically this road

map is followed by start-up entrepreneurs, do-gooders who want to

contribute to society, or artists trying to break into their field. This road

map is appealing to individuals who want to follow their passions no

matter what it takes.

Marlene Haley

Hopscotch Career Road Map

The last pattern I’ve seen is what I call the “hop-scotch” road map. It’s

usually followed by thrill seekers who see life as an adventure and see

themselves as lifelong learners. Individuals “hop scotch” in and out of jobs

based on their personal interests and life circumstances. From the outside

it seems like career success is achieved through luck, however, upon closer

investigation, I’ve discovered that these individuals are usually very

proactive in creating a strong network of contacts. A solid base of contacts

often leads to interesting career opportunities.

In terms of which road map to success is best for a person, it’s

important to remember that no two people make their career decisions the

same way, and I believe that’s how it should be. Choosing a career and a

road map to success is giving yourself permission to be who you truly are.

Now, you might wonder why people need to give themselves

permission to be who they are and you probably think it should be as

natural as breathing. And for some folks it is. However, for many others,

they get caught up in following someone else’s dream for themselves or

they let “practical” considerations overshadow their dreams. Of course,

practical considerations definitely have merit but they do not speak to the

heart. We must accept the fact that our preferences, our interests, and our

desires are just not logical. They are often a mystery. We don’t ask why

people love chocolate, so why should we ask people why they love

engineering or social work? I believe that we need to accept that when it

comes to career choice, we sometimes may never know exactly why we

want what we want.

People often get free advice from well-intentioned family and friends

whether they ask for guidance or not. I usually inform my clients that

when they get serious about a career choice, they should not be surprised if

the people closest to them disagree with their decisions. Resistance from

others is sometimes a positive sign that means you are defining success on

your own terms and taking charge of your own career path.

I guess what I’m saying is that I believe there is no best road map for

success. If a career choice feels “right” and your gut says “go,” then the next

step is to test it out in the reality of the job market. I think it’s better for

you to pursue your dreams and learn from your experiences rather than to

give up on a career before you even start and then have regrets for not

giving your career dream a chance.

My role as a career counselor is to believe in my clients and encourage

the pursuit of their goals. Over and over again, it’s been my experience

that my clients can succeed even when others around them least expect it.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

How exactly can career counseling assist people along the road to

success?

Haley

The art of career counseling is the art of helping people to deeply hear

their inner voice, access their natural gifts and talents, and find the

inspiration to move themselves into action to achieve their career goals.

One of the most fundamental dimensions of career counseling is

helping you discover and build skills that you most like to use. Often you

know what your job accomplishments are but you get stuck trying to

identify the related transferrable skills. Career counseling helps you to

clearly articulate your skills and build the customized professional “career

vocabulary” necessary for resume writing, job interviews, and annual

performance reviews.

Once you can clearly identify your skills, the next step is values

clarification. Values clarification and transferrable skills identification go

hand in hand. Values clarification is a process of figuring out what’s really

important to you in a job and ranking your requirements. It usually

involves coming up with a list of specific criteria to evaluate career options

so you can make key decisions.

Giving information about labor market demand, job descriptions,

retraining programs, and salary ranges is also a major component of the

career counseling process. I think it’s important that career counselors not

just assist you with identifying your career passions, but also help you to

access up-to-date knowledge about current trends. With most of the

executives and professionals I work with, they get so busy with their own

job that sometimes they lose touch with what’s out there in the job

market. With lack of knowledge, they get stuck and sometimes stay in a job

too long. Getting timely, current career information can help you get

moving again and back on track.

Sometimes career counselors will set up opportunities for role playing

so that you can rehearse and practice skills such as interviewing for a job,

asking for a raise, or confronting a co-worker about on-the-job issues. Even

with savvy professionals, when it comes to talking about themselves in a

job interview or asking for more money, they often experience

performance anxiety, despite the fact that they are usually very competent

in their field. So, the rehearsal of possible scenarios gives them the

confidence to put their best self forward.

I believe that it is essential for career counselors to provide

encouragement and emotional support during the career counseling

process. Most of what you feel during a career counseling session is not

usually stated directly, therefore, an effective career counselor will

Marlene Haley

carefully listen to the feelings behind your words. As you identify your

feelings, you gain access to your passions and often this helps to pull you

out of your career doldrums and ignite new career possibilities.

Probably career testing and assessment is what most people think of

when they think about career counseling. A trained career counselor with a

Master of Counseling degree can administer and interpret both Level 1 and

Level 2 psychometric assessments. These tools can help you learn about

yourself as well as give you ideas about occupations you didn’t even know

existed. If a career counselor lacks a Master of Counseling degree, then

that counselor will be very limited in what tests he or she can administer

and interpret with you, so it’s always best to check out credentials before

contracting for services.

Helping you launch a job search campaign is another important aspect

of career counseling. Of course, job hunting is very different than it was

five to ten years ago because the Internet is used more than ever for job

searching. So, your career counselor should assist with helping you identify

the top online job posting sites for your industry and help you use social

media sites for networking. In addition to providing feedback for your

resume and cover letter, career counselors will also help you compose

LinkedIn profiles, professional biographies, and career branding messages.

Alternatively, if you don’t want to conduct a job search campaign, a career

counselor can help you identify feasible self-employment options and

acquire business skills. In both cases, your career counselor should be

helping you identify your career goals and facilitate concrete action steps

and progress.

What I’ve noticed in recent years is that when my clients finally figure

out what career they want and land a job, they often continue with career

counseling so that they can ensure on-the-job success. The first ninety

days of a new job is critical and, depending on your employment contract,

you could face termination if you don’t quickly get up to speed with your

new job responsibilities or don’t fit into the corporate culture. In order to

help you keep your job, career counselors will assist you in developing “star

performer” competencies. Typically, they will assist you with developing

and honing on-the-job skills such as: leadership skills, managing time,

supervising employees, enhancing creativity, managing stress, and

achieving peak performance.

So, as you can see, there are many ways that career counseling can

assist you with achieving success. If you want to ensure that you are

working with a trained professional, be sure to do your research and ask

about your career counselor’s credentials. Depending on where you live,

the field of career counseling may not be regulated. I usually advise

checking out professional associations for a list of credentialed career

counselors.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

In today’s tough economy, how do people follow their career dreams

but also survive and make a living?

Haley

With so much attention being paid to the state of the economy these

days, many companies reduce or otherwise restructure their workforce.

With this in mind, workers must prepare for a very competitive job

market. Job seekers must put themselves in employers’ shoes and ask

themselves, “What makes me so special that an employer will hire me?”

Workers are shortsighted if they think that all they need to do in

today’s job market is show up and perform their job duties. The real

challenge is to demonstrate to employers what they will gain if they bring

you on board.

I assist my clients in figuring out and clearly articulating how they will

add value to an organization. So, let me now share the criteria I know

recruiters and hiring managers look for when they conduct job interviews

and reference checks. In no particular order, they are:

Be a driver

In today’s economy, companies must react to constant market changes.

That means you have to be a driving force when a company changes

directions and be quick to realign yourself with new corporate goals and

objectives.

Be a change agent

Be a fast adopter of new company directives and develop a strong sense

of urgency. Employees who move slowly or who are resistant to change are

often left behind in the corporate dust.

Be an improviser

In a tough economy, organizations constantly shift priorities to stay

afloat. You must develop the ability to improvise with existing company

resources and devise new initiatives while keeping an eye on the big

picture. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Be a contributor

Challenging economic conditions require that all employees pull their

weight. Take ownership and consider how you can contribute to cutting

costs, building staff morale, raising funds, increasing customer satisfaction,

and building a positive company reputation. Be your own service center

and refuse to sit on the sidelines waiting for someone else to do it.

Marlene Haley

The bottom line here is that the “good ol’ days” are gone when

companies rewarded workers for putting in long hours, earning seniority,

or mastering technical skills. In a tough economy, above average

employees focus on outcomes and demonstrate results.

Remember, employers will compare you to other job candidates based

on your past track record. In the job market, it is your accomplishments

and your references from previous positions that will move you on or get

you stuck. Realize that jobs come and go but your reputation is invaluable.

Your reputation is your brand. Companies can’t afford to waste their

resources on an employee who only does what it takes to get by. It’s

essential in a tight labor market that you review your work history and

identify all your achievements so you can clearly articulate them to your

superiors. Typically this is easier said than done because most people are

too close to their work to be objective or they are too humble to notice

their greatness. That’s the value of working with a career counselor who

can help you with this.

Finally, the most important factor to remember when you’re competing

in a tight labor market is that when you love your career, it is easier to go

the extra mile to do whatever it takes to stay on top of your profession and

prove to employers you are worth hiring and keeping. Finding a career you

love is prudent because it gives you the stamina to persevere and do the

extras to stay competitive in your field of work. It’s just smart and

sustainable.

Wright

I understand that you’ve developed a model to help people with career

decision-making. Will you tell us about it?

Haley

After having worked with thousands of clients over the years, I

developed a user-friendly model to assist clients. I call it the Careers You

LOVE Model and it breaks career planning down into four steps.

Step 1

L = Learn About Your Career Assets

The knowledge of who you are must be developed before meaningful

work is discovered. I use traditional and innovative career exploration

activities to fuel your imagination, discover your talents, build on your

accomplishments, and determine your best career choices. Some of the

career counseling activities and techniques I use include: career testing,

written exercises and journaling, visualizations and creative activities,

specific how-to demonstrations, focusing and goal-setting exercises, and

strategic action planning.

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Step 2

O = Observe Current Career Trends

I believe that information is power. To accelerate the speed of your

career transition, I carefully select online and print resources to help you

with career planning. Up-to-date information is necessary for analyzing

current trends so that you can take advantage of today’s best career

opportunities. Some of the resources I use include: career directories and

encyclopedias, labor market information and trends, job classification

systems, company databases, industry forecasts, and salary survey reports.

Step 3

V = Value Your Inner Wisdom

Lack of confidence in yourself to achieve your career goals will impair

your efforts in having fulfilling and exciting work. As you move through

career transitions, it’s important to listen to your intuition or inner

wisdom and ignore the voice of your inner critic. Your inner critic is always

pessimistic and discouraging. I use a wide variety of career counseling tools

and techniques to help you avoid self-sabotage so you can move forward

with ease and confidence. Some of the negative internal blocks I help with

are: fear and procrastination, low motivation and energy, anger and frustration,

doubt and indecision, arrogance and pride, boredom and underemployment.

Step 4

E = Express Your Career Branding

Career transitions are often overwhelming due to the fierce competition

you may face in pursuing your career dreams. In today’s tight job market,

it’s essential that you identify and express your personal career brand to

give yourself a competitive edge and a sustainable labor market position. I

have seen that when you create a powerful career brand, you distinguish

yourself from the crowd of leaders and professionals with equally strong

qualifications. Some of the activities I help with include: identifying your

value proposition to organizations, launching a personal career visibility

campaign, defining your strategic message, and positioning your career

brand.

Wright

What are the winning attitudes for success?

Haley

I believe there are a number of winning attitudes that pave the way for

success. Each one can be developed over the span of your career and

sometimes you might find that at times some of them are more important

Marlene Haley

than others depending on what career stage you are in (for example, career

entry, midlife, or pre-retirement).

Patience

You must cultivate patience with your own journey and avoid the

temptation to compare yourself to others. If discovering a career you love

was easy, then everyone would have already done it. Although it is

important to be proactive with your career search, you must allow it to

unfold and do not force premature conclusions, otherwise you could end

up making mistakes under anxiety and pressure.

Acceptance

It’s essential that you recognize and fully accept your natural interests

and talents. Do not take your strengths for granted. Just because

something is easy for you doesn’t mean it is not valuable. When you take

notice of your unique gifts, you uncover helpful clues to finding a career

you love.

Willingness

You must be willing to change anything that is an obstacle and gets in

the way of pursuing your dreams. You may not know the exact steps to

take, but develop an attitude of willingness to do whatever it takes to find

career satisfaction. Remember that when you approach your work with

enthusiasm and eagerness, you usually find that it’s easier to find creative

solutions to problems.

Commitment

Be committed to becoming a lifelong learner in your chosen career but

don’t rely on your employer for professional development. Invest your own

time and money in improving yourself to become the best you can be in

your professional field. Always be in charge of setting the direction of your

career and aim for being a leader.

Focus

Stay focused on your own success. Fully experience the present and

take action toward your future. When you actively participate and engage

in each moment when you are at work, you influence what’s going on.

Focus and personal involvement leads to owning a bigger stake in creating

success.

Modesty

Strive to do your very best but don’t believe that you are irreplaceable.

Don’t take full credit for team projects. It’s acceptable to let colleagues

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know about your achievements through case studies, promotion bulletins,

or other such tools but it’s quite another matter to arrogantly brag. There

is not usually room for “divas” in the workplace.

Achievement

Break down your goals into manageable, bite-size chunks. Focus on

small tasks that you can and will do. Set deadlines. Savor the sense of

satisfaction that comes from achievement.

Optimism

Don’t put someone else in charge of your own morale at work.

Although you may do your best to surround yourself with positive people,

it’s impossible to avoid all people who are negative. Try to extend

compassion to those who are pessimistic but do not allow yourself to be a

doormat. Set appropriate boundaries and take care of yourself.

Humility

Despite your best attempts to become successful, sometimes you will

stumble. Seek out the advice of colleagues or a mentor. Ask for honest

feedback and try to learn from the career experiences of others who come

from generations different than your own. Recognize your shortcomings

and get support in managing them so they don’t create problems. Expose

yourself constantly to new ideas and approaches.

Gratefulness

Recognize your good fortune and take joy in counting your blessings.

Be deliberate in extending appreciation toward others you come in contact

with when you work. Acknowledge all the leaders in your chosen career

who have gone before you, and how their legacy has made it possible for

you to pursue your dreams now. Remember, what goes around comes

around.

Wright

Given the tight labor market these days, what are the best ways for

people to get jobs when they are unemployed?

Haley

First of all, I’ve noticed that among the people who get laid off due to

the economy, many of them see their unemployment situation as an

opportunity to pause and rethink what they really want out of their career.

In other words, they see their unemployment situation as a chance to do

some soul searching and figure out if they want to continue with their

career path or change tracks. Often they don’t want to be impulsive, taking

Marlene Haley

the next job that comes along and then get themselves back into a job they

really don’t enjoy. I recommend that if you are unemployed and you

choose to take a timeout period to figure out your next career move, you

should determine a specific timeframe and then stick to it, so that a couple

of weeks or months doesn’t turn into a year or more.

Once you know where you want to go with your career and you’ve

defined your goals, then the next step is to launch a job search campaign.

It’s been my experience that most people are not strategic in their job

hunt. There are many job search methodologies you can use and it’s critical

to use only the ones that are best suited for your specific job objective,

otherwise you are wasting your time and money.

So, one of the first exercises I ask my clients is how much annual salary

they want in their next position. Then I ask them to calculate their

earnings on a monthly, weekly, daily, and hourly basis. From there, they

can figure out the real cost of every month they are unemployed, every

week they are unemployed, every day they are unemployed, and every hour

they are unemployed. My clients report that this number crunching

exercise motivates them to stay strategic and not waste time on

unproductive job-hunting methodologies.

Some of the most common job hunting methodologies that I’ve seen

job seekers use include:

• E

xecutive recruiters

• I

nternet job postings

• Social media Web sites

• Professional journals

• Resume/cover letter mass mail outs

• The telephone “Yellow Pages”

• Cold calling employers

• Private employment agencies

• Networking

• Volunteering (e.g., board of directors)

• Post-secondary alumni services

• State/federal unemployment services

• Newspaper ads

Choosing which job search methodologies are best for you depends on a

number of factors including: your occupation, industry, sector (private,

public, non-profit), level of education, years of experience, and ideal job

level.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met clients who

were completely frustrated with job hunting only to find out they were

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using the wrong job search methodologies. Unfortunately, by the time they

came to see me they were experiencing what I call “job search burnout” and

felt exhausted, as well as desperate. So, it’s critical from the outset of a job

search campaign that you define a specific job goal and the best job search

methodologies. Don’t get caught in a negative job search cycle of

unproductive busyness.

If the circumstances around your becoming unemployed was stressful

or if your termination was a shock or if the last time you conducted a job

search was longer than five years ago, it’s important to make sure that you

don’t aim too low in your job search. Believe it or not, I have seen many

times when people go out for an interview and they return happy even

though they did not get the job! I think this is because they really didn’t

want the job in the first place since they felt it was beneath them. So, you

should always aim for a job you want at the level you want, then go after it

with all you’ve got. In the end, genuine interest and excitement in a job

you love will often impress a prospective employer and you’ll increase your

chances of getting a job offer.

Another factor that should be considered when you are unemployed

and looking for what you want to do with your career is self-employment.

If you are out of work, and you can’t find a job anywhere, many people use

their unemployment situation to turn their dream of starting a business

into reality. If you’ve ever wondered about becoming a consultant, an

independent contractor, or a freelancer then you might think, “It’s now or

never.” I recommend that you spend time figuring out what kind of

business to start and ask yourself some key questions:

Key Questions to Ask If Considering Self-Employment:

• W

hat have you always dreamed of doing?

• What transferrable skills and knowledge could you bring to the

business? What new skills and knowledge would you need to

learn?

• Can you start the business during evenings and weekends and

then expand your hours?

• Is there a product or service that is missing in your community? Is

there a product or service in your community that could be

improved? How would your business be different from existing

businesses in your community?

• Have you invented something that you would like to take to

market?

• W

hat would your ideal customer/client look like?

• What goals would you have for the company (are they specific,

measurable, realistic)?

Marlene Haley

• How do you feel about marketing and selling to prospective

clients/customers? What skills would you need to learn to feel

more comfortable?

• Do you have a supportive network of mentors, colleagues, and

friends who can help you compensate for your business

weaknesses or lack of experience?

• W

hat would it take to get started (finances, equipment,

employees, etc)? What risks are involved? How much profit

could you make? Are you willing and capable of writing a

business plan?

When I work with clients thinking about self-employment, I usually

recommend that they do an Entrepreneurial Assessment. The results of

the assessment show how your answers compare to proven, successful

entrepreneurs. It’s a quick and helpful way to find out if you have what it

takes to make it as a successful businessperson.

The last approach I want to mention when people are trying to find a

job in a tight economy is retraining. Going back to school is a huge

investment in time and money, and when I say money, I mean money for

tuition and money in lost earnings if you attend full-time studies. So, it’s

not a decision to be taken lightly. I recommend talking to a campus advisor

and asking a lot of questions. Take notes and compare programs at

different educational institutions.

Key Questions to Ask If Considering Retraining:

Career and Academic Services

Does the institution help students get jobs after graduation? What

career services are available to students (assessment, resume writing,

interview rehearsals)? Can students get references from professors? What

percentage of students find work in their field? What academic services are

available (tutoring, essay writing, exam preparation, etc.) and what is the

cost?

Accreditation and Reputation

What type of accreditation does the institution hold? When was it

granted and when is it up for renewal? What are the credentials of

instructors? What is the maximum number of students in each class? How

many students have successfully graduated from the program?

Fees

What are the fees for tuition, books, computer software, library usage,

etc? What tuition increases are projected in the next few years? What are

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the costs if a student starts but chooses to leave the program before

completion? What type of student financial aid is available?

Sometimes people make a lot of naïve assumptions about how retraining

will assist them with dealing with their unemployment situation. For

example, many of my executive and managerial clients wonder about doing

a MBA, thinking that the degree will resolve their unemployment situation.

My recommendation to them is to make a list of five to fifteen ideal

employers and then use LinkedIn to network into these companies to talk

to the hiring managers and ask how much weight they give candidates who

have an MBA. Many have been surprised at the varied answers they receive

and often it depends on the occupation, industry, and sector.

The bottom line is that you want to know this information before you

invest your time and money into going back to school and not just make

uninformed assumptions.

Wright

What are the most common mistakes people make while traveling

along the road to success?

Haley

The road to success is most often not straight. As most people know,

it’s usually bumpy and has a few twists and turns.

Low self-esteem is like a traffic loop that causes career confusion on the

road to success. When you allow yourself to let your self-esteem get low,

you end up seeing yourself as smaller than you are and you believe that all

career counseling tools and techniques will work for everybody except

yourself. You usually isolate yourself and wrestle with your career

problems under the delusion that you are the only one who has such

complicated career problems and concerns.

A victim mentality is like a big obstacle you need to cut through on the

road to success. When you see yourself and career through the lens of a

victim mentality it interferes with your self-empowerment because you

avoid taking responsibility for how your career is turning out. You get

caught up with blaming others and you don’t learn valuable lessons from

past mistakes. Usually you continue making mistakes but the consequences

get more severe.

A desire for “the big easy” is a sure fire way to get hurt by speed bumps

on the road to success. Often in a desperate attempt to mimic the fast-

forward movement of career success, you act impulsively and eventually

you end up backtracking to your original confusion because you were so

shortsighted. You want the quick fixes and the shortcuts without having to

do all the hard work of figuring out who you truly are and what career you

really want. Remember, you reap what you sow.

Marlene Haley

Indulgence in distractions is like worthless detours on the road to

success. When you allow yourself to procrastinate with distractions, you

inadvertently lose faith in yourself. As you lose the connection to your

career priorities, you feel disoriented and you constantly get lost. Common

distractions include running out of time at the end of the day for career

planning and job-hunting activities, oversleeping and overeating, or

helping others more than yourself. Ultimately you indulge your fear by

clinging to what’s familiar.

When you catch yourself making these common mistakes, it’s

important to get back on the road again and start anew. I recommend that

you take some time to define an immediate, attainable goal related to your

career. Next, find someone, perhaps a friend or a career counselor, to hold

you accountable for breaking down your goal into specific tasks with

deadlines. Lastly, take time to celebrate all your small steps of progress

with acknowledgement and fun little rewards. Make a firm decision that

you and your career really matter, and that you deserve success.

Wright

Are there any roads to success that clients should avoid and not take?

Haley

First of all, I believe that no matter what road a client takes to achieve

career success it can be valuable if it can be used to learn from mistakes.

That said, there is one road that has negative consequences, not only

on your career, but also on your relationships with others and your well-

being. It’s the road of workaholism. Unfortunately, workaholism is

prevalent in our society and it’s insidious because it’s an addiction that

often gets rewarded by companies through promotions, higher salary, and

praise. Outwardly, you seem successful but inside you are left hollow and

empty.

Workaholism is an obsessive-compulsive disorder and it is not the same

as working hard. Workaholics crave attention and they seek it out in the

workplace. Often they are overachievers, have control issues with

delegation, and are not good team players. They also use work as an

avoidance tactic to escape from dealing with anxiety, low self-esteem, or

intimacy issues with significant others. Typically they ignore feedback

from bosses, colleagues, and family members because they are in denial.

Some of the symptoms of workaholism include: working too much

overtime (including evenings and weekends), taking little or no vacations,

and sacrificing quality time with family and friends. On the job they tend

to under-perform despite putting in longer hours. It’s the scenario where

they seem busy but they are not necessarily productive.

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I usually recommend that clients seek therapy to treat this addiction.

As well, many have found that the twelve-step program, Workaholics

Anonymous, has been valuable in getting their life and their health back on

track. Probably the biggest regret workaholic clients report is the lost time

with loved ones due to toxic lifework balance. As with all addictions,

workaholism gets worse with time so seeking help in the early stages can

save you many years of unhappiness.

Wright

I notice that you call yourself a Master Career Counselor. Will you tell

us more about that?

Haley

Master Career Counselor is a professional designation that is granted

by the National Career Development Association. It’s one of the highest

designations in North America that one can achieve in the career

counseling field. In order for me to earn this designation, I had to complete

a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, with a supervised practicum

and years of post-master’s experience in career counseling. As well, I had to

complete university coursework in six competency areas that included:

career development theory, individual/group assessment, individual/group

counseling skills, information/resources, diverse populations, and

ethical/legal issues.

Along the way to becoming a Master Career Counselor, I’ve had the

good fortune of being mentored by some of the leading experts in the field

including Dr. Norman Amundson and Dr. William Borgen. I am very

grateful to them for the opportunity to be their research assistant while I

pursed my master’s degree. I was involved with many research projects

including: the study of career counseling techniques, the psychological

effects of job insecurity on employees, the psychological impact of

unemployment on youth, and a comparison of termination procedures for

laid off workers.

When I did my undergraduate studies (I have a Bachelor of Arts in

Sociology), I experienced firsthand the benefits of career counseling from

Nancy Kendall who was a university campus career counselor. She was my

first career counselor and she exemplified excellence in demonstrating to

me what an effective career counselor must embody. In fact, the university

later established a professional association award in her name for

exceptional and unwavering service.

Looking back over the years, my work has also been influenced by

volunteerism. I’ve been on the board of directors for a national counseling

association and I’ve participated in committee work. But probably some of

the most rewarding volunteer work I’ve done was with Mother Teresa’s

Marlene Haley

Sisters of Charity in the United States, Canada, and Mexico. When I finally

met Mother Teresa in 1989 at her mission in Tijuana, I saw firsthand the

importance of kindness in the service of others. Mother Teresa once said,

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” Her

powerful example has always inspired me in my work as a career counselor.

Wright

Do you have any final words to help our readers achieve success?

Haley

It’s important to not give up on yourself. I believe you must find work

you love. Recently, I’ve been thinking about how short life is and, on

average, how much of it we spend working. So, I did some calculations and

if we consider that an average working week is forty hours, then that

equates to 1,960 hours per year if annual holidays are deducted. That’s

22.4 percent of our lives, not including any overtime that we may be

required to complete. Now, let’s assume that the average person begins his

or her working life at age twenty-one (after post-secondary education) and

retires at sixty-five. That’s a career that spans forty-four years. If we use

the same forty-hour working week, we arrive at a figure of 91,250 hours!

Since your work is going to probably encompass a large part of your life,

the way to find satisfaction and be productive is to do work that you find

personally rewarding. So, if you have not found work you love, you must

keep searching. Never lose hope. Be courageous. Be gentle with yourself

and keep searching. Most of all, listen to your heart and I believe that it

will lead you to a career you love.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marlene Haley has a unique background in

career counseling and coaching that informs the

assessment and guidance she offers her clients.

She is the developer of the Careers You LOVE

Model t

hat turns the seeming complex process

of career decision making into four easy

understand steps. Now, with more than twenty

years of professional career counseling

experience, she has designed customized career

planning and job search programs for thous

of executives, managers, and professionals.

In today’

s challenging economy, companies turn to Marlene to develop

outplacement programs for terminated employees. Her insights and

recommendations about the labor market and her practical job search

recom

mendations assist unemployed individuals to quickly land new jobs.

Marlene is a frequent media advisor and regularly contributes to

newspapers and magazines, as well as television and radio. She has also

served as a faculty member at a university and a col

Speaking on topics related to career management and transition,

Marlene has made presentations at conferences, tradeshows, professional

associations, networking clubs, and women

“inspiring”

are the two words most often us

hear her speak.

Marlene holds a Master of Counseling Psychology

Graduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology. During her graduate studies,

she was a research assistant to two distinguished professors, Dr. Norman

Amunds

on and Dr. William Borgen, who are leading experts in the field of

career development. As a university research assistant, she conducted

research on multiple topics related to career development including: the

study of career counseling techniques, the psy

insecurity on employees, the psychological impact of unemployment on

youth, and a comparison of termination procedures for laid off workers.

As a firm believer in lifelong learning, Marlene has earned multiple

credentials and des

ignations throughout her professional career including

one of the highest career counseling designations in North America,

Marlene Haley has a unique background in

career counseling and coaching that informs the

assessment and guidance she offers her clients.

She is the developer of the Careers You LOVE

hat turns the seeming complex process

of career decision making into four easy

-to-

understand steps. Now, with more than twenty

years of professional career counseling

experience, she has designed customized career

planning and job search programs for thous

ands

of executives, managers, and professionals.

s challenging economy, companies turn to Marlene to develop

outplacement programs for terminated employees. Her insights and

recommendations about the labor market and her practical job search

mendations assist unemployed individuals to quickly land new jobs.

Marlene is a frequent media advisor and regularly contributes to

newspapers and magazines, as well as television and radio. She has also

served as a faculty member at a university and a col

lege.

Speaking on topics related to career management and transition,

Marlene has made presentations at conferences, tradeshows, professional

associations, networking clubs, and women

’s groups. “Enthusiastic” and

are the two words most often us

ed by audiences who come to

Marlene holds a Master of Counseling Psychology

degree and a

Graduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology. During her graduate studies,

she was a research assistant to two distinguished professors, Dr. Norman

on and Dr. William Borgen, who are leading experts in the field of

career development. As a university research assistant, she conducted

research on multiple topics related to career development including: the

study of career counseling techniques, the psy

chological effects of job

insecurity on employees, the psychological impact of unemployment on

youth, and a comparison of termination procedures for laid off workers.

As a firm believer in lifelong learning, Marlene has earned multiple

ignations throughout her professional career including

one of the highest career counseling designations in North America,

Marlene Haley

Master Career Counselor, from the National Career Development

Association). Marlene’s executive coaching credentials include: Professional

Certified Coach (International Coach Federation), Advanced Certified

Executive Coach (College of Executive Coaching) and Certified Professional

Coach (College of Executive Coaching). To stay up-to-date with career and

job trends, Marlene has completed specialized certifications: Certified Job

and Career Transition Coach, Certified Job and Career Development

Coach, Certified Business Development and Marketing Coach and Certified

Professional Resume Writer. She is also a member of Career Directors

International.

And yes, she loves her career!

Marlene Haley, MCC

Master Career Counselor

Careers You Love, Inc.

888-602-2974

www.careersyoulove.com

ISCOVER

INNER R

ESOURCE

DR. D

EEPAK

David Wright (Wright)

Today we are talki

ng to Dr. Deepak Chopra, founder of the Chopra

Center for Well Being in Carlsbad, California. More than a decade ago, Dr.

Chopra became the foremost pioneer in integrated medicine. His insights

have redefined our definition of health to embrace body, mind

His books, which include,

Quantum Healing, Perfect Health, Ageless Body

Timeless Mind, and

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,

international bestsellers and are established classics.

Dr. Chopra, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

. Deepak Chopra (Chopra)

Thank you. How are you?

Wright

I am doing just fine. It’

s great weather here in Tennessee.

Chopra

Great.

Chapter Five

ISCOVER

YOUR

ESOURCE

EEPAK

CHOPRA

ng to Dr. Deepak Chopra, founder of the Chopra

Center for Well Being in Carlsbad, California. More than a decade ago, Dr.

Chopra became the foremost pioneer in integrated medicine. His insights

have redefined our definition of health to embrace body, mind

, and spirit.

Quantum Healing, Perfect Health, Ageless Body

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success,

have become

international bestsellers and are established classics.

ROADMAP to Success

. Deepak Chopra (Chopra)

s great weather here in Tennessee.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

Dr. Chopra, you stated in your book, Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps

to Reverse Aging, that it is possible to reset your biostats up to fifteen years

younger than your chronological age. Is that really possible?

Chopra

Yes. There are several examples of this. The literature on aging really

began to become interesting in the 1980s when people showed that it was

possible to reverse the biological marks of aging. This included things like

blood pressure, bone density, body temperature, regulation of the

metabolic rate, and other things like cardiovascular conditioning, cholesterol

levels, muscle mass and strength of muscles, and even things like hearing,

vision, sex hormone levels, and immune function.

One of the things that came out of those studies was that psychological

age had a great influence on biological age. So you have three kinds of

aging: chronological age is when you were born, biological age is what your

biomarker shows, and psychological age is what your biostat says.

Wright

You call our prior conditioning a prison. What do you mean?

Chopra

We have certain expectations about the aging process. Women expect

to become menopausal in their early forties. People think they should

retire at the age of sixty-five and then go Florida and spend the rest of

their life in so-called retirement. These expectations actually influence the

very biology of aging. What we call normal aging is actually the hypnosis of

our social conditioning. If you can bypass that social conditioning, then

you’re free to reset your own biological clock.

Wright

Everyone told me that I was supposed to retire at sixty-five. I’m

somewhat older than that and as a matter of fact, today is my birthday.

Chopra

Well happy birthday. You know, the fact is that you should be having

fun all the time and always feel youthful. You should always feel that you

Dr. Deepak Chopra

are contributing to society. It’s not the retirement, but it’s the passion

with which you’re involved in the well being of your society, your

community, or the world at large.

Wright

Great things keep happening to me. I have two daughters; one was born

when I was fifty. That has changed my life quite a bit. I feel a lot younger

than I am.

Chopra

The more you associate with young people, the more you will respond

to that biological expression.

Wright

Dr. Chopra, you suggest viewing our bodies from the perspective of

quantum physics. That seems somewhat technical. Will you tell us a little

bit more about that?

Chopra

You see, on one level, your body is made up of flesh and bone. That’s

the material level but we know today that everything we consider matter is

born of energy and information. By starting to think of our bodies as

networks of energy information and even intelligence, we begin to shift

our perspective. We don’t think of our bodies so much as dense matter, but

as vibrations of consciousness. Even though it sounds technical, everyone

has had an experience with this so-called quantum body. After, for

example, you do an intense workout, you feel a sense of energy in your

body—a tingling sensation. You’re actually experiencing what ancient

wisdom traditions call the “vital force.” The more you pay attention to this

vital force inside your body, the more you will experience it as energy,

information, and intelligence, and the more control you will have over its

expressions.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

Does DNA have anything to do with that?

Chopra

DNA is the source of everything in our body. DNA is like the language

that creates the molecules of our bodies. DNA is like a protein-making

factory, but DNA doesn’t give us the blueprint. When I build a house, I

have to go to the factory to find the bricks, but having the bricks is not

enough. I need to get an architect, who in his or her consciousness can

create that blueprint. And that blueprint exists only in your spirit and

consciousness—in your soul.

Wright

I was interested in a statement from your book. You said that

perceptions create reality. What perceptions must we change in order to

reverse our biological image?

Chopra

You have to change three perceptions. First you have to get rid of the

perceptions of aging itself. Most people believe that aging means disease

and infirmities. You have to change that. You have to regard aging as an

opportunity for personal growth and spiritual growth. You also have to

regard it as an opportunity to express the wisdom of your experience and

an opportunity to help others and lift them from ordinary and mundane

experience to the kind of experiences you are capable of because you have

much more experience than they do.

The second thing you have to change your perception of is your

physical body. You have to start to experience it as information and

energy—as a network of information and intelligence.

The third thing you have to change your perception on is the

experience of dying. If you are the kind of person who is constantly

running out of time, you will continue to run out of time. On the other

hand, if you have a lot of time, and if you do everything with gusto and

love and passion, then you will lose track of time. When you lose track of

time, your body does not metabolize that experience.

Dr. Deepak Chopra

Wright

That is interesting. People who teach time management don’t really

teach the passion.

Chopra

No, no. Time management is such a restriction of time. Your biological

clock starts to age much more rapidly. I think what you have to really do is

live your life with passion so that time doesn’t mean anything to you.

Wright

That’s a concept I’ve never heard.

Chopra

Well, there you are.

Wright

You spend an entire chapter of your book on deep rest as an important

part of the reversal of the aging process. What is “deep rest”?

Chopra

One of the most important mechanisms for renewal and survival is

sleep. If you deprive an animal of sleep, then it ages very fast and dies

prematurely. We live in a culture where most of our population has to

resort to sleeping pills and tranquilizers in order to sleep. That doesn’t

bring natural rejuvenation and renewal. You know that you have had a

good night’s sleep when you wake up in the morning, feeling renewed,

invigorated, and refreshed—like a baby does. So that’s one kind of deep

rest. That comes from deep sleep and from natural sleep. In the book I talk

about how you go about making sure you get that.

The second deep rest comes from the experience of meditation, which

is the ability to quiet your mind so you still your internal dialogue. When

your internal dialogue is still, then you enter into a stage of deep rest.

When your mind is agitated, your body is unable to rest.

Wright

I have always heard of people who had bad eyesight and really didn’t

realize it until they went to the doctor and were fitted for lenses. I had that

ROADMAP to Success

same experience some years ago. For several years I had not really enjoyed

the deep sleep you’re talking about. The doctor diagnosed me with sleep

apnea. Now I sleep like a baby, and it makes a tremendous difference.

Chopra

Of course it does. You now have energy and the ability to concentrate

and do things.

Wright

Dr. Chopra, how much do eating habits have to do with aging? Can we

change and reverse our biological age by what we eat?

Chopra

Yes, you can. One of the most important things to remember is that

certain types of foods actually contain anti-aging compounds. There are

many chemicals that are contained in certain foods that have an anti-aging

effect. Most of these chemicals are derived from light. There’s no way to

bottle them—there are no pills you can take that will give you these

chemicals. But they’re contained in plants that are rich in color and derived

from photosynthesis. Anything that is yellow, green, and red or has a lot of

color, such as fruits and vegetables, contain a lot of these very powerful

anti-aging chemicals.

In addition, you have to be careful not to put food in your body that is

dead or has no life energy. So anything that comes in a can or has a label,

qualifies for that. You have to expose your body to six tastes: sweet, sour,

salt, bitter, pungent, and astringent because those are the codes of

intelligence that allow us to access the deep intelligence of nature. Nature

and what she gives to us in bounty is actually experienced through the

sense of taste. In fact, the light chemicals—the anti-aging substances in

food—create the six tastes.

Wright

Some time ago, I was talking to one of the ladies in your office and she

sent me an invitation to a symposium that you had in California. I was

really interested. The title was Exploring the Reality of Soul.

Dr. Deepak Chopra

Chopra

Well, I conducted the symposium, but we had some of the world’s

scientists, physicists, and biologists who were doing research in what is

called, non-local intelligence—the intelligence of soul or spirit. You could

say it is the intelligence that orchestrates the activity of the universe—

God, for example. Science and spirituality are now meeting together

because by understanding how nature works and how the laws of nature

work, we’re beginning to get a glimpse of a deeper intelligence that people

in spiritual traditions call divine, or God. I think this is a wonderful time to

explore spirituality through science.

Wright

She also sent me biographical information of the seven scientists who

were with you. I have never read a list of seven more noted people in their

industry.

Chopra

They are. The director of the Max Planck Institute, in Berlin, Germany,

where quantum physics was discovered was there. Dr. Grossam was a

professor of physics at the University of Oregon, and he talked about the

quantum creativity of death and the survival of conscious after death. It

was an extraordinary group of people.

Wright

Dr. Chopra, with our ROADMAP to Success book we’re trying to

encourage people to be better, live better, and be more fulfilled by listening

to the examples of our guest authors. Is there anything or anyone in your

life who has made a difference for you and has helped you to become a

better person?

