Example:
Wordy: In the first trial conducted in this experiment, there appears to be a
demonstration of the effects when the substances are combined into one.
Concise: The first trial demonstrated the negative effects of combining the substances.
Note that the prepositional phrases “in the first trial” and “in this experiment” have been
eliminated, and “the first trial” becomes the subject of the sentence. The revised
sentence avoids the hedging verb “appear” in favor of the more active “demonstrated,”
and since “combined” implies that two things become one, the phrase “into one” is
omitted. “The negative effects” becomes the object of the sentence, leaving only one
prepositional phrase at the end: “of combining the substances.”
Make sentences simple and active:
In an effort to sound objective and technical, writers in the sciences often
overcomplicate their explanations with nominalizations. However, this should be
avoided because scientific concepts are already complex and can easily be obfuscated.
Because verbs are the strongest, most active component of a sentence, such confusion
often stems from the nominalization of verbs. This occurs when the verb becomes a
noun, which buries the action and weakens the verb. Consequently, the sentence
becomes more difficult to understand. An example of this is:
Nominalization: An analysis of the prefrontal cortex shows the patient’s inadequate
emotional and behavioral regulation.
Revision with Active Verb: The researchers analyzed the patient’s prefrontal cortex and
found that he inadequately regulated his emotions and behavior.
In the first example, the subject is “analysis,” but this could easily function as a stronger
action verb: “analyze.” Changing “analysis” from a noun to a verb allows for a clearer
subject: “the researchers.” By changing “regulation” to a verb, it is easier to identify the
phenomenon the researchers observed in the patient: that he “inadequately regulated
his emotions and behavior.”
Build arguments by connecting sentences:
In scientific writing, it is important to recognize that you are still making an argument,
whether you’re synthesizing previous research, arguing for a new method, or making a
case for the validity of your own conclusions. Making these arguments is easier when
your sentences connect and build off each other. Since readers focus on concepts at
the end of sentences, it is important to begin subsequent sentences by building on the
preceding idea and enacting the idea of end focus. It is helpful to think about this
concept in terms of known information and new information. Experienced writers begin
sentences with information that is already known or has previously been introduced;
they utilize end focus by concluding sentences with new information because this is
where the reader typically expects novel and important information. Following this