Chopra

The most important person in my life was my father. Every day he

asked himself, “What can I do in thought, word, and deed to nurture every

relationship I encounter just for today?” That has lived with me for my

entire life.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

What do you think makes up a great mentor? Are there characteristics

mentors seem to have in common?

Chopra

I think the most important attribute of a great mentor is that he or she

teaches by example and not necessarily through words.

Wright

When you consider the choices you’ve made down through the years,

has faith played an important role?

Chopra

I think more than faith, curiosity, wonder, a sense of reference, and

humility has. Now, if you want to call that faith, then, yes it has.

Wright

In a divine being?

Chopra

In a greater intelligence—intelligence that is supreme, infinite,

unbounded, and too mysterious for the finite mind to comprehend.

Wright

If you could have a platform and tell our audience something you feel

would help them and encourage them, what would you say?

Chopra

I would say that there are many techniques that come to us from

ancient wisdom and tradition that allow us to tap into our inner resources

and allow us to become beings who have intuition, creativity, vision, and a

connection to that which is sacred. Finding that within ourselves, we have

the means to enhance our well-being. Whether it’s physical, emotional, or

environmental, we have the means to resolve conflicts and get rid of war.

We have the means to be really healthy. We have the means for being

economically uplifted. That knowledge is the most important knowledge

that exists.

Dr. Deepak Chopra

Wright

I have seen you on several primetime television shows down through

the years where you have had the time to explain your theories and beliefs.

How does someone like me experience this? Do we get it out of books?

Chopra

Books are tools that offer you a road map. Sit down every day, close

your eyes, put your attention in your heart, and ask yourself two

questions: who am I and what do I want? Then maintain a short period of

stillness in body and mind as in prayer or meditation, and the door will

open.

Wright

So, you think that the intelligence comes from within. Do all of us have

that capacity?

Chopra

Every child born has that capacity.

Wright

That’s fascinating. So, it doesn’t take trickery or anything like that?

Chopra

No, it says in the Bible in the book of Psalms, “Be still and know that I

am God”—Psalm 46:10.

Wright

That’s great advice.

I really do appreciate your being with us today. You are fascinating. I

wish I could talk with you for the rest of the afternoon. I’m certain I am

one of millions who would like to do that!

Chopra

Thank you, sir. It was a pleasure to talk with you!

Wright

Today we have been talking with Dr. Deepak Chopra, founder of The

Chopra Center. He has become the foremost pioneer in integrated

medicine. We have found today that he really knows what he’s talking

ROADMAP to Success

about. After reading his book, Grow Younger, Live Longer: 10 Steps to

Reverse Aging, I can tell you that I highly recommend it. I certainly hope

you’ll go out to your favorite book store and buy a copy.

Dr. Chopra, thank you so much for being with us today on ROADMAP

to Success.

Chopra

Thank you for having me, David.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Deepak Chopra has written more than fifty

books, which

have been translated into many

languages. He is also featured on many audio and

videotape series, including five critically acclaimed

programs on public television.

novels and edited collections of spiritual poetry

from India and Persi

selected Dr. Chopra as one of the Top 100 Icons

and Heroes of the Century, describing him and

alternative medicine.”

Deepak Chopra has written more than fifty

have been translated into many

languages. He is also featured on many audio and

videotape series, including five critically acclaimed

programs on public television.

He has also written

novels and edited collections of spiritual poetry

from India and Persi

a. In 1999, Time magazine

selected Dr. Chopra as one of the Top 100 Icons

and Heroes of the Century, describing him and

“the poet-prophet of

Dr. Deepak Chopra

The Chopra Center

2013 Costa del Mar Rd.

Carlsbad, CA 92009

[email protected]m

www.chopra.com

Chapter

A J

OURNEY TO A

PLACE

HERE

CHERYL W

ASHINGTON

David Wright (Wright)

Today we’

re talking with Cheryl

education/social entrepreneur and management consultant with a

tenacious spirit, passi

on for people, and a zeal to serve the underprivileged.

She has been a career educator for

twenty

and management consultant

for more than five

budget of twenty

million dollars. She attributes her succe

inspired vision, her servant leadership style, and management expertise.

Inspired mentors and role models have challenged her to blaze a trail, to

dare to be different, and to reach outside the box. Her favorite pastime is

turning problems into opportunities.

Cheryl, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Cheryl Washington (Washington)

Thank you very much, David.

Chapter

Six

OURNEY TO A

ALLED

HERE

ASHINGTON

re talking with Cheryl

Washington. Cheryl is an

education/social entrepreneur and management consultant with a

on for people, and a zeal to serve the underprivileged.

twenty

-six years and an entrepreneur

for more than five

entities with a combined

million dollars. She attributes her succe

ss to a God-

inspired vision, her servant leadership style, and management expertise.

Inspired mentors and role models have challenged her to blaze a trail, to

dare to be different, and to reach outside the box. Her favorite pastime is

ROADMAP to Success

Cheryl Washington (Washington)

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

So, given your background and experiences, how do you spell success?

Washington

Success is an attribute of a person who has received great counsel. My

favorite motto is, in the multitude of counselors there is safety. With wise

counsel, determination, and courage, a person is able to achieve and

produce with success by first being prepared and equipped in the right

season of life. “When you are planted in the right place, in the right season,

your roots are deep and things just seem to happen!” “Everything your

hands touch becomes of success.” So success comes by way of being ready,

having the character to handle success, and being willing to serve other

people and empower them with the things you have inside you.

Second, wise counsel coupled with prudent actions, ground a character

to sustain success. And, thirdly, a willingness to serve others by imparting

and empowering them for success is success waiting to happen. Success is,

therefore, spelled out in an outward showing of:

• Blessing (fruitfulness)

• Prosperity (value)

• Happiness (fortune)

Wright

Obviously many doors have been opened for you. How did you

overcome the obstacles and break through the barriers that blocked your

way?

Washington

I believe that people should work together as a team because when you

team with people, it makes your dream come alive. I believe in strategic

alliances, I believe in partnerships, and I believe in building capacity. In

doing so, it’s not all one person who creates or makes things happen—

together we make the difference.

Teamwork strengthened me to overcome obstacles and break through

the barriers; teaming with people made the dream come alive. I believe in

strategic alliances and partnerships. I believe in building capacity; in doing

so, it is not just one person who creates or makes things happen. “Together

we make the difference!” (

Shekinah, 1999)

Cheryl Washington

Wright

How has being a double minority in many of the cities you impacted

attributed to your success?

Washington

I just believe in being in the right place at the right time during the

right season. Being a double minority as female and an African American

has opened many, many doors for me based on the fact that it just

happened to be a season where diversity was what was going on in that

place at that time and they needed more minorities. I just happened to be

there at that particular time. Right timing eliminates wrong action.

Being a double minority has its advantages. In a season and time when

diversity is being highlighted and gender and race are given more attention

than normal, minorities tend to flourish, just because they happen to show

up at such a time! The clarion call for more minorities or women

positioned me for greatness and for purpose. Many doors were opened to

me. There was a need for people with my gifts, talents, gender, and race. I

just happened to be in the right place, at the right time. Now, I can say like

Queen Esther, “Perhaps I have come to the kingdom for such a time as

this!”

Wright

Will you share how inspired vision and wisdom guided you to

greatness?

Washington

Well, I do believe that any vision connected to people is an inspired

vision—when it is clear. Then I pray for wisdom in order to be able to

implement the vision, of course. I do believe that any vision that is

inspired and is given to you and that has people connected to it also has

provisions that have already been appointed to you before the vision is

even implemented.

Vision, gives sight, structure, and discipline for the mission. “Without a

vision, people cast off all restraint” (Proverbs 29:18). They perish (fail) and

not prosper (achieve). An inspired vision always has people attached or

connected to it. And, wisdom is the road map or action plan to

accomplishing any mission and authenticating any vision.

ROADMAP to Success

Both inspired vision and wisdom have ordered my steps and directed

my path for success. I was disciplined by godly principles, I practiced

ethical behavior, and I exhibited moral leadership and character in

everything I did to accomplish the mission and vision put before me. There

were periods when the vision was tested for authenticity by barriers and

challenges. Revisions were made to make sure I was following instructions,

and provision had to be discerned accurately and with caution. Because of

discipline, structure, and order that was outlined in the vision and acted

upon with wisdom, challenges became opportunities and barriers became

new markets and ground for potential business success.

Wright

Where do you find the courage to conquer ground that others dare not

go?

Washington

The spirit of a conqueror believes he or she can do all things through

Christ who strengthens them (Philippians 4:13):

• mountains become insurmountable and not bridges waiting to

be crossed

• barriers become blockades and not ground to be possessed or

markets to be penetrated

• challenges become problems, not opportunities undiscovered

• goals go unaccomplished and dreams become sleeping giants

Wright

So what part does passion play in your endeavor to be different and

reach outside the box?

Washington

My passion is my drive. I believe that having a passion for something

means that you have more than just a thought about it—you have a feeling

that is very much a burden to some extent, with a “must do” agenda. My

only motive is to do something about what I am thinking. For me, that is

reaching outside the box to: uproot traditional patterns and practices that

have been proven failures, disrupt the status quo, and restore the free-will

and choice needed to innovate and make a difference in life. Passion is that

fire that ignites the flame to:

Cheryl Washington

• fire up my dream and make it reality

• act fervently to bring about change

• impact the lives of others, transform systems, and contribute

something of value to my society and the world

Wright

Will you elaborate for our readers what drives your success and how

you maintain that pace while sustaining a profit?

Washington

Yes, very carefully and cautiously. What normally drives me is my

passion and love for people. I love to serve people and help them meet

their needs. “I believe I have not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark

10:43). As a servant leader, I try to do just that. Therefore, because I’m

driven by my passion, I’m always looking for an opportunity to meet

another’s need; and there are many needs in society that are not met,

obviously. So, when I see a person getting ahead in life because of

something that I was able to contribute to his or her life, it encourages my

passion and drives me to go even further. Supplying others’ needs and

being a resource for others drives my success. This brings many social

benefits for the giver and receivers, adds value to lives, and makes for

healthy profits. Maintaining that pace becomes as natural as breathing and

sustaining a profit is the legacy built by replicating a practice that benefits

more than self. To me, this is an example of sharing and caring.

Wright

As a servant leader, whom do you serve and how do you serve to ensure

success is achieved?

Washington

As an educational/social entrepreneur and management consultant, I

serve my clients, students, and partners by teaching, training, mentoring,

and advising. When I am sharing valuable information, my desire is to

please and add value. To my partners, I am a “trusted advisor.” To my

students, I am a “supplier and technician.” To my clients, I am added value.

Success is achieved when those I serve are satisfied, gain, prosper, and in

turn, make recommendations that keep me in business.

ROADMAP to Success

Wright

What would you say contributed to your success personally and

professionally?

Washington

Personally, I have had the opportunity to travel around the world and

to many of the states in the United States. As a result, I have an increased

awareness of international issues and I have a global perspective. In

addition, experience in life has taught me many things and brought me in

contact with a variety of people and cultures.

For example: Living abroad in Turkey and Hawaii has taught me how to

respect other cultures and appreciate the freedoms I have in my country

and culture. Being under martial law while serving on a tour of duty in the

Air Force with my former husband in Incirlik, Turkey, and having to live

for two years bound by curfews and cultural norms as an American adult,

helped me to identify with the real comforts of freedom and liberty offered

in the United States and by Christ. I received one of the greatest

revelations of all time. There are parts of the world that are not free.

This

let me know that it is time to be more than successful; it’s time to reach for

significance by helping others be freed up for success.

Also, having personal spiritual insight gives me purpose and a call. My

beliefs and convictions have guided and protected me through many

challenges, crises, and victories. “Righteousness [really does] exalt a

nation” (Proverbs 14:34a). To many, this may mean being correct or an

expert; to me, it means being upright in character and noble in my actions.

When we stand for what is right, a nation or people or group is lifted up

and raised to a “higher standard.”

Professionally, I have prepared myself to be marketable in a competitive

society. I have taken advantage of opportunities to be educated, replicated,

and dedicated.

For example: I have been positioned in education for a purpose!

Twenty-six years of loyal service as a career educator proves my loyalty and

shows that I am committed to a cause bigger than I. Having a social

responsibility to uphold the integrity of the profession, I have been

instrumental in helping to raise the standard for public accountability and

financial transparency in the public education system. I have bloomed

where I was planted.

Cheryl Washington

When it was revealed that the Texas public school system was in

trouble because of funding and failure, I chose to carefully evaluate the

system, accept the facts, and rather than cover them, I sought an

opportunity to make a change. I chose to stay in Texas and stand and fight

for the social justice of all Texas students, which was my moral imperative,

and effect change in the system. Dedicated to my students and state, I got

tired of hearing the negative and set out to produce the positive by

becoming an entrepreneur of learning who dared to be different and

pioneered a move to create a new school system. I helped turn a failure

upside down and around and made the word “failure” spell “success”!

Wright

So how exactly have you invested your many talents to ensure a return

on your investments?

Washington

Well, I endeavor to invest my talents in people. I do this by making a

deposit in people and their lives. Again, I am a people person and endeavor

to impact the lives of people. I share with others what I know and who I

am. Those who receive with good intentions what I share with them are

empowered and can therefore empower others, leaving a legacy for

generations to come.

Wright

Is there one particular person in your life to whom you give credit for

helping to launch your dream and spur you to action?

Washington

There are many who have added value by making a rich deposit in my

life. However, my father is given the credit for influencing my life and

showing me how to dream big. He was a hard worker, faithful husband,

and a daddy who qualified to be a good father.

For example: Every evening when I was growing up, I recall sitting at

the dinner table and talking about our day. My father’s favorite words

were: “You can do anything you set your mind to, just have gumption!”

When report card time rolled around, he would review them with a

magnifying glass and then state: “You may be something one day with

these grades” or “This is not education material.” We knew what he meant.

ROADMAP to Success

He encouraged excellence and discouraged mediocrity and sloth. He didn’t

believe there was a generation gap, just rebellious children who chose not

to listen to wise counsel. That’s why I believe wise counsel is the formula

for success.

When my father passed on, I looked for his attributes in those who

fathered me spiritually and motivated me, and mentors (faith, family, and

tenacity).

Wright

Being a pioneer and having a path different from many, how do you

describe the legacy of success you leave behind?

Washington

I have found over the years, having an entrepreneurial spirit and

blazing a trail for others, that I was chosen to “dig the ditches” and to “till

the soil,” so to speak. Others can follow in my footsteps to success and they

won’t have to fall in the same holes. “A Good Man leaves an inheritance for his

children’s children.” By transferring this entrepreneurial spirit into the

next generation, many will receive the seed to plant new foundations, dare

to be different, and implement change. They will know their genealogy and

forefathers who paved the way and made it possible. And, with great honor

and fortitude, I believe they will do all in their power to continue this story

for those who follow behind.

Wright

Who are some of the people you trust to give you counsel and how are

you prepared and equipped for the journey you are on?

Washington

I only receive counsel from those with proven track records. Godly

counsel keeps me. Wise businessmen or businesswomen who have attained

success and profited from the wise counsel of others in their lives are those

I choose to learn from. They have been in the field and know the do’s and

don’ts of the profession or business. And though I don’t want to be a copy

or clone, I know the value in standing on the premise of a solid foundation.

Those roots are deep. I act as a branch that continues to grow from a

foundation that is rooted and grounded in good works!

Cheryl Washington

Wright

A wise man told me one time that if I were walking down the road and

saw a turtle sitting up on a fence post that I could bet he didn’t get up

there by himself.

Washington

Oh that’s good. No one is an island. We all have to start from

somewhere and have a starting point.

Wright

So who helped you along the way? I know you’ve talked about teachers,

but who formed the person you are today?

Washington

God shaped me and formed me for a purpose. Many have crossed my

path by divine design and helped me by opening doors, believing in me and

my vision, and bringing out of me what I could not see.

Spiritually, my leaders in the ministry have held me accountable to

biblical principles and values. Professionally, mentors have empowered and

encouraged me to conquer, and personally, the crises I have experienced have

taught me many valuable lessons that I can pass along to others.

Wright

How would you title a message for others who hope to accomplish at a

level of greatness?

Washington

I would title it “The Best is Yet to Come.” When people are encouraged

to do their best to create and make a difference, I would encourage them to

never forget those who have inspired them to move forward. In their

teachers is something that is now a part of them. What they have learned

will expand their vision and increase the vision they now have.

Wright

So what can be written to describe your life of success for others to

study?

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100

Washington

My passionate pursuit to serve others drove me to success because self-

sacrifice, sharing, and caring leave great rewards.

Wright

Those are great words.

Washington

Thank you.

Wright

So lastly, what’s up for Cheryl Washington in the future?

Washington

I’m looking forward to continuing to work with people and expanding

my businesses and opportunities to create. I believe that my proven

success of laying the foundations of many nonprofit and for-profit

organizations has opened the way for other people to not only create

opportunity for themselves, but to expand on what we have created.

Entrepreneurs produce after their own kind, so I see the spirit spreading in

the young and old, male and female. I see a future of entrepreneurs and

intrapreneurs ready to make a change in our now stagnant economy, to

offer social benefit, value, and wealth that will strengthen our economy

and create new businesses, new jobs, and new ways of doing things with

better results.

I see myself somewhat as a midwife sometimes as I help people to give

birth to their dreams and not give up on them. Sometimes I see myself as a

surgeon, waking the sleeping giant that is inside each of them and making

it happen.

To sum it all up, I just want to make a difference in the lives of others

so that they can make a difference—period!

Wright

What part has faith played in your life?

Cheryl Washington

101

Washington

A tremendous part. Faith has been my substance, activator, and power

to shake things and make things. By faith, I have been able to see:

• obstacles as bridges that need crossing

• barriers as pathways to the future

• mountains leveled, uprooted, and moved

• people in need of great opportunity

• Each person as God’s gift, each to the other

• Miracles never seen before performed before my very eyes

Wright

Well, what a great conversation. I’ve really enjoyed it and learned a lot.

I’m sure that our readers will also.

Washington

Thank you so much for allowing me to share my heart and my passion

with you. I hope it will blaze a trail for many to follow and turn on the light

in many lives.

Wright

I appreciate you taking all this time to answer these questions. This will

be a good chapter for the book.

Washington

Well, thank you.

Wright

Today we’ve been talking with Cheryl Washington. Cheryl is the

Founder and CEO of four nonprofit organizations and one for profit

organization, created to help educate people and economically develop

communities. She has grown from one entity with twenty-five consumers

to five entities with sixteen satellite operations in ten cities, eight

counties, and two states in the United States. She attributes her success to

her passion for people, entrepreneurial spirit, and servant attitude.

Cheryl, thank you so much for being with us today on

ROADMAP to

Success.

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102

Washington

Thank you, David, once again. God bless you.

103

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Cheryl Washington, founder and CEO of Shekinah

Learning Institute, is an educational/social

entrepreneur

with management expertise in

organizational change and development. Having

established

the foundation for sixteen charter

school campuses, an educational foundation, an

early childhood learning center, and consulting

firm, Dr. Washington is an inspiring community

leader who seeks allies to create opportunity and

wealth, transform organizati

ons, and add value to benefit the lives of the

disenfranchised. She has been proven successful in each endeavor

undertaken. From her humble beginnings as a law enforcement official and

through many lessons learned, she has attained the rank of a successful

minority businesswoman who not only produces, but reproduces by

replicating her successes in others, thereby leaving a legacy.

103

Cheryl Washington, founder and CEO of Shekinah

Learning Institute, is an educational/social

with management expertise in

organizational change and development. Having

the foundation for sixteen charter

school campuses, an educational foundation, an

early childhood learning center, and consulting

firm, Dr. Washington is an inspiring community

leader who seeks allies to create opportunity and

ons, and add value to benefit the lives of the

disenfranchised. She has been proven successful in each endeavor

undertaken. From her humble beginnings as a law enforcement official and

through many lessons learned, she has attained the rank of a successful

minority businesswoman who not only produces, but reproduces by

replicating her successes in others, thereby leaving a legacy.

Cheryl A. Washington

Shekinah Learning Institute

Deja’ Discovery Learning Centers

Legacy Educational Foundation

Kingdom Impact Consulting, LLC

12470 Woman Hollering

Schertz, Texas 78154

(210) 945-2207

Electlady47@aol.com

www.shekinah-edu.com

104

105

Chapter Seven

BE L

EGENDARY

JAMES C

ARTER

David Wright (Wright)

Today I am

speaking with previous collaborative author James Carter,

e Founder and CEO of Be Legendary.

change the world one action, one person, one moment at a time.

Be Legendary has worked with a diverse clientele, from corporate and

philanthropic entities, down to the everyday individua

teams, and organizations to reach their legendary potential.

James, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

James Carter (Carter)

Thank you, David. I appreciate the opportunity to offer my own road

map.

Wright

Now that you mention it, what is

your

Carter

Before I begin giving you details about my particular

to first define our destination—s

uccess

The success I am describing is the ultimate success we have in life

legacy. What are we leaving behind?

How do you leave behind a legendary

life? And where do you start?

Chapter Seven

EGENDARY

ARTER

speaking with previous collaborative author James Carter,

e Founder and CEO of Be Legendary.

Be Legendary is an idea that will

change the world one action, one person, one moment at a time.

Be Legendary has worked with a diverse clientele, from corporate and

philanthropic entities, down to the everyday individua

l, enabling leaders,

teams, and organizations to reach their legendary potential.

ROADMAP to Success

Thank you, David. I appreciate the opportunity to offer my own road

your

road map to success?

Before I begin giving you details about my particular

road map, I want

uccess

The success I am describing is the ultimate success we have in life

—our

How do you leave behind a legendary

ROADMAP to Success

106

Creating that legendary legacy is the success I am speaking about—the

destination on my road map. However, you cannot have that legendary

legacy without Being Legendary throughout life. So I will concentrate on

what you can do to be legendary every day of your life

Wright

Okay, that’s great to know for our readers. Tell us about your road map.

Carter

I also want to be absolutely clear—what do I mean when I say “Be

Legendary”? I mean having the courage to take action based upon your

core beliefs to make a positive difference in the world around you.

Be Legendary is:

Not about being better than anyone else.

Not about glory or fame.

Not a goal to achieve.

Be Legendary is our own personal evolution. It is the discovery and

rediscovery of the very best of who we are, and who we can be.

Wright

I can’t wait to hear more about your road map!

Carter

A few years ago I began researching “Legendary” people—Mother

Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi—to see how they accomplished so much

in life, were able to leave such an incredibly legacy, and what they have in

common. If there are commonalities, can they be learned?

It was and incredible process as I studied all of these amazing people

and was continually inspired by what was possible.

Then one day I was surfing the Internet looking for information on

legendary people I may not know. I found an article with the most amazing

story. It goes like this:

The Janitor Story

A few years ago, a young reporter noticed his little town had completely

filled up with people one day—the town was packed with cars and people

were everywhere. Every extra bedroom had a relative or two in it, hotel

rooms were booked, and restaurants were packed. He checked the

calendar. No holiday, no festival, no parade. What was going on?

James Carter

107

He began asking around and quickly found out that everyone had come

into town to attend a funeral. So he began asking more questions.

After talking to more than a dozen people, he heard a similar story—

they were attending the funeral of a man they barely knew and most had

only known for a short time. And yet these people had travelled from all

over the world when they heard the news of this mystery man’s passing. In

fact, almost ten thousand people had come to town that day to pay their

respects.

Who was this funeral for? Was it someone who changed the country? A

movie star or musician? Someone extremely wealthy?

As it turned out, the man had worked in this small town, in the same

place, for forty-five years. He worked in a middle school and these were all

students who had passed through the school in those forty-five years,

most only knowing him for three.

The reporter then naturally asked what this person did at the school.

Was he a principal, a favorite teacher? No he was not. He was, in fact, the

janitor at the school.

Somehow, without any direct authority, this man was able to affect

thousands of young people and leave such an effect that they left their

lives and family for a few days and journey to see him.

It’s almost staggering to think of what he accomplished. But if almost

ten thousand people actually attended the funeral, just imagine how many

were not able to make the trip!

After reading the article, I was amazed at the influence someone like

that can have. Several days later I had an epiphany that was like seeing the

first star come out after sunset. This man, this janitor, was legendary! But

very much like after seeing the first star, I began seeing everyday legendary

people everywhere! And now I had a number of people I could speak to

about what they have done, how they have done it, and why.

Of course, a common denominator was that not a single one of them

would accept the idea that he or she was legendary!

Stop and think for a moment. Picture in your mind a legendary person

in your life like the janitor. We

all have at least one person in our lives like

this. While we talk about Be Legendary, I want you to keep that person in

mind and see if they fit.

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108

Wright

I can think of a couple of people who are simply amazing and seem to

infect everyone around them with positive energy and yet, are just like you

and me.

Carter

Exactly! If you look around for more people like that, you will begin to

see them everywhere, just like I did—stars after sunset.

Well, through the process of speaking with so many legendary people,

both famous and non-famous, I realized they have all mastered three areas

of their lives. To make it simple, we call this the ABC’s of Being Legendary:

Awareness

Beliefs

Courage

Wright

Will you be taking us through the ABC’s as part of your road map?

Carter

Absolutely. As luck would have it, they are the road map!

So let’s begin with A, which stands for awareness. There is a constant

battle for our awareness. Many entities are trying to get us to pay

attention—advertisements, commercials, politicians, even the news.

Unfortunately, the easiest way to grab and hold our attention is by getting

us to focus on negative “stuff.” Not only do we have the media throwing

negative images, videos, and stories at us constantly, we have all been

trained since we were very young to focus on the negative.

Wright

We have been trained?

Carter

Yes, look at our education system. Beginning in first grade, children get

their homework back with red marks all over, highlighting what they have

done—wrong. Our educational system helped us to be acutely aware of

what we were doing wrong.

What might happen if we highlighted all the answers children get right?

How different might our education system be?

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109

But our training begins even before we enter our education system. A

few years ago, researchers put recording devices on five-year-old children.

They found that as much as 90 percent of the time, communication

surrounding these children was negative:

How bad things are,

Who is to blame,

What was done wrong and

What not to do.

From the time we were small children, we were taught to be more

aware of the negative. This continued through our lifetime up to and

including today. We are experts at being critical and analytical, exposing

faults, and debunking arguments. We have been taught to find problems

and fix them, then repeat!

This alone is not a bad thing. In fact, it is an incredibly powerful tool

and a strength many possess and use very well. However, if we use this all

the time and we use nothing else, it becomes a weakness.

As I said before, seeing legendary people was like seeing stars after

sunset. At first, I was trained to see other people’s mistakes and errors.

Once I began to focus on the great things people were doing, I began to see

it everywhere and a starlit sky emerged. And you know what? If felt

good! I

began a few years ago to retrain my awareness and intentionally see more

of the great things people are doing.

That does not mean I don’t see the negative. I do! I simply don’t spend

any energy focusing on the negative. This takes practice at first, but

becomes easier because it feels good.

We are now seeing many people shift, as I have, and focus on what we

really want—to see a world filled with amazing people doing amazing acts

and creating legendary lives.

One key to your shaping your awareness is to understand what you

want. Focus on what you want.

Let me give you a couple of examples of what I am speaking about.

Sports psychology is a great example, as they have actually been

focusing on awareness and what you want for some time.

In an experiment, people were taught how to bowl—knocking down

ten pins with a large, heavy ball. They were divided into two groups and

videotaped. One group was shown videotapes of their successes. The other

group was shown videos of their mistakes. Who do you think improved?

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110

Wright

Well, I am guessing the group shown successes improved.

Carter

You are half right. Both groups improved! However, the group shown

their successes improved twice as much as the other group. This is a key

point. Focusing on the negative and what you get wrong achieves results.

However, focusing on what we want, and our successes, achieves much

more.

This idea is now used in every sport and in every coaching situation and

we understand now what affect our vocabulary has on us as well.

In golf, coaches teach students to imagine

and say to themselves, “hit

the ball in the fairway,” instead of “don’t hit the ball into the trees.”

So the words we choose are critically important to our success and a key

part of our awareness. Words reinforce our thoughts.

The golfer who pictures the fairway but says to himself, “Don’t hit the

ball into the water,” only really mentally hears, “Hit the ball into the

water.” Where does the ball go? You know the answer—right where he told

it to go and in the water.

You may see now that consciously controlling our awareness is critical.

The research with the five-year-olds and our education system clearly

shows us how we have been essentially

trained to see the negative and

when we focus upon that, how easy it is to miss the opportunities to Be

Legendary.

So then, the question is how do I retrain my awareness? You can begin

to control your awareness by carefully selecting what you are paying

attention to:

• Are you looking at your successes versus mistakes?

• What do you automatically see in other people?

• What vocabulary are you using? Are you using positive vocabulary?

You don’t need to stop doing everything, but begin making small

changes to reduce negative messages and emotion in your life.

Wright

For now, for argument’s sake, let’s just assume that you were consciously

controlling your awareness. What is next?

James Carter

111

Carter

I am so glad you asked because that is exactly where I was going. This

brings us to B, or Beliefs. In a classic study that is now called the

Pygmalion Effect, researchers told teachers that certain students had

unusually high potential for success in school. The children were, in fact,

selected at random. Several months later, the chosen few were far

surpassing their classmates. Why? The teachers gave the high potential

students a little more attention, a little more encouragement and these

were in line with the teachers’ expectations.

The students own self-image had changed based upon the teacher’s

belief. The

belief of the teachers had become the student’s reality. In other

words, beliefs create reality.

The application for this is everywhere. There is very little about human

behavior, including our beliefs that are set in stone and unchangeable. So if

beliefs create our reality, it is incredibly important to know which are most

important to us and spend time on them.

Here is the critical question to think about: what are your beliefs? And

are those beliefs truly your own? Are they something you adopted from

someone, typically our parents? Or were taught?

I cannot stress how important this is if you want to lead a legendary

life. You will not recognize opportunities to act unless you first know

which are valuable. Take the time and write down what your deepest

values and beliefs are and I think you will surprise yourself at what you

find. We simply don’t spend time thinking about them and yet, our beliefs

drive everything we do.

We have created what we call the Legendary Intent. Our Legendary

Intent is created by completing a simple, yet powerful, sentence: “If I

accomplish nothing else in this life, I will—”

Wright

A challenging statement. Can you give me an example?

Carter

Yes, it is a challenging statement. Another way to think about it is to

picture your headstone at your grave. The completion to this sentence

could be on your headstone. Let me give you an example.

I worked with an executive recently who was struggling with the morale

of her company and specifically, her core group of executives. She had a

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112

core belief that “joy” was incredibly important in life. After some introspection

and coaching she realized her Legendary Intent was: “If I accomplish

nothing else in this life, I will create joy in the lives of those around me.”

She decided that if “I created joy in the lives of those around me” was

written on her headstone, she would be thrilled with that.

She had a strong belief that her humor was great strength. Looking at

her executives, she realized that neither she, nor her staff, laughed very

much at work. Using her Legendary Intent as a filter, her “daily mission”

was to find one opportunity to make someone laugh every day—just one.

What she found was that there were far more opportunities than she ever

realized and just like stars after sunset, she began to see them everywhere.

Just a few months later, the culture in her staff had completely

changed and, indeed, the informal culture of the company was changing.

Everyone was taking cues from her!

Wright

Wow, that is incredible. So knowing our Beliefs and using that to create

our Legendary Intent creates a filter through which we see the world. Is

that right?

Carter

Absolutely. We are essentially creating new lenses to filter in all the

things we want. We will still see the negative things, but once you begin

seeing this new world, you will want to keep the lenses on!

Wright

So I am betting that since we covered Awareness and Beliefs, the A and

B, that Courage is next!

Carter

Right you are! When we know our Beliefs and have our Legendary

Intent firmly in place, we essentially have a filter through which we see the

world. We become Aware of opportunities to act. There is only one thing

left to ensure action—Courage.

There are many different kinds of courage. Typically, we think of a

physical action like soldiers in wartime. But that is just one kind of

courage. Let me tell you a story as an example of one kind of courage.

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113

Very recently, while looking for a non-profit partner for one of our

philanthropic programs, we ran across a young man named Kyle Weiss.

Kyle went to Europe at thirteen to see the FIFA World Cup and met a

number of fans from Angola. He came home deciding to ship cleats and

soccer balls over to Africa.

However, someone said, “Wait, don’t they need fields?,” and FUNDaFIELD

(www.FUNDaFIELD.org) was born. Kyle and his brother Garrett recruited

thirty other young people in junior high and high school and helped them

see why they should care about other kids their age on the other side of the

world. They all raised money the hard way, many times one cupcake at a

time.

What is truly remarkable is that as a young teenager, Kyle had travelled

to Africa, negotiated with local politics, construction companies and staff,

and schools where they built the fields. He dealt with local corruption,

facilitated community meetings, and communicated with international

organizations to make the fields a reality.

Now eighteen and just graduating high school, Kyle has been to Africa

seven times and built eight fields—all in different countries. He has also

developed leadership within FUNDaFIELD so that when he goes to college

this fall, the organization will stay strong and continue to build fields.

Do you see the Be Legendary pattern in Kyle’s actions?

1. Awareness – He became aware there was a problem for

children in Africa to play soccer without shoes, a field, and

even no balls.

2. Belief – He believed he could have an effect upon the problem

3. Courage – He says it really was not courage, he was just doing

what he does.

Most of us stop at the Awareness area—we see and/or become aware of

a problem or challenge and let it go at that. But because of Kyle’s passion

for soccer and strong belief that every child should be able to play, courage

was not really a factor—it was almost a given. It was just something that

had to be done. Without knowing it, Kyle was living his Legendary Intent. I

cannot wait to see what he accomplishes moving forward.

Wright

Obviously an amazing person—young or not! I see the courage it must

have taken for him to even fly over to Africa.

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114

Carter

While Kyle’s story is filled with obvious courage, there is one aspect of

courage that that is incredibly challenging and is not obvious—telling

yourself the right story. He could have not acted because he told himself a

different story:

• “I am too young to make a difference.”

• “No one will listen to me because I am a kid.”

• “They will think I am just some American with money telling

them what to do.”

• “I will do something after I graduate from college.”

Have you said something like that to yourself? I have. It is easy. And

self-defeating. These are limiting stories and keep us from taking action

when that is exactly what we need and want to do.

We run an activity with executives to help them experience how easy it

is to not tell ourselves the right story. In this activity, partners pair up and

are told to draw a picture of each other in sixty seconds.

During the sixty seconds you can hear them laughing and saying things

like:

“I am

so sorry.”

“This is terrible.”

“Please don’t be offended!”

“How awful!”

Why? Why are they awful? Because their experience automatically

compares your sketch to the Mona Lisa, right?

I think we can agree the picture I draw of my partner is not a da Vinci!

But should I really be comparing myself to da Vinci? Can I only be proud of

my sketch if it compares to a professional artist?

The same is true when it comes to legendary people. I meet and

interview legendary people (who I believe are legendary). When I suggest

they are legendary (by our definition above), they all say the same thing,

“Not me! Someone else maybe, but not me.” Not a single person has said

they were legendary. And I have met some truly legendary people. Humility

is a common characteristic of legendary people.

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115

Think of the janitor. If you walked up to him and said he was legendary,

what do you think he might have said? He would have thought it was

ridiculous!

Do you know what first-graders do after I ask them to draw a picture of

their partner? They stand up, proud as can be to show off their pictures:

“Look at mine!”

“Mine is

awesome!”

“SaaWeeet!”

And they clap and cheer for each other’s drawings, each one of them a

da Vinci. They have not learned they are not artists, yet.

Remember, Be Legendary is not about being the best, or even better

than someone else. Be Legendary is you at your best and having the

courage to act upon your Legendary Intent.

What is the right story to tell yourself? “This is the very best drawing I

can do in sixty seconds with the artistic skill that I have. I am proud of it.”

Have the courage to hold your artwork up high, have the courage to tell

yourself the right story, and have the courage to believe and say, “I can be

legendary, too.” When you do that, you are harnessing your courage in a

way that makes taking action very simple.

Wright

The ABC’s of Be Legendary is a fantastic model for creating the life you

want. I am wondering how, in our busy lives, do we possibly remember to

follow the ABC’s and take action?

Carter

Consider the U.S. penny, the smallest form of currency. Pennies are the

most common man-made item on Earth. There are more than 130 billion

pennies in existence today and 6.5 billion in circulation—in our pockets, in

cash registers, and even laying on the ground.

There are so many pennies that many times we don’t even see them. If

you are like me, when I do see them on the ground, I am so busy I don’t

even take the time to bend over and pick them up. And why not? Because

they simply are not valuable enough.

But they do have value, don’t they? What is each penny worth? One

cent—1/100th of a dollar. If you add up one hundred cents, you’ll get a

dollar. And dollars can add up.

I will take those 6.5 billion pennies! Just dump them on my driveway

and I will roll them and everything!

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116

And if I were to look through the 6.5 billion pennies carefully, I would

find tens of thousands of pennies that are actually worth real money—

more than a penny and in most cases worth $10 or more.

In fact, the most valuable penny in circulation today is valued at

$35,000. I don’t know anyone, not billionaires, who would walk by a

$35,000 penny.

How do you find a valuable penny? Three things:

You have to be Aware of the pennies.

2. You have to know what a valuable penny looks like (Legendary

Intent – what is valuable to you) and Believe that every penny

has value.

3. You have to act – take the extra two seconds it takes to pick up

the penny and risk people possibly thinking you are crazy

(Courage) for picking up pennies.

So what do these valuable pennies look like? I have no idea. I really

don’t! What interests me is how pennies are like acts that make a

difference. An act that makes a positive difference in the world is just one

act—one penny. Some acts are more valuable than others—a valuable

penny—but still just one act. It is the accumulation of pennies, and acts,

that is important, not any single act.

There are around 6.5 billion pennies in existence in the world today.

There are around 6.5 billion people on Earth. In essence, we are all just a

penny. The difference is, we get to decide what our value will be!

The legendary people you may be thinking of in your lives are more

valuable than one penny. But these people cannot do it alone.

Your life is essentially a collection of pennies, a collection of actions.

Spend time thinking about your actions, your pennies, and become more

aware of them, their value and why, where do your beliefs fit in, and did it

take courage to act. Also, have the courage to give yourself the credit you

deserve. Celebrate your successes! If you do, I think you will find your

current collection of legendary actions is far greater than you might think.

It is my greatest hope that people will read this and every time they see

a penny, they will think of Be Legendary and take an action to make a

difference.

James Carter

117

Wright

Do you have any common acts that people do so that we can begin

immediately?

Carter

Oh, there are literally thousands of great acts out there. You can look at

our Web site, www.BeLegendary.org for stories and videos of everyday

people leading legendary lives. Google “acts making a difference” or

something like it and you will find great ideas.

One of the blogs that I follow is by Marie Wikle, the creator of

Spreading Joy. It is really inspirational and keeps me going. She is truly

amazing and started with nothing except a desire to spread joy.

However, each of us has an amazing opportunity to consistently affect

people every day in a meaningful way.

What am I talking about? Conversation. Conversation is one of the

single greatest contributions you can make. Talking to others about their

beliefs and sharing your own. Creating space to disagree and re-evaluate

your own values and be open to expanding your awareness is critical, as

long as it is authentic. You can talk about the weather, if you want, or

something else trivial. Or you can have a deeper conversation around

something more important and develop relationships that you otherwise

could not do.

It may be a bit uncomfortable in the beginning because we are not

practiced at it. We are used to surface communication and talking about

the minutiae of our day—our boss and other trivial discussion. Get

through that. Take a risk, have the courage, and have a real conversation.

Share a legendary story of your own or someone else’s and ask if they have

seen something like that lately. You can have great conversations that are

also very comfortable.

I challenge you to have great, authentic conversations. Each one of

them is important and valuable.

Wright

Many of our readers are businesspeople. How would an executive or

manager bring the spirit of Be Legendary into their organization?

ROADMAP to Success

118

Carter

Most of the work we do is in exactly this arena. While companies hire

us to come in and help them, there is a great deal that a single leader can

do to create a legendary workplace.

The idea is to connect a person’s heart and mind to his or her job and to

the company. This may seem daunting, if not impossible, but it is

completely achievable. And best yet, this is also what people want! We all

want to work in a place in which people support one another, develop deep

and meaningful relationships, and know that their daily life has meaning.

Help them focus on what they want.

Let’s look at each of the ABC’s and I will briefly provide some suggestions

you can take:

Awareness – Have a conversation with each of your staff and help

them understand what they really want. What do you (staff person) want?

Use our Legendary Intent model to help phrase questions:

If you wanted to accomplish only one thing today, what would it be?

Why?

If you could only have one thing in this job, what would it be? Some

suggestions are: job security, great teamwork, projects that challenge you,

and so on.

What is the

one thing that you want to learn while you are here to take

to your next job, either in this organization or in the next?

There are many questions you could create and should want to know

the answers to from your staff.

Next, of course, is “How can I (the manager) help you achieve those

answers?”

Beliefs – You can do this in a larger group and in a very fun way. We

have some activities that work for this, but the goal is to discover what are

the individual beliefs of the people in the room? What are the common

core values and beliefs?

You can have everyone put a single belief or value on a sticky note and

use a wall, projection screen, or flipchart to begin grouping them together.

It is absolutely amazing to see what the common core values and beliefs

are in the group and how much everyone shares with one another.

Next is to look at the groups one at a time and connect them back to

the job they do. Even to the tasks done on a daily basis. It may not seem

119

obvious in the beginning, but if you keep up discussion, you will find

connections between the b

eliefs and the organization.

Finally, what we (management)

can do more of to emphasize our

beliefs within the group.

For example, if family is a core value or belief

(very common), what opportunities can

create the feeling of family

at the workplace

Courage

–

As a leader, you need to show your courage through

vulnerability. Always go first—always.

While you are asking questions in A and B above, be a complete

participant. Don’

t hold back and place yourself above your staff.

to risk first and let others see your courage.

become an expert on trust—on h

ow trust is developed and destroyed.

Both A and B above require taking a risk.

you, it would take an enormous amo

unt of courage and a large risk to

answer your questions.

The answers may not be what you want to hear.

Keep in mind, your shift to a legendary workplace will not occur

overnight.

Remember the example of the executive I mention earlier. It

took a few month

s, but she was able to

create a legendary culture among her

staff.

In turn, they began doing the same

with their staff.

The actions of one leader

were

leveraged throughout the entire

organization.

Wright

I see that you have a very interesting and unique

logo—a snail walking away from its

shell.

snail?

Carter

This our logo of Be Legendary.

Do you see courage?

If you ever see this image, you will know the person has the inward goal

of Being Legendary and you

can support

I believe when enough of us are acting like our snail

courage, and awareness of what we are

leaving behind, we will see a tipping

point in society that will transform the world as we know it.

James Carter

obvious in the beginning, but if you keep up discussion, you will find

eliefs and the organization.

can do more of to emphasize our

For example, if family is a core value or belief

(very common), what opportunities can

managers be watching for to

at the workplace

As a leader, you need to show your courage through

While you are asking questions in A and B above, be a complete

t hold back and place yourself above your staff.

You need

to risk first and let others see your courage.

Also, as a leader, you need to

ow trust is developed and destroyed.

Both A and B above require taking a risk.

If your staff does not trust

unt of courage and a large risk to

The answers may not be what you want to hear.

Keep in mind, your shift to a legendary workplace will not occur

Remember the example of the executive I mention earlier. It

s, but she was able to

create a legendary culture among her

In turn, they began doing the same

The actions of one leader

leveraged throughout the entire

I see that you have a very interesting and unique

graphic for your

shell.

What is the significance of the

Do you see courage?

If you ever see this image, you will know the person has the inward goal

can support

him or her.

I believe when enough of us are acting like our snail

—strong beliefs,

leaving behind, we will see a tipping

point in society that will transform the world as we know it.

ROADMAP to Success

120

I know this because it has happened in our lifetime. Our world changed

on September 11, 2001. There was an unintended consequence no one

could have predicted when the twin towers fell. For a short time, the world

was incredibly connected, incredibly kind, open, and honest.

We all wanted to feel connected to one another. You could see this

everywhere you went. I was in New York City a couple of months after 9-

11 and when you walked down the street, people looked you in the eye.

People opened doors for one another. It was legendary and incredible!

And then one day it was gone.

So where did it go? Why did we let that connection slip away? It was

because we were reactionary and not

intentional in our action. Living a

Legendary Life is intentional.

When enough of us live Legendary Lives, we will feel that connection

again. It is already happening in some communities around the world. It

can, and is, happening everywhere.

This is the destination we all want on our road map.

Remember when I asked you to think of someone legendary in your

life? This person is legendary to you, right? Do you think he or she

considers himself or herself legendary? Probably not, which makes the

person even more legendary. Regardless of what the person thinks, he or

she

is legendary, whether the person likes it or not because you think he or

she is.

The janitor was on the legendary list of more than ten thousand people.

Oh, by the way, you are on someone’s list, too. You already are legendary

for someone! Be Legendary for yourself, too.

Wright

Thank you, James. I appreciate all the time you’ve spent to talk with us

about your road map to success—Be Legendary.

Carter

My pleasure, as always, David.

121

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

James Carter is the Founder and CEO of Be

Legendary, a socially inspired team and person

development company.

James has created emotional learning and

philanthropic experiences for thousands of

participants through executive retreats and large

meetings.

James

person feel valuable as an individual who is part

of the whole.

energy, passion,

and unshakeable belief in giving back to the community

are the key factors in their decision to work with Be Legendary.

James is currently authoring

Be Legendary, the ABC

company, Be Legendary

. He makes his home

wife, Christina, and daughter, Isabella.

You can find out more about Be Legendary at

below.

James Carter is the Founder and CEO of Be

Legendary, a socially inspired team and person

development company.

James has created emotional learning and

philanthropic experiences for thousands of

participants through executive retreats and large

James

’ passion lies is helping each

person feel valuable as an individual who is part

Clients consistently report that his

and unshakeable belief in giving back to the community

are the key factors in their decision to work with Be Legendary.

Be Legendary, the ABC

’s while running his

. He makes his home

in Northern Nevada with his

You can find out more about Be Legendary at

the contact information

James Carter

Be Legendary

Reno / Lake Tahoe

800-513-8759

www.BuildingTeams.com

www.BeLegendary.org

www.JamesLCarter.com.

122

123

Chapter Eight

OURNEY

CHIEVEMENT

ELANIE

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m speaking with Melanie White. Melanie is the founder of her

own tutoring business with a fifteen-

year track hi

succeed while making the learning experience fun. She is also a writer and

creative productivity consultant for numerous business and speaking

professionals. Her goal is to help her clients succeed by providing them

with the highe

st quality products and services available.

Melanie, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Tell me, what does success mean to you?

Melanie White (White)

So many people, especially in the United States, equate success with

money or power. They think if you are so

like a corporate CEO or the President of the United States, then you have

obtained success. I bought into that success model for many years,

thinking that if I could have a large house or afford to go on vacation

whenever I wanted,

wherever I wanted, then I would be successful.

But, believe it or not, this type of success is limited because it doesn

account for relationships and personal development. I know

people think my unmaterialistic point of view is too wi

are the same people who believe enough money and power will get you

Chapter Eight

OURNEY

CHIEVEMENT

ELANIE

WHITE

m speaking with Melanie White. Melanie is the founder of her

year track hi

story of helping students

succeed while making the learning experience fun. She is also a writer and

creative productivity consultant for numerous business and speaking

professionals. Her goal is to help her clients succeed by providing them

st quality products and services available.

ROADMAP to Success

Tell me, what does success mean to you?

So many people, especially in the United States, equate success with

money or power. They think if you are so

meone with a prestigious position

like a corporate CEO or the President of the United States, then you have

obtained success. I bought into that success model for many years,

thinking that if I could have a large house or afford to go on vacation

wherever I wanted, then I would be successful.

But, believe it or not, this type of success is limited because it doesn

’t

account for relationships and personal development. I know

that many

people think my unmaterialistic point of view is too wi

shy-washy. These

are the same people who believe enough money and power will get you

ROADMAP to Success

124

anything you want in life. After all, you can buy a trophy spouse, someone

who looks good and really appears to love you—until you run out of

money. The real question is whether you can have a really rewarding, close

relationship with someone who is only interested in you because you make

a lot of money or have a powerful position. While the person you “bought”

may look great on the outside, can you honestly say that he or she would

stay with you and stand by you if, all of a sudden, you lost your position

and power?

Think, for a moment, about the end of your life, when you are lying on

your deathbed. Who is there with you? Who really cares about you, and

who is just waiting for you to die to see what you left for them in your will?

In the end, it is the people you love and who love you who are much more

important than any material possessions you have accumulated over the

course of your lifetime.

I remember a time I got to go on a cruise free of charge because I was

doing some writing for a comedian performing on board. While the trip

was great, I missed my husband. On one particular night, I was watching a

beautiful sunset over the ocean, and I realized I had nobody there to share

it with me. I couldn’t turn to someone and say, “Wow, isn’t that amazing?”

It made me sad.

Along with developing great relationships with other people, success,

for me, also means personal development. I love learning, and I think it is

important for people to have meaning and purpose in their lives. If you

have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, if you are pursuing

something you are very passionate about, then you are much more likely to

be happy. I guess, ultimately, I equate being happy with being successful.

For me, that means taking care of my health along with my spiritual

growth, not to mention engaging in work projects that I find rewarding.

And as far as material success goes, I believe that all people need is

enough money to pay their bills and provide for their family’s basic needs

of food and shelter. I believe education is also a basic need, crucial to

human development.

Wright

We hear a lot of people talking about the importance of setting goals.

Do you have specific goals that you think are crucial to a person’s success?

Melanie White

125

white

I believe goal-setting can be very beneficial. Knowing what you want to

achieve allows you to determine the necessary steps to get there. Often

people will make five-year goals and then break them down year by year,

then month by month, then day by day.

For example, let’s say five years from now, you want to be sixty pounds

lighter. That means you need to lose twelve pounds a year or only one

pound a month. That’s a very achievable goal. You just need to start

making small changes to your diet like substituting water for soda, cutting

out the chips you eat or the candy bar you get from the vending machine

every day at work.

Or maybe you want to be earning $100,000 per year in five years. Let’s

say you currently make $50,000 per year. That means you want to double

your income in the next five years. That means you have to make an

additional $10,000 per year for each of the next five years. That’s less than

$1,000 per month in the first year, $2,000 per month in the second year,

and so on. Now you just have to sit down and brainstorm ways you can do

so, hopefully while also pursuing your passion.

Maybe you want to start a band that plays on nights and weekends.

You could paint pictures or start a writing or tutoring business. You can

also explore the numerous online options available for people who want to

earn extra money. Whatever you decide to do, make it something you

enjoy since you will probably be sacrificing your precious free time to

achieve your lofty financial goal.

Just be careful to not make all of your goals financial. You want to have

some balance in your life. Don’t get me wrong. It’s good to have financial

success, but you also need to have successful relationships, be healthy, and

grow as a person. By doing so, you will be amazed at the progress you can

make toward a well balanced life and how much you can actually achieve in

all the areas of your life.

Wright

The title of this book is ROADMAP to Success. Do you think individuals

need a road map in order to succeed?

ROADMAP to Success

126

white

I do, because if you don’t have a plan, then you can get lost. Without

knowing which way you need to go, you are just wandering around

aimlessly with no direction, so basically you are just spinning your wheels.

When you know what road you want to take, you have confidence you are

moving in the right direction.

The good thing about having a map is that you usually have many

choices that will get you to your destination. You can take the fastest way,

the shortest course, the scenic route. Each one will get you there; it just

depends on what your priorities are.

People often take an interstate highway, even when the distance is

longer because it allows them to drive faster. By doing so, they feel that

they are making quicker progress toward their destination. For many, the

quickest way is the best way because they feel that they have made

progress and achieved something in a shorter period of time than it might

have otherwise taken them. These are the types of people who seek out

mentors and learning materials that will help them shorten their learning

curve.

Other people look at the map and decide to take the road that is the

shortest distance, even if it takes a little longer and they have to leave the

interstate to get there. For these people, driving the fewest miles or taking

the least number of steps to get them to their goal is psychologically

comforting. They don’t want to feel that they wasted their efforts or went

out of their way to reach their destination. These individuals are more

about efficiency than speed. They want the maximum return from whatever

investment they make.

Still others prefer the scenic route. These people want to enjoy the ride

and don’t particularly care how long it takes them to get there. Although

these people eventually reach their destination, it is more about the

process or the road trip than it is about how long it takes them or how far

they had to go. These people don’t tend to be as driven, but they find great

rewards in getting the most out of the trip.

Just remember that you usually have many choices of roads, but they

all lead to the same destination—success.

Wright

What if, despite all your efforts to follow the road map, you still get

lost?

Melanie White

127

White

Don’t worry. It’s likely that at some point on the road to success, you

won’t know where you’re going. Being lost means not knowing where you

are. The important thing is to not give up on your goal and to realize that

you are simply experiencing a delay that might keep you from reaching

your destination at the time you expected, but you will still get there.

It’s important not to panic when you are lost. It’s reassuring to

remember you can always retrace your steps and find the road you missed.

You can even go back to the beginning and start all over again if it is

necessary. Remember, every failure is a learning opportunity. You know

what you shouldn’t do the next time because it sent you in the wrong

direction or down the wrong path. And if you didn’t learn the first time,

you will keep getting the same lesson until you do learn.

Have you ever known people who had one failed romantic relationship

after another because they kept getting involved with the same type of

person? Either they eventually learned their lesson and finally found their

way to true love, or they kept spinning their wheels and have never

succeeded in having a loving relationship with another person.

Relationships are a good example of how we keep getting the same lessons

over and over again until we finally learn—or don’t—depending on our

willingness to finally get the message.

You also need to be willing to stop and ask for directions when you get

lost. Some people have a hard time swallowing their pride and admitting

they need help. But everyone in life depends on other people. Truly strong

individuals know they need help and don’t mind asking for it. They realize

that they can ask others to share their knowledge, and by using that

information, they can cut down on the time they are lost and can find the

best road to help them reach their destination. But be careful to ask

someone who actually can help you. If you ask the wrong person, that

individual might just give you bad directions, and you will be just as

confused as before you asked them for help. So be sure you are asking

someone who has a lot of knowledge in the area or at least someone who

has an accurate map to help you on your road to success.

Wright

Often people experience obstacles on their path to success. Melanie,

what do you do when you encounter roadblocks?

ROADMAP to Success

128

White

I come up with an alternative plan. That’s all you can do, really. It

would be naïve to think that you aren’t going to experience any problems

when you are trying to succeed. You are. Some can be anticipated, but

others are totally unexpected. So what you need to do when you start out

is to try to determine what obstacles you might experience.

Let’s say your goal is to pay off all your credit card debt in the next year,

and you are $5,000 in debt. You come up with a plan to pay $600 per

month, which takes care of the principal plus the interest.

Some of the obstacles you might anticipate are what you should do

about the months when you have extra expenses—car registration and

inspection, relatives’ birthdays, Christmas, etc. Some of these expenses are

set and can’t be changed, but some of them are variable. Maybe you could

cut down on the budget you have had in the past that is designated for

things like gifts and entertaining.

Other obstacles come completely unexpectedly. So, continuing with the

credit card example, perhaps your car breaks down or your roof begins to

leak, and you are faced with expensive repair jobs you didn’t anticipate.

What do you do then? Well, if you don’t have any savings, it seems that

you have no choice but to put the necessary expenses on the credit card

you were trying to pay off. While this could be the case, you may have

other alternatives. Perhaps you can set up a payment plan with the repair

company or divert your anticipated income tax refund for these expenses.

You can also look into a loan that would cost less than the interest on the

credit card you are trying to pay off. If all else fails and you have to put the

additional expense on your credit card, you should then be mentally

prepared to pay more on it each month so that you can still pay it off in a

year. If your current income and budget don’t allow you to do that, you

need to look into either cutting other expenses or making more money or

both.

You can always come up with another plan if you are open minded and

willing to think creatively. There is always a solution to any problem and

that includes any obstacles you experience on the road to success.

Melanie White

129

Wright

Sometimes people get sidetracked when unexpected events happen.

What would you say is the best way to handle detours to success?

White

People have to take detours all the time, and even though taking

another road may be inconvenient, you still eventually reach your

destination. You have a couple of choices when you have to take a detour.

You can either follow the prescribed detour route that most of the cars are

taking, or you can look at a map and see if there is a different alternative

route you would like to try.

Following the prescribed detour route is a good idea if it isn’t

convenient to look at a map at that moment in time. Perhaps the road is

dark, and you don’t have any light available to you right then. In other

words, you can’t think of an original idea that would be better than what

someone else has already done. There’s nothing wrong with seeing what

other people are doing and following them. In fact, sometimes that’s the

best, most efficient way to go. After all, if other people have had success

doing something a certain way, it’s much easier to follow their lead than to

try and reinvent liquid paper. You can always add your unique personality

to the mix. If you want to be an information marketer on the Internet, you

can follow the same basic success formula that works for the gurus making

the most money, but add your special twist to set you apart from your

competitors.

Alternatively, you may prefer to get out your map and find another way

to go. You may find a back road that takes you to your destination more

effectively, especially if there is a lot of traffic on the detoured road. Going

a different way takes a lot of courage and a willingness to have faith that

you can find a better way. Many of the world’s greatest explorers and

inventors have done so. Just be ready in case you find yourself on a dirt or

gravel road that looked good on the map but turned out to be a really

difficult drive. It doesn’t mean that the side road won’t get you there; it

just may not be as easy as taking the road everyone else is driving. But you

can be inspired by people like Robert Frost in his poem “The Road Not

Taken” who said he “took the road less traveled by, and that has made all

the difference.”

ROADMAP to Success

130

Wright

What about pit stops? How do you know when it’s time to take a break?

White

Before you are burned out and don’t care anymore. So many people,

especially Americans, have been instilled with an extreme work ethic that

insists that the only way to succeed is to work really hard. And while I

would agree that hard work can be beneficial, it is not healthy when you

start neglecting your friends and family. It’s also bad to ignore your basic

needs for healthy foods and enough rest. Spiritual renewal is also very

important.

Nobody is the Energizer Bunny. People can’t just keep going and going

and going. But so many of us feel guilty about slowing down. I know when

I decide I need to take a short nap during the middle of the workday, I

don’t want my husband telling anyone who calls about business that I am

sleeping. I have the perception that doing so will make the person calling

think I am lazy. Instead, I prefer that my husband tell callers that I am not

available and to take a message for me. In Europe, I hear that it is quite

common to take an afternoon nap to rest and refresh for the remainder of

the day. That certainly beats our custom in the U.S. of having mid-

afternoon junk food snacks or stimulants like caffeine that might cause us

to have a bad night’s sleep. Yet there is still a stigma here in the United

States about “goofing off” by resting.

And what about weekends? Are you able to take a break then or are you

still going full speed ahead? I personally often work on weekends and have

just started taking Sundays off for rest and relaxation. That’s because I’m

just now learning the important lesson that stopping to rest makes me

more productive. Yet many people still only stop when they absolutely

have to because they have to go to the bathroom or grab something to eat

or lay down for a few hours of sleep. But this type of journey is very

stressful, and being stressed out can really take its toll, causing people to

be become ill. And let’s face it, if people are sick, they can’t concentrate on

working. All they can focus on is getting better.

So I definitely think it’s important to take breaks and have a few pit

stops on your journey to success. Just don’t stop more often than you need

to. Then you will lose your momentum and could get permanently

sidetracked, keeping you from ultimately making it to your destination.

Melanie White

131

Wright

Melanie, you hear a lot about the importance of mentors. Who do you

think success travelers should take with them on their journey?

White

I think if you want to succeed, you should surround yourself with

people who believe in you and what you are doing. Now, these people

aren’t necessarily the same as mentors. But it is very important that you

have people who support you and say positive things about your efforts. If

you happen to be around those who aren’t supportive and give you reasons

why you won’t be able to succeed, you are very likely to start buying into

their negativity and believe what they are saying. You will begin to doubt

yourself and your abilities. And once you quit believing you can succeed,

you lose momentum and are much more likely to give up and think

yourself crazy for ever trying something so foolish. It’s a self-defeating,

downward spiral, one you don’t want to fall into. As a result, it is best not

to tell negative people about your goals, especially if they happen to be

family members that you know you will have to associate with in the

future. Otherwise, just try to eliminate negative people from your life, and

instead, surround yourself with those with those who will support you.

As far as mentors go, I definitely think that associating with someone

who has succeeded in a similar endeavor to the one you are undertaking

can be very helpful. They can give you helpful advice that will make your

learning curve much shorter. In this way, you can cut down on the time it

takes you to ultimately reach success. Just choose wisely when you are

selecting a mentor. Make sure it is someone you admire who truly wants to

help you instead of someone who just wants you to pay for his or her time.

While it’s okay to compensate your mentor for his or her help, it shouldn’t

be the only thing your relationship is based on. Consider whether you

think your mentor has your best interest at heart or whether this person is

just using you to fatten his or her bank account. Take your time looking for

the right mentor because when you find the right person, you will discover

that this individual’s help will be invaluable to you.

Wright

Why take a road trip at all? Wouldn’t it be easier to fly?

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White

You learn so much more when you go through the entire process and

don’t try to take shortcuts. Sometimes the journey is just as important as

the destination. And think of all the sights you will see along the way that

you wouldn’t get to see if your head was in the clouds. There are landmarks

and scenery that you discover on the road, things you learn that you never

knew before and things that are invaluable to you.

Taking the road trip will give you the knowledge and experience to

make a similar trip in the future. It will lay the groundwork for all your

subsequent journeys toward success. Maybe later on in your career, after

you have taken several road trips, you will be ready to fly, but in the

beginning, you should be making the most of your opportunity to travel

the path that will ultimately lead you to your destination of success.

Wright

Okay, Melanie, you’ve successfully reached your destination. What do

you do next?

White

Think about where you want to go next. Plan your next trip; think

about your next journey. Set your next goal. It’s important in life for

everyone to have a purpose, and by figuring out what you want to do next,

you give yourself something to look forward to and something else to

accomplish.

The worst thing you could do is rest on your laurels. While it’s good to

reward yourself for reaching your goal, it’s just as important to evaluate

what you want to do next. You can use the knowledge you have gained in

achieving success to help you formulate a plan for your new endeavor.

Doing so will help you to keep challenging yourself and will lead you to

greater and greater accomplishments.

Wright

Melanie, thank you for taking the time to talk with us today. Is there

anything you would like to add?

Melanie White

133

White

Only that I wish everyone reading this book good luck on their journeys

to success.

134

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Melanie White is an entrepreneur with

than fifteen

years

businesses. With a passion for helping people

succeed, Melanie teaches classes and consults

privately with people who want to develop both

their own individual skills and talents as well as

their business ideas.

An award-

winning writer, Melanie ha

numerous print and web articles as well as plays and jokes. In fact, she has

even had some of her jokes told by Jay Leno on

Melanie is also an accomplished speaker who inspires people to create

success, so they can ultimately

achieve their highest potential.

Melanie White is an entrepreneur with

years

’ experience running several

businesses. With a passion for helping people

succeed, Melanie teaches classes and consults

privately with people who want to develop both

their own individual skills and talents as well as

their business ideas.

winning writer, Melanie ha

s published

numerous print and web articles as well as plays and jokes. In fact, she has

even had some of her jokes told by Jay Leno on

The Tonight Show.

Melanie is also an accomplished speaker who inspires people to create

achieve their highest potential.

Melanie White

214-607-4842

mwspeaking@mac.com

135

Chapter Nine

LIVING A V

IBRANT

THE P

OWER OF

REAMS

MARC

David Wright (Wright)

Today we’re talking to Marc

Drizin, He

career helping companies better

understand and improve employee

satisfaction, with bottom line results.

books, and numerous articles have

all featured his data

employee engagement. Then, a series of family

hard look at his life and his dreams.

Today, Marc is not only

helping companies stay attuned to employees

wants and needs

with a refined approach

Manager, helping individuals

improve their lives one

Today we’

d like to welcome Marc Drizin to

Marc Drizin (Drizin)

Thank you, glad to be here.

Wright

Marc,

what is a Certified Dream Manager and why did you become one?

Chapter Nine

IBRANT

LIFE:

OWER OF

REAMS

RIZIN

Drizin, He

has spent his entire professional

understand and improve employee

Speaking engagements, a series of

all featured his data

-driven approach to

employee engagement. Then, a series of family

events caused him to take a

helping companies stay attuned to employees

’

with a refined approach

, he’s a passionate Dream

improve their lives one

dream at a time.

d like to welcome Marc Drizin to

ROADMAP to Success.

what is a Certified Dream Manager and why did you become one?

ROADMAP to Success

136

Drizin

My journey began on Super Bowl Sunday in 2006. After fifteen years of

turning down invitations to join my friends in Las Vegas for Super Bowl

weekend, my lovely wife finally urged me to go. We arrived on a Friday and

enjoyed the next couple of days eating, drinking, and gambling—basically

doing what middle-aged men do when they are in Las Vegas. I’d elaborate,

but as you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

We stayed up very late Saturday night, and into Sunday morning. At

5:30

AM, I heard a banging at my hotel room door. It was my best friend,

Willie, telling me that my dad had left a message on his cell phone because

he couldn’t get through to me on mine. “Let me In Marc, this is

important!” Willie said. I got of bed, opened the door, and Willie came in,

sat down on the edge of my bed, and he handed me the phone. The next

thing I know, I hear the voice of my seventy-three-year-old dad screaming

into the phone. “Marc, are you there? Marc, I can’t get your mom to wake

up! Marc, where are you? Marc, I need your help!” Then there was silence.

I called my dad right back, but there was no answer on his phone. I

called my older brother who lived about fifteen minutes away from my

parents’ house. My brother told me that Dad found Mom not breathing.

He was able to do CPR. He called the ambulance and they had taken her to

the hospital. “I think you’d better get home right now,” my brother told

me. I called my wife and explained what was going on and then called the

airlines to see about getting an emergency medical flight back home to

Indianapolis where I would pick up my wife and drive the two hours to

Cincinnati. It turned out to be the longest two hours of my life.

At the hospital, I saw my dad sitting next to my mom, who was in a

coma. I knew in that instant that my mother was already gone and I had

been firmly planted in the sandwich generation, responsible for my own

children and now having the responsibility for my dad’s future as well.

Sixteen days and two different hospitals later, Mom finally died. Every

Sunday for the next two years, I drove to see my dad in his nursing home,

stopping by the store to pick up things he needed or wanted. I would also

pick up lunch at Red Robin and bring him a big, greasy cheeseburger and

onion straws. When the weather was good, we’d sit outside. We’d eat in his

room if it was cold or raining. He would ask about my work, his grandkids,

and what was going on in our lives. He would tell me stories about his life

and times with my mom. He would crack jokes and make light of his

Marc Drizin

137

situation. Week after week, month after month, I drove the two hours

down I-74 to spend time with my dad.

One day my dad and I were eating our cheeseburgers—the barbeque

whisky kind, his favorite. We were making small talk discussing life in

general. Out of the blue, my dad said, “Marc, are you living your dreams?”

I laughed, and said, “Sure Dad, I’m living my dream, just like you are.”

He took another bite of his burger and asked again, “Are you living your

dreams?”

Although I didn’t understand why at the time, I realized that this

question would somehow matter to me sometime in the future. Like any

young child talking to a parent about life, I looked around his room, looked

up to the ceiling, looked down to my feet, and in a quiet voice said, “No,

Dad. I’m not.”

Then he asked me a question that would change the direction of my

life, “What are you waiting for?”

Now, I’m a professional speaker. I talk to thousands of people every

year. I’ve authored three books, conducted press interviews, and spend

most of my time on the phone, working with customers and clients, but

here at this moment, like a five-year-old I was speechless. My dad noticed

my discomfort, made a joke about something, and then went back to

talking about nothing. Nine days later we received a call from the nursing

home that my father had fallen out of his bed twice and was being taken to

the hospital with what they thought was a broken hip. I knew from friends

and family who had an elderly relative fall and break a hip that I was

receiving a gift from God. I only had a few more days with my dad. One

more drive to Cincinnati, another stay at the hospital. Five days later, the

call from his nursing home came. In the same bed, in the same room, in

the same hospice where my mom died, Dad finally met her in heaven.

Three months later, I received a call from a friend who had seen my

dad’s obituary in an old newspaper she still had in the house. Vicki gave

her condolences and began to talk about life. It had been almost thirty

years since we had last spoken. We found that we had things in common,

including being involved in coaching and mentoring mid-level and senior

level executives on interpersonal skills, management style, and employee

engagement, although she was now a full time mom bringing up three

children. We agreed to talk again soon.

A couple weeks later, she called me and told me about a book that she

wanted me to read. “Marc it’s a self-help book. I think you’ll like it,” she

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138

said. I told her that the last self-help book I remember being in my house

was I’m OK–You’re OK and frankly, after my mom read it she wasn’t okay,

and we weren’t okay. I said, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not really

interested.” She said, “I’d really like you to read the book.”

In our next conversation, she asked me again about the book. This time

she said, “Marc it’s kind of a human resource book.”

I said, “I don’t even like rereading my own human resource books. I’m

not interested in reading somebody else’s.”

She said that she really believed I would enjoy it. I declined, but assured

her that I appreciated the offer. Two weeks later the book arrived in my

mailbox with a simple yellow sticky note on it with two words: “Read it! “

I put it in my briefcase, figuring I would read it during my next business

trip because I am always looking for something to read on a plane.

I was on my way to a speech in Cleveland when she called asking me

how I liked the book, the one I hadn’t started reading yet but was taking up

space in my briefcase. She said, “Marc do me a favor and just read the first

ten pages of the book. If you don’t like it, give it away to somebody else on

the plane.” By this point, I felt pretty guilty so I agreed and began reading

the book while we were still on the runway.

Just five pages into the book, I realized what a mistake I had made by

not reading it earlier. The book was The Dream Manager, by Matthew Kelly.

The book explained how helping employees reach their dreams creates a

more engaged workplace, increasing employee satisfaction, engagement,

customer retention, and business success—a book about my business, but

through an entirely new lens.

I read Matthew’s companion book, The Rhythm of Life, and knew

immediately that becoming a Dream Manager and helping people improve

their lives one dream at a time was what my dad was asking about nearly a

year earlier.

After spending an amazing afternoon with Matthew in Cincinnati, and

then two days in his Dream Manager certification program in Chicago, I

became a Certified Dream Manager in June 2009. Today, I have the honor

and privilege of helping individuals, couples, employees, and companies

dream like a kid.

Wright

Is there a difference in the way children dream and adults dream?

Marc Drizin

139

Drizin

I like to tell people that kids dream big because their needs are small,

and adults dream small because their needs are big. If you ask a young

child what the child wants to be when he or she grows up, you’ll get quite

the list: “I want to be an astronaut, the president, a cowboy, a ballerina, a

mom, a painter, an architect and an airline pilot”—all at the same time.

The sky is the limit with kids because they don’t have the life experience to

know otherwise. Adults are much less likely to dream big. In fact, many

determine whether they can achieve a dream before they can even write it

down.

One of the saddest parts of my dream workshops is when I ask my

“Dream Catchers”—the people I help—about their wildest dreams. My

question to them goes something like this: “If time and money weren’t an

issue, and you knew that you could not fail, what would you do? What

would you dream?” Out of all the categories of dreams we talk about

during these sessions, adults struggle most with this question because

they’ve been told over and over again what they can’t do, what is not

achievable. I tell my Dream Catchers that if they have given up on their

dreams, it’s a short walk to disappointment. George Bernard Shaw perhaps

said it best when he said,

“You see things and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things

that never were and I say, ‘Why not?’ ”

Today, I am blessed to be able to help

others ask “why not?”

Wright

Will you explain how the Dream Manager process works? How do you

help your Dream Catchers achieve their dreams?

Drizin

The Dream Manager process can begin in a number of ways. Some of

the people I work with have attended a four-hour workshop I conduct

where they are encouraged to list their one hundred dreams in various

dream categories. Others know of my work through my blog, my corporate

Web site at MarcDrizin.com, my newest venture at VibrantLifeIndy.com,

Twitter, or even my Facebook presence. Sometimes, I’ll strike up a

conversation with somebody sitting next to me on a plane or drinking

coffee at Starbucks. The subject always comes up when I’m working with

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140

my clients on improving workforce engagement, what I like to call my

“Plan A” business.

Whether on a formal or informal basis, each engagement with an

individual, a couple, a team, or a company begins with a simple question,

the same question my dad asked me: “Are you living your dreams?” In the

vast majority of cases, no matter whom I’m working with, the answer is

“no.” I then ask that follow-up question that changed my life, “What are

you waiting for?”

In the more formal process, the Dream Catcher and I meet on a

monthly basis for about an hour. Each session follows a similar structure.

First we review the participant’s progress over the last month. The Dream

Catcher and I examine areas of challenge related to the four pillars of

dreams—physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual, or what I refer to

as PIES. We then discuss any homework assignments from the previous

meeting and what has happened in the last thirty days that has changed,

updated, or impacted their dreams. We work together for at least a year on

the fulfillment of their dreams and their living a vibrant life.

No matter how we work together, it all starts with listing their first one

hundred dreams, writing them down in a dream journal or a dream

notebook. In our business lives, we often are asked to write a business

plan. How many of us have ever written down our life plans, our

ambitions, our goals, and our dreams? By writing dreams down on paper,

selecting a few to be the target dreams, and then categorizing those to be

accomplished in a year, one to three years, and longer than three years,

much of the hard work is already accomplished. Just like a business plan, I

work with individuals to ensure that these target dreams pass what I call

the RUMBA test. Are their dreams are reasonable, understandable,

measurable, believable and attainable?

Over the remaining sessions, we spend time working together to bring

their dreams to fruition. Sometimes that means focusing on how current

finances impact dreams and their completion. In some cases, we have

them create a simple formal budget. We look at how their personality

impacts their ability to change dreams to goals, because goals are just

dreams with a deadline. We even explore how their time management or

lack of it impacts their ability to reach, or not reach, their dreams.

For some Dream Catchers, the process is simple and straightforward.

They do a lot of work on their own without being prompted. With others,

we have to build up a relationship based on trust over time. As a Dream

Marc Drizin

141

Manager, I don’t have a vested interest in any particular dream one of my

Dream Catchers has. It’s my job to help them achieve it. I usually end a

dream session by reminding my Dream Catcher that the best way to

predict your future is to go out and create it.

Wright

Marc, I know there are different dream categories. Are some dreams

more important to people than others?

Drizin

Sure. In the formal Dream Manager process, there are a dozen

categories, including the four we already mentioned: physical, intellectual,

emotional, and spiritual dreams. Others include material, professional,

adventure, legacy, and again financial dreams. For most individuals I work

with, three dream categories seem to rise to the top: adventure, financial,

and legacy dreams.

Adventure dreams tend to revolve around travel, most people’s best

memories. In fact, if you ask people to tell you about their favorite or

happiest memory, it usually involves going on vacation or a trip with

friends, family, or other loved ones.

My greatest adventure dream was spending two weeks in the Amazon

with my older son Josh, when he was thirteen. It was nearly ten years ago,

and we spent a week in an ecolodge, and the other hiking the Inca trail to

Machu Picchu. Interestingly, this was a combination of a dream I had

written as a classroom assignment when I was fifteen—a list of fifty things

I wanted to do before I die, what most people today would call their

“bucket list.”

Financial dreams are very common. Most people want less debt or more

money in the bank. However, financial dreams also play a part in nearly

every other dream category. Dreamers may want to go back to school to

achieve a new degree or profession, so money plays a role. Someone may

want to write a book, which is a creative dream, but the person will need to

set aside some time. Having extra money in the bank is important during

that time period when he or she may not be working as much. Still others

may want to drive a new sports car or buy a house on the beach. Extra

money in the bank is seldom the basis of a financial dream.

Legacy dreams take us to a different place, often to what we leave

behind after we die. The phrase “you can’t take it with you” is true, but

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142

what we can leave behind to our spouses, our family, our children, and our

community makes a huge difference in what we choose to do today. Caring

for the environment, teaching our children the importance of giving back,

and “paying it forward” by creating an endowment for a college or a church

in our will are all ways that people accomplish their legacy dreams. When it

comes to the future, no dream is too small.

Wright

Have people in America stopped dreaming?

Drizin

I truly believe that people in America haven’t forgotten how to dream,

they just have little or no confidence that their dreams can be achieved.

The dreams I focus on are not the dreams and nightmares people have at

night when they are asleep. We’re talking instead about the daydreams

that people have during the day when their eyes are wide shut. Adults

spend so much time thinking about what is wrong in their lives—a lousy

job with a boss who doesn’t appreciate them, estranged relationships with

old-friends and family, mounting debt, concerns about their children and

their future, war, or disease, you name it.

Certainly in a tough economy, with millions and millions of people out

of work, with long-term unemployment that is at its worst since the Great

Depression, with gridlock in Washington pushing more and more people

to the fringes, and seemingly never-ending war and conflict around the

world, it sure is easy to believe the worst. When you can’t see the forest

through the trees, when we are bombarded daily with negative news on

television, the radio, newspapers, and magazines, it’s understandable that

people don’t dare dream. Why be disappointed again? Is it any wonder that

people feel a sense of powerlessness when it comes to their own personal

dreams?

As a Dream Manager it’s my job to help cut through that mind-clutter

to show that dreams can be accomplished just by taking one little step, and

then another, and another. As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said,

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius,

power, and magic in it.” Begin it now.

Marc Drizin

143

Wright

When you and I were growing up, there was this thing called the

American dream. How has the American dream changed?

Drizin

The idea of the American dream is actually set out in the second

sentence of The Declaration of Independence that states “. . . all men are

created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain

unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of

happiness.” The phrase “the American dream” was coined by a gentleman

named James Truslow Adams in 1931 in his book, The Epic of America,

James wrote, “. . . life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone,

with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement . . .”

regardless of social classes or circumstances of birth. He goes on to say,

“The American dream that has lured tens of millions of all nations to our

shores in the past century has not been a dream of material plenty, though

that has doubtlessly counted heavily. It has been a dream of being able to

grow to fullest development as a man and woman, unhampered by the

barriers which had slowly been erected in the older civilizations,

unrepressed by social orders which had developed for the benefit of classes

rather than for the simple human being of any and every class.”

Martin Luther King, in his letters from a Birmingham jail in 1963,

actually rooted the Civil Rights Movement in the Black quest for that same

American dream. Dr. King said, “We will win our freedom because the

sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in

our echoing demands . . . when these disinherited children of God sit down

at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the

American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judeo-Christian

heritage and thusly carrying our whole nation back to those great wells of

democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their

formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.”

Although some people think that the American dream is all about a

bigger house, a faster car, nicer clothes, and fancy jewelry, my passion for

helping people live a more vibrant life has shown that the American dream

is much like what my parents, my grandparents, and my great

grandparents wanted from America. They saw the American dream as the

opportunity to create a better life for their children than they had when

they were young. I believe the American dream has changed little since the

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144

founding of our country. What has changed is our belief that we can

achieve those dreams. And I’m doing my part to help my dream-catchers

live a life unimagined.

Wright

Do you think that we as a society are beyond dreaming? Is it just hokey

to dream these days?

Drizin

I do believe that there is a large segment of society that cuts across all

demographic segments and believes that dreaming is just for kids. They

believe that life is too fast, too chaotic, too difficult, and too impersonal

for dreams.

I have been arguing with a client for months about doing a simple

dream workshop with his IT and engineering folks. He suggests that these

people spend all their time thinking in numbers, equations, measurements,

and computer code. He is certain that these employees would laugh at the

mere thought of spending time dreaming. How wrong he is.

People want to believe in a future that is better than the life they live

today. They hope that their children are given opportunities for a life they

themselves could have not imagined. They want to create a better version

of themselves. In short, they desperately want to dream and lead a vibrant

life. We do live in a fast-paced world. People are more insulated from each

other than ever before. They don’t even go to shopping malls anymore;

instead, they buy products online. People e-mail each other instead of

picking up the phone or chatting with a neighbor across the fence. Families

don’t talk over the dinner table anymore; they text each other on their

mobile phone, even when sitting right across the table.

The power of dreams is not just in the completion of a dream.

Oftentimes when a dream is realized, we recognize that the dream itself

was not all that important in the first place. It’s the journey, the hope, the

wonder, the excitement that goes along with the initiation of reaching the

dreams that makes a difference in people’s lives. My own life included.

My wildest dream—the dream that I would pursue if time and money

weren’t an issue and I knew I could not fail—will be accomplished one day.

I know it. I feel it deeply in my soul. My dream is like that of many people

born in the 1960s at the height of the space race with the Russians.

Someday, somehow, I will go up into space, look through a rocket window,

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145

and see the Earth like a marble in the sky. Is it crazy? You betcha. But

someday I know it will happen.

If anything, with all of the horrors we face in living each day, dreams

are a respite—a way to break out of who we are today, and what we want

to be in the future. Dale Carnegie wrote, “Most of the important things in

the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when

there seemed to be no hope at all.” This is the world of dreams and why I

am so blessed to help people achieve their personal goals and ambitions.

Wright

Why does it come so naturally to some to identify and chase their

dreams, while it comes so difficult for others?

Drizin

Some of this is the classic glass half full, versus glass half empty

paradigm. If you grow up unable to see the world beyond your

neighborhood, if you aren’t told every day by people you love and respect

that nothing is impossible, and if you believe you are stuck with the hand

that you are dealt, if you are without the ability to pull yourself up by those

proverbial bootstraps, you’ll never be able to dream.

Part of my greatest joys as a Dream Manager is helping someone

accomplish their dreams, however large or small they may see to them, or

seem to me. One of the most difficult dream categories is the emotional

dreams, trying to repair relationships with a loved one or a family member.

One of my friends came to my first dream session. She was deeply

affected by our discussion of emotional dreams in the workshop. I could

tell it by her body language, the expression on her face. A few weeks later,

we were having lunch in a local restaurant. She began to cry, and neither

the food nor the service was bad enough to have enlisted that response.

When I asked her what was wrong she said, “Marc, as I was driving home

from your dream workshop, I took a hard look at one of my target

dream—one that I wanted to accomplish during the next twelve months. I

picked up the phone and for the first time in six years called my mom to

say hello. It was the first time in six years that I have talked with her. I

asked if I could come to dinner that night and have her meet her two-year-

old granddaughter.”

This call wasn’t a hard thing for my friend to do, but over the years,

“life got in the way” making a relatively simple act more and more difficult.

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146

As I sat at the table listening to her story, I realized that this is the power

of dreams.

As adults, we are often weighed down with baggage we have

accumulated over our lifetime. Small disagreements fester into large-scale

fights, even though we don’t remember what the original issue was. Words

we spoke in anger or in haste reverberate louder and louder as the years go

on. What tasks we once thought would be simple to accomplish in our

youth have proven to be more challenging as we grow older. Some people

thrive on hardship, it makes them work more intensely to accomplish their

goals and more thankful for what they have. Others react the opposite

way—they draw inward, stop taking chances, and get themselves stuck in

that proverbial “rut.” In either case, and for all those people “in between”

the two extremes, accomplishing goals and dreams creates a better, more

vibrant life.

I was personally blessed by parents, teachers, and mentors who never

told me I couldn’t do something if I was willing to work hard, put my mind

to it, and make the sacrifices that I needed to. They laid the groundwork

for me to have the careers as a consultant, author, and speaker that I have

enjoyed for the last twenty years. They gave me the courage and

confidence to fail, and on occasion I have succeeded in failure. Someone

once said that the men who try to do something and fail are infinitely

better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. That’s the nature of

the dream work. That’s the avocation that I’m blessed to do with my

Dream Catchers in my growing business, Vibrant Life.

Wright

Why has business been so reluctant to embrace something so powerful?

Drizin

As we all know, business is about numbers, balance sheets, metrics,

ledgers, forecasting, return on investment, and what “the street” thinks.

Although many companies pay lip service that employees are their most

important asset, those same employees are shown on a company’s profit

and loss statement as an expense, not an investment that will pay itself

back over time. If leaders in a company want to improve the balance sheet,

they look at firing ten percent of the staff. If they need to get productivity

up, they go about it by working the employees even harder. And in many

cases, “what gets rewarded gets done” so this pattern continues.

Marc Drizin

147

A lot of today’s managers are adept at better, cheaper, faster. Many of

them have been promoted up through the ranks because of their ability to

get more out of less, to cut the fat, to run a lean organization. But when

you look at the best companies, those that are leaders in their industry,

what you find is that those companies with leaders who care about their

employees and show it through their daily interactions with them, come

out ahead nearly every single time. Employees want to work for companies

with strong, capable senior leaders who see their workers as the single

most important competitive edge they have, especially today when most

products and services are commodities, meaning that customers have a

choice. Employees want to be treated like individuals, not as an employee

ID number. They want to work for an ethical organization whose leaders

care about their short- and long-term development, even if that means

they may decide to go to work somewhere else in the future.

These employee-centric beliefs take faith. Return on investment isn’t

immediate. It’s like preventative healthcare. We all know that if you can

help someone lose weight, quit smoking, and exercise more, the payoff in

terms of decreased medical cost in the future can be staggering. But some

business owners and managers and many stockholders want to see an

instant return. They don’t want to wait to see a better future, they want it

now.

Wright

How would companies benefit if they were able to harness the power of

employee dreams?

Drizin

That’s simple. It really does go back to how strongly I was touched by

the Dream Manager concept. For my entire professional career, it has been

my business to help companies attract, motivate, and retain top talent. I’ve

wanted to find those things that make employees want to stay with an

organization as opposed to feeling that they’ve got no other choice but to

stay. Companies benefit by helping their employees reach their dreams

because of the power of engagement.

When employees believe their organization cares about them as people,

not just a source of productivity, they will act in ways that benefit their

organization both short- and long-term.

ROADMAP to Success

148

Employees who are engaged with their organization stay longer and

recommend their organization as a great place to work, driving down the

cost of recruiting and training. Engaged employees work harder and are

much more likely to go the extra mile for customers, increasing customer

satisfaction, retention, repeat purchase, share of wallet, and share of

market.

By helping employees achieve their dreams, whether it be buying a

home for the first time, putting away a little money in a college fund,

giving them the opportunities to volunteer at their favorite charity,

rewarding their performance by sending them on a dream trip, or training

and developing them to attain a better job, today’s businesses will see an

improvement in their bottom line by helping employees lead a more

vibrant life.

Wright

We hear a lot about the dream deficit. Will you explain what that is and

why it’s so critical?

Drizin

There is a dream deficit for both individuals and their employers. As we

talked about before, many people have great difficulty dreaming. In most

cases, it’s not because they don’t have the imagination to see a better

future for themselves or for their families, but because they don’t think

their dreams will ever come true. If you don’t see the possibility that you

can achieve your goals and your dreams, the likelihood for you to dream

them in the first place declines pretty quickly.

It’s the same thing with today’s businesses. Businesses hope to succeed,

to stay in business for this month, next month, and future years for the

benefit of shareholders and their various stakeholders. Companies have

found it difficult to dream of a better future because in today’s economy,

both here in the United States, as well as worldwide, the pie isn’t getting

any bigger. Less people are spending less money on goods and services, so

the only way to get ahead in today’s business environment is not to get a

bigger piece of a larger pie, but to actually grab a bigger piece from one of

your competitors.

So today’s companies are forced to look, not a year into the future, five

years into the future, ten years into the future, but they’re interested in

seeing what happens in the short-term, sometimes in as little as the next

Marc Drizin

149

twenty-four-hour cycle. Individuals, couples, companies, and teams all

have a huge dream deficit. They’ve forgotten not only how to dream better

for the future, but they’ve lost faith in the ability for those dreams to come

true.

Dreams are what set us apart. The aspirations we have for a better time

to come, the ability to provide our children and our children’s children

with a better future than we see today is critical to our ability to lead a

happy life and our ability to create a future unimagined, not only for

ourselves, but our loved ones, our companies, our culture, and our future.

Wright

Today we have been speaking with Marc Drizin. He has been helping us

better understand and harness the power of dreams,

Drizin

Thank you.

150

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marc Drizin has spent his entire professiona

career helping compani

and improve employee satisfaction

line results. For

approach to employee engagement has taken

him to

employers and speaking engagements

around the world. In recent years,

membership in the

personal

hurdles that included

his parents, prompted Marc

at his own dreams and pursue them with

abandon. Today, Marc is not only

helping companies stay attuned to

employees’ wants and needs, he’s a

passionate Dream Manager, helping

teens and adults improve their lives

by accomplishing

Marc Drizin has spent his entire professiona

career helping compani

es better understand

and improve employee satisfaction

with bottom

line results. For

decades, his data-driven

approach to employee engagement has taken

employers and speaking engagements

around the world. In recent years,

reluctant

membership in the

“sandwich generation,” and

hurdles that included

the deaths of

his parents, prompted Marc

to take a hard look

at his own dreams and pursue them with

helping companies stay attuned to

passionate Dream Manager, helping

by accomplishing

one dream at a time.

Marc Drizin

Vibrant Life

3440 Golden Gate Drive N.

Carmel, Indiana 46074

317-752-7508

[email protected]m

marc@marcdrizin.com

www.vibrantlifeindy.com

www.marcdrizin.com

151

Chapter Ten

THE S

UCCESSFUL

YOU D

ESERVE

DR. ELISE S

TEVENSON

David Wright (Wright)

Today we’

re talking with Elise Stevenson, PhD, who is the Founder and

President of Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc., establishe

Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc. serves individuals throughout the

Northern and Central Virginia area helping children, adolescents, and

adults in their life challenges. Elise is a licensed psychotherapist, psychologist

masters addiction coun

selor, and holds several clinical certifications,

including cognitive behavioral therapy. She is also a diplomat of the

American Board of Forensic Counselors. Elise received a BA in Psychology,

a master’s in Social Work, a master’

s in Business Administrati

PhD in Psychology. She has been featured on a variety of radio shows and

has been interviewed by local investigative reporters for several major

television stations and for various newspaper articles.

Elise’

s vision has involved creating caring

based programs to create healing in the lives of others in order for them to

have a loving, nurturing, and successful life. She attributes her success to

her faith in God.

Elise, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Chapter Ten

UCCESSFUL

LIFE

ESERVE

TEVENSON

re talking with Elise Stevenson, PhD, who is the Founder and

President of Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc., establishe

d in 1993.

Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc. serves individuals throughout the

Northern and Central Virginia area helping children, adolescents, and

adults in their life challenges. Elise is a licensed psychotherapist, psychologist

selor, and holds several clinical certifications,

including cognitive behavioral therapy. She is also a diplomat of the

American Board of Forensic Counselors. Elise received a BA in Psychology,

s in Business Administrati

on, and a

PhD in Psychology. She has been featured on a variety of radio shows and

has been interviewed by local investigative reporters for several major

television stations and for various newspaper articles.

s vision has involved creating caring

centers and community-

based programs to create healing in the lives of others in order for them to

have a loving, nurturing, and successful life. She attributes her success to

ROADMAP to Success

152

Elise Stevenson (Stevenson)

Thank you. It is my pleasure to be here.

Wright

I know you’ve heard many definitions of success, but how do you define

success?

Stevenson

Yes, there are many definitions of success with a majority of individuals

equating success with money or material objects. I know that many people

I work with define success in terms of achieving wealth, climbing the

corporate ladder, or socializing with important people.

Using this definition, one could argue that a drug dealer who makes a

million dollars is a very successful person. Due to the negative affect the

individual would make on the lives of others, I would not view this as a

good definition of success. In addition, if the drug dealer was arrested and

imprisoned, as a society we would not define this as a successful individual.

On the other hand, Ralph Waldo Emerson defines success to include

finding “the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit

better . . . to know even one life has breathed easier because you have

lived—this is to have succeeded.”

In my clinical practice, I’ve treated hundreds of people who have

achieved wealth, climbed the corporate ladder, and socialized with

important people (those our society defines as being successful) who are

not happy individuals. As we have witnessed, or maybe even experienced,

we can be professionally successful without experiencing contentment.

What they thought would make them happy—to have the million dollar

home or the house on the beach or the most expensive BMW—didn’t fill

the void that was in their heart. Of course it is wonderful to have life’s

finest things but those items are merely icing on the cake. To make the

cake, other vital ingredients are required.

Most people would define success as accomplishing something they

desire, but what I have personally experienced, as well as seen time and

time again in my therapeutic work with others, is that those individuals

who are people-focused, instead of self-focused, lead more fulfilling and

satisfying lives.

Elise Stevenson

153

Success should not be measured by your belongings, the job you have,

or the car you drive, but by the person you are, your values, and your

beliefs. Material goods come and go. For example, a hurricane could come

and destroy your beautiful beach home, your expensive BMW could get

totaled by a careless driver, the company of your top management job

could go out of business leaving you jobless, but developing loving and

nurturing relationships gives you a sense of serenity no material things

can ever provide.

It is important to emphasize the need for your primary relationships to

be loving and nurturing. You can have many close relationships with

dysfunctional individuals and experience a miserable and unsuccessful life.

So who you associate with influences the person you become and whether

you will be successful.

For many people who have lived in emotionally harmful relationships,

it can be exceptionally frightening for them to allow themselves to be

emotionally vulnerable in experiencing a loving and nurturing

relationship. Most individuals I have treated have experienced many

painful relationships that included emotional, psychological, physical

abuse, and/or sexual abuse, so the thought of allowing themselves to get

close to another human being is the last thing they want to do. It can feel

much safer to keep busy acquiring possessions or working hard or drinking

the pain away, because no one wants to experience the pain of being hurt

again.

When we have been hurt, we find ourselves creating walls between

ourselves and others. We can become critical of ourselves and feel

unworthy of being loved, or we can develop exceptionally high expectations of

others as another way to avoid getting close to other caring people.

A successful person cares about others and learns to care about

themselves. A successful person is not concerned about making money but

about developing himself or herself into a person who is valuable to others.

Albert Einstein wrote, “Try not to become a man of success but rather try

to become a man of value.” It is important to note, however, that this

frequently leads to making money because people will pay for value.

Success can be measured as the encouragement we give to others that

improves the quality of life to another human being.

So, in summary, success is learning to love ourselves and others as

growing individuals and accept love from others.

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154

Wright

Wouldn’t it be nice if while you were younger—in junior and senior

high school—there were courses on relationship-building and decision-

making?

Stevenson

Most definitely. Our schools are so focused on teaching skills in

reading, math, science but little focus is placed on the single most

important part of our development—our relationships with others. I’m

glad to see that schools are now offering psychology classes in high school.

Just as we learn how to read and write, having healthy relationships is

also a learned behavior. We are learning more and more through our life

experiences about the importance of emotional intelligence, which can be

defined as learning how to relate successfully toward others around us. For

example, if a person feels he or she is superior to others (false self-worth,

also known as narcissism) the person will lack the ability to empathize

with others, limiting his or her ability to experience healthy relationships.

We naturally grow physically, but in order to grow successfully in life, we

also need to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as human being.

Wright

So what would you say would be the biggest contribution to your

professional success?

Stevenson

The biggest contribution to my professional success has been my

relationship with God, because He has always given me the strength to get

through many challenges I’ve experienced. Many times throughout my

career I’ve realized that the biggest resource we have is God. He has always

given me the support and resources when I’ve needed them throughout

the life of my business. I have found that repeatedly the biggest resource I

have is God. When I would ask God for His strength, guidance, and

support, He would always provide the resources needed and give me

guidance to help continue to push forward.

Frequently the challenge is making sure we are looking in the right

direction. Many times I have heard people say they prayed but God did not

Elise Stevenson

155

listen. God always listens. He may decide that another path will create

more success—a different kind of success than what we expected.

For example, youths frequently tell me in my clinical sessions, “My

parents don’t listen to me.” In some cases, this is the case; but in many

instances, the parents may state, “I hear you want to go out and play after

dark, but it isn’t safe.”

God created us and know what we need. He knows our desires to be

successful and has given each individual special talent that can be used to

help others and our society. It is hard to realize our weaknesses but He is

always with us through life’s challenges. God actually put resources in

front of me and as I leaned on His strength and wisdom, He would put the

next steps in front to continue. He’s the one who ultimately gives us the

strength to endure each challenge we face here on Earth.

Wright

Who would you say are the people who have served as your role models

for success?

Stevenson

I would definitely say that my parents have been excellent role models

in showing me the important components in living a successful life. My

own parents have lived in conditions of poverty and had to work

exceptionally hard in challenging situations. They both grew up on cotton

farms and experienced the uncertainty of life every day. They have inspired

me the most. As children, they both worked well before the sun was up,

rising by 4

AM to feed the animals and do other farm duties before walking

miles to school. Upon arriving home from school, they would continue to

work hard for many hours after the sun set.

As youths, my parents did not have electricity so they completed their

homework by candlelight. My mother was so determined to live a

successful life that she would stay up later than her parents permitted,

seeking to further her education by reading every minute she had an

opportunity. She knew that if her father caught her, she would receive a

switching but she was determined to succeed in her studies.

Growing up on a farm taught my parents the value of hard work and

money, as well as how to live a faith-filled life. They learned that hard work

alone does not lead to success. Their relationships with others and their

faith in God to take care of them through droughts and other life struggles

ROADMAP to Success

156

led to their success. They taught me to always remember that God is with

us and wants us to be successful in this life. My parents have always been

admirable role models because they taught me to always stay determined,

never give up on the challenges that lie in front, and always remember that

God is there with me.

My parents never allowed others to tell them what they could or could

not accomplish. They never allowed anyone or challenging circumstances

to stop them from accomplishing their goals.

This has been very important to me because I know people can make

discouraging comments like, “You will never be successful, you’ll never be

able to get a degree, you won’t amount to anything,” and so on. I learned

long ago not to listen to negativity from others because they do not know

what I am capable of accomplishing. And they do not know what you are

able to accomplish. How do others know what path God has for your life?

Wright

What do you think are the biggest obstacles people face in trying to

become successful?

Stevenson

I feel the biggest obstacle people face in becoming successful is self-

defeating thinking. I am sure that many people who have been listed in the

book

Believe It Or Not

were told they would not be successful as well. Self-

defeating statements, such as “I can’t do it” or “Nobody cares about me,”

are detrimental to your success. Don’t get into a place where you feel

defeated thinking that you won’t be able to pass a class, or get the job you

want or make any friends or have a successful marriage. Maybe you failed a

class, lost a relationship, or a home. Don’t go global and then think, “I’m a

failure and will never be successful.”

Make a commitment to yourself to stay steadfast in your goals. Keep

positive and optimistic people around you. You can’t allow the fear of the

unknown, the fear of being embarrassed, or the fear of failing at

completing the task to stop you. In addition, don’t listen to negativity or

other people’s critical remarks because this will prevent you from being

successful. Others do not know what you are capable of accomplishing. No

one knows what you are capable of accomplishing except God Himself.

Always remember to stay focused on your goals and you will be successful.

Elise Stevenson

157

When I initially started in the field of counseling, I worked with clients

who had severe mental disabilities including those whose IQ’s were as low

as twenty.

One man I met, who has left a lasting impression on me, would always

smile and embrace the challenges he experienced in his life. His parents, at

a young age, had placed him at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital, which was his

home for fifty years until he was deinstitutionalized to a group home to

live out the rest of his life. Every time he met someone new, he would greet

the person with a big smile and say, “Hello,” as he gently touched his hand

on his or her shoulder.

Another client with an almost identical background, same age and IQ,

and who grew up with the man I just mentioned at the same psychiatric

hospital, lived in constant fear. He approached life so differently. The

other man was always fearful and would go to the corner of the room or

into his bedroom when others, even those he had known for years, would

enter the home.

I know from their clinical histories that both of these individuals

experienced severe neglect and abuse. It is impossible to measure the

psychological effect the abuse and neglect had on them, but the difference

was that one lived in the present embracing life and his relationships,

while the other man lived in continuous fear.

A more recent client, who grew up in the 1950s, shared her story with

me of the severe abuse she experienced as a child. After her parents

divorced at age three, she was shifted between relatives until her father

remarried at age five. At age six, her stepbrother attempted to molest her

and threatened to kill her at gunpoint. When she informed her parents,

her stepmother called her a liar and prohibited her from entering the

home. She lived on a porch that was lined with windows and had no

insulation and no heat.

“I had no blankets or sheets so I made my old coat into my blanket,”

she told me. “A nail on the wall was my closet. My dad would get me two

outfits for school and one pair of shoes. If the shoes got holes, I would use

cardboard to fix them. I washed my clothes by hand in the tub, but did not

have basic items such as a toothbrush.” She reported that her bed was full

of bedbugs because the mattress had been retrieved from the dump.

My client stated that she had written a letter to her grandfather asking

him for money so that she could buy some blankets. “He did send me

money and I bought blankets, but my stepmother took them away and lied

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158

to my father saying she had not taken them. I was not allowed to eat any

food unless I was called in for dinner, which rarely occurred. I was forced to

stay in my room on the porch and could not enter any part of the house. If

I snuck a can of vegetables out of the kitchen, I would be beaten so

relentlessly by my stepmother that I would pee in my pants.”

She described her father and stepmother as severe alcoholics with

frequent physical altercations occurring within the home. “I never received

Christmas presents under the tree. When I woke up, there would be a

single present by my bed that I knew was from my father. I was not able to

celebrate Christmas with the family being restricted to my room on the

porch. I never was hugged or kissed by my parents.”

At the age of fourteen, she left home and resided at various friends’

homes. “My life was an everyday survival. I cried a lot during my childhood

many tears of pain.”

She went on to say, “I believe people come in your life for a reason, and

I have had a lot of very special people come into my life. I used to pray for

God to please take me away from this pain, but I am so glad that He didn’t

at that time. I now have things in my life that I am so happy for, which

make up for the past. I do not dwell on my past. Even now, when I meet

people they think that I had a good upbringing because of my friendly

attitude. My stepmother did not win even though she beat me down

because she did not beat me out of a good life.” Even though my client,

Connie, was diagnosed with MS in 1973, she stated, “I realize that I am

blessed for each day I spend on this Earth and for all the special people in

my life. I have so much love in my heart that I could cry when I think about

it all. I have so much love and peace in my heart.”

Many of us hold onto the past and feel that the past is going to define

our future. In order to be successful, we need to let go of painful life

experiences. Our past does not define the future. It only informs you of

what has previously occurred. If you are focused on looking back at your

past, you will not be able to see what is in front of you.

We need to realize

instead that we don’t know what the future is going to bring, otherwise we

will limit ourselves to reach our full potential. It can be very exciting to see

all the many blessing that can come if we chose to embrace each and every

day.

Wright

So how do you know what you need to be successful?

Elise Stevenson

159

Stevenson

What you first need to be successful is to develop a positive outlook on

your life. You also need to continue to realize that there is so much in life

that you can learn. In addition, it is important to identify people in your

life who are supportive and are people you feel are emotionally safe.

Identifying resources is also extremely important in being successful.

It’s not feeling as though you know it all or feel you need to know it all. I

see this as an area that prevents many people from truly being successful

because when they feel that they know it all, then there is nothing more

for them to learn. Realize that each person you meet can teach you

something. It doesn’t matter if the person is in a low income bracket or

living on the streets, each one has learned different lessons in his or her

life journey.

Successful people are always looking at situations from a positive point

of view. If you are having a very bad week and so many negative events

have occurred, you can easily feel defeated. You might say to yourself,

“Since today was such a bad day, then tomorrow can’t be any worse.” And if

the next day is also a bad day, you can say to yourself again, “Since today

was such a bad day, then tomorrow can’t be any worse.” This attitude will

enable you to stay focused on moving through your life challenges and will

assist you in being successful.

Make sure to always realize that you never know where that silver

lining in the cloud might be, and the joys that you might find from the

different experiences you have in life. You might discover that a person

you trusted betrayed you. Don’t let that experience create a fear in being

able to trust another individual. If you do, then you are allowing that

individual to control your life and your destiny.

Wright

Would you tell our readers a little bit about what drives you to be

successful?

Stevenson

What drives me to be successful is the realization of my purpose in this

world. I don’t have time to be negative or associate with negative people.

My clinical practice has showed me time and time again that negativity

leads to depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. Every day I make sure to

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160

thank God for the blessings He has given me—the beautiful clouds in the

sky, the moon that guides me back home after a long day at the office, my

family and friends, heat in my home during those cold winter months, or

air conditioning in the hot summer months.

My parents taught me to not put my focus on other people but rather

to stay focused on the task in front of me and push through any challenges

that may come my way. They never gave up on their goals and would pray

to God for wisdom in their own life decisions.

Wright

Do you believe that it’s important to balance your success in your life?

If so, how do you do it?

Stevenson

Balancing success is important. As I stated previously, true success is

building relationships with other people and creating a quality life for

yourselves and others. If you are so focused on being successful in your

business but neglect your family relationships, you really are not

experiencing a successful life.

Being successful is prioritizing your primary relationships first. Make

sure you are being kind to your spouse, your parents, your children. Then

make sure you are being kind to your boss, your neighbor, the person you

meet in the grocery store.

Remember, healthy relationships lead to a quality life. If you do not

water the flowers you plant, don’t expect them to continue to grow in your

garden. Balancing success in my life is reminding myself regularly of my

life’s purpose of caring for the well-being of others.

Wright

What is the message you want people to hear so that they can learn

from your success?

Stevenson

Having had the wonderful opportunity to work with a diverse

population, I have learned so much about various life experiences. I have

had the opportunity to work with a diversity of people, from those who are

homeless to people who are billionaires. These experiences have assisted

Elise Stevenson

161

me in realizing what true success and happiness is and how we can achieve

it.

The people I see who are most successful are those who don’t become

discouraged when life’s storms come along. They identify resources to help

them and are thankful. They also value others. Your focus is on the

positive and the healthy things.

For example, if you went to the supermarket to purchase apples and

you saw a rotten apple in the basket. Are you going to purchase the rotten

apple? Of course not. But we make choices every day that are bad for us.

We need to be more consciously aware of the choices we are making and

ask ourselves, “Is this something that is going to nurture my heart, feed

me emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? Or is this something that

is going to harm my body, my mind, or harm my relationships?”

Make sure to not pick up the bad apple. The message I want people to

hear is try very hard to remain a positive thinker. See the glass as half full.

Whatever is concerning you today usually is a faded memory a year from

now. Moods are contagious. So don’t focus on the negative. Identify people

who can assist in your goals, be open to listening to others, but be clear of

your path. Don’t let others discourage you or defeat you.

If we are positive in our approach to others, then they are more

inclined to feel positive and then have positive feelings for us. That is true

success.

Wright

So how can people help other people succeed?

Stevenson

We can help other people be successful by caring for them

unconditionally and not judging them. When you see challenges others

experience, give them support or say a prayer for them. Don’t condemn

them and don’t think you’re superior.

As I travel from one city to another from my clinical offices, I have the

opportunity to observe many types of drivers. Some drivers drive fast,

pushing their way between the cars. Other drivers drive too slow, hovering

on the right side of the road, never crossing to the left side of the lane.

Other drivers drive in the proximity of the speed limit being watchful

when they change lanes to look out for other vehicles.

ROADMAP to Success

162

Ask yourself what kind of driver are you? Are you trying to push your

way in front of others in order to climb up the corporate ladder faster than

someone else? Are you so fearful that you allow other people to take

advantage of you because you don’t feel you are deserving? Are you a

driver who, as you are moving forward in your life, is showing care and

concern toward yourself and others around you?

You can experience success every day. When we are assisting others to

improve the quality of their lives, we are successful. The positive influence

you make on the lives of others will always be a way of defining success.

You should not measure success by the amount of money you have made

but on the positive influence you have made for the betterment of our

society. This could be simply sharing a smile with someone you meet.

In terms of success, I would have to summarize it as who we are as a

person. This includes how we view ourselves and how we view the world

around us. It is not a hat that you put on or take off. It is learning to

embrace life and finding the rainbow in yourself and others through the

life experiences we encounter. If your life is successful, it will be infused

with kindness, compassion, consideration, and understanding. It is this

that truly makes us rich.

Wright

Well, what a great conversation. I really appreciate all the time you’ve

taken with me to discuss all these important questions. I’ve learned a lot

here today, and you’ve given me a lot to think about.

Stevenson

It has been my pleasure.

Wright

Today we’ve been talking with Elise Stevenson, PhD. Elise is the

Founder and President of Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc. Her vision

involves creating caring centers and community-based programs where

people can develop their full potential in creating the life they want and

the life they deserve. By her own admission here, she attributes her success

to her faith in God.

Elise, thank you so much for being with us

ROADMAP to Success.

Elise Stevenson

163

Stevenson

Every day is a blessing for us and we can be a blessing to someone else

every day. Be a blessing and find your blessing. You and those around you

deserve it.

164

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Elise A. Stevenson, PhD, MB

Founder and President of Chrysalis Counseling

Centers, Inc.,

which has served thousands of

individuals in Northern and Central Virginia

since 1993.

Elise received her Bachelor of Art

Psychology with a Minor in Music,

degree

in Social Work,

Business Administration, PhD in Psychology, and has been a licensed

psychotherapist for nearly twenty

years.

several certifications including Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist,

Master Addictions Counselor, and a Certified Diplomate in Psychotherapy

Elise has provided administrative and clinical leadership for

twenty-five

years, in addition to providing clinical treatment to

children, adolescents, and adults. She has b

radio shows and has been interviewed by local investigative reporters

for several major television stations, and for various newspaper

articles.

Elise’

s vision for herself and her company is to provide quality and

competent se

rvices utilizing various therapies and techniques with

empathy and compassion.

Through a caring and integrative approach,

Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc. provides supportive services

promote empowerment, recovery, and

self

of the individual’s life.

Elise Stevenson

estevenson@chrysaliscenters.com

Elise A. Stevenson, PhD, MB

A, LMHP is the

Founder and President of Chrysalis Counseling

which has served thousands of

individuals in Northern and Central Virginia

Elise received her Bachelor of Art

s degree in

Psychology with a Minor in Music,

a master’s

in Social Work,

a master’s degree in

Business Administration, PhD in Psychology, and has been a licensed

years.

In addition, she has received

several certifications including Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist,

Master Addictions Counselor, and a Certified Diplomate in Psychotherapy

Elise has provided administrative and clinical leadership for

more than

years, in addition to providing clinical treatment to

children, adolescents, and adults. She has b

een featured on a variety of

radio shows and has been interviewed by local investigative reporters

for several major television stations, and for various newspaper

s vision for herself and her company is to provide quality and

rvices utilizing various therapies and techniques with

Through a caring and integrative approach,

Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc. provides supportive services

that

self

-determination in all aspects

Elise Stevenson

, CEO/President

Chrysalis Counseling Centers, Inc.

605 N. Main Street

Culpeper, Virginia 22701

540-727-0770, #100

estevenson@chrysaliscenters.com

165

AN I

NTERVIEW

DR. KENNETH

David Wright (Wright)

Few people have created a positive impact on the day

management of people and companies more than Dr. Kenneth Blanchard,

who is known around the world simply as Ken, a prominent, gregarious,

sought-after author, speaker, and

business consultant. Ken is universally

characterized by friends, colleagues, and clients as one of the most

insightful, powerful, and compassionate men in business today. Ken

impact as a writer is far-

reaching. His phenomenal best

One Minute Manager

, coauthored with Spencer Johnson, has sold more

than thirteen million copies worldwide and has been translated into more

than twenty-

five languages. Ken is Chairman and

of the Ken Blanchard Companies. The organizat

organizations around the world with customized training in bottom line

business strategies based on the simple yet powerful principles inspired by

Ken’s best-selling books.

Dr. Blanchard, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Dr. Ken

Blanchard (Blanchard)

Well, it’

s nice to talk with you, David. It

Chapter Eleven

NTERVIEW

WITH

LANCHARD

Few people have created a positive impact on the day

-to-day

management of people and companies more than Dr. Kenneth Blanchard,

who is known around the world simply as Ken, a prominent, gregarious,

business consultant. Ken is universally

characterized by friends, colleagues, and clients as one of the most

insightful, powerful, and compassionate men in business today. Ken

’s

reaching. His phenomenal best

-selling book,

The

, coauthored with Spencer Johnson, has sold more

than thirteen million copies worldwide and has been translated into more

five languages. Ken is Chairman and

“Chief Spiritual Officer”

of the Ken Blanchard Companies. The organizat

ion’s focus is to energize

organizations around the world with customized training in bottom line

business strategies based on the simple yet powerful principles inspired by

ROADMAP to Success

Blanchard (Blanchard)

s nice to talk with you, David. It

’s good to be here.

ROADMAP to Success

166

Wright

I must tell you that preparing for your interview took quite a bit more

time than usual. The scope of your life’s work and your business, the Ken

Blanchard Companies, would make for a dozen fascinating interviews.

Before we dive into the specifics of some of your projects and strategies,

will you give our readers a brief synopsis of your life—how you came to be

the Ken Blanchard we all know and respect?

Blanchard

Well, I’ll tell you, David, I think life is what you do when you are

planning on doing something else. I think that was John Lennon’s line. I

never intended to do what I have been doing. In fact, all my professors in

college told me that I couldn’t write. I wanted to do college work, which I

did, and they said, “You had better be an administrator.” So I decided I was

going to be a Dean of Students. I was provisionally accepted into my

master’s degree program and then provisionally accepted at Cornell

because I never could take any of those standardized tests.

I took the college boards four times and finally got 502 in English. I

don’t have a test-taking mind. I ended up in a university in Athens, Ohio,

in 1966 as an Administrative Assistant to the Dean of the Business School.

When I got there, he said, “Ken, I want you to teach a course. I want all my

deans to teach.” I had never thought about teaching because they said I

couldn’t write, and teachers had to publish.

He put me in the manager’s department. I’ve taken enough bad courses

in my day and I wasn’t going to teach one. I really prepared and had a

wonderful time with the students. I was chosen as one of the top ten

teachers on the campus coming out of the chute. I just had a marvelous

time.

A colleague by the name of Paul Hersey was chairman of the

Management Department. He wasn’t real friendly to me initially because

the Dean had led me into his department, but I heard he was a great

teacher. He taught organizational behavior and leadership. So I said, “Can I

sit in on your course next semester?”

“Nobody audits my courses,” he replied. “If you want to take it for

credit, you’re welcome.”

I couldn’t believe it. I had a doctoral degree and he wanted me to take

his course for credit, so I signed up. The registrar didn’t know what to do

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

167

with me because I already had a doctorate, but I wrote the papers and took

the course, and it was great.

In June 1967, Hersey came into my office and said, “Ken, I’ve been

teaching in this field for ten years. I think I’m better than anybody, but I

can’t write. I’m a nervous wreck, and I’d love to write a textbook with

somebody. Would you write one with me?”

I said, “We ought to be a great team. You can’t write and I’m not

supposed to be able to, so let’s do it!”

Thus began this great career of writing and teaching. We wrote a

textbook called

Management of Organizational Behavior: Utilizing Human

Resources

. It just came out in its eighth edition last year and has sold more

than any other textbook in that area over the years. It’s been nearly thirty-

five years since that book came out. I quit my administrative job, became a

professor, and ended up working my way up the ranks.

I obtained a sabbatical leave and went to California for one year

twenty-five years ago. I ended up meeting Spencer Johnson at a cocktail

party. He wrote children’s books—a wonderful series called

Value Tales for

Kids

including,

The Value of Courage: The Story of Jackie Robinson,

and

The

Value of Believing In Yourself: The Story Louis Pasteur.

My wife, Margie, met

him first and said, “You guys ought to write a children’s book for managers

because they won’t read anything else.”

That was my introduction to Spencer. So,

The One Minute Manager

was

really a kid’s book for big people. That is a long way from saying that my

career was well planned.

Wright

Ken, what and/or who were your early influences in the areas of

business, leadership, and success? In other words, who shaped you in your

early years?

Blanchard

My father had a great effect on me. He was retired as an admiral in the

Navy and had a wonderful philosophy. I remember when I was elected to

president of the seventh grade, and I came home all pumped up. My father

said, “Son, it’s great that you’re the president of the seventh grade, but

now that you have that leadership position, don’t ever use it. Great leaders

are followed because people respect them and like them, not because they

ROADMAP to Success

168

have power.” That was a wonderful lesson for me early on. He was just a

great model for me. I got a lot from him.

Then I had this wonderful opportunity in the mid 1980s to write a book

with Norman Vincent Peale. He wrote

The Power of Positive Thinking

. I met

him when he was eighty-six years old when we were asked to write a book

on ethics together,

The Power of Ethical Management: Integrity Pays, You

Don’t Have to Cheat to Win

. It didn’t matter what we were writing together,

I learned so much from him, and he just built the positive stuff I learned

from my mother.

When I was born, my mother said that I laughed before I cried, I danced

before I walked, and I smiled before I frowned. So that, on top of Norman

Vincent Peale’s influence, really affected me as I focused on what I could do

to train leaders. How do you make them positive? How do you make them

realize that it’s not about them, it’s about whom they are serving? It’s not

about their position, it’s about what they can do to help other people win.

So, I’d say my mother and father, then Norman Vincent Peale, had a

tremendous effect on me.

Wright

I can imagine. I read a summary of your undergraduate and graduate

degrees. I had assumed you studied Business Administration, Marketing

Management, and related courses. Instead, at Cornell you studied

Government and Philosophy. You received your master’s from Colgate in

Sociology and Counseling and your PhD from Cornell in Educational

Administration and Leadership. Why did you choose this course of study?

How has it affected your writing and consulting?

Blanchard

Well, again, it wasn’t really well planned out. I originally went

to Colgate to get a master’s degree in Education because I was going to be a

Dean of Students over men. I had been a government major because it was

the best department at Cornell in the Liberal Arts School. It was exciting.

We would study what the people were doing at the league governments.

And then, the Philosophy Department was great. I just loved the

philosophical arguments. I wasn’t a great student in terms of getting

grades, but I’m a total learner. I would sit there and listen, and I would

really soak it in.

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

169

When I went over to Colgate and took some education courses; they

were awful. They were boring. The second week, I was sitting at the bar at

the Colgate Inn saying, “I can’t believe I’ve been here two years for this.”

This is just the way the Lord works—sitting next to me in the bar was a

young sociology professor who had just gotten his PhD at Illinois. He was

staying at the Inn. I was moaning and groaning about what I was doing,

and he said, “Why don’t you come and major with me in Sociology? It’s

really exciting.”

“I can do that?” I asked.

He said, “Yes.”

I knew they would probably let me do whatever I wanted the first week.

Suddenly, I switched out of Education and went with Warren Ramshaw. He

had a tremendous affect on me. He retired a few years ago as the leading

professor at Colgate in the Arts and Sciences, and got me interested in

leadership and organizations. That’s why I got a master’s in Sociology.

The reason I went into Educational Administration and Leadership? It

was a doctoral program I could get into because I knew the guy heading up

the program. He said, “The greatest thing about Cornell is that you will be

in a School of Education. It’s not very big, so you don’t have to take many

Education courses, and you can take stuff all over the place.”

There was a marvelous man by the name of Don McCarty who ended up

going on to be the Dean of the School of Education, Wisconsin. He had an

effect on my life, but I was always just searching around. My mission

statement is: to be a loving teacher and example of simple truths that help

myself and others to awaken the presence of God in our lives. The reason I

mention “God” is that I believe the biggest addiction in the world is the

human ego, but I’m really into simple truth. I used to tell people I was

trying to get the B.S. out of the Behavioral Sciences.

Wright

I can’t help but think when you mentioned your father, and how he just

bottomed-lined it for you about leadership.

Blanchard

Yes.

ROADMAP to Success

170

Wright

Years and years ago when I went to a conference in Texas, a man I met,

Paul Myers, told me, “David, if you think you’re a leader, and you look

around and no one is following you, you’re just out for a walk.”

Blanchard

Well, you’d get a kick—I’m just reaching over to pick up a picture of

Paul Myers on my desk. He’s a good friend, and he’s a part of our Center

for FaithWalk Leadership, where we’re trying to challenge and equip

people to lead like Jesus. It’s non-profit. I tell people I’m not an evangelist

because we’ve got enough trouble with the Christians we have, we don’t

need any more new ones. But, this is a picture of Paul on top of a

mountain, and there’s another picture below of him under the sea with

stingrays. It says, “Attitude is Everything. Whether you’re on the top of the

mountain or the bottom of the sea, true happiness is achieved by accepting

God’s promises, and by having a biblically positive frame of mind. Your

attitude is everything.” Isn’t that something?

Wright

He’s a fine, fine man. He helped me tremendously.

I want to get a sense from you about your success journey. Many people

know you best from

The One Minute Manager

books you coauthored with

Spencer Johnson. Would you consider these books as a high water mark

for you, or have you defined success for yourself in different terms?

Blanchard

Well,

The One Minute Manager

was an absurdly successful book, so

quickly that I found I couldn’t take credit for it. It was published around

the time when I really got on my own spiritual journey and started to try to

find out what the real meaning of life and success was. That’s been a

wonderful journey for me.

The problem with most people is they think their self-worth is a

function of their performance plus the opinion of others. The minute you

think that is what your self-worth is, your self-worth is up for grabs every

day because your performance is going to fluctuate on a day-to-day basis.

People are fickle. Their opinions are going to go up and down. You need to

ground your self-worth in the unconditional love that God has ready for

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

171

us, and that really grew out of the unbelievable success of

The One Minute

Manager

. When I started to realize where all that came from, that’s how I

got involved in the ministry I mentioned. Paul Myers is a part of it. As I

started to read the Bible, I realized that everything I’ve ever written about

or taught, Jesus did. You know, He did it with twelve incompetent guys

that he hired. The only guy with much education was Judas, and he was

His only turnover problem.

Wright

Right.

Blanchard

It was a really interesting thing. What I see in people is not only do they

think their self-worth is a function of their performance plus the opinion

of others, but they measure their success on the amount of accumulation

of wealth, on recognition, power, and status. I think those are nice success

items. There’s nothing wrong with those, as long as you don’t define your

life by that. What I think you need to focus on rather than success is what

Bob Buford, in his book

Halftime,

calls significance—you know, moving

from success to significance.

I think the opposite of accumulation of wealth is generosity. I wrote a

book called

The Generosity Factor

with Truett Cathy, who is the founder of

Chick-fil-A, one of the most generous men I’ve ever met in my life. I

thought we needed to have a model of generosity. It’s not only your

treasure, but it’s time and talent. Truett and I added

touch

as a fourth one.

The opposite of recognition is service. I think you become an adult

when you realize you’re here to serve rather than to be served. Finally, the

opposite of power and status is loving relationships. Take Mother Teresa,

as an example. She couldn’t have cared less about recognition, power, and

status because she was focused on generosity, service, and loving

relationships, but she got all of that earthly stuff. If you focus on the

earthly, such as money, recognition, and power, you’re never going to get

to significance. But if you focus on significance, you’ll be amazed at how

much success can come your way.

ROADMAP to Success

172

Wright

I spoke with Truett Cathy recently and was impressed by what a down-

to-earth good man he seems to be. When my friends found out that I had

talked to him they said, “Boy, he must be a great Christian man, but he’s

rich.” I said, “Well, to put his faith into perspective, by closing on Sunday it

cost him $500 million a year.” He lives his faith, doesn’t he?

Blanchard

Absolutely, but he still outsells everybody else.

Wright

That’s right.

Blanchard

Chick-fil-A was chosen as the number one quick service restaurant in

Los Angeles. They only have five restaurants here and they’ve only been

here for a year.

Wright

The simplest market scheme, I told him, tripped me up. I walked by the

first Chick-fil-A I had ever seen, and some girl came out with chicken stuck

on toothpicks and handed me one; I just grabbed it and ate it, it’s history

from there on.

Blanchard

Yes, I think so. It’s really special. It is so important that people

understand generosity, service, and loving relationships because too many

people are running around like a bunch of peacocks. You even see pastors

who say, how many in your congregation? Authors, how many books have

you sold? Business, what’s your profit margin? What’s your sales? The

reality is that’s all well and good, but I think what you need to focus on is

relationships. I think if business did that more and we got Wall Street off

our backs with all the short-term evaluation, we’d be a lot better off.

Wright

Absolutely. There seems to be a clear theme that winds through many

of your books that have to do with success in business and organizations.

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

173

It is how people are treated by management and how they feel about their

value to a company. Is this an accurate observation? If so, can you

elaborate on it?

Blanchard

Yes, it’s a very accurate observation. See, I think the profit is the applause

you get for taking care of your customers and creating a motivating

environment for your people. Very often people think that business is only

about your bottom line. But no, that happens to be the result of creating

raving fan customers, which I’ve described with Sheldon Bowles in our

book,

Raving Fans

. Customers want to brag about you, if you create an

environment where people can be gung-ho and committed. You’ve got to

take care of your customers and your people, and then your cash register is

going to go ka-ching! and you can make some big bucks.

Wright

I noticed that your professional title with the Ken Blanchard Companies is

somewhat unique—Chairman and Chief Spiritual Officer. What does your

title mean to you personally and to your company? How does it affect the

books you choose to write?

Blanchard

I remember having lunch with Max DuPree one time. He is the

legendary Chairman of Herman Miller. Max wrote a wonderful book called

Leadership Is An Art.

I asked him, “What’s your job?”

“I basically work in the vision area,” he replied.

“Well, what do you do?” I asked.

He said, “I’m like a third grade teacher. I say our vision and values over,

and over, and over again until people get it right, right, right.”

I decided from that, I was going to become the Chief Spiritual Officer,

which means I would be working in the vision, values, and energy part of

our business.

I ended up leaving a morning message every day for everybody in our

company. We have about 275 to 300 around the country, in Canada, and

the U.K. Then we have partners in about thirty nations.

I leave a voice mail every morning, and I do three things on that as

Chief Spiritual Officer. One, people tell me who we need to pray for. Two,

ROADMAP to Success

174

people tell me who we need to praise—our unsung heroes and people like

that. And then three, I leave an inspirational morning message. I really am

the cheerleader—the energy bunny—in our company, and the reminder of

why we’re here and what we’re trying to do.

We think that our business in the Ken Blanchard Companies is to help

people to lead at a higher level, and help individuals and organizations.

Our mission statement is to unleash the power and potential of people and

organizations for the common good. So if we are going to do that, we’ve

really got to believe in that. I’m working on getting more Chief Spiritual

Officers around the country. I think it’s a great title and we should get

more of them.

Wright

So those people for whom you pray, where do you get the names?

Blanchard

The people in the company tell me who needs help—whether it’s a

spouse who is sick, or kids who are sick, or they are worried about

something. We have over five years of data about the power of prayer,

which is pretty important.

This morning, my inspirational message was about an event my wife

and five members of my company participated in. They walked sixty miles

last weekend—twenty miles a day for three days—to raise money for

breast cancer research. It was amazing. I went down and waved them all in

as they came. There was a ceremony, and 7.6 million dollars was raised.

There were over three thousand people walking, and many of the walkers

were dressed in pink. They were cancer victors—people who had overcome

cancer. There were even men walking with pictures of their wives who had

died from breast cancer. I thought it was incredible.

There wasn’t one mention in the major San Diego papers on Monday. I

said, “Isn’t that just something.” We have to be an island of positive

influence because all you see in the paper today is about Michael Jackson

and Scott Peterson and Kobe Bryant and this kind of thing, and here you

get all these thousands of people out there walking and trying to make a

difference, and nobody thinks it’s news. So every morning I pump people

up about what life’s about, about what’s going on. That’s what my Chief

Spiritual Officer is about.

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

175

Wright

I had the pleasure of reading one of your current releases,

The

Leadership Pill

Blanchard

Yes.

Wright

I must admit that my first thought was how short the book was. I

wondered if I was going to get my money’s worth, which by the way, I most

certainly did. Many of your books are brief and based on a fictitious story.

Most business books in the market today are hundreds of pages in length

and are read almost like a textbook. Will you talk a little bit about why you

write these short books and about the premise of

The

Leadership Pill

Blanchard

I developed my relationship with Spencer Johnson when we wrote

The

One Minute Manager

. As you know, he wrote

Who Moved My Cheese

, which

was a phenomenal success. He wrote children’s books, and I was a

storyteller.

My favorite books were,

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

and

The Little

Prince

. They are all great parables. I started writing

parables because people

can get into the story and learn the contents of the story. They don’t bring

their judgmental hats into reading. You write a regular book and they’ll

say, “Well, where did you get the research?” They get into that judgmental

side. Our books get them emotionally involved and they learn.

The Leadership Pill

is a fun story about a pharmaceutical company that

thinks they have discovered the secret to leadership, and they can put the

ingredients in a pill. When they announce it, the country goes crazy

because everybody knows we need more effective leaders. When they

release it, it outsells Viagra. The founders of the company start selling off

stock and they call them Pillionaires. But along comes this guy who calls

himself “the effective manager,” and he challenges them to a no-pill

challenge. If they identify two non-performing groups, he’ll take on one

and let somebody on the pill take another one, and he guarantees he will

out-perform by the end of the year. They agree, but of course, they give

him a drug test every week to make sure he’s not sneaking pills on the side.

ROADMAP to Success

176

I wrote the book with Marc Muchnick, who is a young guy in his early

thirties. We did a major study of what this interesting “Y” generation—the

young people of today—want from leaders, and this is a secret blend that

this effective manager in the

Leadership Pill

book uses.

When you think about it, David, it is really powerful on terms of what

people want from a leader. Number one, they want integrity. A lot of

people have talked about that in the past, but these young people will walk

if they see people say one thing and do another. A lot of us walk to the

bathroom and out into the halls to talk about it. But these people will quit.

They don’t want somebody to say something and not do it.

The second thing they want is a partnership relationship. They hate

superior/subordinate. I mean, what awful terms those are. You know, the

“head” of the department and the hired “hands”—you don’t even give

them a head. “What do you do? I’m in supervision. I see things a lot clearer

than these stupid idiots.” They want to be treated as partners. If they can

get a financial partnership, great. If they can’t, they really want a minimum

of psychological partnership where they can bring their brains to work and

make decisions.

Then finally, they want affirmation. They not only want to be caught

doing things right, but they want to be affirmed for who they are. They

want to be known as a person, not as a number. So those are the three

ingredients that this effective manager uses. They are wonderful values if

you think of them.

Rank-order values for any organization is number one, integrity. In our

company, we call it ethics. It is our number one value.

The number two value is partnership. In our company, we call it

relationships.

Number three is affirmation, which means being affirmed as a human

being. I think that ties into relationships, too. They are wonderful values

that can drive behavior in a great way.

Wright

I believe most people in today’s business culture would agree that

success in business is everything to do with successful leadership. In The

Leadership Pill, you present a simple but profound premise, that leadership

is not something you do to people, it’s something you do with them. At face

value, that seems incredibly obvious, but you must have found in your

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard

177

research and observations that leaders in today’s culture do not get this.

Would you speak to that issue?

Blanchard

Yes, and I think what often happens in this is the human ego, you

know. There are too many leaders out there who are self-serving. They’re

not serving leaders. They think the sheep are there for the benefit of the

shepherd. All the power, money, fame, and recognition moves up the

hierarchy, and they forget that the real action in business is not up the

hierarchy—it’s in the one-to-one, moment-to-moment interactions that

your front line people have with your customers. It’s how the phone is

answered. It’s how problems are dealt with and those kinds of things. If

you don’t think that you’re doing leadership with them, rather you’re

doing it to them, after a while they won’t take care of your customers.

I was at a store recently (not Nordstrom’s, where I normally would go)

and I thought of something I had to share with my wife, Margie. I asked

the guy behind the counter in Men’s Wear, “Can I use your phone?”

“No!” he replied.

“You’re kidding me,” I said, surprised. “I can always use the phone at

Nordstrom’s.”

“Look, buddy,” he said, “they won’t let me use the phone here. Why

should I let you use the phone?”

That is an example of leadership that’s done to them not with them.

People want a partnership. People want to be involved in a way that really

makes a difference.

Wright

Dr. Blanchard, the time has flown by and there are so many more

questions I’d like to ask you. In closing, would you mind sharing with our

readers some thoughts on success? If you were mentoring a small group of

men and women, and one of their central goals was to become successful,

what kind of advice would you give them?

Blanchard

Well, I would first of all say, “What are you focused on?” I think if you

are focused on success as being, as I said earlier, accumulation of money,

recognition, power, or status, I think you’ve got the wrong target. I think

ROADMAP to Success

178

what you need to really be focused on is how can you be generous in the

use of your time and your talent and your treasure and touch. How can you

serve people rather than be served? How can you develop caring, loving

relationships with people?

My sense is that if you will focus on those things, success in the

traditional sense will come to you. I think you become an adult when you

realize that you are here to give rather than to get. You’re here to serve not

to be served. I would just say to people, “Life is such a very special occasion.

Don’t miss it by aiming at a target that bypasses other people, because

we’re really here to serve each other.” So that’s what I would share with

people.

Wright

Well, what an enlightening conversation, Dr. Blanchard. I really want

you to know how much I appreciate all this time you’ve taken with me for

this interview. I know that our readers will learn from this, and I really

appreciate your being with us today.

Blanchard

Well, thank you so much, David. I really enjoyed my time with you.

You’ve asked some great questions that made me think, but I hope are

helpful to other people because as I say, life is a special occasion.

Wright

Today we have been talking with Dr. Ken Blanchard. He is the author of

the phenomenal bestselling book, The One Minute Manager. Also, the fact

that he’s the Chief Spiritual Officer of his company should give us all cause

to think about how we are leading our companies and leading our families

and leading anything, whether it is in church or civic organizations. I know

I will.

Thank you so much, Dr. Blanchard, for being with us today.

Blanchard

Good to be with you, David.

179

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Few people have created more of a positive

impact on the day

and companies than

known around the world simply as

When Ken speaks, he speaks from the heart with

warmth and humor. His unique gift is to speak to an

audience and communicate with each individual as

if they were alone and talking one

polished storyteller with a knack for making the seemingly complex easy to

understand.

Ken has been a guest on a number of national television programs,

including

Good Morning America and The Today Show

in Time, People, U.S. News &

World Report

publications.

He earned his bachelor’

s degree in Government and Philosophy from

Cornell University, his master’

s degree in Sociology and Counseling from

Colgate University, and his PhD in Educational Ad

Leadership from Cornell University.

Few people have created more of a positive

impact on the day

-to-day management of people

and companies than

Dr. Kenneth Blanchard, who is

known around the world simply as

“Ken.”

When Ken speaks, he speaks from the heart with

warmth and humor. His unique gift is to speak to an

audience and communicate with each individual as

if they were alone and talking one

-on-one. He is a

polished storyteller with a knack for making the seemingly complex easy to

Ken has been a guest on a number of national television programs,

Good Morning America and The Today Show

, and has been featured

World Report

, and a host of other popular

s degree in Government and Philosophy from

s degree in Sociology and Counseling from

Colgate University, and his PhD in Educational Ad

ministration and

Dr. Ken Blanchard

The Ken Blanchard Companies

125 State Place

Escondido, California 92029

800-728-6000

Fax: 760-489-8407

www.blanchardtraining.com

180

181

Chapter Twelve

AS YOU T

HINK

ARE:

THOUGH

UCCESS

KANDY

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’m talking with

Kandy Graves

Emotional Release Therapist, and Intuitive Life Coach, as well as extensive

training in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Speak

Inner Child Work, Guided Imagery,

and Visualization and Meditation

techniques.

She has studied and worked with a Debbie Ford trained and

certified coach, she is also trained in the modalities of Emotion Code and

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniq

ue). Being the

and mother herself to two addicts, she is well versed in

recovery program

and understands the importance and use of the Higher

Power in the healing of generational family patterns and traditions.

also offers wellness/health coaching and currently has assisted

one hundred

clients to release a combined total of 2,135

Chapter Twelve

HINK

YOU

OUR

CREATE

UCCESS

RAVES

Kandy Graves

. Kandy has certifications as an

Emotional Release Therapist, and Intuitive Life Coach, as well as extensive

training in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Speak

-Out Feelings,

and Visualization and Meditation

She has studied and worked with a Debbie Ford trained and

certified coach, she is also trained in the modalities of Emotion Code and

ue). Being the

adult child of an addict,

and mother herself to two addicts, she is well versed in

the twelve-step

and understands the importance and use of the Higher

Power in the healing of generational family patterns and traditions.

She

also offers wellness/health coaching and currently has assisted

more than

clients to release a combined total of 2,135

pounds! Her

ROADMAP to Success

182

weight release coaching and her many trainings and certifications

represent the tools in her toolbox that she can reach for and draw from to

facilitate and expedite the healing of her clients whether in the private

setting or in group trainings and seminars. She offers these trainings and

seminars with her Emotional Release trained husband of thirty-one years

and partner in the AsYouThinkYouAre Coaching Center. Kandy and her

husband, Bruce, offer relationship seminars that improve your key, core

relationships, which directly affect your personal resonance and therefore

your experience in life and especially with money. Kandy is an avid

mountain biker and loves warm weather and being outside and connecting

with nature. She loves working out at the gym with cardio and weights as

well as running 5K races. She also loves spending time with her three

adorable grandchildren and three adult sons.

Kandy Graves, welcome to ROADMAP to Success.

Kandy Graves (Graves)

Thank you very much.

Wright

So why is your Web site titled As You Think You Are?

Graves

That particular title came to me from a verse of scripture that states,

“As a man thinketh in his heart so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). At the

AsYouThinkYouAre Coaching Center, I suggest to clients that they begin to

notice what they’re thinking about. Many are unconscious of the thoughts

they are entertaining with repetition and emotion. When they become

aware of what they are thinking about, they can then see a direct

correlation with their thoughts and their results in life. When they can see

that they and they alone are responsible for attracting and creating their

experiences, I point out how powerful they are in creating what they don’t

want and that creating what they do want is completely possible. The law

of attraction (that which I send out in the form of thought and energy is

what comes back to me in the form of experience) is at work in our lives;

we are very powerful creators.

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183

Wright

So what role do our thoughts play in our success in life, or in business?

Graves

Our thoughts play a far greater role than people realize. My clients feel

better, and have hope for change in their very first session. They’re able to

see that when they change their thoughts, they feel differently. This

“feeling better” is a vibrational change that takes place in their energy

field, which begins the attraction process to more of what they want to

experience rather than what they don’t want. There is a great quote by

Emerson that states, “The ancestor to every action is a thought.” I would

say also that “The ancestor to every emotion is a thought.” So when you

are aware of what you are thinking and that those thoughts facilitate the

feeling or emotion and even the outcome in your life, then the outcome or

the current experience you are having can change.

Thoughts, words, and emotions and their meanings have a resonance

or calibration to them. In Dr. David Hawkins book, Power vs. Force, he

explains that emotions and words attached to those emotions emit a

frequency and they calibrate at a particular level. It’s like a dolphin

swimming around in a dark ocean. The dolphin emits a sound and those

sounds come back to it to assist it in navigating around objects and toward

food in the ocean. It’s similar for us in that as we think certain thoughts,

the energy of those thoughts emits a frequency or vibration as noted on

Dr. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness chart. (You can see this chart on my

Web site, www.asyouthinkyouare.com.) We are “sending out” that

vibration. What comes back to us is that same frequency in the form of

experience. The definition of the Law of Attraction is, “The Essence of that

which is like unto itself is drawn.” Whatever we emit comes back to us—

good or bad!

Wright

Would you explain for our readers what you mean by the term

calibration in the context of success or failure?

Graves

The term calibration or resonance can best be explained by the

following quote: “When we form ‘heart centered beliefs’ within our bodies,

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in the language of physics we’re creating the electrical and magnetic

expression of them as waves of energy, which aren’t confined to our hearts

or limited by the physical barrier of our skin and bones. So clearly we’re

‘speaking’ to the world around us in each moment of every day through a

language that has no words: the belief waves of our hearts.”—Gregg

Braden.

When we realize that the very thoughts we hold in our minds send out

a beacon that literally allows us to materialize whatever we are thinking

about, then we can accept responsibility for our life! We can be more

deliberate in creating success in business or in our personal life.

For example, a client had been experiencing a constant struggle in

generating enough business each month to pay the bills. Her husband had

always been the primary breadwinner but his income had taken a sharp

decline and she needed to step up and support the family. In session we

were able to get to the core belief she held about her ability to provide for

herself and her family. The core belief, which is the same thought held

with repetition and emotion, was that she needed someone to take care of

her. She was creating the lack and failure to thrive in her business, which,

by the way, she was gifted in. This core belief is held in our subconscious

mind.

Our ability has nothing to do with our success. What matters is what

we think about that ability! She was able to break this pattern of thought

and create a new neuropathway in the brain that provided the course

correction her business needed, and the clients began streaming in! Similar

success has occurred for clients who had blocks about their ability to be in

thriving interpersonal relationships.

For example: A client came to me after her twenty-year marriage ended

in divorce. Her deeply rooted belief was, “I deserve better,” which we

discovered in our second session together was the driving force not only in

her marriage but in every relationship she was in up to her marriage at age

twenty-eight. This came as a shock to her but she could plainly see that she

resonated with this belief and, at her every turn, she found that her

experiences were serving up this feeling of lack. She was always left to

question why she couldn’t be treated better. The awareness of this fact

started to facilitate the change of her pattern and she began to experience

healing in each encounter she had until ultimately she was able to “bring

in” a man who treated her right—a man about whom she never had to say,

“I deserve better” than this.

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185

This process brings about awareness and an understanding of who you

really are and knowing the truth that your origin is, in fact, divine changes

your result. I assist all my clients in recognizing exactly what their

thoughts and beliefs are so that a more desirable outcome can be achieved.

Our thoughts are the conscious mind and our beliefs, which we are

sometimes unaware of, are the subconscious mind.

Wright

Why is emotional release such a powerful component in the work you

do?

Graves

Emotional release is a vital component to clearing blocks that have to

be addressed if a person is not happy with the current outcomes he or she

is experiencing in life. It is through recognizing and then releasing and

reframing these limiting beliefs that allows people to create consciously

what they truly desire to achieve and become.

Each of us has traumatic events in our memories. We have common

events such as 9/11 and we have personal and private events stored as

well. These events have an electrical charge to them and are known as

“Somatic Markers” in the brain. Through various modalities I assist my

clients in “diffusing” the charge of the marker. It’s this charge and the

beliefs we hold based on these events in our lives that resonate a particular

frequency and therefore bring into our conscious experience the success or

failure of our lives.

I’ve had many personal experiences with this; I will share just one here.

When I was nine years old my mother attempted suicide. I was

instrumental in saving her life. This event took place on Mother’s Day

1972 and was just one of many “events” that I “stuffed down” to keep from

having to feel the pain associated with them.

One thing I discovered in the process of healing this marker was that I

carried an immense amount of guilt. The guilt was due to a decision I made

and had not even consciously realized. The truth was that I really wanted

her to die that day. Her prescription pill addiction and her intense self-

hate caused me so much grief and pain that I really did not want her to live

anymore. This was a lot for a nine-year-old to deal with.

Realizing this and finally identifying it and choosing not to carry it

anymore was one of the most freeing and liberating events of my life! I

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eventually replaced the guilt with love and forgiveness for myself and my

mother, who was doing the best she knew how. (And so was I!)

When we can clear the emotion that causes the electrical charge, it

clears our path to be able to raise our calibration so that we’re no longer

stuck in that lower, slower calibrating emotion. We can literally raise

ourselves to a place where now our experience is much more positive and

feels a lot better.

Prior to clearing this event, I had struggled with depression and

seriously low self-worth and esteem. What was once unconscious thought

and belief about me came to my awareness and I could now do something

about it. Changing the belief about me in that event changed the course of

my life!

This path of awareness and healing allows each one of us to reach our

highest potential and create more of what we want in life rather than what

we don’t want!

Wright

Would you explain the context in which you refer to generational

patterns and traditions?

Graves

A grandmother, a mother, and a daughter are together and you ask the

daughter why do you cut the end off of your ham? She says, “Because my

mom always did.” Then you ask the mother, “Why do you cut the end off

your ham?” She says, “My mom always did it.” Now you ask the

grandmother and she says, “So it will fit in my pan.” This is a humorous

way to illustrate the pattern and how it gets passed on. We respond and

function in life based on what we saw modeled for us. In these

generational patterns and traditions, we are doing things on autopilot

because it is what we know. If we knew better we’d do better.

I help people to see that it is their pattern of thought and response to

those thoughts that produce their results in life. Awareness is the light

that shines on the truth. The truth is that we are completely responsible

for our outcome. “As soon as you embrace the gift of Personal Responsibility

fully, you stop dwelling on things outside your control and, instead, begin to

build enthusiasm about growing, developing, and changing yourself”—Brian

Biro.

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187

A client came to me because she had divorced a few months previously

and although she felt very good about that decision, her ex-husband had

begun dating and this caused her great heartache and pain. She didn’t

understand why she was feeling like this, particularly when the divorce felt

so right.

We got to the core belief she held about her role in relationships. The

only way she knew how to behave or act was to be in control, even

downright controlling. She was in control in the divorce process but once

divorced, and he began dating this became a real trigger for her because

she no longer had control over him or was able to influence his choices as

she once had. This was a completely new concept for her. It was something

she had never recognized before but could see clearly how her mother

“taught” this to her through her behavior and responses to her and others

in the family. This client held a deep allegiance and love toward her mother

and it was very hard for her to look at her mother in anything but an ideal

light. I helped her to see that her mother was acting in a way that was also

modeled for her by her parents. She got the pattern in the same way she

had given it. It’s easy to love someone and honor them when you can

separate them from their pattern. There is no mother, even the most

abusive, that wakes up in the morning and consciously declares, “How can I

screw up my kid today?” That just does not happen. We have all been born

to well-meaning parents who are doing the best they know how! What we

know is what we learned through observing our parents and other

significant participants in our life.

Wright

What do you mean by the pattern imprint?

Graves

The “Pattern Imprint” begins at the moment of our birth into this

physical experience called life! We are born whole, and good. Consider that

we chose our parents and our siblings and our birth position in the family

and even the time in history to be having this physical experience. This

focus on “what is” without judgment allows us to take responsibility for

our lives and see that each one of us has had a pattern imprinted on us. It

is one of the reasons for our being here—to experience opposition and

contrast!

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To overcome our pattern and rise above it and learn through experience

that who we really are is not contained in this physical form, but the spirit

part that came into this physical experience to overcome the pattern and

in so doing, become awake to the fact that everything we experience is our

own creation! There is a consequence to every thought. It will bring us pain

or joy. We can learn the lessons joyfully or painfully. I choose joy and teach

my clients how to do the same!

Wright

How does an understanding of my pattern aid in my success and

happiness?

Graves

When you know in your response that who you really are is not what is

currently manifesting, then you have hope that, life as you know it can

change for the better! You have hope for truly experiencing all that you

dreamed of or in some cases hope to even dream. I hear over and over

again from clients that their first session with me helped them more than

years of traditional therapy methods ever did. These techniques that I’ve

experienced gave me hope and brought about change for me. What I have

uniquely developed from my training and experience I now offer for

others. The As You Think You Are Process facilitates pattern breaking at

its best. Success and Happiness surely follow those brave enough to forge a

new pathway, a new, never before done, way of thinking, responding, and

behaving in their life!

Wright

How is identifying somatic markers and releasing their electrical charge

beneficial to my path to fulfillment and success?

Graves

We’ve already discussed the concept of Somatic Markers and their

electrical charge. These exist in all of us. Some are common to us all, like

the events of 9/11. It’s in identifying these markers, and particularly the

beliefs we took on or decided were true about us that show us where we are

resonating. If a client was sexually abused as a child, there is always guilt

and shame present. Regardless of our life events, be they horrific and

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traumatic or not, we have formed beliefs about who we are. These beliefs

are that we are less than perfect and whole, which is not the truth.

These beliefs are held in the subconscious and emit a frequency relative

to the emotion (energy in motion) held in that belief. Simply becoming

aware of the belief and the emotion that is present in us begins the process

of lessening the charge, which instantly changes our resonance. What we

resonate is directly linked to who we bring into our experience and what

circumstances we find ourselves in. After becoming aware, I use powerful

modalities that change the frequency to a higher calibrating emotion like

peace and joy or love. You can see that if I have any of the lower, slower

calibrating emotions like guilt and shame present in me, I will bring into

my experience people who resonate similarly. My fulfillment and success

in this tangible, physical world is often presented in the form of

opportunity. Those who are unfulfilled, unhappy, and struggling in their

relationships and careers are associating with like-minded, like-calibrating

individuals! Change your frequency; and you change your experiences and

your outcome and your opportunities!

Wright

So why should any journey to success and fulfillment in life include

inner child work?

Graves

In understanding the Pattern Imprint, we realize that our way of

responding today is directly affected by what we saw modeled for us and

particularly what we decided about what we saw. Those events in our past

that served to shape us into the people we are today are based on our

perception of what happened as well as a family pattern of responding in a

particular way.

For example: My mother was unhappy most of the time. She viewed

and focused on all the lack in her life instead of the many blessings she

had. As a child I watched this day after day, week and after week, and year

after year. This “predisposition” toward a glass half empty line of thinking

became my norm as well. So events that took place and my perception of

them were almost always negative and focused in the lack of the situation

or event.

This, and her drug addiction, created a lot of pain in my childhood. I

remember one event very vividly where it was summertime and I was

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bored with nothing to do. I approached my mom about calling and asking a

friend to come and play. Her response is burned into my memory. She said,

“Why can’t you be normal and like every other child and find something to

do to entertain yourself?” My decision about what she said to me was that

I was not normal.

That event once had an extremely high charge to it. I questioned my

worth in that moment and because of the judgment she put on me, my

orientation became one of insecurity and self-loathing. It took place at

about age eight and hooked into previous events of similar experiences

where I came away questioning my worth. Also, as I moved forward in life,

subsequent events hooked into these and solidified my belief of my

unworthiness. After all, as children we look up to and believe what our

parents tell us, and we also read, feel, and match very clearly, the energy

they resonate as they speak to us. We do this in order to have a sense of

belonging and acceptance, albeit dysfunctional.

Today I understand and realize that it was my mother’s lack mentality

and her own self-loathing that she was feeling—it had nothing to do with

me personally. But as children we do not have the capacity to reason and

make sense of what we hear from our parents and significant others and

therefore what we hear and perceive becomes truth to us.

The modalities that I practice with my clients today have also facilitated

my own healing and the charge no longer exists for me. I can remember it

clearly but I now know the truth—I am worthy and have worth just

because I am. And sometimes little girls get bored, which is completely

normal!

Wright

Would you explain the cycle of creation to us?

Graves

Words form Thoughts > Thoughts held with Emotion and Repetition

form Beliefs > Beliefs hold a Frequency or Resonance and that equals

Creation—Our Outcome and Experience in Life!

In my work with clients privately and in the group setting, I emphasize

the need to begin “thinking about what you are thinking about.” Become

the observer of your own thoughts, knowing that what you focus on will

grow.

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191

Wright

Hmm, that’s interesting.

So what is meant by the term “the committee,” and what is a “reframe”?

Graves

Each of us have well-meaning people in our lives who did the very best

they knew how in responding to us and shaping us and our beliefs. These

people on our “committees” are parents, siblings, extended family,

teachers, friends, co-workers, and bosses. The voices of these committee

members come through and often limit us when we are trying to step out of our

pattern and the old familiar and predictable responses. They are present and

loudest when we are trying to make changes and to live a happier and more

emotionally healthy and present life. Often the intent of the committee

member is that their own value and worth is tied into your outcome. That is,

what you do and how you do it they think is a reflection on them, which is

why they try so hard to influence us in the first place.

For example, I take my clients through an exercise that helps to bring

out the committee thoughts. I ask them to write down the following,

“Wake up the committee” statement as many times as it will fit on one side

of an eight and a half by eleven-inch sheet of paper: “All my negative

thoughts and beliefs are now dissolved. I love and appreciate myself.” Then they

are instructed to turn the paper over and listen to what the committee

tells them, write it down, and then together we reframe those thoughts

into what they want to hear and create in their life! Here are the

Committee Reframe Steps:

1. Repeatedly write the statement that is designed to wake up the

committee!

2. Listen to the thoughts that come up when making such a positive

statement of you. Write those thoughts down!

3. Honor the negative feelings you have for the person responsible

for the thoughts. It’s in accepting that these negative thoughts

exist within us that will facilitate the healing of them! Trying to

ignore them or denying that you have them actually strengthens

them! Often there is an inner child in pain and when you honor

what you are feeling, you are honoring that child and healing him

or her.

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4. Find out which committee member is responsible for the thought.

Keep in mind that there are non-physical beings in this realm that

would thwart our efforts to change as well as people you know

directly that have had a voice in your life. When these non-physicals

speak to you they sound as if they are you. Just know that your

higher self—the real you—does not speak negatively about you!

Now that you know who that person is, write him or her a letter.

This is a letter you will not mail, but write the letter you must.

Really let them have it! Don’t hold back. Express every negative

thought as clearly as you can.

For example, if there is an intense amount of anger and Dad is the

responsible person, you would start like this: “Dear Dad, What

makes me the angriest in this situation is—”

The goal here is to release the anger that is present and ultimately

arrive at a place of offering love and forgiveness to that person.

Remember, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves! But don’t

attempt to do that until the negative emotion or emotions are

completely honored and dealt with!

5. Tip the Scale! This is the reframe step! This is where you rewrite

the negative thought into two positive statements and write it as

if you were experiencing it right now, in the present tense. You

will want to re-read these positive reframes often!

One of my committee thoughts was, “ugly to look at.” My reframe of

that thought is, “I am a beautiful daughter of a loving and powerful God.” I

knew immediately that this came from my mother and it was her belief

about herself, not me. Yet I took it on and made it about me because as a

child, I didn’t have the ability to understand that it was her self-loathing

spilling out and that I was just hearing her self-talk. You can see that this is

true for all of us. As children, we believe what we hear. We also have our

own perceptions of what we see happening to us and around us and we

don’t have the reasoning ability and maturity to differentiate ourselves

from our pattern imprint and the voices of the committee members,

particularly our parents. Once these limiting beliefs are identified and

cleared, using the Committee Reframe and various other techniques and

modalities, awareness is clear and concise. Just as we once created a lot of

what we didn’t want to be experiencing in life, we can now create more and

more of the outcomes we’d longed for. With focused attention on what we

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do want, without getting sidetracked with the voices of our committee, we

begin to “Live Life Deliberately.” We find ourselves having, being, and

doing! More and more of our passion and purpose fill our days and we

experience Joy!

Wright

How does the acceptance of what is and taking personal responsibility

facilitate permanent change and lasting success in my relationships and in

my professional life?

Graves

For every force there is an equal or greater counter-force. So as I push

against anything, I am met with equal or greater resistance. In acceptance

and allowing “what is” to just be, my thoughts focus not on what is wrong

about this situation but what is right or what has the potential to be right

and more than likely will without my pushing against it! This also creates a

much better “feeling” than resistance to something ever does. It’s in that

better feeling space where the point of attraction lies.

What we send out in thought, word, and deed (energy) comes back to

us. Life and the people in our lives are a mirror for us. I can’t fix another

person’s situation or control them and in attempting to do this, I am

creating that force, which, in turn, creates that counter-force.

We are of greatest value to those we love when we model for them

personal accountability and responsibility. Offering emotional health and

well-being, because that is genuinely who we are, not something we are

trying to be or we are trying to have them be, is also important. This

creates and opens up the space for any other person we are in relationship

with to do the same. This is just as true in a business context as it is in a

personal one. As an Intuitive Life and Wellness Coach, as I am the person I

choose to be and create the life I want and live it to the fullest, I

automatically create that possibility for those around me—those in my

personal life and those I coach professionally.

It’s in honoring and listening to the committee voices and being aware

of the reason they are there in the first place that allows them to finally be

heard and silenced once and for all! Think of a small child who wants a

cookie. Mom is on the phone having a conversation with someone and the

child begins to tap incessantly on Mommy’s arm to get her attention. Tap,

Tap and more tapping, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy—” It isn’t until

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Mommy turns to the child and acknowledges him or her that the attempts

at attention-getting stops. “What you deny you declare. What you declare you

create. Acceptance of something places you in control of it. That which you deny

you cannot control, for you have said it is not there. Therefore, what you deny

controls you.”—Neal Donald Walsh

What I deny—that is what I attempt or try to ignore—like committee

thoughts and input in my life, I am literally declaring. I am sending out

that energy, whether I am conscious of it or not! It becomes my point of

creation! So when I can ultimately look at what I am trying to ignore, own

it and understand it, I know that it is one of the well-meaning committee

members, often people who love me and were attempting to make

themselves feel better about themselves in the advice or counsel they were

giving me, that I now become a master over it, rather than a slave to it.

Sometimes, too, our committee members’ own worth is based on our

performance in life.

Blaming, “Be-Lames” us! We stop progressing and moving forward

when we blame another for our situation or circumstances. There is power

in taking accountability and responsibility for our outcome and experiences in

our life. When we learn that we have created our very situation based on

what we think about (our opinion), what we are thinking about (our

thoughts and the committee members’ input that comes to mind), we can

then actively and deliberately change our point of attraction and get more

of what we truly want as experience and outcomes in our life.

Wright

What is meant by the term “heart and mind alignment”?

Graves

Simply stated, this is when our left brain (mind) and our right brain

(heart) are lined up and in agreement. I will sometimes refer to the left

brain as the EGO or the part of us that attempts to Edge God Out (EGO).

This is the logical, linear thinking side of each of us.

The heart represents that spirit part of us that has always existed and is

eternal and unchanging. It is quite literally, love. This alignment occurs

when we have listened to the left brain committee thoughts and

understand them and therefore quieted them by not denying them. This

alignment is a space of pure joy and pure potential to create anything we

choose! This space is the goal of each of us. There is peace of mind and

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peace with the entire world around us in this alignment. There is quiet and

calm and love only exists in this aligned space.

We’ve all experienced this at least some of the time. The goal is to live

more and more in this space. It feels good! Don’t we all want to feel good or

feel God? That is the goal, whether acknowledged or understood, of each of

the people who find their way to me and become my clients. It is my joy

and privilege to assist people to this place of heart and mind alignment. It

is my joy and privilege to now live here the majority of the time. Once

upon a time I did not. The contrast is stark and real. I love life and living in

this space and assisting others to do the same.

I want to make note here that this place and space of heart and mind

alignment is our higher self, the soul/spirit part of us, awakening to the

knowledge of who we really are, which I believe to be divine offspring of

the literal Creator of the Universe. When we quiet that left brain and ego

enough through the Committee Reframe process, we can truly connect

with God. He is the author of all truth and is the great facilitator of true

and lasting healing. I recognize and honor Him as my healer. I facilitate

others to heal, but it is only through this alignment that healing takes

place and is possible.

“There is no relationship of greater importance to achieve than the

relationship between you, in your physical body, right here and now, and

the Soul/Source/God from which you have come.

If you tend to that

relationship, first and foremost, you will then, and only then, have the stable

footing to proceed into other relationships. Your relationship with your

own body; your relationship with money; your relationship with your

parents, children, grandchildren, the people you work with, your government,

your world will all fall swiftly and easily into alignment once you tend to this

fundamental, primary relationship first”

—Abraham Hicks.

(Emphasis added)

Wright

Any other thoughts on this subject?

ROADMAP to Success

196

Graves

“The illiterate of the twenty-first century will not be those who cannot

read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.”

Learning about our family patterns and traditions, then unlearning that

pattern, and relearning a new and better way to respond in life, is the very

purpose for our being here. We are incredibly powerful spiritual beings

having an earthly experience, not the other way around! It is in knowing

who we are and our power to change and overcome any situation and

perceived obstacle, and moreover to create our deepest, dream of health,

wealth, and happiness that is the motive of our Creator.

If any part of what I have presented here rings true to your soul, then

heed that inner stirring. Change is possible, even probable. Life will

continue to get your attention. The heat gets turned up incrementally until

the pain of the problem outweighs the perceived pain of the solution.

Don’t wait to be torched and scorched! Start overcoming, and creating

what you do want rather than what you don’t! Live life deliberately, on

Purpose!

Wright

This has been a great conversation, Kandy. I appreciate all the time

you’ve taken with me this afternoon to answer all these questions. It’s

been fascinating; I have learned a lot and I am sure that our readers will.

Graves

I appreciate the opportunity, David. Thank you very much.

Wright

Today I have been talking with Kandy Graves. Kandy helps people to

create lives of purpose and passion through assisting them to become

aware of their thoughts and thought processes, patterns of behavior, and

their response. She is a pattern-breaker and her purpose and passion in life

is to assist others to find and create theirs. She is the owner and operator

of As You Think You Are Coaching Center and is currently in high demand

to facilitate others in private sessions as well as group sessions in her self-

made Deliberate Living series of classes.

Kandy, thank you so much for being with us today on ROADMAP to

Success.

Kandy Graves

197

Graves

Thanks David.

198

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kandy Graves loves assisting others to create

lives of purpose and passion through assisting

them to become aware of their though

patterns of behavior, and response! Her experience

really started at birth, being born to a drug

addicted mother and an enabling father in the

early 1960s in Southern California. These

childhood experiences led her into her life

of find

ing healing for her and showing others

that life is a joyful adventure! All the pain people

feel and live through is for their good. It

’

that they find their greatest strengths and greatest lessons to aid in

creating a lif

e of purpose, passion, and success! Kandy is the mother of

three sons and loves spending time with her husband of thirty

and her three grandchildren.

She is a pattern-

breaker and her purpose and passion in life is to assist

others to find and cr

eate theirs! She is the owner and operator of the

AsYouThinkYouAre Coaching Center and is currently in high demand to

facilitate others in private sessions as well as group sessions and her self

made “Deliberate Living”

series of classes.

Are you ready fo

r more of what you want in your relationships? Are you

ready for a healthier body, prosperity, and abundance in all aspects of your

life? The time is now! Join Kandy on the journey toward Transformation,

Awareness, and Success!

Kandy Graves loves assisting others to create

lives of purpose and passion through assisting

them to become aware of their though

t processes,

patterns of behavior, and response! Her experience

really started at birth, being born to a drug

addicted mother and an enabling father in the

early 1960s in Southern California. These

childhood experiences led her into her life

’s work

ing healing for her and showing others

that life is a joyful adventure! All the pain people

’

s in facing the pain of their past

that they find their greatest strengths and greatest lessons to aid in

e of purpose, passion, and success! Kandy is the mother of

three sons and loves spending time with her husband of thirty

-one years

breaker and her purpose and passion in life is to assist

eate theirs! She is the owner and operator of the

AsYouThinkYouAre Coaching Center and is currently in high demand to

facilitate others in private sessions as well as group sessions and her self

series of classes.

r more of what you want in your relationships? Are you

ready for a healthier body, prosperity, and abundance in all aspects of your

life? The time is now! Join Kandy on the journey toward Transformation,

Kandy Graves

AsYouThinkYouAre

2888 Marrcrest West

Provo, Utah 84604

801-221-1533

coachkandy@gmail.com

ww.AsYouThinkYouAre.com

199

Chapter Thirteen

ELLNESS

MARLENE

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m speaking with Marlene George.

the alterna

tive health field in 1989. Certified in Therapeutic Touch

Reiki Master, and CranioS

acral therapy, Marlene includes personal

consultations and transformational forms of therapy in her wellness

practice. Her approach integrates emotional, physical, energet

psychological strategies to achieve her clients

health and

wellness expert and practitioner, Marlene

success begins within.

Marlene, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Where was your departure point on your roa

Marlene George

(George)

The date and place of my birth began my journey to my personal and

professional success. As I wrote in Chapter Eight,

Birthright,” in my book,

Your Life is Now!*,

ositive energy that blossoms with each new breath, provides the impetus

to grow and expand into the world with creativity, originality, and

unlimited potential for prosperity.

In response to requests from clients and students, I wrote my first book

to shar

e my personal journey to a happy successful life

Chapter Thirteen

ELLNESS

WITHIN

EORGE

m speaking with Marlene George.

Marlene began her career in

tive health field in 1989. Certified in Therapeutic Touch

™,

acral therapy, Marlene includes personal

consultations and transformational forms of therapy in her wellness

practice. Her approach integrates emotional, physical, energet

ic, and

psychological strategies to achieve her clients

’ goals. Author, lecturer,

wellness expert and practitioner, Marlene

’s road map for

ROADMAP to Success

Where was your departure point on your roa

d map to success?

(George)

The date and place of my birth began my journey to my personal and

professional success. As I wrote in Chapter Eight,

“Success is Your

Your Life is Now!*,

your birthright guarantees the

ositive energy that blossoms with each new breath, provides the impetus

to grow and expand into the world with creativity, originality, and

In response to requests from clients and students, I wrote my first book

e my personal journey to a happy successful life

, knowing that what

ROADMAP to Success

200

I learned will benefit others. Since then, my experience validates my belief

that success is everyone’s birthright.

From the first breath we take, we are aware of the truth of that

statement. Awareness of our entitlement does not tell us how to fulfill our

individual birthright or how to define success and what success means to

each of us. Following our road map will provide clues to our destination as

soon as we accept the guarantee of success delivered with our birthright.

Everyone’s journey begins before birth because each of us has a right to

create the life we want and achieve the success we desire. If a newborn is

healthy, safe, with his or her needs met, that baby is happy. If the baby

could answer a question about success, for example “Do you feel

successful?” what do you think the answer would be?

Unfortunately, as soon as children can verbalize their feelings, the

destruction of their belief in their birthright begins. It takes great courage

to master the basic human skills of functioning in the world—walking,

language, producing, creating, and surviving. For many of us, the extended

dependency of human infants on adult caretakers chips away at the

awareness of success as a birthright. The longer it takes for maturity and

ensuing independence increases the negative influence from the

caretakers.

Unless the caretakers respect the concept of our entitlement to a

successful life, the duration from dependence to independence lengthens

the amount of exposure to their misconceptions about their birthright.

Our caretakers are innocent of negative intentions when they lecture,

counsel, and encourage using the child’s head to achieve rather than

dependence upon their heart. Unless they are enlightened to the

importance of positive energy, they consider their duty is to pass on their

misguided perceptions of reality.

Wright

How do you reverse years of negative conditioning that affect your

clients?

George

This is accomplished by returning their focus within to their authentic

selves, by getting them out of their heads and into their hearts, and by

restoring their Wellness Within. This provides them with the fuel to drive to

Marlene George

201

their own personal brand of success. By the end of my chapter, the reader

will know what real success looks like, sounds like, tastes like, smells like,

and feels like. Once readers follow my directions and apply my driving

techniques, success awaits their arrival at their destination.

When my clients come to me with their challenges—a health challenge,

a business challenge, or a relationships challenge—I ask them, “Imagine

waking up tomorrow morning after a great night’s sleep. You feel well

rested, refreshed, and energized. You can’t wait to get into your day to

continue to build on your dreams and your success. No matter what comes

your way during the day, you know that you have the skills and the tools to

move forward. At the end of the day, you feel good about yourself, your

business, and your life.” Of course, most of them say that’s exactly how

they’d like to feel. That’s Point B, the destination at the end of our journey.

“Feel” is the universal word at the base of everyone’s expression of

success. So all of this is really about how we feel inside, it’s not about the

outside. That’s the first, last, and only really important question/answer

when discussing human potential, wellness, happiness, and especially

success.

Wright

So everyone’s starting point, point A, which is our birthright, but our

baggage hinders us?

George

The moment most of us arrived on the planet, we were perfect—ten

fingers, check, ten toes, check, two legs, arms, hands, feet, eyes, ears, and

one adorable nose. As we mature, “life” chips away at that perfection, if not

externally, then most assuredly internally.

Regardless of the appearance of the vehicle we drive, it’s the power of

the engine beneath the hood that propels the journey. Many of my clients

look great on the outside. The package looks perfect—they sound

successful, they look successful, they have money, cars, houses, fame—

they have it all, everything our culture defines as “success.” So, why are

they in my office, on my phone, or treatment table confessing their

discomfort, emotional or physical pain?

ROADMAP to Success

202

“. . . but I don’t feel successful.”

“. . . but I feel like a fake.”

". . . but I don’t feel authentic.”

Please notice the “feel” word again. My book devotes an entire chapter

to self-esteem and self-worth. Even though nobody likes to talk about this

subject, and perhaps it’s because it brings up their own issues. It doesn’t

take long to identify those “successful” people who do not feel comfortable

in their skin. How we feel about ourselves on the inside affects every

aspect of our lives on the outside. Our inside feelings about ourselves

affect everything—our performance at work, ultimately our successes, our

relationships, personal and professional, and even our body and our

health.

My personal challenges prevented the success my birthright guaranteed.

For example, my own self-esteem, self-worth issues held me back from

pursuing the life I wanted to live. It wasn’t a critical teacher, a society that

didn’t value persons of my background or gender, it wasn’t the socio-

economic class I was born into—it was me, myself, and I. Until I was

willing to do what it took to feel better about me—study, read, listen, and

learn—my comfort levels remained depressed, and therefore so was my

life, even if it was only my perception.

As soon as I understood the concept of feeling good as the essential

first step—my point of attack on the road to my success—one by one my

clients validated these insights.

After several Reiki sessions in a course of her treatment, my client

Laura commented that the quality of her day depended on her boss’s

mood. When she walked in the door, if he was in a good mood and stayed

“up,” then she had a good day.

“But, oh boy, when he feels bad, moody, he shares it with me,” she

sighed.

“So he hands you his baggage to carry, right?” I commented. “Must you

pick them up?”

I could tell by the confusion tightening her face that it never occurred

to her that his mood belonged to him, not her. Allowing someone else’s

negative feelings to determine how we feel is never part of a job

description, marriage vows, or “how-to” parenting manuals.

Over time and treatment, Laura learned new strategies to cope with her

boss’s mood swings so that his energy no longer affected her performance,

Marlene George

203

her day, or her feelings about either. She continues to see me occasionally

for a “tune-up” because she realizes how important her internal state is to

her life, personal as well as professional. She continues to attend my

lectures and workshops, usually bringing a friend or two with her.

Wright

We all have baggage; some is incidental, as in Laura’s case. But her

reaction to her boss’s bad moods indicates she’s carrying someone else’s

suitcase, right?

George

Our parents accompany us everywhere we go. They packed our

suitcases every day they raised us. These bags were like a “tote bag,” a

southern term for those things guests take with them when they leave

home. In our case, our parents’ “gifts” go into our travel bags and we carry

them into our offices, apartments, ranch houses, and vacation places long

after we’ve left home to pursue our lives.

Parental influence in terms of what weighs us down continues

throughout our lives, on our journey, until we become aware and sort out

what belongs to them, and what belongs to us. As soon as we unpack their

stuff, the load becomes much, much lighter.

When we come from a normal, “happy” home, our parents’ baggage is

not as noticeable as when we come from a dysfunctional family. Abuse,

addiction, abandonment are clearly challenges for parents as well as for

their children. Even though the disadvantages in an abusive home are

obvious, and the effects can be obvious, the normal family’s baggage can

weigh us down as heavily without any obvious effects.

Paul, another client, had challenges that were more tangible—it was all

about money. After a lecture I presented to his company’s upper level

executives, Paul

requested a private appointment for the following week.

An attractive, intelligent entrepreneur, Paul’s success was a result of his

hard work, persistence, and creativity. Even though his success followed

his intention, once achieved he moved on rather than build on it. After

every start-up exceeded his and his investor’s expectations, he’d either sell

the company or get bought out by his partners to move on and start all

over again. This volatility disrupted his private financial life as well. His

ROADMAP to Success

204

accountant fretted over the rollercoaster balance sheets on every one of

Paul’s bank and investment accounts.

His story began with his after school job in an Italian neighborhood

restaurant to put himself through college. His father, homeless and

addicted, would show up at his work place and beg for money from Paul.

The first time, his boss tolerated the intrusion. Knowing it went to his

addiction rather than his support, and anxious to get rid of him before his

boss could see him, Paul gave him what cash he had, and then watched him

stagger out the door. His father’s interruptions could have cost him his

job, and the memory brought back all the shame, fear, and confusion he

had felt then.

Paul’s slight smile did little to mask the confusion and pain behind

those memories that continued to affect how he felt about himself, his

work, and his place in the world. “Every time I score another big financial

victory, I’m overwhelmed with shame and guilt, and can’t wait to get rid of

it.” He looked down at his freshly manicured hands. I watched all the

tension leave his body as he sank deeper into the overstuffed chair in my

office.

“Are you saying you don’t feel worthy of your accomplishments,

achievements?”

His answer was a knowing smile of recognition and a deep sigh of relief.

He sat up, loosened his tie securing his starched white shirt, and kicked off

his Italian loafers. “When can I enjoy my, my—” I watched him struggle

with verbalizing his success, until he finally got the words out, “my

successes?”

“Now!” was my answer.

The power of the present cannot be underestimated. In my book, Your

Life is Now*, I put forth my Nine Principles for Joyous Living. I wrote that

principle into an early chapter for so many valuable reasons. So, regardless

of a person’s appearance, in order to feel authentic we must return to the

person we were born to be before the influences of others, our negative

self-talk, and before we lose our way on our journey to fulfill our birthright

—success!

Marlene George

205

Wright

Does self-defeat stem from someone else’s baggage—their negativity—

or does our own negativity delay our arrival at our birthright’s destination,

success? (Point B)

George

The first step is sorting out the stuff in your luggage. Determine what’s

true and yours, and discard what belongs to someone else. Relationship

issues are dealt with in Chapter Seven of Your Life is Now!* Regardless of

the issues between two people personally or professionally, when we are in

a relationship we share the responsibility for it. Since the only person we

can change is ourselves, that’s where we start. Unpack our bags, and see

what’s left.

There are so many stories. So many of us betray our birthright by not

feeling worthy of the wonderful power we were born with; by not acting on

the confidence we had when we learned to walk, to talk, to learn; and by

fearing those positive feelings that get things done for us

That’s right—some of us fear our personal success! That fear, that

negativity, can destroy the path, delay the arrival, or force us to detour

from our destination: Success!

Wright

So how do positive feelings promote personal and professional success?

George

Our choices are now, immediate, in the present.

Our life is now, immediate, in the present.

Our personal and professional success is in the present, too.

So, feeling well, positive, and happy day to day, minute to minute can

be a product of our choices to feel the way we want to feel. That said, we

can decide to feel happy regardless of our circumstance.

Let’s not waste any more time giving our power away to others. Seize

the moment, choose happy, then be happy! Soon, the positive energy on

the inside will demonstrate itself on the outside, and bring things to us—

things we want, or something better!

ROADMAP to Success

206

Wright

Is that the only way to be successful?

George

What do you mean by “success”?

Is success our Dun & Bradstreet rating?

Is success our Profit and Loss Statement?

Is success our assets, awards, titles?

Regardless of the objective assessments or measurements of accumulated

ownership we point to, how often we do fall asleep at night with a smile of

gratitude or satisfaction on our faces? How many days do we awaken with

anticipation rather than dread, with eagerness rather than reluctance to

step out of our bed and get on with our day?

When you feel good about the last twenty-four hours, it carries over to

feeling good about the next twenty-four hours, and that carry-over

accumulates with each day as it increases the benefits to you personally

and professionally.

One of my most popular presentations that never goes out of style is

“Be Happy for the Holidays.” When the Christmas season rolls around, my

schedule fills with people who attended the past year’s presentation and

now want their friends and colleagues to hear the concepts they learned

and benefitted from the year before. I’ve given this workshop/presentation

to all kinds of groups from business clubs to corporations, service

organizations, faculties, private clubs, and charities. Over the years, the

principle remains the same—when you lock your office or home office

door for the last time in the year and if you feel good about the passing

year, you open yourself for more money, more opportunity, and more

happiness in the upcoming year.

It became apparent to me that what works on an annual basis is equally

effective on a daily basis. In fact, I apply this shortcut every day of my life.

30 Seconds to Success Daily Practice

We have great intentions to establish daily routines to accomplish our

goals. There is an entire industry based on time management, another

industry on paper and digital scheduling, coaches, counselors, lecturers,

207

and trainers. We all

know that we have lived our values, we have

accomplished meaningful goals, and

we did so

When my eyes open in the morning, I review my intentions, plans, and

goals for the day. I envision myself accomplishing my responsibilities to

myself and others with a smile on my face and happy thoughts

surrounding every action I take. Once this prac

takes less than fifteen

seconds to set up your day

potential for success!

The last thing at night, I take another

did and what I didn’t do. R

egardless of how much I did, how little

do, or the interruptions, distractions, change of schedule that occurred to

disrupt my morning intentions,

I choose to feel happy and grateful for the

events of the day.

•

30 seconds a day.

•

15 seconds in the morning.

•

15 seconds at night.

•

24 hours of

successful living

Wright

So, those thirty

seconds daily are the shortcut to success?

cutting off the angle between where you are now and where you want to be

in the future, right?

Point A

Marlene George

know that we have lived our values, we have

we did so

with a smile of gratitude.

When my eyes open in the morning, I review my intentions, plans, and

goals for the day. I envision myself accomplishing my responsibilities to

myself and others with a smile on my face and happy thoughts

surrounding every action I take. Once this prac

tice becomes a habit, it

seconds to set up your day

—and increase its

The last thing at night, I take another

fifteen seconds to review what I

egardless of how much I did, how little

I didn’t

do, or the interruptions, distractions, change of schedule that occurred to

I choose to feel happy and grateful for the

successful living

seconds daily are the shortcut to success?

It’s like

cutting off the angle between where you are now and where you want to be

Point B

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208

George

Shortcuts in the linear sense don’t exist. I use that term to focus my

clients and audiences on the central issue of success. If there was a

shortcut in terms of time and distance, what would the value of achieving

it be? Regardless of our definition of success, in order to feel good about

our successes we need to just feel good, we need to believe that we deserve

to have it, believing it is so important.

Wright

You appear to have it all—a long-term, happy marriage and loving

family relationships, a successful career and a growing prosperous

business. You share your knowledge, experience, and insights with others

who appreciate your point of view, your information and insights. I’m sure

readers want to know, how do you accomplish all of this?

George

As I wrote my book, Your Life is Now!*, it’s all about energy. When we

follow the Nine Principles of Joyous Living, we learn how to determine

exactly what we want, then capture the feeling of already having it. As long

as we feel good about what we want and what we’re doing to get it, we are

on the right track. Things we want, or better things, begin to appear in our

lives.

It may sound like wishes, pipe dreams, or magical thinking, but this has

been my experience and I have seen this happen with my clients. As soon

as we believe in ourselves and that we deserve and are worthy of it, things

start turning out better for us and success comes our way.

As I said in the beginning of the interview, I’m successful when, at the

end of the day, I feel good about me and I feel good about my business.

To those of us who feel like failures because we feel we didn’t do

enough, whose standards are we measuring ourselves by? How much is

enough? So, we procrastinated. Perhaps there was a good reason to delay

action, perhaps not. I’m not saying we can sit on our couch and wave our

magic wand and things come our way. No, we need to take some action,

too. If a specific action did not get done, one of three possibilities is

responsible:

Marlene George

209

1. It was not a real priority for us.

2. We feared the size of the task or the outcome.

3. It was in our best interest to not do it then.

All of the above reasons are justified for anyone who is an authentic

adult, and therefore not the cause for bad feelings on our part. When we

know honestly we did our best today, that’s the goal—feel good and

tomorrow we’ll have a better day.

Wright

Do you feel there is a direct route to success—a specific series of steps?

George

As soon as the seeker of success can identify specifically what he or she

wants in order to feel successful, then opportunities present themselves

along the way.

Identifying what makes us feel successful is a process, not a direct path

from point A to point B on a map. There is a strategy to identify the goals

that are right for you. Simply write them down, preferably with a pen or

pencil, on plain or any kind of paper that appeals to you.

Pay attention to your feelings while doing this exercise. Do you feel

good when you write them down? Do you feel positive about achieving

them? Do you believe you can do it, have it, and most important, can you

accept you are worthy of it?

When you feel good and positive about that specific goal and feeling

worthy and deserving of it, then start living as if you already have it.

So set the goal. When you write it down feel good about what you are

asking for. Then imagine you are already living that life and believe it’s

possible.

Wright

Is it possible for the seeker to know he or she is on the right path?

How?

George

When we feel good, we know we’re on the right path. That doesn’t

mean we won’t detour or change directions or even reverse directions for a

ROADMAP to Success

210

time. Feeling good is so important to our success. It’s just appreciation. It

is such a simple tool to avoid getting bogged down in something that is not

working out. Let’s find something, one thing, in our situation that we can

appreciate and then express our gratitude. Instead of worrying what’s

wrong or missing or challenging, and putting energy into thinking about it,

talking about it, and focusing on it. That just grinds us down. Turn around

and announce how good you feel about moving toward your goal, what

you’re requesting, and what you want.

When I’m feeling positive, I’m always moving toward my goal. When I

feel negative, angry, jealous, frustrated, I’m actually pushing what I’m

asking for away from me. Since I can choose to feel good, I have the power

to shift from negativity to positive feelings to further my journey to

success.

Wright

Has your road map been a straight line or have there been a few bumps

along the way?

George

Well, if you look at any road map, have you ever seen a highway,

freeway, or a road that is a straight line from departure to arrival point?

No, there are curves, detours, construction, toll booths, and areas of heavy

traffic in the way.

How we choose to react really determines our progress.

Marlene George

211

The Chinese symbol for crisis and disaster is the same as for opportunity.

So let’s choose opportunity; let’s welcome it, knowing it’s good for us and

we respond accordingly.

Wright

This road map concerns one driver, one vehicle, and one destination.

Were there any mentors, guides, or helpers along the way?

George

This takes me way, way back. My ninety-two-year-old mother was very

much of a believer in things working out. I learned a lot from her. I learned

to focus on the positive. When I immigrated to Canada with my husband

and our ten-month-old son, we immigrated to a cold country. We came

here with five hundred Canadian dollars in our pocket. But there was just

something in my belly—that belief in my belly—that everything was going

to turn out in our favor.

Through my journey I had many jobs. The first time I was fired, it was

from a corporation and I felt horrible, but what I thought was a low point

was really a big catalyst for turning my life around. My self-esteem

plummeted, and I became a seminar junkie. I filled my shelves with self-

help books and CDs.

All those positive people were writing all those positive things for

people seeking solutions, hope, and yes, success. They were the beginning

of my work, my journey. Accepting their messages, charting my course on

my road map began with acceptance of their work and that it was possible

to apply it to me.

After healing myself, I knew I wanted to heal others. I began with

learning alternative modalities—Therapeutic Touch, Reiki, and CranialSacral

Therapy. Once I accepted my feelings and made positive choices, the

passage eased, then expanded, and finally accelerated to my current

successful personal and professional life.

Wright

Your bio describes you as a holistic healer, a term that used to be

considered quackery, like chiropractic. However, both modalities have

been validated in the face of the skepticism present at the beginning of

ROADMAP to Success

212

your career. What was the fuel that kept you driving your alternative

powered car?

George

My feelings, of course. As a student of alternative treatments, I felt the

power behind the modalities that helped me so much when I started my

journey. As I progressed in education, experience, and understanding, I

saw how many others sought alternative treatments, too.

When I started my business in ‘89, I knew with absolute certainty that

my services worked for my clients. I felt good providing the treatments,

and they improved after receiving them. I joined a few networking groups

to promote my business to expand my practice. At that time, many of the

groups, especially business groups, were male dominated and focused on

the bottom line. My point of view as a holistic healer shifted the subject to

include the importance of emotions when looking at the numbers. That

was a tough one for many in the membership, then. Now, after adding

transformational workshops, lectures, tele-classes, and publications to my

personal counseling practice, I’ve noticed many others doing the same

work in their own unique way.

Wright

Is your work resented by traditional medical practitioners?

George

Actually, no. In fact, I was invited to an international conference on

Integrative Medicine a few years ago to present alternative healing

methods and how they complement traditional medical practice. Doctors,

nurses, researchers, and scientists consider us the “X” factor in their

patients’ improved health and well-being.

The term holistic refers to treating the “whole person” rather than just

individual body parts. Historically, the family doctor did just that—he or

she considered all the factors in a patient’s life before recommending any

treatment. With the technical and scientific increase in information,

traditional medicine’s approach had to divide into specific areas of

concern. In narrowing the focus to the symptom area, many have lost sight

of the rest of the person’s body, environment, emotional, and psychological

health.

Marlene George

213

Wright

Was the worldwide acceptance of Integrative Medicine your destination

—your Point B—on your road map to success?

George

Others’ acceptance of what I do has nothing to do with my success. The

answer to your question is a loud, no! Of course, the validation is pleasing,

feels good, and probably helps those in need to explore all healing

modalities when in pain emotionally, psychologically, physically, or

spiritually. As all human beings differ from each other, there is no “one

size fits all” treatment for whatever ails a person. That aspect of

Integrative Medicine should increase the amount of healing throughout

the world—the best of Eastern and Western treatments are included in

the concept.

My Point B was much more personal and did not require anyone else’s

observation, approval, or applause. I knew when I got there because it felt

so good to be there. I felt good about myself, my family, my friends, my

business—my life!

Wright

Since publication of your ground-breaking book, Your Life is Now!*,

what would you like to add to your insights on Chapter Eight, “Success is

your birthright”?

George

Wellness Within—health in every aspect of a person’s being, not just the

physical, guarantees success on the outside, too. Wellness Within creates

good feelings inside and out regardless of our activities. Performing our

personal and professional responsibilities need not be a chore when we

allow the Wellness Within to affect our feelings. We express those feelings

in our behavior, reflect those feelings in our environment, and enhance

our performance in everything we do.

What is the point of doing what we do if we don’t enjoy it? If we feel

good within, are happy, and behave as if we are successful, then, we are

successful!

When we feel good about what we’re doing on a day-to-day basis on our

journey, that will speed up our arrival at our destination—success. My

ROADMAP to Success

214

practice—whether it’s personal one-on-one treatment, participating in an

interactive group environment, or facilitating a workshop or presentation—

always succeeds when I work with those internal emotions on the outside,

then I take action.

Sometimes we need further training, sometimes we need to relocate,

reassess, or simply refocus to get to where we want to be. When those

actions feel good, then they are good for us and for everyone else around

us.

When we came into the world, born at Point A, we were equipped to

succeed, to fulfill our destiny, to follow the road map to our individual

success—Point B. The difference in my approach, and that of others in my

field, is that we can feel successful at every stop, with every step, and we

can watch Point B meet us along our journey.

My happiness proves to me and my clients that this service benefits

both of us in our real life situations. When I waken with health challenges,

relationship challenges, and work challenges, which affect every aspect of

personal and professional life, I’m guided to help my clients feel good on

the inside so that what they show the world reflects their internal positive

outlook.

My road map to success?

Success as Our Birthright (Point A)

Creates

Success at Our Destination (Point B).

Our mirror image: wellness inside/success outside.

Wright

Today I have been talking with wellness expert and business professional,

Marlene George. Marlene’s approach integrates emotional, physical, energetic,

and psychological strategies in her private and public healing sessions.

Marlene is a transformational holistic practitioner, inspirational speaker,

author, and life and wellness coach.

Marlene, thank you so much for being with us today on ROADMAP to

Success.

215

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marlene George entered the alternative

health field to relieve emotional, psychological,

and physical pain for her clients, students, and

audiences. She is certified in Therapeutic Touch

Reiki, and

Therapeutic Touch practitioner and a Reiki

Master, Marlene offers treatments combining

techniques with transformational therapies for

her holistic approach to assist her clients achieve

complete wellness. Marlene’

s wellness workshops, teleclasses, private

counseling sessions, and holistic healing treatments help many overcome

physical and emotional challenges. Marlene is an inspirational speaker and

personal coach to corporate and private groups in Canada, th

States, and exotic locations such as Mexico and Africa. Marlene George has

also authored books, articles, and CDs.

Marlene was awarded the Entrepreneurial & Business Reward by The

South African Women for Women Organization in 1999 for her

outstanding achievement of her home-

based holistic wellness services.

*Your Life is Now! (Trafford, 2004)

Marlene George presents her “

Nine Principles of Joyous Living

Contact Marlene for your copy.

Marlene George entered the alternative

health field to relieve emotional, psychological,

and physical pain for her clients, students, and

audiences. She is certified in Therapeutic Touch

™,

ranioSacral therapy. A registered

Therapeutic Touch practitioner and a Reiki

Master, Marlene offers treatments combining

techniques with transformational therapies for

her holistic approach to assist her clients achieve

s wellness workshops, teleclasses, private

counseling sessions, and holistic healing treatments help many overcome

physical and emotional challenges. Marlene is an inspirational speaker and

personal coach to corporate and private groups in Canada, th

e United

States, and exotic locations such as Mexico and Africa. Marlene George has

Marlene was awarded the Entrepreneurial & Business Reward by The

South African Women for Women Organization in 1999 for her

based holistic wellness services.

Marlene George

34 Norfolk Avenue

Brampton

Ontario, Canada L6X 2B5

905-796-0101

mgeorge@marlenegeorge.com

www.marlenegeorge.com

Nine Principles of Joyous Living

”

216

217

Chapter Fourteen

REATIVE

ISUALIZATION

DISCIPLINED T

HINKING FOR

LIZ D

ALLAS

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m talking with Liz Dallas. Liz is an innovator who shares her

gifts through her role as an executive coach, speaker, inventor, founder,

and co-

owner of The Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc. The Center is built

on a unique business model th

at supports constant innovation. A

professionally trained coach drawing on twenty years of international

business management experience in product development and sourcing

manufacturing, Liz has coached hundreds of leaders to create success. She

and her fa

mily are blessed to live in Vermont where they enjoy village

living and efforts to create sustainable life for the sake of the planet and

the evolution of humanity.

Liz, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Liz Dallas (Dallas)

Thank you, David.

Chapter Fourteen

REATIVE

ISUALIZATION

HINKING FOR

LEADERSHIP SUCCESS

ALLAS

m talking with Liz Dallas. Liz is an innovator who shares her

gifts through her role as an executive coach, speaker, inventor, founder,

owner of The Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc. The Center is built

at supports constant innovation. A

professionally trained coach drawing on twenty years of international

business management experience in product development and sourcing

manufacturing, Liz has coached hundreds of leaders to create success. She

mily are blessed to live in Vermont where they enjoy village

living and efforts to create sustainable life for the sake of the planet and

ROADMAP to Success

218

Wright

In your twenty years of corporate management experience and more

than ten years of coaching leaders, what have you found is the most

helpful in leading people to create success?

Dallas

Showing up as a visionary leader and inspiring people to create better

bottom line results is by far the best way that leaders can create success.

But not many leaders naturally use a visionary approach in their

leadership. I innovate ways to help leaders be successful and today I’ll

share one of my proven models that helps leaders show up with a vision

that inspires people to create better success than they even imagined. I call

this the AB Visionary Model and it works by applying the principles of

creative visualization to get clear, to communicate with impact, and to

inspire people to action.

Not only do teams in the entire organization create better results in

this way, the leaders who use the model enjoy more passion and satisfaction in

the difference that they make in their leadership roles. Visionary leaders

stay energized and inspired by the vision so that the people around them

are sure to get the very best of them. In fact, leaders who adopt a visionary

approach have historically moved more people from one place to another

or transformed people from being one way to another way of being. It

happens faster and with greater success than with any other leadership

style.

Wright

So don’t we all have leadership styles that suit our unique personality

and strengths?

Dallas

Absolutely, and the most important aspects of personal development

are to know your strengths, develop them, and put them to use. Developed

strengths can be applied to make the best use of our strategic positions.

But where the difference comes in is that there are positive leadership

styles and there are negative leadership styles, depending on the situation

and one’s ability to properly execute them. In his book Primal Leadership:

Leading with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goldman named six basic

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219

leadership styles: the Commander, Pacesetter, Democratic, Affiliative,

Coach, and Visionary. Listing them from the least effective to the most

effective, he actually ranks Commander and Pacesetter as negative styles.

Democratic and Affiliative are neutral/positive, and the two most positive

leadership styles are Coach and Visionary, with Visionary being an

extremely high positive leadership style.

So my sense is why not get a bigger bang for your buck and develop

those two most effective styles—the visionary and the coach? What if you

used your leadership position to inspire and empower all day long? We

can’t remember to do a hundred different things but we can remember to

do two and the AB Model is the perfect tool for helping leaders do just

that—inspire and empower people to move from the pain of the situation

now to create what is possible instead.

Wright

So how do leaders become visionary? Isn’t that something you are

either born with or you aren’t?

Dallas

Well, some lucky few are born with the ability to be a visionary and

even a few are born with the ability to lead from that vision. The truth is

that visionary leadership is a skill. It can be learned, practiced, and

mastered. This is the method of disciplined thinking. Before we do

anything, on some level we picture ourselves doing it. For example, if I

want to grab my glass of water, I’m going to actually picture my hand

stretching out and grabbing hold of that glass of water. If I know what I’m

going to do with that glass of water after I grab it; I’m actually going to

bring it to my lips and drink from it. Visualizing what I going to do first, I

am able to accomplish the task faster. The third part of creative

visualization is that if I know the personal benefit for me, I’m actually

going to quench my thirst by grabbing it and taking a drink; then I’m going

to execute the action that much faster, with greater impact.

So by applying these basic principles:

• Visualizing an action,

• Knowing what we’re going to do after the action,

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220

• Being in touch with the personal benefit, we can create a better

leadership model. It is going to allow us to do the same thing

on a much more complex level by capturing the essence of

creative visualization in our everyday lives.

To help you get a sense of how this might apply to a business setting or

to a leadership setting, let’s draw the A to B Model so that you can have a

visual of how to apply these principles. I’ll invite you to take out a piece of

paper and turn it horizontally. On the left-hand side of the paper, put a

capital A in the upper left corner. On the right-hand side, put a capital B in

the upper right corner. Then draw an arrow from A to B, but draw it so

that it goes three quarters of the way across the page, leaving a space

between the tip of your arrow and the B. Put a question mark right in the

space between the tip of the arrow and B, because you’re not sure how that

arrow is going to actually reach B. Then above A, I want you to draw a

thought bubble and in that bubble, draw the same capital letter B, just as

you did on the right-hand side of your page.

Visionary leaders have only three jobs to do when they are “in the money.”

By “in the money,” I mean they’re doing something no one else in the

organization can do. Those three “jobs” are to:

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221

1. Create a vision—name it and articulate it for themselves,

2. Inspire people by communicating that vision a million

different ways to a million different people

3. Engage and empower people to use their talents, strengths,

and gifts to close that gap between A and B so that the vision is

manifested by those they lead.

“A” is where people are standing now. It represents all the things we

know are true about this very moment. It’s the honest ugly truth, the

assets, and the things we can celebrate now. The idea is to be able to slice

that pie in a million different ways. You want to see “A” from your

perspective, from the company’s perspective, from the leader’s perspective,

from the perspective of people on the front line, and from your customers’

perspective. Then you want to use the information you know about “A”

and bring it right over to “B” where you name what you want instead.

Again, you’re going to list the possibilities. What does success look like?

What is the essence of living in that space when those needs are met, when

that pain no longer exists as if it never existed to begin with? What you’ll

come up with is a list of qualities of being in the place that describes for

you a place worth getting to. It may not be probable, but it will be possible.

The idea is to make sure that if you waved a magic wand, what you get is

worth creating.

Wright

So what if a leader is detailed-oriented versus big picture? For instance

many CFOs and COOs are highly effective in their roles because they’re

systematic in their thinking and in analysis of details. How can they lead

with their strengths and still be effective at inspiring people to create

better bottom line results?

Dallas

Well, this is a good point because your CFOs and your COOs are the

people who can make or break a business at any moment. It’s that gift of

being able to hone in on the details that have been so important to an

organization up to that point; without that level of detail, this model isn’t

going to work.

This is not about people who can just dream big. This exercise is about

the discipline of actually getting into the very specific details necessary to

ROADMAP to Success

222

making where you are now (“A”) come alive so that people will be engaged

in their gut. They’re going to feel where they are now, and it’s going to

likely make them uncomfortable.

Those CFOs or COOs—people who have been detail-focused in their

roles—are going to have an edge because they’re going to actually know

the details that matter most, and they can just list those details one right

after the other. They can then use those same details to describe what

success looks like. One might have a big picture vision, like JFK’s and put a

man on the moon, but it’s the details that inform people about what life

will actually be like once it happens. The key to naming “B” is to really

know the little details that best inform you about both “A” and “B.” To

further help, I ask my clients to consult their senses: what are you going to

see, hear, feel, taste, and touch? I think detail-oriented people have an

essential role to play in laying out what the vision looks like.

Wright

So isn’t visioning the same as setting the strategic direction and goal-

setting, and if not, how is it different?

Dallas

Let’s go back to the AB Model and examine the arrow. This is why I had

the arrow only go about three quarters of the way over toward “B,” because

in goal-setting, goals live at the tip of the arrow. If you think about any

goal or strategy, you can probably imagine how you might get to that goal

or how you might achieve it. If you can’t begin to imagine it, you can

probably tap into the knowledge and/or the collective imaginations of the

people on your team. But somehow you can begin to figure out how to get

there.

Visions are bigger than what we know how to do. You’ve got to push

the vision piece out beyond that arrow, and you’ve got to be able to leave

that gap of the unknown, because it’s in that space of the unknown where

the energy starts to build.

A visionary leader is paying attention to people’s energy. You want to

be able to push something far out beyond what you know, what you can

predict, what you can calculate with your thinking mind into the space

where you engage someone’s emotional energy and inspire them, pull

them to something that is better, something that still has that mystical

Liz Dallas

223

quality to it, that you have, no idea how you’re going to get there but you

know when you do it will be worth it.

Wright

Will you give me some examples of how this has worked with a client of

yours?

Dallas

My clients use this AB Model to be successful in leading efforts as big

and as far-reaching as transformational change in their organizations. It’s

used in the important work of developing high performers and high

performing teams and also applied to ensure wildly productive meetings

and planning sessions.

Some of my clients have found the most satisfying success applying it

to essential matters such as their personal preparation in making critical

life decisions. I have clients take this model and put it on the wall of their

office or they start meetings by drawing it out on the white board. They

keep a separate file on their desktop that allows them to add to, define,

and refine, honing their language so they can be more effective in

communicating with it. They’re constantly adding to and tweaking “A” and

“B” of the Model, and it’s a powerful tool that helps leaders stay connected

to their commitment and intention to create success for the organization.

Wright

What difference has this made for your clients and their companies?

Dallas

The list of benefits is long and deep. Companies enjoy better bottom

line results for innovation, for exceptional quality, better productivity, and

greater efficiencies. They’ve captured new markets and they strengthen

their brand by getting clearer about where they are now and where they’d

like to be. They’ve created sales revenues beyond their expectations, and

then my clients personally have been able to enjoy developing first rate

teams, breaking through the glass ceiling from director to VP to the C-

Level positions and they found more meaning and fulfillment in the work

that they do and the home life that they live.

ROADMAP to Success

224

Wright

So what do you think keeps more good leaders from figuring this out?

Dallas

You know good leaders didn’t get there by accident. Most of them have

a long list of achievements and a long track record of success; but in school

and in our experience we’re taught to deliver results. A lot of our expertise

lies around problem-solving, strategy, fixing things, etc. When you’re

leading with vision, strategy actually gets in the way of people’s ability to

inspire and be inspired.

Think about when you’re trying to get buy-in from people—the place

they’re going to disagree with you most is in strategy. So what a visionary

does is this: they’re only going to draw attention to “A” (where you are

now) and “B” (what’s possible instead), two places that most people can

agree on. People’s opinions come together when describing the current

situation and they can agree on where we’ll be when we’re finished and

what success looks like. If you can connect to those two places and then go

to the strategy, then people are going to be on the same page as they create

success.

But I find that more good leaders often miss this opportunity because

they can’t let go of that strategy. Anxious for results, many leaders rush

strategic, even tactical solutions. It’s difficult to take the risk of leaving

what has historically worked.

Wright

So what would you recommend as a first step toward being an

inspirational and empowering leader?

Dallas

To start applying this method, I suggest people begin by drawing the

AB Model diagram on a piece of paper and apply it to their own situation.

Choose a simple and current challenge and begin to discipline your

thinking so some things you know are “A” and some things are “B.” In the

center, I’ve created a little strategy “parking lot” as a placeholder for

strategic problem-solving ideas. A word of caution: as you begin to name

“A,” you are likely to start naming those things with language that

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225

describes the “absence of” or names of those things that are missing versus

what is actually happening.

For example, you might reference a lack of communication or a lack in

teamwork, when really those things are suggested solutions for the issues

at hand. In the case of communication issues, you might actually have

confusion, frustration, and duplicated effort. In the case of teamwork

issues, you might actually have competition for resources, isolated

workers, or one person carrying the bulk of the workload. Do this

wordsmith exercise using language to describe where you are and then

name where you want to be. Do you want to be in a place where work is

effortless, efficient, and highly productive? Do you want employees who

are passionate, collaborative, and inventive? Perhaps “B” is a place where

customer happiness is evident in unsolicited referrals of new customers,

momentum in brand strength, or customer service reps asking for extra

projects because the warranty call center is slow with work to do?

You want to be able to thoroughly understand your situation.

Discipline your thinking so that in meetings you can clearly identify when

people are talking about strategy and be reminded to let go and be flexible

on strategy but fixed on the most important part of the situation—the

pain point of “A” and the place of success at “B.” Creating success with this

visualization technique first starts with honing your ability to discipline

your thinking according to the AB Model and then play with it.

Wright

Let’s assume Larry is the owner of a company. Larry has been really

good at what he has done for years and he has opened up his own

company. The company begins growing and Larry sees very quickly that he

is going to have to start hiring more people. Business is good but Larry is

not very inspirational—he’s not the kind of person who can hold pep

rallies or inspire people. What does Larry do?

Dallas

A lot of owners do feel that way—not many people like to stand on that

stage. The same principles apply because you’re going to be able to get a

bigger bang for your buck when you can anchor what is happening in your

organization in these two places: “A” and “B.” This is a tool for getting back

on track and getting reconnected with why owners got into the business in

the first place and worked so hard to grow to this point of opportunity.

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226

In many ways, people don’t create these big things for no reason. They

create things because it helps them connect with what’s most meaningful

and there they will find their inspiration. This is the tool that can be used

to communicate to people who deliver those speeches, for people who grab

others in the hallway and connect with them personally. This is a tool

where one of the million different ways you might speak to people is

through the other people in your organization!

Wright

Very interesting. Well, what a great conversation. I’ve really enjoyed

talking with you. I’ve learned a lot here today and I’m sure that our readers

will. I really appreciate the time you have given me in answering all these

questions. I think this is going to be a good chapter for our book.

Dallas

Good it’s been my pleasure and I’m looking forward to seeing the book

in print.

Wright

Today I have been talking with Liz Dallas, executive coach, speaker,

inventor, and founder and co-owner of The Coaching Center of Vermont

Inc. A professionally trained coach drawing on twenty years of

international business management experience, she has coached hundreds

of leaders to create success.

Liz, thank you so much for being with us today on ROADMAP to Success.

Dallas

It’s been my pleasure, David.

227

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Liz Dallas is an innovator who shares her gift

through her role as an executive coach, speaker,

inventor, and founder/co

Center of Vermont, Inc., which

unique business model that supports constant

innovation. A professionally trained coach drawing

on twenty

management

and sourcing manufacturing, she has coached

hundreds of leaders to create success.

Liz and her family are blessed to live in Vermont where they enjoy

village living and efforts to create sustainable life for the sake of the planet

and the evolution of humanity.

Champ

Liz Dallas is an innovator who shares her gift

through her role as an executive coach, speaker,

inventor, and founder/co

-owner of the Coaching

Center of Vermont, Inc., which

is built on a

unique business model that supports constant

innovation. A professionally trained coach drawing

years of international business

experience in product development

and sourcing manufacturing, she has coached

Liz and her family are blessed to live in Vermont where they enjoy

village living and efforts to create sustainable life for the sake of the planet

Liz Dallas

Coaching Center of Vermont, Inc.

Champ

lain Mill, 20 Winooski Falls Way

Winooski, VT 05404

802-654-8787

lizd@coachingcenterofvt.com

www.coachingcenterofvt.com

228

229

Chapter Fifteen

SELF-A

CTIVATE AND

REATE

RANSFORMATION

JENNIFER K

ERN

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’m talking with Jen

nifer Kern Collins

Science in Psychology and is a Certified Professional Co

trained by CTI, the premiere coaching institute in the world. Her coaching

addresses all facets of life including success

personal development, while enhancing clarity on direction, goals, and life

purpose. She partners with her clients on their individual journey

urges them to live their fullest,

richest lives. She

cessation at the Mayo Clinic

Nicotine Dependence

currently

coaches for Health and Wellness at the Hennepin County

Government Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota

the Minnesota Coach’

s Association and

he International Coach Federation.

coaching business called Intrinsic SOULutions.

Jennifer, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

Chapter Fifteen

CTIVATE AND

REATE

RANSFORMATION

ERN

COLLINS

nifer Kern Collins

. Jennifer has a Master of

Science in Psychology and is a Certified Professional Co

-active Coach,

trained by CTI, the premiere coaching institute in the world. Her coaching

addresses all facets of life including success

in career, relationships, and

personal development, while enhancing clarity on direction, goals, and life

purpose. She partners with her clients on their individual journey

s and

richest lives. She

has experience in tobacco

Nicotine Dependence

Center and she

coaches for Health and Wellness at the Hennepin County

Government Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota

. Jennifer is a member of

s Association and

a Professional Certified Coach with

he International Coach Federation.

Furthermore, she owns a private

coaching business called Intrinsic SOULutions.

ROADMAP to Success

230

Jennifer Kern Collins (Collins)

Thank you, David.

Wright

So what is your definition of success?

Collins

My definition of success is actually characterized by several different

elements. First and foremost is living in alignment with one’s spirit, which

for me has to do with living a life of purpose, continuously seeking self-

improvement, and being responsive to the present moment. Success is

living with an absence of fear and doubt, so we’re able to live by choice

instead of being driven by worries. For me, an essential part of my spirit

flourishing is living in a healthy body that lets me engage fully in life. I

think it’s also important to live with an outward authenticity and transparency

in order to create fulfilling, honest relationships. Having been raised as a

first-class appeaser and wild perfectionist, this is a tricky one for me. I am

constantly stretching myself to go new places in all areas of my life.

Anything I offer my clients, I am practicing myself in one form or another.

Wright

So how have you created success in your own life?

Collins

Well, since I started waking up to myself and to my life, somewhere in

2007, I’ve become very deliberate about applying to my own life techniques

that are universal and can be used by anyone. Becoming conscious about

how I feed my mind was a big first step. I used to watch television every

night, starting with the early evening sitcoms, moving into the dramas,

ending with the late-late shows, and somewhere in there was the news.

I realized at one point how emotionally wrapped up I became in the

fiction before me. It evoked an emotional rollercoaster on a daily basis,

complete with waves of laughing and crying, based on the show I was

watching. In the meantime, I was largely disconnected from myself and

when I

was

with me, I was creating my own inner dramas.

With new learning about how our thoughts and emotions create our

world, I purposefully cut out all forms of media that were not an expression of

Jennifer Kern Collins

231

what I would want to create in my own life (I actually did a full television

purge for about a year.) Now, when I select the music I listen to I make

sure it has “healthy” lyrics. I listen to a lot of inspirational lectures, and I

almost always begin my days in silence. What I’ve learned is that in the

absence of the electronic barrage, there is a peacefulness that is much

more enriching. It fuels my day in a way that has me more present to

myself and to others.

Another process I’ve engaged to create success in my life is getting clear

on what I want, creating the images in my mind and the feelings in my

heart, and then somehow externalizing them.

In 2009, I was in a rollercoaster relationship, stuck in a job I hated, sure

that I had no skills and nothing to offer the world, and convinced that I

needed a(nother) man to rescue me. This was a chronic condition that was

sucking the life out of me. One winter night I finally decided,

“enough!”

walked into the dinky little bathroom of my crummy apartment, looked

myself in the eye, and declared to myself aloud, “Jennifer, I love you, I

accept you, and I will

always

take care of you.” I was trembling and crying

and fell to my knees, overwhelmed by that profound acknowledgment.

Little did I know, from that moment my life would be different. Something

in that willingness to inhabit a conscious love of and devotion to myself lit

a fire inside me.

I immediately sat down and got very clear and specific about what I

wanted in a new job. I wrote it out in detail, including everything from the

kind of boss and coworkers I wanted, to the actual work, salary, and

environment. (I even requested an office with windows, which would be an

upgrade from the Cubeville I was languishing in.) I shared my intention

with a close friend who responded, “You think you can really get all that?” I

shrugged my not-knowing, and internally stayed with the hope.

Within two weeks I found a job posting that fit my skill set, and I

applied immediately. To cut to the chase, I got an interview within a week

and an offer twenty-four hours after that. It took another two weeks to

negotiate a salary I was satisfied with, to which people exclaimed, “In

this

economy!” And within a few months of starting, I even got my corner

office with floor-to-ceiling windows.

I eventually ended the rollercoaster relationship to make space for what

I really wanted to have in my romantic life. The same process applied. I

visualized the kind of man I wanted to be with, and how our relationship

would feel. I wrote out all the qualities that were important to me, and I

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created a vision board to support my internal creation. Again, within a

matter of weeks, I met the man who is now my husband. And he’s even

better than my dream!

All this, David, is to illustrate the power of intention, willingness to act

and take risks, and the transformational force of self-love.

Other methods I use to create success in my own life include continued

education through reading, lectures, and attending workshops and

retreats. I also work with a coach myself and set goals to continue forward

action in my business, my relationships, my physicality, and my self-

connection.

If we want to move forward in life, we have to take the opportunities

that present themselves to us. We have to be willing to take responsibility

for what we want to be different in our lives and not just give in to the

circumstances. We have to be willing to boldly follow the guidance we are

given and trust that we will be safe, even when we stumble. And

sometimes we need a partner in that journey. That’s what coaching is

about.

Wright

Your company is Intrinsic SOULutions, spelled SOUL, what is that

about?

Collins

At Intrinsic SOULutions, the core belief is that each individual holds his

or her own answers within. Most people try to solve their internal

problems by seeking external changes. They’re looking for ways to make

their circumstances different to make them feel happy or more fulfilled,

such as losing weight, changing jobs, getting married, getting divorced,

having children, and so on. It’s not to say these conditions should or

should not change, but we need to be clear that an external change alone

will not bring us the balanced life we seek. Since our outer experiences are

a reflection of our inner world, changing our circumstances without self-

awareness or personal exploration will only lead us to recreate the same

problems and conditions we just left.

In actuality, happiness can only emerge from within, and true

fulfillment can only occur when we are in touch with our soul and acting

on the purpose it wants to live out. I like the analogy that if you lose

something inside a dark house where the power is out, it doesn’t make any

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sense to go outside the house to look for it just because the street lamp is

on.

Intrinsic SOULutions is really about finding, or maybe better put,

turning on that inner light in order to get more deeply in touch with your

soul, your true essence, and start creating greater fulfillment and personal

happiness in relationships, career, health, and any other area of life. In a

sense, it’s making your own inner wisdom conscious and user-friendly.

Wright

You have extensive experience with coaching for health and wellness,

as well as tobacco addiction. How do you motivate people to change?

Collins

Well, motivation to me is an interesting concept. What I have found in

working with people is that the term “motivation” is used very negatively. I

frequently hear people say, “I want to get motivated. I have to get

motivated!” When I ask what motivates them, it usually has to do with

pushing away from something—”I don’t want to get diabetes,” “I don’t

want to lose my relationships,” “I don’t want to gain weight,” “I don’t want

lung cancer,” “I don’t want—” whatever it is. Those certainly are very valid

issues that can create importance for making changes, but what I find is

that people actually get into action more easily through

inspiration

compared to motivation. So when I work with clients, my target is not

motivating them to change, but having them get inspired to create new

results in their life.

Part of that comes through developing a vision and knowing how you

are linked to that vision. What is it that you really want? What makes it

important? And if you got it, what would you have? What would life really

be like? Painting that picture and getting inspired to move into that vision

are more powerful than simply “getting motivated.” It’s a positive pull

toward something better rather than negatively pushing away from

something undesirable.

Wright

So what do you find gets in the way of making progress toward desired

change?

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Collins

Well, there are a number things. For one, I find that some of the inertia

around change is simply rooted in conditioning. We are used to our habits

and the way we’ve always done things. We don’t want to make the effort to

find something new when nothing’s broken. Or sometimes we know we

want

to do something differently, but we don’t know where to start. We

may not know what the possibilities are for altering our daily choices in

order to get new results. I think that the lack of a clear vision can interfere

with making progress. How do you know what you’re working toward if

you don’t know where you want to go? Without a vision, we cannot know

what daily thought and behavior changes we need to implement to get

where we really want to be.

Another thing that interferes with progress is fighting internal signals.

Many people get into the habit of overriding their biofeedback. What I

mean by that is when the body gets a signal that it needs something,

people ignore it and continue a behavior that is not getting that need met.

An example would be eating behaviors that do not honor hunger levels.

People ignore biofeedback, eating past full, simply because there is still

food on their plate. They eat out of boredom or the desire for distraction;

they eat out of loneliness or the need for self-soothing, regardless of

whether the body actually needs fuel. People also ignore their tired meter,

staying awake too late watching television, or surfing the Internet. They’re

not listening to their body’s signal of the need for sleep.

Ignoring biofeedback and not honoring the body is something that can

interfere with progress in any area of life that you want to have changes,

particularly physically, but also including changes in creativity, work

performance, or depth of connection in relationships.

How we take care of our physical body is a reflection of how we value

ourselves. Our self-honoring on this plane will affect every area of our

lives. In fact, I often find that the inspiration for people to make changes

in their nutrition, exercise, and sleep habits comes from a desire to

improve self-confidence or self-esteem rather than the compulsion to lose

weight.

A lack of insight into what drives current behavior also gets in the way

of making progress toward change. It’s not uncommon for people to just

act without understanding what their actual need is. I’ll give an example: I

was working with a client who was taking action steps for weight loss and

she was doing very well. Following a death in the family, she explained to

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me that that the grief caused her to indulge in donuts. What I highlighted

for her is that the donuts weren’t actually the indulgence—the indulgence

was in avoidance and instant gratification. It was a means of self-soothing.

The donuts were simply the vehicle for instant pleasure and creating

distraction from the pain.

When we can identify what our needs are (such as soothing pain), we

can consciously choose how to meet them without defaulting into

unhealthy eating behavior, distraction as avoidance, seeking instant

gratification (smoking will do this), and so on.

In our society, we are seduced by distraction, which actually becomes

the modus operandi for a lot of people. We make ourselves very busy being

focused on following diet plans, checking our Facebook accounts, getting a

new date, having a snack, searching for a different job, Googling the latest

book to solve the problem, or finding a new whatever-else-might-be-the-

answer. We’re continuously seeking a different condition or more

information, but it actually keeps us distracted from developing ourselves

in areas that would really produce change. If we were to go within

ourselves and practice what I call “self-activation,” we could break through

barriers and make progress like nobody’s business.

Finally, limiting beliefs are actually one of the top things that interfere

with making positive changes.

Wright

So what exactly are limiting beliefs?

Collins

Beliefs in general are thoughts you think repeatedly that you hold to be

of truth. A belief is a deep-seated opinion that informs your emotional

responses, your actions, your choices. It’s almost like an internal

declaration that shapes your life. So a

limiting

belief, then, is a belief that

keeps you from achieving your goals or creating the results you want.

Wright

How can our readers start to change what they believe in order to

support getting what they want in life, especially when the world around

them is the same way it’s always been?

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Collins

That’s a really great question, David. What you are highlighting here is

that in order to get new results, you have to create new beliefs. We actually

can’t wait for our circumstances to change. We need to take charge. A

different experience of life emerges from

internal

change, since we’ll always

act in a way that is consistent with our self-image and our world-view.

The process for creating new beliefs has several key elements. The first

thing is finding the limiting belief—what is getting in the way of the

actions that will get you what you want? One way to identify your limiting

beliefs is to look for where you tell yourself you

can’t

and where you tell

yourself you

should

. The

cant’s

and the

should’s

point you to a belief you

hold that something is not possible or that you are bad or wrong for being

a certain way. Neither of these attitudes will lead to new opportunities or

experiences.

Another place to look for limiting beliefs is in thought distortion such

as negative self-talk, judgment and criticism, catastrophizing, global

negativity, etc. Those are things that would shine a light on a limiting

belief about yourself or how you see yourself as a victim of your

circumstances. Some of the most commonly held limiting beliefs come

from a condition I call “not-enoughism.” We think to ourselves, “I’m not

good enough, smart enough, thin enough, big enough, young enough, old

enough, rich enough, disciplined enough, educated enough,” and so on.

These are simply thoughts we

choose

to believe. Gaining awareness of them

is step one.

The next thing to look for is the evidence of that belief being bullshit

because every limiting belief is a

lie

. One place to look for evidence is in

past exceptions, meaning a time in your life when this belief was not acted

upon and the opposite was true instead. For example, a belief of “I can’t

lose weight” or “I can’t quit smoking” is proven wrong when I reflect on a

time when I did lose ten pounds or I was smoke-free. So I now know that

belief is false. It may be relevant to explore what was happening during the

time when it wasn’t true and how my choices or routines differed from

what they are now. Or, since life never goes backward, the more potent

thing could be to simply acknowledge the lie in the limiting belief and look

forward to what’s possible when you come from a place of believing “I can.”

In order to start consciously creating new beliefs, consider your desired

results. What would you have to believe in order to get them? This is the

place where you clarify your vision and deliberately write the internal

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dialogue you need to achieve it. This new script may take on the form of

affirmations to reprogram the mind. However, there is another step that is

essential to this process and that is granting permission while engaging

self-love. We are so conditioned to keep ourselves small (usually to manage

other people’s egos and insecurities) that we actually need to grant

ourselves

permission

to be that person who lives into our greater vision. We

need to make it acceptable for ourselves to be physically fit and attractive

or to be financially successful or to be happy in a relationship.

Engaging self-love is a way of getting in touch with your inner

worthiness to allow the new empowering beliefs to take root in the

subconscious. Life is going to look different as a result of your new beliefs.

In order to really solidify them, the last piece is creating action steps by

setting specific, measurable, and exciting goals along with implementing a

means of accountability. (Working with a coach is great for this!)

Wright

What is your view on life changes in general? Where do people get hung

up?

Collins

I think life change is something that’s really personal. The more I work

with clients, the more I believe they know what’s best for themselves. The

process of coaching helps excavate those solutions, create clear actions,

have a deeper, more accessible understanding of values and vision, and

then lock in the learning that will solidify the changes. I use the word

“change” since it is familiar, but I find it is a loaded term. I sometimes

reframe for clients that change is simply a redirection of energy and

resources.

That being said, effective change comes down to knowing what’s most

important to you, committing to it, and then adopting habits to support

how you really want to live. New habits or routines are essential to long-

term success. For example, we all know that “diets” are temporary—after

you’re done you can go back to the old ways, right? Well, sure, if you want

to get the same old results. So creating new habits is the key to lifestyle

change.

What people get hung up on are these myths—the Myth of the Wagon

and the Myth of Willpower. I hear it all the time, “I’m on the wagon. I’m off

the wagon.” Sorry, folks, there is

wagon. The wagon implies that a

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change is temporary. When you are committed to a lifestyle that gives you

the result you want, there is never an off or on; there is simply a way of

living.

I have a girlfriend and colleague who is very fit. She is a runner and she

eats healthy foods in comfortable portion sizes. One day, while she was

eating a big chocolate bar, I asked her if that indulgence made her think

she was “off the wagon.” Her response was no, and that’s because she

didn’t consider her overall healthy habits to be temporary. Chocolate is

something she enjoys in moderation and it does not overrun or interfere

with the general lifestyle that keeps her healthy in the long run.

Thinking or speaking of lifestyle choices in terms of being on or off the

wagon is a surefire sign that there isn’t actually a commitment to, or

embodiment of, the lifestyle you’re saying you really want that will get the

physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual results you truly desire.

There is something else that I call the Myth of Willpower. David, do you

brush your teeth every day?

Wright

Every day, yes, of course.

Collins

And does it take a huge act of willpower to brush your teeth?

Wright

Not really.

Collins

Not really, because it’s a habit—it’s something you do every day. You

don’t have to think about it, so it’s not a struggle. It’s automatic. This is

the kind of relationship you want to create with whatever behavior

corresponds with your desired outcomes, be it fitness level, financial

saving or spending, improving relationships, being on time, etc.

When you know what’s most important to you, when new choices

honor your deepest values, and when you’re committed to a vision, the

action steps flow more naturally. It’s not a struggle.

I had a forty-something client come into my office with concerns about

her stress level. She described herself as being “type-A” and obsessive

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about getting her work done before play. With the best of intentions, she

would get home from her job and brush past her family to “get her chores

done so she would have time with her children and husband.” This habit

created stress for her and sent her family the message that “getting stuff

done” was more important to her then they were.

In realizing that her routine was not honoring what was

most

important to her, my client changed her habit to spending time with her

children

first

when arriving home, before anything else. She commented to

me in a subsequent session that she had been concerned about her eight-

year-old growing into a depressed adult. Since she changed her routine to

make time with her children more important that her checklist, she’s

noticed a turnaround in her eight-year-old’s behavior, so much so that she

no longer has this worry.

This new routine was difficult for my client initially, but using an

affirmation and focusing on her values have yielded results that reinforce

her new habit, so it’s no longer a struggle for her.

When you start to establish new habits and routines, instead of

“summoning willpower,” rely on being connected with your values and

from there be deliberate about your choices and intentional in your

actions. Willpower is not essential, but consciousness is. Be awake to your

every-moment decision, and let your new choices evolve into habits.

Finally, I have to mention that failure is also a myth. It’s another thing

that people get hung up on. Failure is simply the lack of reaching a desired

result. Nothing more. But we make such drama over it. In the avoidance or

fear of failure, people miss out on a rich place of learning. If something

doesn’t work, you then know what

not

to do next time. You can look at

what you’ve done and see what has to be different. Then you start asking

the questions: What else do I need for support? What other resources do I

need? What’s another approach I could try? What’s working and what’s

not? So if you miss the mark, don’t make yourself “bad” over it. Reframe

“failure” to be a new opportunity and a process of honing in that will lead

you to your greatest success.

Wright

So how does health and wellness relate to success in business?

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Collins

What’s most obvious is that we rely on our bodies for our ability to

focus, to be productive, to engage with others, and more. So it’s really

important to have the mental, emotional, and physical energy that is

necessary to do that.

We know a lot of people who have been seduced into the culture of

having to function continuously at full throttle and produce at high levels.

That can only last so long, however. We need time to replenish that energy

intermittently in order to function at highest capacity.

That means knowing what foods you need to eat, at what time of day,

and in what quantity, and knowing when you need to exercise or take rest.

You might be a person who is not hungry until lunchtime and can work

through those hours with no problem. Others might need a mid-morning

break or snack to keep their energy level high and be most efficient.

I personally tend to eat frequently throughout the day, about every

three to four hours, with each “meal” being about three to five hundred

calories. That is the amount that’s most comfortable in my body that my

system can use efficiently. When I’m in the office, I use my lunch break to

exercise; I either run, walk, or go to the gym. Exercise is another way to re-

energize. Every once in a while, however, if I recognize that I’m particularly

tired I use my lunchtime to either nap or just lay quietly. It’s another way I

honor my body that makes me more effective in my work.

Pay attention to when are you most productive—is it early in the

morning or is it late at night? Whenever possible, structure your work

around those times. For people who deal with chronic conditions, such as a

bad back, neck pain, or any other number of conditions, physically moving

the body at regular intervals is essential. As a girlfriend of mine taught me,

“motion is lotion.” Connect with yourself and start creating more habits to

meet your needs on that physical level in order to respond to the external

demands. As a business owner or manager, give your employees the

flexibility to take care of their needs based on

them

, not based on you or

the company culture or “how we’ve always done it.” I would bet their level

of productivity will go up and they will be more satisfied in their work. A

great resource for more on this is Tony Schwartz’s Energy Project, which

you can find online.

Another way using the body can enhance business success is by

building self-efficacy and self-trust. The body is one of the only areas in life

where we have almost complete dominion. We are fully at choice with how

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we feed, exercise, clothe, and rest the body; we choose how to direct our

physical energy. So with this we can deliberately set physical goals that,

once achieved, increase our self-reliance and confidence.

That leads to what I call the Confidence Overflow Effect. This is when

success in one area of life enhances confidence in another area.

I had lower back surgery in 2003, after which I told myself I would

never run, rollerblade, ice skate, or learn to ski. In 2009, I began working

with a new company that promoted departments forming teams to take

part of a series of Twin Cities races. I decided to sign up to get to know my

coworkers better, with the intention of walking the 5K course. The race

day came and I was the only one there from my department. Surrounded

by strangers at the start line, when the signal went off and they started

running, I began a light jog, thinking there would be other walkers in the

crowd whom I could join. The funny thing was that no one else slowed to a

walk! Not wanting to be the only one, I kept jogging, which gradually built

up to a decent pace. I remember thinking, “This isn’t bad. It actually feels

good. I think I can keep going.” I ended up running the entire race. I was

not only proud of myself, I was surprised and left inspired to see what else

I was capable of that I was “sure” I couldn’t do.

That event helped me break through the limiting belief of “I’ll never

run,” and spurred me on to try new things. The following summer, I

learned to water ski for the first time, which continued to break through

my self-imposed limitations. This story is an illustration of how to use the

body to build your confidence and thereby expand your realm of

possibilities. Now, I can never go back to those old beliefs because I’ve

proven them wrong. What’s more, I have to continuously challenge my

current limiting beliefs (yes, I still have many) because I know there’s a

good possibility that they’re total bullshit.

Building on this concept, the body can also be used to build self-trust by

way of honoring physical commitments. When we make self-promises such

as, “I will exercise for forty-five minutes, five days a week,” and then we

don’t

follow through, we actually chip away at our relationship with our

Self. There is an erosion in our self-trust that occurs when we repeatedly

lie to ourselves by making promises we don’t keep. The good news is the

opposite is also true. Self-trust is fortified by honoring personal

commitments. We can use physical goals to deliberately deepen our

confidence and trust in both our abilities and our reliability. I used to be

one of those people who would blow off exercise for something else that

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was more fun, convenient, or important, thinking it wasn’t that big a deal.

I would tell myself it didn’t matter, which in effect was saying that “

don’t

matter.” Now, when I am tempted to skip out on my planned workout my

response to myself is, “No. I said I would do it, and I’m going to do it!” I

make honoring my self-commitments more important than giving into a

momentary mood or desire. Similarly, I’ve worked with clients who have

had great results with increase in overall self-esteem and improved follow-

through at work and other areas of life by developing a practice of keeping

self-promises, beginning on the physical level.

So engaging the body is a great access point for learning and building

skills to help you be more present in relationships with others and to show

up more fully in the business world. Taking care of your body will naturally

enhance your mental, emotional, and spiritual capacities as well, improving all

areas of your life.

Wright

So what are the steps to start getting results?

Collins

First we go back to having a vision. You really have to know where

you’re going in order to create the road map to get there. Decide what

success is to you. Create that picture of your ideal physical body, business

or career life, and relationships. What about each of the components of

your overall life vision is important to you? Also ask yourself, “Am I willing

to live with the short- and long-term effect of that vision?” Changing

anything in your life will have a ripple effect of some sort on some level.

You may not know what that will be, but in order to have the success you

envision, you have to be willing to step into something new and be with

the outcomes that show up.

Once your vision is clear, take a closer look at your current behaviors.

Chances are, some of your current habits are perfectly in alignment with

your goals. However, since you are not currently living the full vision,

something

needs adjusting. I encourage my clients to look at their current

patterns and identify what need is being met by each of those choices. We

rarely adopt a behavior, much less make it a habit, unless it is serving some

purpose. Understanding the underlying need is essential to creating lasting

change. We will always default back to old behaviors until we find a new

one that still satisfies our needs, and ideally moves us closer to our goals.

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An example is the need for a break from work—a refresher or

something to reenergize and refocus. Many people use snacking or

smoking or Internet surfing to fill this need, when it would be healthier

and more effective to go for a brisk walk, take a short nap, or take ten

minutes for something fun like doing a puzzle, calling a friend, or reading a

book. These alternatives would get the same need met, while moving closer

to the vision of being more physically fit or feeling more fulfilled at work.

Take the time to write out your current patterns, the need that is being

met by them, and then brainstorm new alternatives you can choose to

meet each need in a way that’s more in alignment with your vision.

Oh, and make sure that there is some fun in your alternative habits. I

think that pleasure, fun, and joy nurture the soul and feed your

inspiration, which keeps you gravitating toward the vision, instead of

negatively pushing away from undesired results.

Finally, set up an accountability framework and find reminders to help

with creating your new lifestyle. Knowing yourself best, determine what is

going to help you follow through with the vision-aligned behaviors. Is it

scheduling them into your calendar? Is it accessing someone as a support

person? Sometimes it can be helpful to use structures you are already

familiar with. An example around weight management would be using a

familiar “tool” like calorie tracking or Weight Watchers while beginning to

learn and listen to your biofeedback as a gauge for indicating when to eat

and when to stop. Be sure your environment also supports what you want

to accomplish by making certain things either more available or completely

unavailable. Also, intentionally structure an environment that inspires

your inner processes of creativity, compassion, and perseverance.

Wright

These steps seem like they could be overwhelming. How can people

make them doable?

Collins

It’s important to start small. I notice people getting all excited about

making changes so they aim really big. That’s great! You want the

vision

be big, and you want the steps to be small and doable. People want to go

from running a 5K to running a marathon in one day, so to speak. You can

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imagine what the outcome of that leap would be—you’d end up sore and

burnt out.

It is essential to start with what you can commit to—physically, time-

wise, emotionally—and still make the rest of your life work. One word that

flags my awareness that a client is over-committing is “try.” Anytime I hear

someone say, “I can try,” I know they are already letting themselves off the

hook, so we need to go deeper into matching a doable action step with the

vision. If you can’t commit all the way, scale back your short-term goal to

something you

know

you can definitely follow through on. Part of what

you want to do with that follow-through is continue to build your self-

trust and self-efficacy. You want to build your “I-can” thinking. Also, focus

on consistency and not perfection. I don’t care if it’s doing something for

ten minutes once a week; just make it

consistent

. You can always build on

what you’re doing.

Wright

Some people have a fear of success. What are your thoughts on this?

Collins

Fear is something that can be very real. Perhaps you know the acronym

for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. The fear of success is very

intimate and can be consuming. We all have internal “voices,” or parts of

ourselves, that we respond to and that inform our functioning, our

choices, and our self-image. Those fear-based parts of the Self want to keep

us safe and protected by avoiding change and rallying to keep us in status

quo. Simply understanding that those parts of ourselves exist can help us

begin to identify the ways in which we might be frightened of success.

Success is something that can be very threatening, to self-image first

and foremost. You may not know how to identify or connect with your

successful Self. This happens a lot for people who lose a significant amount

of weight, particularly if it’s fast. They don’t know how to be with

themselves when their external body doesn’t match their self-image of

being a “big person.” So they put the weight back on to return to

homeostasis, or the comfort zone where their thoughts match their

physicality.

In some cases, you may fear how you would keep up with the level of

success you desire over the long haul. You may be afraid of managing the

publicity or financial gains or the increased level of responsibilities that

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245

would accompany it. Success can also be threatening in relationships with

friends and family and coworkers. There will always be people who will

applaud your success and those who will scorn it. You actually have to

become a new level of you in order to, not only let the success in, but also

be with it when it shows up.

So the internal change actually has to keep up with the external acts in

order to dispel the fear. This is why you need to know what’s so important

about your vision. Because once you start moving in that direction, all

areas of your life will start to change as you do. Your external world will

respond to the new you, and you can’t predict how that will unfold. You

have to decide if living your vision and becoming the person you are

capable of being is more important to you than taking care of other

people’s egos or insecurities. I highly recommend getting solid support

throughout this process.

Wright

How does one bypass the fear and commit to the vision?

Collins

You grant yourself permission to be successful. You get conscious of

your self-talk, of any limiting beliefs that you are holding about yourself,

and move forward with adopting the inner dialogue that will get the

results you want. Own your successful Self in advance, whether it’s being

more fit, more free, more creative in your job, more timely, getting more

promotions, or feeling happier in your relationships. Grant yourself

permission, make the success acceptable (even vital!), and then

act

Once you start getting results, celebrate them! Don’t let others’

reactions—positive or negative—deter you from your success path. Know

that the changes you make and the success that you have is actually in

service of others. You

have

to keep going! When people see you make

changes and be true to your desires, it’s a way of leading and encouraging

them to be their best selves. This awareness of how you are modeling the

possibility for personal success to others can also help quell the fear of

success.

Be sure you get the right support for your vision. As the saying goes,

“Don’t go to the hardware store for milk.” Call on the people who are really

going to support you. There will be people in our lives who don’t want us to

change, for whatever reason. They don’t want things to be different or

ROADMAP to Success

246

they can’t tolerate your fabulousness or their insecurities keep them from

living into their own vision, and what you represent evokes envy. Lean

into the people who are really going to be in your corner and help you get

to the place where your light can shine. Change is fragile in the beginning,

so as you make progress let yourself gradually settle into the new way of

being. Continuously reinforce the transformation and renew your

commitment to continued action.

Wright

You stated before that happiness emerges from the inside out, but is

there a way to use external change to generate internal happiness?

Collins

I would say so. In fact, I think sometimes the external doings are more

tangible to begin with. It can help to practice certain actions until you

really believe that who you want to become

possible. Imagine you are

that acclaimed artist or the new CEO or the bodybuilding champ. Think

about what you would be doing in your daily life and then start doing those

things

now

. It’s part of getting into the feeling place of that vision and it is

also part of creating new beliefs and habits that are going to lead you

toward success.

There is also a way of using external changes to create a daily practice

of joy. Find something that is joyful for you or that you are passionate

about and work it into your day in small ways. It may be singing, writing,

painting, being with animals, walking in nature, or any of a million other

creative or connective activities. A joy practice is going to improve your

mood and help you feel more inspired about life and about changes, which

of course will lead to a greater sense of personal satisfaction and

happiness. Just be sure your practices are in alignment with your vision

and your true essence. I mean, we’re not talking about using food, drugs,

sex, gambling, or any other instant gratifier. To be more specific, your daily

joy practice should be something you have to actively engage

with

to feel

the joy, not just passively experience. We are always both inside and

outside of ourselves. We are interacting with what’s external from an

internal place. So using external practices that consciously and actively

connect us with ourselves can be very powerful for creating an authentic

inner happiness.

Jennifer Kern Collins

247

Follow-through is also an essential element of doing things externally

to create that inner glow. I’ve mentioned before that it’s a way you can

develop your relationship with your Self, by building confidence, self-trust,

and self-esteem. Couple that with deliberate self-love and you will take

ownership of your life in a powerful new way.

Claiming your own self-authority, courage, and clarity will lead you to

create your destiny, your future, and your life, as you want to live it.

Wright

So what else do our readers need to know to create success in their

lives?

Collins

There may be a deficit in awareness of the basic laws of the universe

that actually inform what is going on in our lives. I’m no scientist, but I’ll

explain them as I understand and find them useful.

The book and movie

The Secret

came out several years ago teaching and

illustrating the Law of Attraction. Seeing the movie certainly affected my

own life and how I think and act. However, I also think it’s incomplete.

There are other basic laws that we innately know exist, but haven’t made

conscious or given a useful name to.

One of them is the Law of Gestation, which highlights that nothing is

born into its fully-expressed form, ever. Conscious awareness of this law

reminds us of the need for patience. Then we understand that we can’t

have the vision or idea actualized right

now

, because there is a gestation

period that is required for it to come to fruition. Our job, during that

gestation period, is to hold the vision, nurture ourselves, take the action

steps to make it reality, and trust the process.

Another one that I really think is essential is the Vacuum Law of the

Universe. This law highlights that any void created in life will be filled in

with

something

. So if there is a habit you want to change, without

identifying the need and creating new ways to get it met (filling in the

void), this law will kick into effect and pull you back to your default way. I

speak about this all the time when I’m working with people on tobacco

cessation. You can’t just take the cigarette away and not fill that time and

space with something

else

. Leaving a void creates a huge vulnerability to

relapse because you’ll always go back to what is familiar, to what you’re

used to, if you don’t know what to rely on instead.

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248

On the flip side, if you want something new to come into your life, you

may need to create space for it

before

it can arrive. Staying in a dead

relationship, for example, is filling up the space where a new person might

come into your life. When you clarify your vision, firmly grounded in self-

love, and you act with courage to make space for something new.

Invariably, what then comes into your life is usually

better

than what you

just had. Use this awareness of the Vacuum Law to create a space,

mentally, emotionally, and/or physically for what you want to allow into

your life.

The Law of Polarity is like it sounds. Everything in life has an opposite

—dark and light, fast and slow, controlling and compliant, active and

passive. We each have a wide range of qualities and attributes within us.

What can get in the way of success is when we deny one of those qualities,

thinking it is bad or wrong to have it. We need to embrace all of ourselves

to be in the flow of life and experience inner peace. A great resource for

learning more about this is Debbie Ford’s movie

The Shadow Effect.

speaks to the need for acceptance and integration of all aspects of

ourselves in order to experience wholeness.

The last law worth mentioning here is the Law of Rhythm. We all have

what we call ups and downs in life. It’s normal, but I think what a lot of

people experience as a “down” is actually a

plateau

. It’s a stagnancy or lack

of stimulation. For example, you may start out in a job feeling exhilarated

and inspired, but after a while it flat-lines out. It’s not as exciting or

stimulating as it used to be because you’ve reached a point where you’re

not getting any more out of it. You’ve had the experience, you’ve learned

from it, now you’re ready for the next level. But it

feels

like a low point

because you are no longer growing in a way that is in alignment with your

vision or your purpose. There is more to this law, but for the sake of

brevity I just want to highlight that your slump is simply a signal that you

are ready for the next “up.” So get into your vision, make space for

something new, overcome limiting beliefs, create inspiring self-talk, design

new habits, and get the support you need to be your most successful Self

and live the life you really want!

Jennifer Kern Collins

249

Wright

Well, this has been interesting, very interesting. Especially the part

when you said that for all of my behaviors there is a need being met. I’m

going to have to think about that one.

This has been fascinating. I really appreciate your taking all this time

with me to answer of these questions. I know our readers are going to get a

lot out of this chapter.

Collins

Well, I certainly hope so. Thank you for inviting me, David.

Wright

Today I have been talking with Jennifer Kern Collins. Jennifer is a

Certified Professional Co-Active Coach. She partners with her clients on

their individual journeys and urges them to live their fullest, richest lives.

Jennifer, thank you so much for being with us today on

ROADMAP to

Success.

Collins

Thank you, David.

250

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jennifer Collins has a wealth of experience

coaching business owners, entrepreneurs, corporate

executives, physicians, teachers, artists, social workers

librarians, government department direct

and “

the average Joe.

facets of life, including success in career, relationships,

and personal development. She has specialized

experience in coaching for Health and Wellness and is

a Certified Professional Co-Acti

ve Coach. An inspirational speaker,

Jennifer offers classes and workshops on a regular basis, tailored upon

request. She has presented to such groups as the State of Minnesota, the

American Lung Association of Minnesota, and the 2009 Mayo Clinic

Nicotine D

ependence Center Annual Conference. Jennifer locally

represents CTI, the Coaches’

Training Institute, as their ambassador to the

Twin Cities and surrounding area. Educated in Europe, Jennifer enjoys a

variety of cultures and can communicate in the Spanish,

Dutch languages. Though Jennifer is a citizen of the world, she calls

Minneapolis home, where she resides with her husband, Troy, and dog,

Suzie.

Jennifer Collins, MS, CPCC, PCC

Jennifer Collins has a wealth of experience

coaching business owners, entrepreneurs, corporate

executives, physicians, teachers, artists, social workers

librarians, government department direct

ors, lawyers,

the average Joe.

” Her coaching addresses all

facets of life, including success in career, relationships,

and personal development. She has specialized

experience in coaching for Health and Wellness and is

ve Coach. An inspirational speaker,

Jennifer offers classes and workshops on a regular basis, tailored upon

request. She has presented to such groups as the State of Minnesota, the

American Lung Association of Minnesota, and the 2009 Mayo Clinic

ependence Center Annual Conference. Jennifer locally

Training Institute, as their ambassador to the

Twin Cities and surrounding area. Educated in Europe, Jennifer enjoys a

variety of cultures and can communicate in the Spanish,

French, and

Dutch languages. Though Jennifer is a citizen of the world, she calls

Minneapolis home, where she resides with her husband, Troy, and dog,

Jennifer Collins, MS, CPCC, PCC

Intrinsic SOULutions

P.O. Box 19374

Minneapolis, MN 55419

612-605-6587

www.IntrinsicSOULutions.com

251

Chapter Sixteen

LET

YOUR

SELF

SHINE!

ATERINA

David Wright (Wright)

Today I’

m talking with Caterina Alberti

Business Coach accredited from Royal Roads University and a d

the leadership team of the Vancouver Island Coaching Association.

brings a unique approach that recognizes the interconnection of our

professional and spiritual life, a necessary balance that elevates our

attitudes for personal and professio

firsthand that people need to believe in themselves and be connected at a

spiritual level where they may better understand and fully express their

uniqueness to walk their path in life.

Founder of Crossover Coaching,

she has a

business success achieved by developing and implementing

coaching, visionary

leadership, professional development, exceptional

service and sales with

a keen sense for opportunities

compassion as an inspirational

speaker and creator of the Think Like a

Mountain

™

Leadership Program.

Caterina, welcome to

ROADMAP to Success

251

Chapter Sixteen

YOUR

TRUE

SHINE!

ATERINA

ALBERTI

m talking with Caterina Alberti

. Caterina is an Executive

Business Coach accredited from Royal Roads University and a d

irector on

the leadership team of the Vancouver Island Coaching Association.

She

brings a unique approach that recognizes the interconnection of our

professional and spiritual life, a necessary balance that elevates our

attitudes for personal and professio

nal wellbeing. Caterina knows

firsthand that people need to believe in themselves and be connected at a

spiritual level where they may better understand and fully express their

she has a

proven track record of

business success achieved by developing and implementing

creative

leadership, professional development, exceptional

a keen sense for opportunities

. She leads with

speaker and creator of the Think Like a

ROADMAP to Success

252

Caterina Alberti (Alberti)

Thank you; it’s a pleasure to be here.

Wright

You have spent your life on the beautiful west coast of British

Columbia, Canada, and the most recent years in the coastal mountains of

the tourism resort community of Whistler. What can you share about the

areas where you have lived and how this has shaped your life?

Alberti

Yes, I am truly blessed by my surroundings and the journey of my life

experiences have shaped who I am today. My childhood years were spent

growing up in a remote logging and mining town in one of the most

beautiful seaside communities on the west coast of British Columbia. Our

home was a very small, two-bedroom miner’s cabin, not much more than

five hundred square feet.

We were a large and vibrant Italian family of eight. Since there was

little space for playing in our house, my brothers, sisters, and I spent most

of our days playing outside regardless of the weather. We had a lot of

freedom and we learned so much from the extraordinary environment

around us. The forests, ocean, beaches, and rivers were very much our

home, too. It was this playful freedom that enabled me to develop the

understanding of order, to be resourceful, get creative, and build the

strength of spirit within me. We were taught at a very young age to engage

our whole being in order to know what we needed to survive in nature.

My mother, being the Italian momma that she is, made our home

known in our community for her homemade pasta, breads, pizza,

cannoli—I am sure you are getting the picture! It was the after-school stop

for many neighborhood kids. She is now eighty-two years old and her

home is still filled with the smells of her home cooking and everyone feels

the warmth in their own hearts when they enter. When we were growing

up, my father made sure we received the good things in life—a lot of sleep,

fresh air, activity, laughs, fun, dance, magic tricks, and meals together.

One of the most important and precious moments was to kiss our

parents goodnight before bed. This created the message that everything

our parents did for us in the day was rooted in unconditional love; the kiss

sealed the feeling of respect, appreciation, and peace in our hearts. I grew

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253

up with the strength of family and the simple life of a small community as

well as a profound connection with the beauty of nature.

Now I live in the coastal mountain resort community of Whistler,

where I have worked and raised my own family for the past twenty-two

years. Living in a mountain resort town tests one’s love, patience, and

perseverance. It teaches the acceptance of change and deepens a love of

diversity. The beauty in the mountains is unmatched and can be seen in

every cottonwood tree seed and each snowflake. There is great learning in

the mountains and, as they say, “it builds a different kind of character”

because at times there is little room for the soft-hearted.

However, what has happened is that we have been taught that an

extreme nature of living has more value than being in spirit with nature.

This lifestyle is driving how many of us spend our time in work, play, and

our communities today. There is little balance in the world of the driven

and in this place, people overlook the time needed to connect. It is similar

to the sacrificial ritual of cutting the hearts out in a race for individual

power, causing political, economical, and environmental turmoil. This is

how I came to create my leadership program called “Think like a

Mountain”

™ where I assist others with the knowing of a deep connection

to the spirit within and around us and the power and intelligence of a

loving heart.

Real happiness comes from the knowledge that our true power exists in

our positive connections, gentleness, and kindness with all beings and the

process and cycles of our own nature. The magic in the nature around me

is one of the most precious things that has formed my life, this is where it

is possible for all to see the miraculous and beauty within ourselves at any

moment.

Wright

With more than twenty years of working for others in the retail,

service, and tourism industries, leading and managing small to medium

organizations toward success, you made a transition in your own life to

become a business and spiritual coach. How did this transition come

about?

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254

Alberti

Well, David, this was a trying time for me because this particular

transition came about from the discomfort of working in many

organizations in the past few years. I was working very hard, putting in

extra hours providing exciting ideas, opportunities, organizing, strategies,

plans, and action to elevate business wellness on many levels at my places

of work. I also brought a positive attitude and bright spirit; this energy was

integral to the wonderful business relationships and successes we were

experiencing.

My environment at work is very important to me. The humanizing

elements of kindness and caring that are in our nature need to be in every

nook and cranny. These respectful manners assist me to be creative,

insightful, inventive, where everyone can enjoy a warm and fun workplace;

be engaged, and generate trust and new solutions.

Yet my experiences at my places of work left me feeling completely

used, battered, sad, and starving for meaning. There was this terrible

letdown and the overwhelming feelings of being taken advantage of that

never allows you to know a sense of achievement. It seemed that time after

time there was a real drought of key personal and professional

nourishment such as basic encouragement, value, respect, teamwork,

kindness, and leadership. I discovered that this problem is much deeper

with dishonest habits such as justifying and expressing anger in unhealthy

ways, unethical choices, undermining others, and projecting a false image.

The depriving of accomplishment in some workplaces is entrenched in

their culture.

To learn that the culture is quite different than it appears on the

surface was a very difficult experience for me because I live in what is

supposed to be a world class resort, yet it is not what it seems to be to the

world. My children have witnessed what I consider serious acts of abuse

toward their mom at work, on personal and professional levels. I know

that I am not alone and many other people experience similar situations. It

is not only a problem in my community; in fact, it is everywhere and it is

based on fear, short-sighted, self-serving environments. Sometimes the

team or group you work with may be healthy and wonderful, yet what is

hidden is how self-serving the environment is in the bigger picture. When

dishonesty occurs and the business is protected by people in various

surrounding positions, it is simply not safe. This seriously bothered me

and frankly it scared me almost to death!

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255

I felt stuck in this pattern of jobs, as it seemed difficult to find a way out.

As a single mom, it felt at times that there was no escape route. Then I

began to see how dishonesty is deeply engrained in our public, private, and

business connections. Many people have made comprises in their own

moral guidance so much so that they have become lost and the choice

between right and wrong to them is blurred. It seems that the value of the

outcome of the dishonesty has become more valuable than being true to

self—our conscience against the golden rules of goodness. “Jiminy

Cricket” has been threatened or fired so many times he has lost his nerve

and has disappeared on a permanent stress leave.

A business rests in the hearts and souls of its people. If the souls of

some are dishonest and cause harm, this affects all good intentions within

the business. When this happens, the light of spirit is weakened and the

whole is harmed. We can all fall prey to the subtle yet dishonest activities

because we do not see or cannot believe it is happening until we are hit by

the train of reality. The good thing is we can start to get out from these

chaotic situations and begin to do the right things immediately—the right

things that get us back on track.

I realized coaching is a great way to shine light on the strengths and

dreams of others, providing a sacred space for creative reflection and

expression needed for our higher purpose to move into action. I made the

transition in my career and it was a blessing and a natural step for me. I

have always known that I hold a love for others to succeed. This brings in

my spiritual side to my coaching. Not everyone holds this same love for

others; quite often it is the opposite. To assist others in these situations, I

created a deck of beautiful art cards; they provide a return to light within

“A Process for the Whole Person.”

Coaching others to experience the achievement of doing what feels

right and to embrace their immense value, empowers and opens the door

to the joys of the long-term effect.

Wright

Your focus is leadership solutions for women and young adults. Will

you share with me what your clients are looking for today? Where do you

see your assistance is the most beneficial?

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256

Alberti

I believe people need someone they can trust to replenish their soul and

mend the divide between their personal and professional lives to achieve a

better balance and keep on track. Trust and sincerity in ourselves and

relationships elevate the spirit in each of us. Trust provides the necessary

balance, movement, and choices for our personal and professional life in

every way.

Self-worth and confidence is developed in environments that

are safe and built in trust. Many who have lost trust within begin to doubt

themselves, build walls, or become paralyzed with fear and anxiety. This

causes great imbalances and we lose the playfulness of our spirit, our

power, and the flow of all things.

My older brother is my mentor. He always leads the way with trust in

his heart so that you just know anything is possible. He opens doors and

you can walk through with both love and confidence.

Creating trusting relationships is a spiritual leadership skill we must

learn and be constantly practicing in the activities and choices of our lives.

There is a poverty of spirit in the world when there is a lack of trust. The

picture looks bleak when there is no unconditional love and everywhere

you turn in life there is always an expectation of an exchange of spirit,

love, time, mind, body, resources, and even our souls. These are very high

prices to pay! If we get caught up in all the drama, we will not see the truth.

Answers are found within ourselves; there is always a way to create faith

and hope, move with grace, trust to keep our personal power, and cross the

barrier to progress.

I encourage people to expand and deepen a spiritual enthusiasm in

their professional life. This will increase the

goia di vivere

—the zest in

life—and support their personal evolution as well as those they serve. The

benefits of honoring this process opens a royal road map, as it nurtures a

way of being and aligns us with a path that is always meaningful.

Unless youth are empowered, they may end up on a path that lowers

their spiritual potential. My coaching assists and empowers young adults

to align with their inner guidance regarding who and how they want to be,

what they know is right for them, and the world they are going to step

into. That way they can reach their goals on their own merits, blunders,

and all. When we nourish our children’s natural qualities, we raise their

essential life force. This teaches children to know their truth and to stand

with reverence and embrace their inner circle of light. Young adults benefit

hen they understand better how they want to spend their time, talents,

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257

and skills that lights a direction forward, creating a sense of time well

spent.

When someone has your back, you gain the sense of team work needed

to stay on track, achieve goals, and the kind of support that builds strength

and security on your path.

Our learning, creativity, and well-being come directly from being in a

special joyful spirit. This experience is a feeling of freedom and to know

the magic of a live well lived.

My coaching is based in a practical wisdom to regain trust by assisting

others to seek the answer within themselves. If we always seek answers

from others, we eventually lose our way; we may feel deceived and lose

trust in our own intuition. This can create an inner conflict and an anger

that can creep up in our feminine intuitive side and logical masculine spirit

within. Shifting attitudes at a deeper level of our nature where there is

great honor and value for all that we know is the formation of our

integrity. This process begins with taking responsibility for balancing our

hearts in the past, present, and future, which is likely the name of my next

book.

Wright

Crossover Coaching sounds like you assist others to take that necessary

step. Will you tell our readers how you came up with the name and what

this can mean for others?

Alberti

Yes, “crossover” is a word that has great meaning to me. When I was

seventeen, my father passed away from a heart condition. A few days

before he passed away, I asked him to teach me how to do a crossover in

skipping; it was one of the last expressions of our love. Our relationship

was such that I could ask him anything and he would teach me with

dignity. One day I was sharing this story with my daughter about her

grandfather, when I realized this wonderful gift also represented many

beautiful ways to see life. This has become a metaphor for how life is

infinite when we cross over with love not fear!

The image of skipping is a lovely, fun activity and we can skip along

quite merrily. In order to improve this strength, we may need to do a little

cross training. There are times in our lives when we may need to learn how

to cross over an obstacle to have a glance at something with another

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258

perspective a different way of being or doing that can elevate you in the

momentum of the movement. This is the power of love we have in our own

hands. Here we can maintain our balance in the journey as we move

through the process and embrace the beautiful opportunities that unfold

before us.

Many people are often influenced by others and their environment, and

they think what they are doing is right for themselves. Unfortunately,

quite often it is not the best in reality and if they are afraid of being who

they really are and doing what they really want, this meets with the

question “what is my purpose?” Crossover assists to provide another view,

guidance, and training to seek higher forces and strategies to protect and

assert our truth so that the kind and honest heart can flourish in business

today. Strenuous, competitive struggling in search of riches and fortune is

exhausting and a farce and sends a message to our children that this is the

only way to success. What this means for others is they have a clear choice

to build the strength within and nurture the integrity of the heart and be

connected to source. These are very important foundations that support

the steps to reach our goals. Slowing down enough to process our truth

where we can engage in the spirit of giving without the expectations of

receiving, we will find a pleasant and joyful way to success.

Wright

You have mentioned the need today to blend business and spirit. Let’s

talk about what you mean by this and how we understand and go about

creating this balance.

Alberti

I think the best way to explain this and to understand the blending of

business and spirit and how important it is, is to share a story with you.

Not long ago, one of my clients gave me a business referral and I was to

meet my new client at her place of work, a local coffee shop, where we

would make arrangements for a coaching appointment. When I arrived, I

went to order my usual cup of green tea, when for some reason I had a very

strong sense that I needed to have the mint tea instead of the green tea

that morning. I placed the order with my new client and she prepared my

tea and brought it over to me. She set it down in front of me as we

discussed our arrangements for our coaching appointment. She went back

to work and I began to read the local paper. When I took a sip of the mint

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259

tea, instantly I felt very ill with a spastic urge to vomit. Then, as quickly as

this feeling came, it passed. I gathered my thoughts about this very strange

occurrence. Hmm, I had felt very healthy when I walked in; my stomach

felt fine. I always enjoy the mint tea when I drink it and have never had

any adverse effects before. It was only in the moments of the sip, then the

feeling passed and otherwise I felt great. I realized this was something

outside of me but to be sure, I thought I would just take another sip to

confirm the experience. As I took another sip, the very same thing

happened. In that moment everything became clear and I made the

connection that my new client was not well on an energetic and deeper

level; what I was experiencing was a message from spirit.

This is a very rare spiritual gift; not everyone is able to have this deeper

spiritual experience happen to them. These are the gifts from my

grandmother and my family lineage and the openness in my heart to

receive. The mint tea fluid was the source in which I became the conduit or

the pure channel in which to receive the message about the potential

seriousness of her situation. I was given the gift of this knowledge to assist

my client and myself.

When I connected with my new client the next day for our

appointment, I shared with her my experience. She was very shocked that I

was able to know this and she discussed the symptoms of her problems,

such as vomiting and painful stomach upsets. She explained to me that she

was drinking lots of this brand of mint tea as it was the only thing that was

calming and healing her symptoms.

I want to mention the company that makes the tea I consumed, as this

also has great relevance in this story. It is a holistic, organic, local family-

run business that does mantras during productions of their teas. Higher

business ethics and integrity can assist in raising spiritual vibrations. My

ability to be a clear spirit channel enabled me to receive the message. There

is great courage and trust that comes with the ability to receive such

spiritual gifts. It takes an open heart filled with the wisdom to understand

the situation, make the connections, recognize the call for aid, and guide

the appropriate and timely action.

We will find not only is the quality of the product important, we will

also have to take into consideration how healthy is the spirit of the people

in which the processes and production are being handled in business.

When the spirit is suffering, this lowers the vibrancy of the entire being

and the entire product and the entire organization we work in. You can see

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how it is very critical to recognize the signs and how it needs to be

attended to quickly. By the way, my client made some important changes

on her path and is now experiencing a healthier and more balanced life.

Organizations and leaders must take responsibility for compassionate

awareness and health of their employee’s energy. It is similar to being in

the same room with a smoker; it is potentially damaging to everyone.

Often, I hear others say that if you blend business and spirit, people won’t

take you seriously. I want everyone to know that being in spirit is seriously

the best preparation for business. A clear spirit channel is very important

for success; it opens doorways, dissolves patterns, releases blockages, and

streams in pure love. Your intuition becomes stronger, clearer, and the

messages arrive to assist and guide you. What I have noticed in my

coaching is that sometimes we just need one small adjustment to release

the blockages that cause our spirits to suffer and hold us back from feeling

joy, freedom, love, fun, and our deep light.

Wright

That’s quite something. I think our readers will also want to hear about

your leadership program, “Think like a Mountain,” and how we can get

involved.

Alberti

Yes, the program is so much fun and gets the senses going. Of course,

people can contact me if they want to experience a workshop and inspiring

presentations. There are various workshops that unleash the leader within.

It’s a very creative business and a spiritual adventure. It follows a process

of vision and imagination, understanding of our connections spiritually, to

evolve, lift, and improve our attitudes. Think Like a Mountain is all about

improving our attitudes and gaining a deeper and wider vision, like the

eagle that sees both the large picture (the whole) from high above and with

an eagle eye can focus on the important parts so we may attend to what is

most needed.

We build abundance with our truth, talents, and our resources at hand.

Learning to utilize our skills for balancing, creativity, imagery, we can

discover the magician in each of us. I love to encourage this insight and

awaken our personal power. One of the most important steps we can do

for ourselves is to create the feeling of being connected to our inner source

and opening a channel for higher wisdom, trust, guidance, and standing in

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our resolve. I facilitate activities that encourage a visual map for our own

rhythm, voice, breath, and value to reconnect with our own nature.

Teaching ourselves how to raise our spirits, we learn to accept the love

within our own hearts first. What we offer is certainly not business as

usual, thank goodness. I think what we have been handed over the years

lacks luster. It’s time to have a fresh approach to restore our trust, dreams,

creativity, and inspiration so we can truly enjoy our contribution to the

world.

The program is based in the understanding that all things are

intricately connected and we assist to restore this feeling. What we hold

most sacred is the right to know the light of our paths, our connection to

all things, and respect our own spiritual source.

Wright

You’ve created some of the first of many successful community

celebrations. Tell us about these and what moved you in this direction on

your path.

Alberti

Thank you for mentioning this. Bringing people together in community

and celebrating is such a joy and is a healing direction to take. It is the

right thing to do.

I created the first indoor Winter Farmer’s Market in my area in

collaboration with the Squamish Lil’wat Cultural Centre in Whistler. This

is all about love and the initiation of an opportunity that brings fresh farm

products, local artisans, and First Nations artists together. It provides a

venue in the fall and winter months to bring local products to market and

increase cultural awareness.

As a spiritual coach, I realized that a profound way to accept spirituality

in business would be to bring alternative healing practitioners together.

The Metaphysical Market was born and so far, this event occurs twice a

year on the spring and fall equinox. When we give and receive healing in

community gatherings, we humanize the need and gift of natural healing

beyond the physical.

In 2010, I initiated the first celebration of peace in my community on

September 21, during the International Day of Peace, as a way to

encourage people to cultivate inner peace. In 2011 we expanded the event

and opened the peace celebrations with the lighting of the Peace Flame and

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a candlelight circle. It included the Whistler Children’s chorus and a

prayer/meditation in our Olympic Plaza. We hope you will join us here

next year for this amazing, purposeful, and spiritually engaging

celebration.

An amazing Multicultural Celebration was also achieved in 2011 with

the leadership of many. It is such a joy to be in the midst of all the healing

that celebrations like these bring. These celebrations are grassroots

initiatives that empower others to share their true, authentic selves

bringing love, light, food, economy, purpose, and peace. When we bring

community together to celebrate, we learn the art of being together and we

find a path glowing with warmth, caring, and the potential for a movement

within that represents a deep joy of our true source. Teaching all the

beautiful differences of our diversities and how we are alike joins us in the

stories we weave together as one.

Wright

What might be some key ingredients you can share with others in

taking the first step in the right direction?

Alberti

When I make a beautiful pot of homemade tomato sauce, I must have

all the ingredients—lovely, fresh garden tomatoes, onions, and basil are a

must and so are the tools like my wooden spoon and, of course, the time

needed to prepare the meal. The secret ingredient is the love and

enjoyment in every step of cooking and serving of the dish.

If we are not sure where the love and enjoyment has gone, then

imagine you have a wooden spoon in your hand. Now begin to stir it in the

air all around you. As you do this, imagine gathering up all the anxious

energy spent on any misused value of time. Now gather the kind, caring

and loving energies to ease a worried heart and mind. Once that is

accomplished, you will be able to fall into a deep and nourishing sleep so

that you may awaken to the fondness within.

Remember “home is where the heart is.” Never leave home without

your heart. The ingredients in our relationships and the friendship we

have with ourselves will lend a hand in the alignment and courage in

taking the first step in the right direction.

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Wright

Will you share with our readers your spiritual side and what influences

you in this area?

Alberti

Yes, I would be happy to share because I believe sharing these things

assists others to understand their spiritual side and what influences them.

For me, it really begins with my mother. My mother is the strong, spiritual

influence in my life. My mother is very spiritual and has a deep

understanding of our connection to our higher source and the importance

of our generations. Ever since I was a little girl, my mother has always

shared her dreams with me—what the dreams meant, the messages, and

the guidance from these dreams. She has received and shared many

spiritual messages and is extremely intuitive, as is my older sister. I believe

our ancestors have walked a path that has blessed ours.

One time I was feeling a little stressed out. I told my older sister that I

was getting many spiritual messages. At first, I was a little frightened. She

said, “Don’t be frightened. This is a good thing. I would be frightened if

you were

not

receiving these messages,” she said. I completely understood.

I am first-born Canadian and my heritage is Italian; both of my parents

are immigrants from Italy. My mother is Sicilian. Immigrants leave behind

their family and their ancestors. I never had the privilege of knowing my

grandparents or experiencing the gifts that they would have wanted to

pass on to me. However, I have a special spiritual inheritance—the path

my ancestors walked has left behind some beautiful gifts in my generation.

I feel a great influence from my grandmother on my mother’s side. I am

named after her and even though I never got the chance to meet or know

her, I feel her spirit with me. I have a beautiful picture of her and she has

the most amazing smile. Her spirit is warm, loving, gentle, kind, and

carries a beauty and inner peace where I am able to see myself through her

eyes. The most beautiful, unconditional loving and powerful feminine

spirit are what she has left behind for me and the next generations in my

lifetime.

Wright

So how does one begin to connect to these deeper levels of ourselves

and discover our spiritual strength?

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Alberti

First of all, this is something that is very personal, and belongs to each

one of us uniquely. There are many activities that can be put into our daily

lives to help us center and connect us with spirit. We are learning to bring

more of these things into our lives with meditation, rituals, and creating

disciplines in our lives that bring us closer to our core. For me personally,

it is being in nature, prayer, the wisdom of the candlelight, writing, and

staying true to me. These are simple ways of connecting to my spiritual

side. My parents, grandparents, and ancestors have graced me with a deep

connection to spirit; therefore, for me, I follow this light and this is in my

core.

Being in nature is a great way to connect with the disconnected parts of

our self. Nature always speaks the truth so here we can be ourselves. To get

to a deeper level we must slow down, take the time to bless others, and

find quiet places and reach for higher ground to empower our spirituality.

We can simply ask ourselves the questions we want to know, listen to the

guidance, and slowly we find a path filled with peace and harmony that

seeps into our bones. How we communicate to ourselves and others and

our thoughts, words, and actions will create the energy we carry and can

assist us in staying positive. We can use our imagination and creativity in

our own unique ways to connect us to our source. As a coach, I bring my

gifts that elevate the energy that motivates and assists in being true to

ourselves and the discovery of our spiritual strength and inner peace.

When we use this power in action, we connect vision and spirit to develop

the determination and positive attitude needed to realize our ideas and

plans from start to finish.

Wright

Leadership is critical today and maybe more so than ever. Will you tell

me about where and how you see leaders achieving the necessary changes?

Alberti

I feel that this is a very difficult situation today and one of the main

concerns is the use of power in one’s position of leadership. There is a

responsibility within leadership today to recognize the gifts of others and

elevate each person within his or her organization. The economy is

shadowed by fear and the abuse of power and at the same time, there is a

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leadership crisis in business today. It is so severe that people have become

indifferent, completely worn out, and have spiritually left the building. We

now have a serious deficit in connecting with spirit and honesty in both

our business and personal lives. Those who are based in love and in

wholeness are seen as a threat in today’s business world. They therefore

feel quite vulnerable and voiceless. If you are to be true, you may need to

question the dishonest decisions and behaviors of others in business.

When you challenge the morals of how decisions are being made, you

become a threat to the inauthentic value of the dishonesty. The threat

becomes very real and damaging because underling the dishonesty is great

insecurities, fear, jealousy, and a flaw in human nature’s ability to live

within the natural law.

Many relationships with those in positions of power seem to be based

in the corrupt practices that use money and fear to influence others.

This leadership style is separated from the whole and everyone loses. It

does not take into consideration the individual as a whole, the

organization as a whole, and the community as a whole. New methods for

leadership need to incorporate a universal love to build self-assurance,

creative thinking, decision-making, and the kind of physical, emotional,

and spiritual intelligence that nurtures the whole individual and the

common good for all.

To achieve the necessary changes, we must bring a balance into our

everyday lives and understand our deeper connections with each other and

nature beyond the obvious. We need to remember we are also leaders in

our homes and communities, too.

There is a process to return to wholeness and a great need for balanced

leaders in this world who are connected spiritually.

The challenge for leaders today is to have the courage to know and be in

a relationship with the spiritual force.

Wright

Success can be measured in many ways. How do you evaluate the road

map to success?

Alberti

When I first think about this question I want to say feedback, feedback,

and more feedback. Be sure to talk with people and hear what they want to

share. Also reflection upon what we have done well and what we have

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266

learned along the way is extremely important because it brings value,

recognition, and it reminds us to see other perspectives. It demonstrates

we are interested and we care about the thoughts of others, which deepens

our relationships. We need to celebrate together our accomplishments and

milestones along the road. When we bring people together to collaborate

and celebrate, we are giving an opportunity to value each of us for what we

bring to our community.

Measuring along the way is also about asking ourselves questions such

as:

• Am I content with where I am going?

• Am I sleeping well at night?

• What needs to change so that I can enjoy who I really am?

• How can I improve the long-term vitality of my spirit?

Taking the time to see how amazing you are in the present moment,

you realize that the real you is a very important part of the whole. These

things will assist us to know ourselves better and strengthen our positions

to place us in the driver’s seat.

When the road map is paved with the light of spirit within us, we will

touch the spirit within everyone on our journey. There is no better way to

measure true success.

Wright

So if you were to share some golden nuggets of wisdom on the road to

success, what are some that the readers can cherish?

Alberti

There are so many beautiful words of wisdom out there and I feel very

honored to be in the presence of Deepak Chopra and Ken Blanchard in this

amazing book, alongside many other talented authors. I have my own little

personal nuggets and I hope that these will benefit others.

Sometimes the path has corners, hills, and even the occasional pothole

along the way. To unearth a delightful way to look at the turns and the

hills on the path, we bring joy and a positive attitude. This way we keep our

options open and interesting. We have to ask ourselves to see the beauty in

all things, to listen, and to speak from our heart. Spirit is everywhere; if

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you look deeply, you can see it through the window of nature where it is

acknowledged within you. Fill your soul with good deeds, reach for the

stars, and believe you will find them twinkling in your own hands. And,

remember the gift of faith in your heart, that no matter what happens,

something beautiful will come of it! Reclaim your truth and your freedom

awaits!

I leave you with these questions to ask yourself:

Have I opened myself to the light inside?

2. Is it beautiful and joyful beyond anything imagined?

3. How do I love and believe in this light?

4. How am I letting my true self shine?

Wright

What a great conversation. I appreciate all the time you’ve taken with

me to answer these questions. This has been very enlightening for me and

I know it will be a great chapter in our book.

Alberti

Thank you very much David. It is an honor and so much fun to be here.

Wright

Today I have been talking with Caterina Alberti. Caterina is an

Exectutive Business Coach accredited from Royal Roads University and a

member of the International Coaching Federation. She is the founder of

Crossover Coaching and Think Like a Mountain Leadership. She has a

proven track record of business achievements by developing and

implementing effective coaching, leadership, exceptional service, with a

keen sense for opportunities.

Caterina, thank you so much for being with us today on

ROADMAP to

Success.

Alberti

Thank you David. I’m very excited and look forward to the road ahead.

268

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Caterina

Alberti

who transmits an energy within that touches her

clients and audience

evolves attitudes to a whole new level.

She loves to share, co

relationships. Join her in conversation over a lovely

cup of tea and enjoy your personal and professional

success.

Caterina is also an artist, poet

hearted soul who

has been described as a gift to her community. Her

human approach is

known to achieve results and leave a positive and

lasting impact. She leads a workable union

assisting others to incorporate higher forces in their lives to free their

dreams and reach their goals.

Alberti

is an inspiring coach and speaker

who transmits an energy within that touches her

clients and audience

s in a way that changes and

evolves attitudes to a whole new level.

She loves to share, co

-create, and build trusting

relationships. Join her in conversation over a lovely

cup of tea and enjoy your personal and professional

Caterina is also an artist, poet

, and kind-

has been described as a gift to her community. Her

known to achieve results and leave a positive and

lasting impact. She leads a workable union

of business and spirit by

assisting others to incorporate higher forces in their lives to free their

Caterina Alberti,

CEC

Crossover Coaching

www.crossovercoaching.ca